Why do guys play hard to get?

I've never understood it when it comes to guys. Don't you guys realize that attractive girls have a ton of guys they are talking to? So if you act UNINTERESTED she's going to assume you're not and just move on?

it's so silly the number of times I am interested in a guy and he starts playing hard to get and I move on thinking he's not interested then like a year later he tells me he really liked me.

So why do you do this guys?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • We don't want to appear needy and desperate, both of those women find unnattractive

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What Guys Said 13

  • "Girls do it because we have been hurt too often, not as a silly game. It's because we realize that you guys want a challenge and that if we give you what you want you won't like us anymore, either that or we are testing you to see if you really like us, will fight for us.

    That's why girls do it"

    I'm gonna respond to the above first then your question.

    So for guys it's a silly, frivolous game, but for girls it's justifiable by some pervasive piece of misinformation? Or because you're testing us? Ya, ok. You can't just sit there and spout off some lame ass excuse justifying why you all do it and then turn around and claim that guys who do the same are just playing a silly game. That's called being a hypocrite.

    Did it ever occur to you that maybe we do it for the same reasons?
    - Maybe we got hurt in the past by some girl. Despite popular belief, guys have feelings too. I know, shocking.
    - Maybe we realize that girls want a challenge. Let's be honest here, nobody appreciates anyone who's available all the time. Girls need to know the guy has a life too and isn't always available at her beck-and-call.
    - Maybe we want to see if you actually like us so we don't waste our time.

    If girls act disinterested, guess what? The guy will assume she's disinterested. You're not doing yourself any favour by playing those silly games, as you put it. Maybe they'll continue to chase. But that's only because they're in it to hit it and quit it and probably have other prospects on the side.

    Now, why do guys do this? See your own reasons. We want to see if you actually like us or if you're just stringing us along, along with half a dozen other guys.

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    • I get that I really do. The only difference with this is that guys are usually the ones missing out, because if it is the earlier stages and the guy starts playing hard to get and if the girl is attractive she is going to have a ton of guys she's talking to. Guys don't have the same thing, they don't have a ton of girl who like them and trying to get with them (for the most part), so that's why girls don't put that extra effort in that guys who play hard to get have to.

  • I'm sorry but girls do this far, far more often, and we'd like to know why - because it makes us lose interest too.

    (there is also a lot of alpha male dudebro redpill bullshit out there that says to act disinterested... that way the woman figures there's competition or you've got something amazing and will pursue you. You can see for yourself why this just doesn't work)

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    • Girls do it because we have been hurt too often, not as a silly game. It's because we realize that you guys want a challenge and that if we give you what you want you won't like us anymore, either that or we are testing you to see if you really like us, will fight for us.

      That's why girls do it.

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    • @MaskedSanity Very well said. The Asker talks of being hurt too often - I feel hurt if I think someone is toying with me, because there's no good reason for it. It also puts me off wanting a relationship with them - suppose the emotional connection grows and we become close, I'll never be sure if they aren't still messing with me.

    • I get that real life is not like highschool lol. And I never said that is what I PERSONALLY do. He asked me why girls do it and I simply answered the question.

  • It is a tactic, Some guys believe that if they show too much interest or if they seem too desperate then the female would end up losing interest. Most guys, even I, believe that girls like it when you play hard to get.

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    • To an extent though. Don't be texting her every minute or anything. But if you have been talking to a girl for like 3 weeks you need to ask her out. Any longer than that and she's either going to assume you are not interested or will end up friendzoning you.

      The problem is that guys will wait months and play this cat and mouse game with you and by that time you have lost interest. 3 weeks tops.

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    • @Red_Dragon

      (Oops, replied in another comment by accident)

      Exactly. I've been spoonfed from a young age that guys "ought to" chase girls and that you shouldn't be too eager. Lol what a crock of shit.

      When my boyfriend and I exchanged numbers, there was no unwritten rule following of waiting x amount of hours/days before calling/texting. We just replied to each other, very actively stayed in touch, because the attraction was strong and we didn't see any point in restraining. Very awesome relationship to have, when no games are being played by EITHER party. :)

    • @MaskedSanity Right some people have it down to a science LOL. I mean it's like "the guy can't text until at least three days later or he'll seem desperate." "He can't ask her this or that." "The girl can't text first. The guy has to initiate everything." It's ridiculous. I'm the type of person who will just say how I feel. That's all I know how to do. I've never gotten into the games. If I feel a certain way and want her to know I'll tell her. Be it bad or good. Communication and connection is the most important thing. Why hide how you truly feel? It's wasting time and it makes for liars and bullshit. Then people wonder why they get cheated on. Though there are many reasons for that not having good communication and expressing how you truly feel about each other is a reason.

  • Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes playing hard to get, at least in the short term, just makes a girl want you that much more.

    And of course attractive girls have a ton of guys they are talking to. Thing is, women find most men unattractive, so that doesn't really matter. It's like the okcupid study that showed women rate the majority of men as below average!

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  • Hey! is because you make the first move guys love to make the first move not the ladies, so hold on your horses and take your time dont rush like thirsty cow to drink water in a river, relax let the guys do the follow and last but not list guys dont follow the beauty of a woman we follow how caring you, understand, kind and above all loving, so no matter how beautiful your you will get used at the end of the day you will be the looser.

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  • I always thought girls did that.

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  • same as why girls do it. they wonder why things don't go the way they excepted and try something new.
    I already did that and it leaded nowhere (actually 2 girls.. but they were bullshit and the other one made out for few days then dropped)

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  • Because being a challenge is fun and it makes me feel sexy.

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  • Why do girls date jerks? And ignore the good guys?

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    • Who said good guys don't play hard to get?

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    • So in other words you want a rich good looking guy? Confidence doesn't exists unless the guy is a douche bag.

    • Who said success is about money? Success is figuring out what you want in life and going for what, that not only shows that you are confident in yourself but in your choices too. And yeah most rich guys have got that part figured out which is why women love them.

  • If you dont no girl will be intereted in you... that the truth

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  • I don't play hard to get its the other way round for me

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  • must be dating young guys.

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  • Sometimes it's because we try flirting with the girl, she doesn't respond, and we assume she isn't interested in our advances. So we stop trying. That might look as though we've suddenly decided to play hard to get, but that's not the reason behind the change in actions.

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    • I can recognize that but I don't mean it just looking like playing hard to get, I mean actual hard to get.

What Girls Said 6

  • Guys do it for the same immature reasons women do.

    "Don't you guys realize that attractive girls have a ton of guys they are talking to?"

    You sound kind of conceited. This is how you come off:
    "How dare these guys not give me, an ATTRACTIVE girl, their 100% undivided attention!"

    If you like a guy, just talk to him yourself. He doesn't always have to shower you with attention. And if you don't like the guys that play games, cut off contact.

    Girls do this playing hard to get bullshit WAY more often. Put yourself in men's shoes for a minute and realise that some guy not replying to your text is not the end of the world.

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    • "You sound kind of conceited. This is how you come off:
      "How dare these guys not give me, an ATTRACTIVE girl, their 100% undivided attention!""

      Same mindset Elliot Rodgers had. I mean of course the dude had mental issues (apparently), but aside from that it's the same.

    • I should have read everything instead of just the question... you're right!

  • Just because you're supposedly attractive doesn't make you entitled to any guy showing interest, let alone taking the initiative.

    Women do this all the time with men and they act like it's totally okay and expected to do so. I wouldn't be surprised if you had done this before yourself.

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  • cause they're freaking annoying.

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  • I don't think guys play hard to get.. only women do it.

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  • Either they are players or just wanna show you what they are made of :)

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  • They need to man up and show interest

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