What is an acceptable age gap when dating?

Im 21 and a guy has presented himself as intrested in dating me. he's 31... Its a 10 year age gap, I first met this guy when I had my first job when I was sixteen at a grocery store. he's 31 sucessful owns his own farm, and works two other side jobs just to stay busy. He works with my mom and is always asking about me. My mom jokingly made the comment "if there wasn't such an age gap youd be perfect her!" which he responded with "you know 10 years is that big of a gap." What is your opinion on age gaps? How old is to old?

  • 5 years older is to old
    27% (53)27% (41)27% (94)Vote
  • Age is anything but a number
    73% (141)73% (109)73% (250)Vote
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Age is relative.
    This is not to say it's just a number but ithas to be considered in relation to other elements:

    *-he's 10 years older, that's 50% of your age. When you were learning to walk he was already looking at girls and geting boners from it.

    *-You're a student, responsible for your studies towards your parents. You get an allowance, a few $100/month maybe. (if it's that much)

    *-He has a job and outside that, he's only responsible towards himself. He has income ten times as much as your allowance.

    *-Your freedom is limited by your parents, he's completely free to do as he likes, when he likes it.

    *-You don't have much of a past, maybe a few boyfriends. He has half a life behind him, exes, maybe children somewhere.

    That makes for a very slanted relationship, slanted in his favor.

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    • My personal age range would be MAXIMUM 15-20% difference younger or older. And those 20% would be stretching it.

    • Show All
    • The fact that you think of a potential relationship as "slanted in his favor" says everything about your mindset and nothing about age gaps. The best relationships aren't adversarial. There is no "favor" or advantage to be attained. Good relationships are mutually supporting and beneficial, and the very petty concerns you bring up fade into meaninglessness. Clearly, you're a scorekeeper, and I can't imagine any relationship succeeding with that kind of approach.

    • @Hikerdude

      MY marriage is going very well, since long before day One! :-D

What Guys Said 80

  • As long as they are both adults, the age gap is completely up to them. There is often greater challenges with a bigger age gap, but that doesn't mean it is unacceptable to date them.

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  • age's just a # as long as u r both legal :D

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  • I think 21 and 31 is questionable, the fact you are even asking shows that you agree. When you are 27 or so, I think any age is fair game for older, and with younger, always your age divided by two, plus 7. So for your 31yr old guy, the youngest he should go for is 23. It always works out that any younger is questionable.

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  • The other day. An 18 year old wanted to go on a date with me. I am 38

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  • Age can make a difference, or not make difference. As long as you are within legal age, shouldn't really matter depending on the person's standards, and what you find is acceptable.

    The age for you, is a quite big, but not concerning, because you are both adults, in this situation. Now as long as you to get on, have great chemistry, have things in common, then have a relationship with each other, At the end of the day, age shouldn't matter now, you both get a long great.

    At the end of the put things into perceptive, and don't make the situation any bigger than is, unless you are breaking the law.

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    • And the relationship is not hurting others around you, e. g loved ones, cheating etc. My brother is going out with a girl that 9 years younger that him. But they get on like house on fire, because they both have the same ideas how a relationship should be, they are pushing each other to do well. Obviously they have there slight differences. sometimes, he wants to focus on his career, doesn't like going out. But she loves going out sometimes. But they both put with their imperfections, and come to a comprise to make those issues not affect the relationship. This how relationship should be.

  • Age is not as big as factor as maturity and interests. The odds of a 21 year old and a 31 year old having similar interests and level of maturity are unlikely, but make that a 60 year old and a 50 year old and it becomes much more likely. When you get older, the relevant considerations are interests and general health. At 60 years old, I may have interests compatible with a 78 year old woman, but I don't want to be pushing a wife/girlfriend around in a wheelchair in the next few years - not if I can avoid it.

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  • 10 years is nothing. Seems a huge gap now, but when you are 60 and he's 70 it will be insignificant.
    There was over 7 years between my parents, but I know from the way they loved and respected each other, it could have been 17, 27 years.
    They loved each other from first meeting.

    Only YOU know the answer to your own question. Do not take too much notice of other people, as it is your life and yours alone. You will make mistakes, we all do, but that is how we learn about life.
    If you like this guy and he likes you, then give it a go. As long as you don't go too deep too quickly and do something you will regret, you have NOTHING to lose!!

    Take care, stay safe!!

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  • I don't see how ten years difference is bad. What's most important is if you like each other and are attracted.

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  • My personal age range is 7 years either side.

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  • It depends on what you feel comfortable with. If you are genuinely attracted to the person and the fact that others may judge you and disapprove of your relationship doesn't bother you, then any age gap is acceptable. And just FYI, I've known multiple couples with reader than 10 year age gaps who had long happy relationships.

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  • Look a 10 years gap is too much... why this is wrong is because this guy is gonna get more old faster then you will... And by the time you are 31 he will be 41... you will also have different opinions and have arguments because of the age gap...
    And you may also fall out of love...
    So i recommend you search guy around your Age...

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  • There's a general rule I've learnt over the years, if you're older the rule is - Half your age +7 so if you're 20 it would be 20/2 =10 +7 = 17.

    If you're younger the rule is (your age) subtract 7 and double it.

    But there is no normality to dating, take into account the girl/guy as a person and try to look past their age.

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  • I say if you truly have feelings for him give it a shot.. He could be the one you never know. Age is only a number unless the persona is like 9 and your 20 then that could be a issue... XP But in all seriousness he be the love of your life your significant other and he will move on and you won't have your chance in the future if you don't take it now because of something silly like this.

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  • The age gap between a couple is no one else's business.

    If you two guys get along that's all it matters and regarding "public disapproval", they can go fuck themselves.

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  • there is an acceptable age range, this works for any age that there is an age difference (I. E. younger than 14 is too young to date)
    for the lower age, take your age X and divide it by 2 (round up) then add 7
    you are 21 so, 21/2=11+7=18
    so you shouldn't date anyone younger than 18
    for the older range, subtract 7 from your age, then double it, 21-7=14*2=28...
    so for a 21 year old, there wouldn't be a second glance for you dating anyone between 18-28... now these are just social stigmas... there is no law preventing you and him being together, just social pressure, if you can deal with that pressure, then go for it. (it also depends on where you are too, like in where i am, it would be better for you not to be single than the social stigma from the age gap)

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  • My friend is 18 and her mum is 36. Her mum is dating a 25 year old guys whos young enough to go out with either of them.

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  • The best formula I have found for determining a good lowest age is
    Half your age plus 7.
    In all cases I think it puts you are the lowest you really can go to still have things in common and not be creepy.

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  • It's weird how this works. Personally for me I wouldn't date anyone under 21 and no one above 30(unless they're willing). My theory is if a girl can't get into bars, she's too young and that limits what we can do.

    But anyways I've known guys in their 50s dating women in their 40s. At that point, your older, mature and experienced. That being said when I was in training for my job, a coworker who was 57 was hitting on another coworker who is 25. Even though that's legal, it's still weird. He was 32 when she just came out of the womb.

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  • The older the couple gets, the less it matters. As in: If the guy is fifty and the lady is forty or vice-versa. As it goes on, who cares. It's just creepy when say one is twenty-two and the other is thirty-five. That's just me, however.

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  • Age is nothing but a number and should not be considered.

    If you and he are a good match and like each other, the age difference is irrelevant.

    Go for it and have fun. Take the ride for as long as you want.

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  • Age really is relative. It is really how you act that matters. Yes, someone at 18 is generally going to be much less mature than someone at 28, but that doesn't mean you should necessarily rule someone that young or old out.

    However I think it is important to realize the potential dangers or interests those kind of age groups have. You maybe able to find an genuine older man who is interested in having a meaningful relationship with someone under 21. The problem is he is most likely interested in your body more than anything so guard yourself well... that is unless you're into that sort of thing then have at it.

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  • Age is a changing factor, the older you are, the larger the acceptable age gap.

    That's why some people say the lowest age you can date goes: Your age divided by two, plus 8.

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  • I think everyone has a physical age, a mental age, an emotional age and a chronological age. What I mean by this is that it's all about compatibility (so long as both are of legal age).

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  • There's nothing wrong with 21 and 31. In fact there's nothing wrong with 21 and 51. OK now that that's settled what time should I pick you up?

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  • He sounds like a stand-up guy. Your mom likes him and that's a good sign. If you want to date him, why not?

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  • THE OLDEST, ANNOYING QUESTION IN THE BOOK.

    IT SHouldn't matter as long as you are following the law.

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  • My parents are 10 years apart and have stuck together all these years.

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  • Age doesn't matter when it comes to love, provided both parties are LEGAL. There are people who are going to be judgmental about it, but what matter is what both of you think and not anyone else.

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  • The youngest I've dated was 21 and that was perfectly fine. That being said the fact that you brought up that he has his own farm and jobs makes me kinda shy away a bit from this question; I hope it's because you like him and not because of his status. Not saying that your that kind of person but I have meet to many women like that. Once they know 'who' you are things can get complicated fast.

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  • Why not. It's important that you see the world at your age. If you're gonna end up having sex with guys you might as well do it with someone who can be dependable.

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What Girls Said 92

  • I know a couple who are 60 and 70 years old. 10 years right there. You think that matters when you're 60/70? No.

    Age matters less the older you get. When you're a teenager even 3 years can make a huge difference. But as you get older maturity differences between the ages get smaller and smaller.

    The only problem I could see with 21/31 is him wanting to settle down and you still being all young and spry.

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    • I'm more than ready to settle down. I don't go out that much I'm more of a homebody as is he.

    • Well if that isn't a problem then I see no reason for this to not work out.

  • I don't think 5 years is too old but I also don't think age is nothing but a number. I am 22 and I personally don't think I would date anyone over 29 but its also not set in stone for me. I think if you click with someone then you click with someone. age doesn't necessarily determine maturity or compatibility. I think if you go for someone who's like 40 that might be a bit much. But to each their own. I think 10 years can be fine. If you're still in college though I think it could be hard because you're at very different points in your lives. If you're about to graduate and enter the real world I think it's fine. It has more to do with maturity and life stages than necessarily a number.

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  • Are you asking for my approval to date him because he is rich?

    You should know what your answer is if you felt attraction for him. Not because you think he has bigger assets than your mum.

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    • Never said he was rich. My point was successful. Not a gold digger. And my parents are successful as well but I pay my own way I work full time live on my own and pay all my own bills. I'm not asking for ANYONES approval. Just for there opinions. Thanks for yours.

  • in all honesty, I think age is nothing but a number.. but you just got to make sure he's after the right thing and not something to just keep him entertained. but I think he sounds like a incredible guy! go for it, cause you'll never know until you try it out. and if it does go further & people talk, let them.. cause remember its you and him against the world not a third wheel one.

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  • Yep, age is just a number. While it is a big gap, that shouldn't matter if it's a happy, healthy and mature relationship with a great possibility for a future together. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 29, but it doesn't feel like there's a noticeable difference because we respect and support each other, tease each other, and have so much in common. We have a lot of fun together, but we also have serious talks about where we want to be in 10 years and how we both see the other person as a partner for life. My advice is to take things slowly and really get to know him (while dating) before taking any drastic steps, such as moving in together. Make sure he's a wonderful guy who you'd like to spend a very long time with before investing in the relationship. Good luck! :)

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  • I don't think age is that big a deal.

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  • I think age is irrelevant, because it depends on what stage of life you are at.

    Are you both happy with your jobs/careers? Are you both financially independent? Are you both mature and responsible? Have you both completed higher educational goals to get you to where you want to be in life? Are you both living in an area you want to stay long term? Do you both have the same life goals

    I know a woman who is happily married to a guy 20 years younger than she is. I know other's with large age gaps who are happy, and those it didn't work out for.

    The common ground was always the stage of life they were at.

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  • I don't think age matters I just personally couldn't date someone 10 years older than me. My limit is 5 years older and a year younger, (I am only 20 so if I go any younger I get into high school kids)

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  • Wait, B means ten years is NOT to old right? Anyways as far as older guys with younger girls go I don't find it too weird. Actually in a lot of cultures it is pretty normal.

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  • currently dating 38 y/o. ex was older than that. as long as you two are on the same pages in life then you're golden. just expect others' unwarranted comments.

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  • I draw the line at a certain age gap. The only problem with big age gaps, in my opinion, is that if the gap is big enough, it's hard to have much in common... especially from one another's time. But if you feel comfortable with the age gap, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!

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    • dude, I wasn't born in the Victorian era =/

    • Lol. I see what you did there. What I meant is that there was different things happening in lets say the early 70's to the 90's. There are things that people dating with large age gaps would have trouble relating to certain things that happened in their year
      @Levin

  • My aunt and uncle are 15 years apart, no one cares, just do what makes you happy.

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  • Age is nothing but a number. But guys who usually that much older than you want one thing.
    38.media.tumblr.com/...vb4SJ9s1qi88igo1_r1_500.gif

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  • 10 years is fine in my opinion.

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  • as long as you are both of age it doesn't matter...
    as long as you guys are happy together and want the same things :)

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  • Option B, the way worded means "age is not a number, and is everything else other than a number". If you meant to say "age is only a number" that is my answer. The only unacceptable gap is if one of you is under age 18.

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  • If you really like him go for it but if u feel it would be unconfortable then don't do it its all about preference and highly on how mature you both are if your more mature for your age or he us less mature for his it will have a higher chance if working out.

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  • My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 7years. I'm 30 and he is 40. To be honest most people usually forget there is an age gap between us. When we met he was 33 and I was 23. At the beginning things were amazing but like all relationship it takes a lot of work and it takes both people involved to make it work. Honestly I say give it a shot you never know what can come from it if you don't at least try.

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  • i think age is anything but a number

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  • I'm not going to choose because the first is dumb in my opinion and the second is untrue.

    You're both over 18 so you two can work it out if you want.

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  • Age matters less when you get older. It seems like a big deal when you're 12 and 14, but not so much when you're 40 and 50. It also depends on how mature you both are and which stage in your life you are in. I once dated a 14 year old guy when I was 17 and everyone thought it was weird. But he wasn't really like other kids his age. He was extremely smart and went to college before me. I wouldn't really worry too much about it. If you really like this guy, just go for it. It might seem like a gap now, but it won't later.

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  • Honestly I don't think age matters, as long as they are legal then I don't see the problem with it, as long as you have a connection with them then go ahead

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  • As long as it's legal, go for it.

    In my opinion though, if you date someone old enough to be your father or grandfather, that's kind of weird. And a little creepy. But 10 years is fine :)

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  • I think it depends on the maturity gap, not the number gap. I'll explain, a 15 year old is a lot different in maturity than an 18 year old, so that's too old. An 18 year old is a lot different than a 24 year old, a little old but is doable if the 18 year old is mature. I think after your mid 20s, people usually get on the same level as adults (some more than others, but generally speaking)

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  • He met you when you were 16 and he was 26. Has he been waiting all along? Is he a pedo?

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    • I'm sure he's date other people? He just came back into the picture a few months ago so no I don't think he's a pedo.

  • I've dated a guy that was 10 years older then me and it wasn't a big deal. Go for it. its actually better bc most of the time older men will be more mature.

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  • I think 12 years is about the biggest gap I'd be comfortable with. Men pretty much always want to date younger women. If you are attracted to him, you have chemistry and things in common to talk about, and as long as YOU don't feel weird about the age difference, then it's fine.

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  • I married my husband when I was 21, he was 32. We have been married over 10 years. Tbh my parents were not thrilled about it at first but they grew to accept it. Especially after getting to know him and how I felt about him. We never really saw the age gap. It's really all about the situation.
    Since your mom knows him, I would talk to her about it first. Let her hear your argument, and you never know, she might come around.

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  • On average, men die sooner.

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  • It's not he's old enough to be your father and you're already over 21 so at least he can take you to the bar. In some cultures, the man being at least 4 years older than the woman is a sign of good luck and a long healthy marriage. I'm just repeating what I've heard 😀. Good luck.

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