Why is it men are not allowed to be insecure or lack confidence?

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I'm talking lacking confidence cause of looks or being insecure about them because women before have walked all over that confidence or self esteem

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Most Helpful Girl

  • They are allowed to but, because of evolutionary reasons women are attracted to more confident and less insecure men. They are seen as protectors. As we are evolving and our minds our opening these gender oriented barriers are breaking. Girls also like sensitive guys. But confidence is something even guys desire in a girl. It is just attractive when you see someone love themselves enough to not be insecure. It's easier to love someone who loves them self and is strong enough to hide their insecurities. We all have insecurities, some more, some less. That's perfectly normal.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I'm talking lacking confidence cause of looks or being insecure about them because women before have walked all over that confidence or self esteem"

    Don't care about women turning you down. It's not a big deal. It only becomes a big deal if you build some dream behind it, getting so emotionally invested into the outcomes. A negative outcome, even the harshest kind of rejection, won't be a big deal if you were never that invested in the first place -- okay, next girl.

    Apathy and confidence can be somehow blurred. I have a friend who just has a "whatever" mindset to life in general. He owns a shop and doesn't have any kind of schedule, just opens it whenever he feels like, closes it when he doesn't feel like working. And he gets so much female attention, because he can just walk straight up to any woman and just start casually talking without being remotely invested in whether she likes him or not.

    If building a positive, glowing outlook of yourself seems too hard initially, try that instead: apathy. "Whatever, that girl didn't like me, I'll try another one."

    Persistence pays off here.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Men are allowed to be insecure and lack confidence. Nowhere does it say they aren't. Where are you getting this idea from?

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  • "I'm talking lacking confidence cause of looks or being insecure about them because women before have walked all over that confidence or self esteem"

    Which is why you let neither woman or man walk over your confidence :)
    Surround yourself with more people who boost it!

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    • Eh confidence is like being on a sports team you need a win every once in a while or morale stays in the dirt

    • True. I've had my share of that.
      Same time, you gotta find fair opposition. If you're still division 3 level, can't face division 1. yet.

  • Who said?

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    • Nearly all women when you wanna date em

    • Girl, that comment makes up at least 50% of your posts on this site. It's like you just go out of your way to spam any guy who feels suicidal with "GENERALISATION". He said "NEARLY". Not "all"- "NEARLY all." That's not a generalisation by anyone's definition of the term.

  • I thought they could? We are humans! But not I! I am an apple~!

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    • and i am an onion. albeit a very sad one :(

    • Show All
    • Fruit fam? thanks for the offer, but i am a vegetable and i fear fruits and veggies dont mix. our clans have been at war for hundreds of years. you know that.

      i feel so sorry for the poor tomato stuck in the middle.

      woe is me, forever alone :(

    • @Sad_Onion hahhah! WHAT? RASICTS?

  • they are allowed to but it will hinder their chances in the dating field a lot more than it would for an insecure female. kinda like how unattractive looks is more of a problem for women in the dating field than men. confidence will usually always give u ur best chance, so try hard to find a better balance in strength bro

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  • It's not good for anyone to be insecure. Insecure is not a characteristic to be proud of nor brag about. I don't know what you're trying to get at here.

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  • Who says you're not allowed?

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  • Regardless of gender, everyone should be encouraged to feel good about themselves. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel insecure and less confident. You should be happy to have a person in your life that is going to build you up when you are feeling down.
    You also should never take your insecurities out on another person just because of your past relationships. If you are going to move on to someone new you need to be willing to let go of the past.

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  • It's not that you're not allowed, it's just not expected from guys as men are meant to be 'manly' and 'confident'. But honestly who cares? If you have insecurities, don't be afraid to show them because people admire that nowadays.

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  • bc society has taught us that men have to be "manly"

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  • No, you can beg and kiss ass why not?

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  • People are allowed to, but you have to work for something you want. Same for women.

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  • men are supposed to be the strong ones in the relationship while the girls are supposed to be the weaker ones in societys eyes but many relationships have proven this wrong in how the guy is more shy and less confident and the girl is the exaCT opposite its not set in stone but its just expected more of guys cuz of testosterone

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  • Because it's seen as feminine and patriarchal cultures have no respect for femininity

    It's culture that's wrong though, not you. How you feel doesn't make you less of a man, it makes you a human - we're all vulnerable and need reassurance from one another sometimes.

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What Guys Said 17

  • It's an evolutionary adaptation for women to favor strong men that can provide. Almost everything we are benefitting from today was built on the shoulders of strong men who took risks and courageously battled attrition. Although Feminism is attempting to alter this narrative, it is clear what being a man implies.

    Men are allowed to be insecure and lack confidence. Just don't expect to have babies.

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    • I'd like to point out that with my job providing is not a issue so your argument is invalid

    • If you find the argument invalid you aren't a very thoughtful person.

      Providing is more than just having money.

  • Well I say, fuck what those claim and say and think or feel that men are not allowed to be insecure or lack confidence. If they want to be then they CAN, they have the Freedom to be that way if they want to.

    When confidence is hurt and lost it's not going to be easily and magically recovered it takes time and if ever, it's entirely on the person.

    There will always be assholes and people that look down on others and belittle others for being insecure and lacking confidence. Just don't let them get to you. you'll be alright.

    As for looks for guys, unless you are really really Fugly and Hideous and that you feel think it absolutely needs to be changed or fixed somehow then you could try talking to a plastic surgeon for advice and see what they can do for you, assuming you have the financial resources and have all that covered for.

    Otherwise, it's just proper grooming, being neat, dressing well, or exercising enough to have an overall fit and healthy appearance. As those are really the only things you can really do and have control over when it comes to your looks anyway.

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  • They are allowed but they pay the price of not being attractive to most women.

    You always hear women say that confidence is one of the top attraction traits in men. Until this changes, men will not be "allowed" to lack confidence if they want any success in the dating area.

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    • Well you can't have confidence if you're always turned down

    • The basics of confidence is to be true to yourself regardless of the opinions of others.
      You are still the same regardless if people call you a "winner" or a "loser".

  • cause society says so.

    you either abide or tell them to fuck off and suck your dick

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  • Nevermind what you're allowed or not to be or feel in terms of confidence. We all have insecurities. We are all imperfect.

    The sooner you can stop wallowing in self pity and what you think you should be, focus more on who and what you want to be.

    It's not about being strong as in having bravado, it's about being strong as in you accepting who you are and working with what you got to improve yourself. Being real, basically.

    So forget the whole, "Men aren't allowed to be weak", thing. If it hurts you, and so many others so much, then it is definitely something to get passed because in the end, the main thing impeding yourself is you.

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  • Well, they're allowed to, but the way that the dating game is setup means that insecurity/lack of confidence is more detrimental to males.

    What I mean is, if males are expected to approach/initiate the vast majority of the time, then the insecure/unconfident man has the playing field stacked against him heavily.

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  • Its not that your not allowed to just don't make the girl your mommy. And when you have a girlfriend you are like her rock. So when you act insecure.. you are not being strong so then she feels unsafe. As you are her protector. Its like the leader of something when things are going bad he holds his composure to keep the team from falling apart. Understand?

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  • Because we're men. Jk. It's perfectly normal for guys to be like that. It's just girls find that very unattractive in guys.

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  • Not allowed? Since when?

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  • Well according to most of you women. You find a lack of confidence very unattractive. Even though it's hard to be confident sometimes when you constantly are getting rejected.

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  • Wait.. Isn't that a good thing?

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  • Sure they are, i know loads of guys with no cofidense or are insecure. Wtf are you talking about.

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  • They are allowed... But there are consequences for it I'm afraid. I hate this planet.

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  • yep. the pressure on us men to be confident is crushing. some may say, the pressure on men to be confident is as heavy as the pressure on women to be pretty. i'd say the pressure on us to be confident is way worse, actually.

    women who are not perfectly beautiful can still get dates/sex/relationships, though it is true women magazines are obsessed with a lot of irrelevant shit most guys don't even pay attention to. we who are insecure, only get laughter, scorn (*man up pussy*, *wuss*), or, when we are very lucky, pity.

    it's a wonder some guys can go through that shit and still turn up somewhat emotionally healthy. Not me. Quite frankly, to me, the only way to meet women and not end emotionally crushed is going to strippers clubs or, yes, *objectify* women (that is, interact only with women who i find physically attractive, but for whom i have no feelings whatsoever). the moment i have feelings is the moment i get emotionally crushed.

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  • Yeah you are allowed to be like that if you don't wanna be "cool".

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  • The hell u talkin bout?

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  • They are allowed. They are just not treated as men any more.

    Society only values men who are strong and can provide and protect. Otherwise you're lumped in with the children.

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