I know a lot of people who have done this, although I have never done it myself and I've never been a victim of it. I haven't done it myself because I think it's a waste of time to date someone I'm not REALLY into.
But my cousin did it.. she dated a guy who loved her for 4 years although she was not in love. She was always looking for better and one day she did find better. And as soon as the better guy proposed to her she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and married the new guy. They've been happily married with kids for years.
My brother also did this... he stayed with a girl for years waiting for someone better to come along and continued dating and seeing other people while he was with his girlfriend. After 6 years he found that he couldn't find better and ended up marrying her. She's not the love of his life, but he said he's just happy because she is happy that they finally married. So what's so bad about this situation if ultimately she got what she wanted - a marriage - and now they're trying to have babies. Double bonus for her for sticking around.
My sister did this too... and so did Taylor swift with Calvin Harris. She stayed with Calvin until someone way better came along - Tom Hiddleston. She'll probably end up marrying him. The two seem super happy together.
So I always thought this was really bad and selfish. And I have turned guys down who tried to break up with other girls for me. As soon as I find out there's a girlfriend I end it.. no ifs or buts. To me, a guy telling me "I"ll leave her for you" is a HUGE red flag...
but how come to others it is not? Have I been wrong to think this way? Does "stringing someone along" really make you a bad person?
What has been your experience with this and what do you think?
i think it's wrong because you are essentially keeping someone despite not really wanting to be with them. almost like holding them hostage. you aren't allowing them to move on and find someone who will really like/love them.
I am badly informed about the relationship between Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris. Could it not simply be that they were together but finally saw that being together was not the best option? That is not the same as being with someone until something better comes along.
Back to your question. I see people so this. Not only does it make someone see like a leech, it also shows that someone is not self reliant. Are you that desperate to be in some sort of a relationship? If you go into a relationship with this mentality it shows that you cannot be alone. I personally see that as a red flag. In my experience those people become clingy, jealous, desperate and everything else bad when problems in the relationship arise (which at some point always happens). This is of course a personal opinion and I can be totally wrong.
However, if I date a girl and see that the relationship does not go the way I think it should go and trying to fix it did not work, I will break off it right there. My mind will certainly not think "Let me find another girl before I break it off". I will just break it off. I will be fine with a relationship and I will be fine without one.
I'm a bit scared for your brother's wife. If he ended up marrying her, and she's not "the love of his life", wouldn't that make him prone to cheating on her and having many affairs behind her back? After all, he DID see other people when they were dating...
Also scared that my mom is doing the same thing to her current boyfriend. I feel so bad for him. He's an awesome guy, and I could see myself calling my new dad. He deserves to know, but I don't want to lose him as my new father figure. Also don't want to be the one to break it to him when he loves my mother dearly. She should man up and tell him. ):
I had a guy do that to me but I had the last laugh.. knowing what I got dumped for and how he's doin to her what he did to me on dating sites looking for better.. she has his kid so he's stuck with her for 18 years.. users are never happy people one day they'll have to face themselves in the mirror and be held accountable for hurtin other people
I've heard of a lot of people that committ themselves to relationships with people whom they are not physically attracted to or just have nothing in common with them. Then decide to strung them along until they find someone better. No, its not Ok to do so because their other half is thinking that everything's just hunky dory. . . and end up getting dumped for someone else. They will know and will be even more heart broken that they have been used. More to the point, if they are not satisfied in their current relationships and feel that its not going anywhere, why prolong this process by stringing them along rather than being honest with their partner and having the decency to end it. Then look for someone else.
if thats what they are doing then they should be ones, thats all. you can't be exclusive and see or look for other people. its called casual dating and thats ok as long as everyone nows so EVERYONE has a chance to loo around. when people do it secretly its bc they are too cowardly you let the possibility of their partner finding someone too. thats why its wrong and there's no way to justify it. its just a cowardly act from a person who is insecure and selfish.
if you want an open relationship or to casually date great fantastic you know what you want, but if you have to lie and deceive your partner -who is thinking you're together - to do it then you're pretty sleazy and i doubt anyone doing thats really groin to be happy bc they know they are a liar so they'll be paranoid even if they feel happy for a while, anytime things are not great they assume there partner is cheating or going to leave, bc they did the same. like AFTER the baby when the bodies a mess and she doesn't feel sexy or AFTER he marries her and she gets bored.
there is a reason you should treat people how you want to be treated - with aded treatment based on there preference- and its not only bc its the respectful thing to do. its bc if YOU are untrustworthy you will not be able to trust anyone else.
you reap what you sow and you reap a lot of it in your own mind. people dont have to actually cheat on you or you to live in fear of it.
That's so casual and such a second hand way of thinking, when i'm so in the moment, there are no what ifs or if buts. It's NOW and nothing else. People change, and would want to move on unexpectedly. If we knew the whole script of our relationship livelihood, then we'll just get lazy and medicore in our relationships.
i think people who do that are cruel... you're literally playing with them like some toy and when the toy gets worn out, you throw it in the trash and get a new one. i would never do something like that, thats just heartless and not taking peoples feelings into consideration.
You're wasting the other person's time. You shouldn't use people.
It makes that person a user, a liar, a cheat, a douche or bitch and if they did it before they will probably do it again. As for Taylor Swift she is a big time liar who plays the victim and damsel in distress. I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of the year its all over E news, yahoo, MSN and every other news station and site that those two broke up. Once a cheat and a user always a cheat and a user.
It makes you a shitty person. You're wasting someone else's time.
"She's not the love of his life, but he said he's just happy because she is happy that they finally married. So what's so bad about this situation if ultimately she got what she wanted - a marriage - and now they're trying to have babies. Double bonus for her for sticking around."
I'm guessing she didn't want to just be married. I am sure she felt she was marrying the one. Who wants to be the one somebody settles for. What happens if someone that's better then her comes around? I get WHY people would do this but it does make them pretty crumby people.