"Pretty" girls don't get approached?

I don't think I'm beautiful but I also don't think I'm too ugly to look at either. I've always been complimented by adults on my looks. My parent's friends/coworkers or strangers from church always tell me I'm pretty and nice. However, my girl friends don't say much about how I look, and most importantly, NO GUYS APPROACH ME. They don't even try to talk to me.

Perhaps I have a resting bitch face or something, but it seems like I scare guys away? I don't even know what I do. I know girls who have guys approach them so easily. And dare I say, they are average looking.

I don't think I'm particularly awful, personality wise, and I'm quite a reserved and a careful person. When I go out to social events at my uni my friends always get approached first. I'm a bit shy... but is it hard for a guy to just say hi to me?

I am 21 and I've never had a boyfriend... at this rate I probably will never get married... *sigh*


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You being pretty is definitely not the issue but I think I might know what it is.

    Let me tell you what happens from a guys perspective: Guys don't usually just approach girls randomly, or completely based on their looks. We are looking for signs that might show that you are interested too. I might try to make eye contact and smile and if the girl responds in a similar way or gives me "that look" where I can tell that she's into me then I'm gonna approach her. But If I just see some girl staring at the ground or minding her own business then why would I approach her?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Most really attractive girls I know get approached a lot. You probably are pretty, but not as pretty as you think you are. Like a 7-8/10 at the most. Like a dime 9-10/10 will probably get approached no matter what, but you probably just don't smile or seem open. Also, are you overweight? Do you dress like a grandma? I just don't see a really hot girl not being approached by guys and being overlooked I'm sorry I dont think there is a such thing as being "too pretty to be approached"

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    • 3mo

      is she was a good looking guy then MAYBE she would have an argument.

What Guys Said 21

  • All I can do is ask some questions to try to narrow things down.

    1) How often do you smile, laugh?
    2) What height/weight are you? Are you taller than most? A bit on the heavy side?
    3) Do you have any male friends who respond well to you?
    4) How do you dress? What's your hairstyle?
    5) With the strangers who compliment your looks, are they in the same age range as you?
    6) Do you ever initiate a conversation with a guy? Do you ever flirt?

    If the answer to #6 is "no", you might think guys should always initiate but if you never interacted much with males you might be clueless as to how to carry yourself in a way that's inviting to guys. Some girls might have done a little bit of #6 when younger themselves and gotten comfortable hanging around guys and getting to know how to allure them.

    And a comment:
    >> I don't think I'm particularly awful, personality wise, and I'm quite a reserved and a careful person.

    Personality-wise no one can read your mind. For guys who haven't spent much time with you, all they can go by is your outward appearance and more charismatic qualities (still associated with looks, like how often you smile and how friendly and easy-going you look). For guys who have spent more time with you, being reserved is going to mask a lot of your underlying thoughts and feelings which might make your personality more of a mystery.

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  • So, a lot of guys see a beautiful girl, and they immediately assume she's out of his league, and that she must constantly have hot, rich, confident guys hitting on her constantly, and since (he assumes) she'd find those guys much more attractive than (he assumes) she'd find him, he feels like he has no chance with her. Thus, why bother asking her out only to be rejected? Guys HATE and FEAR rejection.

    Then they see more average-looking girls, and they think "now THIS girl is kind of cute, but she's not soooo attractive that she's going to have billionaires and Abercrombie models hitting on her all the time, so I should have a much better chance with her." And so they'll approach that girl, because he feels like she's closer to "his league."

    The way you solve this is to be more outgoing and more friendly with guys. Smile, start conversations, and if you feel like you are "clicking" with a guy, then really flirt with him, touch him, and otherwise send him signals that, YES, you are interested. That's how you get guys to ask you out. You can't just sit and be passive...

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    • 3mo

      But she doesn't have hot, rich, confident guys hitting on her either. So it's safe to say she's not in that category

      *sorry I know that sounded mean*

    • 3mo

      @pr3ttybr0wn Perhaps not, but she could still be that attractive. Regardless, some girls put out a "leave me alone, I am not interested" vibe which will repel guys that find her physically attractive. That's solved by being more open and friendly and taking the initiative to be so.

  • Because modern society tells boys that if they approach girls in public they're a creep... So they assume, together with your probable resting bitch face, that you don't want to have a rat's ass to do with them.

    Side note: go somewhere that it's socially acceptable for a guy to approach a random girl, like a bar or a club! Or join extra-curriculars or work functions that you can socialize with new people without feeling out of place! Uni social events can be pretty awks if nobody knows each other. Additionally they can be clique-y if everyone goes with their friends and refuses to meet new people.

    Don't get down on yourself though, Mr. Right is out there! Everyone thinks they're forever alone until they meet someone who turns that perspective completely upside down :)

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  • I've always heard this thing about guys not approaching pretty girls, but I don't know if I believe it. I'm sure some guys are like that, but there will be plenty who will approach a pretty girl.

    Someone pretty is attractive and catches a guy's eye. However actually approaching a girl is not so much about her attractiveness as her approachability. Approachability is several things combined, but mostly body language.

    Forget about guys approaching girls. Just think of people approaching people. If you walk into a room with several people, some are more approachable than others, right? It's the same basic thing and it has little to do with looks. Pay attention to how you react to other people and why. Which people do you naturally find approachable? Which ones are less approachable? Why? What is it about them?

    Of course you could always approach them instead. Don't wait for life to come to you, go after it.

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  • I'm 24 and have never been approached by a woman before, so I can relate to you somewhat.

    While I do care about looks also, personality is the greatest determining factor in whether I want to approach a girl or not. If she seems cold, indifferent, or annoyed by men, then I lose interest very quickly. Also, you have to bear in mind that women nowadays can be downright hostile to men who show interest in them. We have to worry about girls being insulted by our "chauvinism" in taking the initiative or, heaven forbid, getting accused of sexual harassment simply for talking to her (legitimate harassment is a separate topic altogether). All this can turn men very reluctant to make a move, and some will stop completely.

    The best advice that I can give is this: try being direct and less shy. Men respond to receptivity better than anything, and I personally like when women tell me outright what they do or don't want. "Resting bitch face" doesn't personally turn me off (she doesn't have to be smiling at me constantly), but the tone of voice she uses most definitely can. Also, if you become more "active" in your group of friends when out and about, guys will be more likely to engage you in conversation along with the others.

    Anyways, that's my two cents.

    Oh, and @ak666 gave some pretty solid advice here.


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  • I think you answered in at the end. I doubt it's your appearance that's the issue. I think it's the fact that you are shy and reserved. Sometimes people who are too shy/ quiet careful etc. give off the wrong impression even if you don't intend it to be the case. You'll accidentally give off the vibe that you are unapproachable and don't want to be talked to. You should open up more and be more comfortable talking to guys or people in general. Never too late for anyone to master their social skills. Smile more, be friendly, enjoy being around people. Try and let your guard down a little bit and have some confidence in yourself.

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  • Are you fat? If you are, friends and family will lie to you and say you're pretty in order to spare your feelings, but only a small, pathetic portion of men will bother with a fat chick.

    If you're not overweight, then Resting Bitch Face would probably be your culprit.

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    • 3mo

      lol no xD I'm petite and slim.

    • 3mo

      Then without knowing what you look like, the only thing I can suggest would be the RBF.

      Wait... do you have a mustache? Or look like a bulldyke? Weird facial structure (ski ramp nose, jutting chin, that kind of thing)? Maybe you have a bad body odor?

      It could also be that you're shy and reserved. You could be coming across as standoffish. And I'm not even going to pretend otherwise, there are some men that just aren't willing to invest the kind of work that it takes to get a shy girl to open up.

    • 3mo

      I can confidently say that I am generally well dressed and clean lol.
      Perhaps I do seem standoffish. I'm not sure. I haven't really interacted with guys all that much so I don't know how to talk to them either.
      I feel like if I do try to start a friendly conversation with a guy, he would automatically think I'm romantically interested in him. What would you think if a girl started a conversation with you? I'm just curious. lol So that's why I usually stay quiet.

  • You may not be as pretty as you think.

    Also guys don't cold approach shy girls. There's a lot of pre amble first. If you are shy quiet and reserved then you're not flirting.

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  • Adults like the ones you listed always compliment everyone on their looks. That's not really a good basis.

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  • Wow, you really need to look away from yourself for just a little tiny bit. Seriously, to have a friend you have to be a friend.

    And all the people telling you how pretty you are - they're all just being nice. It's what they do, pad your confidence, make you feel good about yourself. Don't we all expect this from the people that love us? So it has nothing to do with dating.

    Just smile and look pretty, be willing to talk to a guy if he talks to you. It's not really that hard. And your own tongue isn't broken, right? You can strike up a conversation with someone you find interest in. Maybe that's it - you're so self centered you're not really interested in really talking to anyone else, especially a guy. Right?

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  • Ummm why don't you post a pic? anyways your female friends aren't going to say how you look cause they are jealous so fuck what they think...
    Other than that... guys mat be intimidated by you? Maybe that's why they don't approach...
    I don't think you are ugly... LOL

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  • .. and, why don't you approach? Oh yeah, that's right... You're too lazy and feel entitled.

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    • 3mo

      grapejuice you are still a angry sad man I see.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      @Bobbyhill1 I used to be painfully shy. I couldn't speak to anyone. I'd have the words in my head, but it was like my mouth was glued shut. For a long time I just avoid being in talking situations as much as I could.
      Then I started getting practically dragged out by my friends and I started spending time with guys, and I did start to get a little bit more confident. I'm still not massively confident, so maybe relaxed is a better word. I fake confidence a lot of the time, which still helps.
      Things are much better than they used to be. I'm still shy, but I can get over it pretty quickly.

    • 3mo

      @BobbyHill1 & @Napoli

      I love you both, I really do but the notifications of your conversation are annoying the shit out of me. That said, i'm going to block you both.

  • Honestly? Post your pic for us, or at least send a message to some of us. See what we think. You being shy probably has a much bigger impact than any visual flaw.

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  • Do you have RBF? How much do you smile? Are you the quiet type that tends to have the serious face permanently attached to their face? I know I do and I need to work on smiling more. I just think of some "stupid silly" stuff that gets me to smile.

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  • Ah, no offence it's probably because you're ugly.

    " NO GUYS APPROACH ME. They don't even try to talk to me. "

    Yep, you've definitely caught the uglies. It's contagious, so keep it to yourself.

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  • RBF is real. I had my experience.

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  • Do you have a photo of you?

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  • Damn you

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  • cuz they prolly suck at dancing

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  • "is it hard for a guy to just say hi to me?"
    Is it so hard for you to say hi to a guy?

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  • the hotter the woman, the harder it is to approach, is what charlie sheen once said

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What Girls Said 1

  • Im the same ugh sign
    Only men that approach me aren't my type physically or are too old or have kids

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