Can a guy love two girls at one time?

[YoungMD]

Can a guy love two girls at one time?! I mean is that even possible?!

[selfishstars]

Yes.

People treat love in different ways...

The "starvation" model - Some people view love in the same way we view money---that it's impossible to give your whole heart to more than one person because they see love as limited. If you love more than one person, you have to take love away from the first person in order to love a second person. They see this as dividing your love, so your love is not as deep. But think about how most parents love their children. If you have one child that you love with all of your heart, if you have a second child, you don't need to love your first child less in order to love your second child (i.e. divide your love so you only love each child 50%, or some other combination). You love both children with all of your heart.

This isn't to say that if you love more than one person, you'll feel exactly the same about each person. Your feelings may be stronger for one person than the other, based on things like chemistry/compatibility, the amount of time you spend with each person, or the length of time you've been with each person---but it is possible to love each person with your whole heart.

The "scarcity" model - this is based on the idea that love is rare and that you can only have one true love. When you find your true love, your brain shuts off its ability to take notice of other people and its ability to love other people. I think that love is actually very abundant, in fact, limitless. I've had true love with more than one person in my lifetime, but for reasons unrelated to how much we loved each other or how "true" our love was, we went our separate ways. If I met two people that I had true love with at the same time, I'd hardly say its impossible for me to love both people.

That said, we live in a society where the majority of people view monogamy as the only kind of relationship (or at least the only "right" kind), probably because they view love in the ways I've described above (starvation or scarcity). Monogamy tells us that you should only love one person at a time---if you love more than one person, it isn't true love, or you have to love each person less than if you only love one person. Since people view loving more than one person as splitting your love between two people, we believe we have to make a choice between those people so that we can stop loving one in order to love the other wholly. Viewing love in this way creates possessiveness and jealousy---you want to prevent your partner from loving anyone but you because if they love someone else as well, you feel that its taking away from you, or you worry that they will leave you for the other person (since in monogamy, you cannot have both, you have to choose).

This isn't to say that there aren't real limits that affect things. Things like time and money/resources are limited. If you're spending one-on-one time with one person, it would mean that you're not spending that time with the other. Or taking one person on a date/buying them a

[selfishstars]

gift would mean having less money to take the other person on a date or buy them a gift.

tl;dr - Love is limitless, but resources are limited; monogamy prevents us from allowing ourselves to love more than one person (either we don't allow ourselves to get close to additional people so that we don't risk falling in love; or if we do love more than one person, we are forced to choose between them).

[YoungMD]

So basically what your trying to tell me is that loving 2 people at once is not impossible but isn't possible either I guess... because seriously how could I be with someone for a couple of hours and then go out with the other one for another couple of hours...and feel the same towards both of them and be able to kiss and hold both of them the same way... I think that's impossible!

[selfishstars]

What I'm saying it that its possible, but its made very difficult in our society. Since people subscribe to the ideas I've talked about in my answer, it is difficult to find two women who would be okay with you loving someone else as well. That said, there are people who believe that you can love more than one person and engage in polyamorous relationships (polyamorous basically means "many loves"); these people are just more rare. Since there are people who have successful polyamorous

[selfishstars]

relationships, saying that it is "impossible" is untrue. That said, some people believe that some people are naturally monogamous or naturally polyamorous, so if you are naturally monogamous, it might be impossible for you in particular. (That said, I personally don't believe monogamy or polyamory is something ingrained into it, but rather, it arises from the way we are socialized to view love and relationships---but either way, it can be difficult to understand how someone could love more than

[selfishstars]

one person if its socially ingrained into you to feel otherwise).

[selfishstars]

Sorry, by "ingrained into it" I mean "innately ingrained into you".

[YoungMD]

I totally believe what you said about how were socialized to view love and relationships... and I agree with almost all what you've said... thanks alot

[missinugianna]

you're still young, DON'T rush it! you're either in love with one or the other,...not both. you need to seriously sit down and think about who you're really in love with. if one girl comes out with more cons than pros, then you're probably in love with the girl with more pros. take those pros, and GO GET HER! :)

[YoungMD]

that's what I've been thinking... Just wanted someone to check me back into reality... because I thought that I'm capable of loving two but I think that's almost impossible!

[Millidawggirl]

Yes, but please be careful. I was one of the two girls a guy loved. It was one of the most painful things to hear when he told me he was sleeping with another girl too. Makes a girl feel played. Good luck!

[AnonymousDude]

possible. yeah

It's proably not love though.

probably his balls arguing on who's hotter

[KERMlT]

Yes, I have been in love with two women at the same time.

[vixxxen8]

Yes. I have been in love with two guys at the same time. They were both night and day. One was real sweet and kind and would do anything for me. The other guy was the typical bad boy. He broke the rules and was dangerous. I loved them both.

[Oliviawinters]

Yes, I'd say it's possible. People always get stuck in love triangles x

[FierceMegan]

Of course.