What do women think of submissive guys?

What do women think of a guy who is more submissive? I'm not talking about, "wanting to be your slave." And I'm not talking about some guy that is going to let you push him around. I'm just talking about letting you have control and take the lead. You hear about women wanting strong guys and guys who take charge a lot, but not all guys are like that. If the guy is submissive would it be OK if he was submissive all the time, most of the time, some of the time, or rarely?

I know this is going to be a personality based answer and very dependent per person but it will still tell me something if the answers are overwhelmingly no or if there's a good mix of answers. So feel free to answer even if someone's answer is close to yours.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you, every girl is different; each girl likes and dislikes certain levels of submissiveness. But it's not just the girl that's causing this problem. The media, in a sense, portrays a guy to be this manly figure who can wrestle bears with their bare hands, kill it with their teeth, then haul it off for the woman to cook...sure a little extreme, but my point is that men are always depicted as the provider, the head of the house and the relationship.

    Now, to answer your question: I don't think it's alright for a guy to be submissive all the time because then the girl's going to feel like the relationship is entirely on her shoulders because the guy won't take any initiative, or she's going to use it to her advantage and try to get all she can out of you. Same goes for most of the time. However, if you're the opposite, and try to take too much in charge, the girl might think that you're trying to control her and that could very well backfire.

    my advice to you is this: if you're a very submissive person, try to take more initiative to alter that. work on making decisions in the relationship for yourself, and don't always depend on her to make them for you. If you don't agree with something she wants you to do, tell her...fight back. However, if you feel like something in the relationship is out of your hands, don't be afraid to let her take a hold of the reins. A relationship should be balanced so to speak; both people should have the same weight to carry, not one more or less than the other.


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What Girls Said 8

  • Of course it depends. But there plenty of women -- and lots of men -- who are most comfortable in a relationship where the woman is in charge, especially inside the home.

    I'm guessing that you are looking for a relationship where the woman is in charge, and where you are submissive to her. It's great that you know what you want. So go for it -- and keep looking until you find the right woman. She's out there -- you just have to look. And, if you want to be happy, don't settle for anything less.

  • Hey, well I personally think this:

    For a short time relationship (a relationship just to have fun in and have a good time) a submissive guy is definitely what a lot of girls want.

    For a long term relationship the guy has to be some of both. Normally, in the bedroom a lot girls like someone a bit more controlling and intimidating. But, in the real world the guy needs to be nice, funny, and sometimes allowing the girl to take the lead.

    You sound like a really nice and smart guy. I'm sure that you'll find someone who enjoys you for who you are. Seriously, take this advice: Don't change just for a girl. If you really must change you should do it for yourself and because YOU want to.

  • I personally am a dominant lady and I like submissive men very very much! I have dated men that tried to dominate me before and it has never ever worked.

    It does not really matter what anyone else thinks, you are who you are. The dominant was always inside of me I just never let it out fully before and I have never been me truly, I thought being even partners but it wasn't. You have to be true to yourself!

    I love submissive men, I am adored for being who I am and dominant women adore submissive men for them being themselves.

    • I am surprised that more women don't think this way... there are so many men who put their own sexual needs first, judging by what I read for some of the responses on this site. I would have thought that there would be more women who would like a submissive, attentive, and dutiful guy who is devoted to their pleasure.

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    • Me too gurl! Especially the ones with baby faces, daaamn.

    • So beta males like me are not losers in the eyes of women like you, great! your comment has made me very happy! thank you Goddess, i adore you.

  • I like the guy to make the choices. It makes me feel secure and that he is strong enough to take care of me..

    • I think most girls want to feel secure and have a guy take care of them. But, for me, that means the guy REALLY takes care of me, and does his best to make me happy. I can and will choose what I want. You be breadwinner, bread baker, and bottle washer.

  • I guess the consensus would be that MOST women like to have the guy take control, but only when it comes to certain things. It would depend on what you're talking about - is it picking out dinner or initiating sex?

    Personally I prefer a balance of both. I don't mind taking the reins sometimes.

    But for some girls, this submissiveness may not be seen as submissiveness, it may be seen as laziness or ambivalence. You gotta be careful with that!

    • So you like guys to push you around and take advantage of you? you like to be a guy's slave?

  • Can't speak for all women. Obviously. But personally, I have a huge narcissistic streak, and love ordering guys around. I really tend to bring out the submissiveness in guys, apparently, and it's cool. I don't hate them for it, and I don't respect them either. Which is the appeal I think. What I'm saying here is that if you're going to be submissive, you better be masochistic with it.

  • I love guys like that...and its hard to find them...actually men feel intimidated by me..cause I'm beautiful, smart, self confident,know what I am ...what I want...and that's the kind of guy I look for

    • I'm submissive and shy to girls, and love serving women like you because i know you are superior Goddess.

  • I don't like guys like that. I'm pretty indecisive and I'm old fashioned so I like it when the man takes the lead. if he doesn't then I just assume he doesn't care and why would I wanna be with him?


What Guys Said 3

  • Instead of submissive I think of "passive" in this context; to me at least submissive means the guy is REALLY under the thumb of the other person and WANTS to be ordered around. But passive is more simply not wanting to make many decisions, and not liking to be in charge.

    So I think "dominant" women (not necessarily sexually just personality wise) would really like a submissive man. If the woman WANTS to be in charge, well she just found her perfect match.

    But most women want a balance. Most I know actually want the guy to act in charge a lot on the surface, to be seen as strong and charismatic and a leader and protector and a good "catch" for her. But other times, especially in private, the same woman wants the man to tone it down and treat her fairly, equally, and not boss her around or look down on her ever.

    The trick is to be able to do both; take charge appropriately at times and then back off or at least cooperate respectfully when she wants to have more of a say. The number of guys that know how to do this right is about three worldwide, and don't count me in their numbers :) but I try.

  • Dear safekeeper,
    I am not sure that I agree with you on how men are depicted in the media. I mean , yeah sometimes it's the Clint Eastwood stud type taking care of business but over the last decade men are being portrayed more often as bumbling idiots who won't grow up with wives who are always right. This along with feminism has helped to marginalized masculinity. It also doesn't help that women continuously jump back and forth between being modern and being traditional, which I call "The Equality Game." This where women are modern and want equality as long as there is an advantage in being equal. When there is no advantage in being equal they turn to the traditional female roles. Example? A woman goes to work. She plays the Equality Card. Why? She wants the entitlements i. e., equal pay, equal opportunity etc.
    This same woman begins a courtship with a guy. She plays the traditional female card. Why? She wants the entitlements i. e. free drinks, dinners, diamond rings, i. e., etc. There are many examples of this. Why is this important?

    Because women are manipulating these gender roles so effectively that men do not know what being a man is anymore. They end up being what she wants at any given time. "Be modern for me honey and do the dishes. Ok now be traditional for me honey and buy me dinner."
    It would really help men if you guys would just make up your damn mind.

    Thanks Tron

  • Hard to picture myself submissive in bed. Just wouldn't feel right.