So I met this guy online and we've been on the phone and Skype for 3 weeks now. I'm going to be in his City for a couple of days and he's invited me over for a first date at his house for a home cooked meal. Good idea or bad? Should I move it to a more neutral location? Keep in mind, we are older - I'm almost 40 and he's mid 50s so I would hope we are past the silly rules (?) - but still I can't help but think that one thing will lead to another.. and perhaps not a good thing on a first date when one wants a long term relationship. Of course, we've kind of been "dating" via telephone and webcam... so is it really a first date? My roommate (he's a guy) says to hell with rules - he doesn't see anything wrong with just going with the flow even if we end up in bed. He said he's never thought negatively of a woman who's "given it up so easily," but of course my girlfriend thinks I should play harder to get and ensure that by going to a neutral location. I guess I wouldn't be so confused if we lived in the same City, but the limited time is a factor. Your thoughts are appreciated...
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I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. I started talking to a guy online, went to his city and we decided to meet up. Although we were mainly friends, he doesn't want a relationship in general and I was well aware of that. Before I arrived, he mentioned he would cook for me and I had similar thoughts to the ones you're having now: it's sort of to be expected that things MIGHT happen when two adults are alone. I felt a bit uneasy about the whole thing. We ended up meeting in the city (not because I voiced my concerns, it just happened that way) and because we met relatively late and things were closing down about 1.5 hours after we met, we decided to go to my hotel room for a drink and to talk. I again had this little voice in my head telling me "do you really want that, things MIGHT happen". I knew I wasn't going to initiate anything, but like I say, these situations are kind of asking for it. Also, I knew he wasn't after a relationship and I'm not the casual sex type. To cut a long story short: I ended up having sex with him that night. It was good but I sort of wish I hadn't done it because as expected, I am not the type for this and it hurt me in weird ways.
I think it's ultimately up to you if you want to have sex or not. If you go to his house, you have to be aware that it might happen, because if there is attraction, it might be hard to resist in that moment even if you technically do want to wait a bit longer. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with sex on the first date, or that there are some rules that one has to strictly follow (as in, no sex before the 5th date, or something like that). I am sure that there are guys who think less of a woman if she puts out on the first date, I am also sure that there are guys who are after sex on the first date and then they lose interest. But there are also guys who don't make any judgments and don't think less of a woman who doesn't make them wait. In the end, it's your decision. But if you aren't completely fine with the possibility that you might end up in bed, you should suggest a more neutral place for the first meeting. Because trust me, once you're in that situation it is very hard to resist even if you're a bit torn on the inside and don't know if it's right or wrong.0