Why would my "friend" constantly try to sabotage me?

Question

I never really have that much success with men because I am shy and in the past I was kind of overweight and not that attractive. She knows about my failure rate with men. She used to try to help me meet men. Ever since last May I've been working out as much as I can. I figured I should make myself more attractive looking. I've also been working on my shyness. The last few months any time I talk to men she sabotages any attempt I make with them.

Last night I was talking to this really great guy. He asked for my number. She came over and told him that he doesn't want to go out with me. She said I am a nasty skank and the city bicycle and he wouldn't want to catch anything from me. I'm still a virgin. I have never had sex or anything.

I don't even think I want to be friends with her anymore. I have asked her why she keeps doing this to me several times. She used to be such a good friend. She says it's just a joke and I am taking it too seriously. I told her that I'm just finally having success with men and she ruins it every time, and I want her to stop. She said she would, but then she pulled that stunt last night.

How can I get her to realize that I don't find this a joking matter. I'm 28 years old, I'd like to get serious with guys. Also, she's 36 so you'd think she'd be too old for these kind of jokes.

Theguyoverthere · Accepted Answer

From what I see in this case, she was likely to consider herself as "above you" or like a "little sister" and now that you're working out and doing things beyond what she likes to see, she wants to pull you back into the spot you were in where she was able to be "above you." She probably wants to be able to go back to saying "you'll find somebody" and see you all insecure about your appearance so she can feel like the better one.

But now you're working out and she is seeing your success with men and she doesn't like it and wants to pull you back into the time where you had no success with men.

I can relate to the working out changing things part but not to the sabotage so I can tell you from experience that this may occur with other people in your life and you'll find out harshly who really wants to see you be the best you can be and who wanted that "control" they had over you.

The fact that she's calling this a "joke" is just plain pathetic. She knows what she is doing and this is the kinda stuff that causes many girls to go to guy friends instead of girls because they talk about things like this constantly going on. Girls like this like the drama and are the types to steal a boyfriend just to "get back at their friend" and such.

This is definitely something to end the friendship over and cut contact completely. She is only going to keep doing this every chance she gets. You even see the pattern.

Stark1971 · Accepted Answer

First of all, congratulation in working out, getting in shape.

Secondly, you have the answer already.

People, even our friends do not always evolve, or even grow as we grow. Often, we grow apart as family and friends. Not always, but it is a constant in this world that change is afoot. Perhaps this is a signal that there needs to be a change in this friendship and that you need more support and less acidity from a friendship.

Take care.

PeachSunset · Accepted Answer

Omg I know the feeling! I used to be really shy with men and I kind of came out of my shell. I still haven't found a boyfriend. And my friend doesn't sabotage me but she competes with me and tries to me Mrs. popular which is almost similar to what your friend is doing, but in a different way. Your friend probably knew that she was thinner than you and had more success with men so she didn't see you as competition, just a friend. Now that you've got thinner and you're becoming more confident she's starting to see you as competition and is getting jealous so she's trying to sabotage you but hiding the fact that she is with a "Its just a joke!". Beware these type of friends because they are mean and will backstab you. I wouldn't say to her that she's being competitive or jealous but i'd tell her that you really want to fall in love with a guy and she's just dragging you down and you're being really serious. Tell her that what she's doing isn't something a friend would do and that she needs to stop. Although, this doesn't mean your friendship with her is totally over. I hope you find a guy and a better friend! xx

StripedTiger · Accepted Answer

You have to move on and stop being a friend to her because she was never a friend to you. Friends are supportive of you and wouldn't spread nasty rumors to spite you. You seem like a really nice lady. I know you said you lost weight and you are pretty shy, with this new and improved you you have got to build more confidence about yourself and realize your worth. You don't need negative people in your life. You are right, she is much too old to be behaving in such a way (maybe she is jealous of you now or insecure about herself now, but no matter why she is acting this way, she is being very nasty) and you don't have to tolerate it. Lose her. She knows it is not a joke and is only fooling you because you are genuinely nice and being naive to her personality. I congratulate you on your efforts to get healthy and improve yourself. You lost the weight, the shyness and now drop her. Best of luck to you! Get out there and be fabulous, single and mingle! Hope this helped! :)

renogaza · Accepted Answer

you need to light her hair on fire and watch her witchery come to an end, in my country we call them "Mangkukulam" (literally translates to wicked witch), they invade peoples lives then destroy it with curses and sabotages, in my country they would even go as far as to spiritually curse them and poison them, all out of twisted immature jealousy..

while she isn't likely as extreme she's still a crooked witch that needs to be burned to dust (not literally) discommunicate with her asap, she's only going to ruin your life otherwise.

recklessheart · Accepted Answer

She's one of those awful people who needs to step on others to feel better about themselve. I've been dealing with this my whole life with a friend of mine. She always has to have everything better- car, boyfriend, house... You name it. But when I show her how little I care about those things, she starts saying backhanded compliments. Honestly, you are so much better off without these toxic people in your life!! She sounds like a horribly insecure person and anyone who says those nasty things about their friend is a bully!

ReneDS · Answer

she is using you to feed her petathic ego, i had someone like that, a guy, who always added the girls i was talking to on his MSN list, so one day i had enough, i had a gf and they went to the same school, and she asked him, what she could buy for my birthday, you know what he said, a dildo that he can stick in his ass, i asked him if he thought it was funny, to him it clearly was, to me it wasn't, i told him to fuck off. since than i make sure he can't see who im talking to. i dont trust that rat one little bit concerning these matters. cut this gf from her life, what she is saying isn't funny at all, you have all the right to be angry, this girl sounds like a worthless girlfriend.

asianchic · Answer

First of all, congrats! You've grown so much as a person. Be proud of yourself for looking amazing and working on your shyness. I'm proud of you :)

This girl is jealous of you. I've had similar friends. They want to be my friend when they can feel they are superior. When you got a date, started looking awesome, etc. She got jealous.

She can't take it. She feels insecure about her own self and needs to put you down to feel good. Never remain friends with someone like this.

Cut her out of your life and do not allow her to use you. She will keep you from growing as a person.

HookingSwan · Answer

She is just a jealous b*** and a horrible human being. If you already have problems coming out of your shell and talking with guys then she is doing this on purpose. You know... You may not realise but sometimes the people that we are friends with arr just really trying to control us to prevent us from becoming who we can really be (because sometimes we are a threat in disguise. They see it coming, bit we dont, because we are often too criticising of ourselves, more than we are of other ppl). Pls get away from her and keep on the good track.

Anonymous · Answer

Girl let me tell you. You need to be like "bitch fuck you" (well maybe not to her face lol) I had the same problem as you recently my best friends for years who had helped me overcome my weight problem and other weaknesses had started to become the biggest bitch ever. Then I realized she's just jealous & that's the same in your situation and all I can tell you is to get rid of that negative bitch in your life. You've come a long way from where you were and you don't need to cranky ass bitch with low self esteem to bring you down. Life is full of shit so she don't need to be adding it on. Okay girl? You got this 👏👏👏🙌🙌

Anonymous · Answer

Girl, I feel you.

Been through all kinds of things, and sometimes I wonder what I learned from it, apart from women can be terrible when they get jealous.

But then I read stories like this, and I realize this is an ongoing thing; if you are facing these issues with a 36 year old woman, it's reflective of how many crazy people there are in this world, who still don't grow out of their feelings of immaturity.

Thank goodness you cut her off. If she is lying about things like what you do with others, I don't know what else she is capable of. It's good that you recognized these signs early on in your friendship, before it got much worse.

Stacyzee · Answer

The word friend and sabotage never go in the same sentence.
Just reading your question ALONE, I can clearly already tell you
she is not your friend.

A nasty person is a nasty person.
Never think someone has to be a certain age to
act a certain way.

Do not associate yourself with her.
She is clearly jealous of the attention you are getting from men.

iamtheoneandonly · Answer

Get rid of her.. she is a fake friend.. dont let her have control over the the men who comes in your life... she's jealous because she already knows you had trouble with men and it gives her confidence to think she's better than you.. but now your getting attention and its taking the confidence down so she's trying to sabotage any chance you have.. a real friend would be happy for you not ruin anything possible relationship you can.. i know the horrible feeling it causes you.. but don't let her know about any guy interested in you. therefore she can't ruin anything... confront one last good time about that.. get point across angrily.. me honestly I get rid of anyway.. but its your decision.. but don't let her know about guys in your life.. its none of her business now

xxxuknownxxx · Answer

cut her off she is not a true friend... she is jealous there is different between trying to sabotage you or stop you from pushing forward... cut her off find new friends... volunteer in anything... you will find people that you do not even know and they will push you forward.

FreeLunch · Answer

She's losing control over you, and can't accept that you are becoming yourself. She's jealous that guy would choose you over her.

She sounds toxic. Dump her. Choose friends that help you grow, not try to bring you down. She talked bad to you to someone else, that's just a sign she isn't looking out for you.

_IMAGIRLSOYEAH_ · Answer

She's not a real friend. Because if she was she wouldn't sabotage you. Real friends don't embarrass each other, trust me. They might play or joke around but they will never, NEVER take it to far. Friends help each other not make them look like losers.

hey_you · Answer

She is really jealous of the success you've physically and mentally. I dealt with a friend like that. She was always trying to sabotage my relationships out of jealousy. Unfortunately, I did not cut ties to her until I had found out that she slept with my boyfriend. Let her be miserable by herself. You deserve better people in your life.

AAAAAAH · Answer

She's really competitive, and she can't stand seeing you getting better at something. She probably feels somewhat attacked or intruded by your success. She is often the one who gets all the guys and so thats sort've 'her role', that might be why she keeps on foiling you. Honestly I'm quite a completive person and I would imagine doing something like that... but I won't ever be able to ruin someone's chance like that. Especially when they're a 'friend'. Stay away from her and make sure she knows you're upset with her.

KillerTaco · Answer

Girl I'd have cursed her ass OUT for that. That's the female equivalent of c*ck blocking. She's just jealous. She doesn't want to see you with a man despite the difficulties and pain you've suffered with that.

Cut her loose and don't look back. Things will only get worse. You wouldn't want her trying to steal your man later down the road. She strike me as someone who'd do it just because she doesn't like seeing others happier than her.

singlebee · Answer

she is a bitch!!! lose this bitch and tell her to fuck off... SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! she is losing the advantage she had over you... and she is feeling threatened... its good that you are coming out of your shyness and you are working out,... keep up the good work and lose her please...

parkway · Answer

She does not like you and possibly never did like you. You were only her friend because she needed someone to hang out with. She sees you leaving her and she does not want you to go. So she hates you and there is no better way to display it but in her actions of stopping you from moving forward.

Leave her in her own mess. She needs to get her own life and stop relying on your life. Dump her faster than a hot potato.

alleycat34 · Answer

The behaviour screans jealousy
When you felt you were unattractive she wanted you around because it made HER feel better. Now that you are turning this around she feels threatened by you because she's insecure about her own appeal. She's probably insecure for a good reason, as nobody likes an insecure, jealous bitch her would sabotage her friends. She's not worth your time

JohnScofield787 · Answer

she is not your friend. She is jealous of the changes you have made for yourself. Way to stand up to her! And way to take the initiative to make changes for you and your future! Well done!

I am proud of you (Even though i don't know you)! More people on GAG need to pay attention to what you did and learn from it. best wishes...

Hajar_Whitestone · Answer

Girl cut her out of your life, you are younger and you become attractive she is jealous she can't believe that you mad success on your own be strong and tell her to get lost she isn't a good friend she will just continue doing that till u become a loser

Hannah591 · Answer

That's not a friend, that's a bully. She's pretending to be your friend so you can't complain about how she treats you. She could be jealous of you, wanted the guy you were talking to or is just a vile human being. You should've told her straight that what she said was rude and uncalled for and then humiliated her in front of the guy and anyone else around for being a b****. She has some issues, you need to end this "friendship", it's not healthy.

Aud_Queen · Answer

She's 36. Your 28 young and now becoming attractive. Her times running out to find someone and she's jealous of your success.

My guess is that you boosted her confidence/ego when you were bigger and less attractive then she is. That 'help' she use to offer wqs calculated. She knew you still wouldn't have any success. But now that your getting guy she sees it as a threat and is afraid to be the only single one. She sabatoged you on purpose to 'keep you in your place'

Why would my "friend" constantly try to sabotage me?

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