PLEASE HELP: Is my boyfriend cheating or am I too paranoid?

[Anonymous]

I'm a BLONDE. Yesterday, I found a piece of long, BRUNETTE hair on my boyfriend's bed. It's definitely a girl's hair since it's very long and none of his male friends have long hair. I looked at it very closely, it's still brunette (brown + a hint of red to be exact), and none of my hair is that color. I bring it near the window where there's sunlight, it's still brunette! It's definitely not my hair! I confronted my boyfriend about it. He said "Stop it. It's definitely your hair. You're too paranoid" then he threw that hair away. Is my boyfriend cheating or am I too paranoid? It's definitely not my hair! What do I do now?

[damnwinter]

Same happened to me, I found brunette hair in the bathroom twice in the past 2 weeks and we just moved in together. I politely asked him about it, he kindly said he's not cheating and that he really doesn't know whose hair that is. Now, I sometimes shed hair and I understand how that could happen, at work, for example, it's enough to sit on a chair someone shed hair on and boom, it might as well stick to your pants and you can carry it home. I think you should only worry if you find a lot of hairs that seem to come from the same person, again and again. Otherwise, this hair thing could happen anytime, anywhere, without him cheating.

[Anonymous]

follow your instinct.
my boyfriend before was like that too. I found blonde hair strands on his car. Obviously its not mine. I asked him whose hair was that. He said its from her mother.
I have big doubt because I could feel there's something wrong and I'm not at peace but i believed him since I didn't meet his mom yet and i trust him. I ignored my instinct.
The following day i met him coincidentally at walmart and he's together with his mother. His mom has black hair and too far from blonde.
Now I don't believe him anymore.

Lesson learned: to trust my instinct more than anyone else.

[Asker]

Well my bf doesn't have a sister and his mom lives oversea so he has no one to blame on. It's crazy how it insists that was my hair when obviously the hair was nowhere near the blonde on my head.

[Opinion Owner]

Again, never ignore your instinct. If you want to give him a chance, then so be it. But I hope you'll found out sooner before you'll get your heart broken if it takes too long to know the truth. Good luck.

[lorilee81]

The real question you should ask yourself is do u trust ur man not to cheat? If u are having trouble trusting him not to cheat then maybe he isn't the guy for you. If there is no trust in a relationship then something is wrong. You will never be truly happy in your relationship if you are paranoid about him cheating whether its a feeling in your gut or finding a hair in the bed that isn't yours.

[Jrose1216]

That’s a valid questions. And I truly agree. I do trust my man… but it’s gets to the point trust just isn’t enough to make you sane. I trust my husband. I eventually believe him after a couple days pass and I had time enough just to let it go. … that doesn’t change the fact I keep finding blonde hair on him… in his car… in my lap from after I just made contact w him.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Could it have been his mom's or does he have any sisters? Does he have any female co-workers and maybe got the hair on his clothes and that's how it got in his room?

It's not good to just assume that someone is cheating based on something like that. It does seem like you're being a little paranoid in my honest opinion. That's not really strong evidence that he's doing anything wrong.

[Asker]

No he doesn't have a sister, and his mom lives oversea (he's an international student) so he does not live with his family. We're in college and we're on spring break now so no it shouldn't be his classmate.

Then why does he quickly throw that hair away?

[xHoneyxBeex]

Probably because it's just a hair, there's no need in keeping it. Lol It honestly could be anyone's. If he just goes to the grocery store it's possible for someone's hair to get on him. In my opinion, it's not a big deal.

[Asker]

I hope it's not a big deal too. I hope it's just a stranger's hair somehow accidentally got on him...

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yes, that's probably what happened. Try not to overthink this, unless you have real solid evidence of cheating, it's never good to make assumptions.

[Asker]

I always trust my boyfriend. However, lately, he started to "go out with his male friends" a lot of times, A LOT MORE than usual (we've been together for more than a year I know his routine). And when I call him, he NEVER pick up my phone or reply me when he's out. I got mad at him a lot of times but he still never pick up his phone. That's why I start to think something is wrong. And then I find this hair, that's probably why I made such a big deal out of this hair... Normally, I would just throw the hair away already.

[xHoneyxBeex]

When a guy is out with his friends, he typically won't want to deal with texts or calls to his girlfriend. That doesn't mean he's doing anything wrong, it just means he's out with his friends so that's where his attention is.

[singlebee]

I read all your comments... And i really think that he is cheating or somehow that hair came in your house and landed on your bed... is there a balcony or a open window mear the bed? Cause sometimes the hair can fly off and land on your bed?

Now i tell you what.. plant a small camera in your room and catch him... cause that's the only way you can know if he is cheating...
Other wise you can't accuse him cause you got no proof..
And you shouldn't have shown him the hair... You could have taken it for a DNA examination...

[Asker]

Wait, it was on his bed... I can't set a camera in his house because chances are he will find out...
He know he shouldn't give it to him, but I trust him so much I thought hearing from him would make me feel safe and secure again. You know he quickly throw that away...
No there's no open window near his bed...

[Dillion]

Are you in college? If so, get the hair and take it to the Criminology department. Use gloves as it could be a pube (you know the hedges don't always get trimmed). Have them do a DNA extraction and run it through the database. It should be 48 hours. In the meantime, set up surveillance and pay someone to watch your boyfriend to see if anyone comes over that is female. After you get the results and with a week of watching the answer would be in: You're batshit insane. Relax and trust unless your instincts say otherwise.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

... i think she took this seriously.

[WheresMyCreativity]

Don't start freaking out, it's weak. Instead, understand why would he cheat on you? I like my girl and I would never cheat on her. My girlfriend has no reasons to cheat on me because I don't give her any reason to do so. If he is doing it, understand that sooner or later he would already do it anyway and trying to fix him won't work. If he truly likes you, he would never do it. Keep looking for evidence and when you are absolutely sure about this, kick him in the balls and go away, unless he shows regret and willingness to not do it again (it's important to give a first chance), if it happens again, just leave the person

[carrotforscale]

Here's an interesting little factoid for you. Under stress, folks typically do not use contracted speech when lying. "It's definitely your hair. You're too paranoid," has the ring of truth. "It is definitely your hair. You are too paranoid," is probably a lie. What were his exact words?

[Asker]

"It's" I believe. But his English isn't good though, so I'm not sure if that's reliable.

[carrotforscale]

The research I saw suggested that language ability wasn't a factor. That said, I wasn't there, I don't know you or your friend, and I'm not an expert myself, but the words indicate truth here.

[PiuBelloAmante]

he could have just got a hair on him!
and than it fell on his bed or something

i think this could be evidence, if he has been acting strange on top of it, but he might not be cheating

[Asker]

A hair on him from where?

And lately, he ignored my calls a lot of time. He wasn't like this before. He claimed that his phone is on mute when I called.

[PiuBelloAmante]

hmm, the hair couldve came from a chair where a girl was sitting or something

but the phone plus the hair smells fihy, keep yourself aware from now on, or confront him about it

[Anonymous]

"Stop it. It's definitely your hair. You're too paranoid"

Few questions here. First, are those his exact words? Second, does he have a reason to call you paranoid? Have you been accusing him a lot lately?

"Shifting the blame" is a classic tactic used by abusers/cheaters. Making you feel like you're too paranoid/crazy is exactly what a cheater would do... but I don't know your entire story. Maybe you are truly paranoid? I don't know. Just have my facts in mind.

[ReinaMorena]

I totally agree

[Asker]

Yes, those are his exact words. Lately, I haven't been accusing him a lot besides one time, he was 4 hours late for our date because he has to take a female friend home because "she's too lazy to take the bus". I got really mad at him for being super late leaving me hanging in the restaurant without at least text me and tell me he'll be late. And it's ridiculous how the girl is not sick or anything she's just "too lazy" to go back to her damn home. That's why I was mad.

[Eugene]

Keep cool and put some hidden camera in your room :P

Although now it will be harder to check if he's actually cheating, since IF (I underline "IF") he's cheating, he'll be more careful now.
Well, unless he's an idiot.

[Hephaestus]

You need to stop watching csi
and the only thing that does as much damage as cheating... is accusations of cheating.

[Asker]

Then where's the hair come from?

[Hephaestus]

You
friend
dog
anywhere lol

[Asker]

Not mine, my hair is not black/brown.
Why the hell would a female friend lie on his bed?
He doesn't have a dog.
Lol.

[Hephaestus]

Could of been a friend hugged him, stuck to his clothes. he had a lay down.

You are coming off as insane and incredibly insecure o_O

[Asker]

Insane and insecure? You're coming off as very judgmental when you don't even know me.

He's a very conservative Asian, so no he will never hug a girl. He doesn't even allow me to text a male friend that's how conservative he is. You know 1 but not 10. I know him and his personality, and for a hair to get on him is from being too close with a girl is a red flag because he always told me to stand at least 2 feet when talking with a guy and he would do the same thing. I know he's very conservative but I get used to it don't judge.

[Hephaestus]

Not judging you, I'm calling you insane and insecure.
That's a fact.

look at the sheer level you are going to to try and convince yourself he has done something bad.
that is not normal
that is not sane
that is not healthy

[Asker]

I'm not convincing myself he's doing something wrong. I'm just trying to find an explanation that makes sense to me why shouldn't I be worry about this unknown thing on his bed.

[Asker]

And I don't know where you get that fact from. You may need to check your source again, definitely.

[Hephaestus]

You're literally hunting for a reason to be suspicious.

Basically, your relationship is over.
Trust is a key aspect and you just don't have it

[Hephaestus]

Where I get the fact from?
each and every one of your responses.
There ya go... source checked and yup.. still a few nuts short

[NYkid27]

It could be his friend's hair or his sister's or his mom's. Girl's hair gets everywhere so it could've just been on his clothes and fallen off when he lied down

[Asker]

He doesn't have a sister. His mom is oversea now. And why on earth would a female friend lay on his own bed in his own apartment?

[NYkid27]

I'm saying she wasn't necessarily on his bed. It gets on your clothes and could fall off anywhere. I've found my sister's hair on my bed before and obviously she wasn't lying in bed with me

[Asker]

I hope some stranger's hair accidentally fall on his clothes then it falls on his bed when he came home...

[torenex]

Ill tell you my opinion by the way you acting I don't blame him for not answering your calls but it is weird he insisted it was your hair even though it wasn't but I wouldn't worry about it

[Asker]

How was I acting?

And why would he say it's my hair when it was definitely not.

[torenex]

like a crazy bitch and I agree with u on the hair

[Anonymous]

basically u've gone 2 far in my opinion by examining her hair... but do whatever u want since he's your guy...;-)

[Asker]

Not examining her hair, but it's definitely not my hair I'm just trying to figure out if it's blonde by any chance/

[Kshppatel]

Break up now because after your suspicions it's only going to get worse for the both of you.

[Asker]

Break up is not a word for fun. If there's nothing that serious or before I definitely know something is wrong, a break up won't happen.

[Kshppatel]

No fun. I'm serious. Trust me. I stayed with a girl who I had suspicions of cheating and I didn't love her anymore a D she basically just checked out of the relationship so I'm telling you from experience. Cut your losses now. Love is an illusion. I mean your not planning to marry the guy right?

[Asker]

We are talking about marraige. I'm 24 he's 26 already.

[Kshppatel]

Well if he is cheating on you that's a big fucking deal. And if he is then you've got problems. I hope you don't stay with him if he is cheating. Because he will do it again.

[Asker]

If I find out it's really cheating, of course. But right now I'm not sure if it's cheating or not, so I don't know what to do.

[Kshppatel]

You should confront him. And ask him if he has been cheating. If he shows any signs of infidelity end it immediately and do not go back.

[Anonymous]

Yup it's time to ope your legs to his best friend or his brother. Make him pay.

[Opinion Owner]

OPEN YOUR LEGS TO... OOOPS *

[Kshppatel]

This the problem with people right here. This is why I'm never getting into a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww... good for you honey!

[torenex]

You aren't getting in a relationship because your most likely repulsive

[Anonymous]

You've got to be fucking kidding me. He should dump your psycho ass before it's late!!!

[JSmuve]

He's cheating!! Break up with him!!! Do it now while you still have some crazy in you!!! Stalk the bitch and tear at her clothes!!! Infidelity!!!

[Asker]

You have a problem.

[JSmuve]

LOL. I've got the problem? You're the one who's freaking out about a strand of hair and holding it up to the window to get it's exact pigmentation and I've got the problem. Okay lady.

[torenex]

Haha this is to funny man

[abundantlyrich]

Compare it with your hair for DNA analysis.

[Asker]

He quickly threw it away already...

[abundantlyrich]

Then don't argue anymore. You got no evidence.

[ComDom]

You need more evidence. That isn't conclusive.

[Asker]

How do I get more evidence though?

[ComDom]

@asker First off if you don't trust him like this why be with him at all?

[_Zara_]

It could be one of his family members hairs?

[Asker]

He doesn't have a sister. His mom lives oversea (he's an international student), and the bed is in his own apartment.

[_Zara_]

What about a flatmate? It could have just been left there the last time it was washed

[Asker]

Although it's rare, I definitely hope it is.

[_Zara_]

Honestly its not a big deal...

[Asker]

OK, but if I see this same exact hair again I'm gonna explode... :/

[BobbyBrown23]

No, you're just being a crazy bitch.

[Asker]

And you're a rude @$$hole.

[Neuromancer22689]

Probably cheating.

[Asker]

That was the first thing came through my mind too...
How sure is it?

[Neuromancer22689]

I can't know for sure, but I don't blame you for being suspicious. I hope he isn't because you sound like a total sweetheart.

[Asker]

Thank you. I really hope he isn't too..

[Neuromancer22689]

Let me know what happens.