Why do men ignore you when they are hurt?

i am married with 4 kids. We have been together for 25 yrs., and my husband says he loves me but he always wants to change me. Things will be ok, then he will get upset and sleep downstairs. He ignores me for weeks, then will say nothing to me, come upstairs and act like nothing has happened. He says he is miserable, but does not want a divorce. He says he loves me, and promises to stay with me. I am miserable, but I stay because it will kill him if I left. I don't know what to do, I need Help! Why does he act this way?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not that men ignore others when their hurt (some guys get way more aggressive too, which could be worse), it that he does not want to continue arguing with anybody. I don't know the full details of what you both argue about (and its not my business), but many times it is what we guys call "nagging". He might be tired of you telling him what to do, why he this and that, throwing around some insults here and there about him etc. It could be also that he is depressed and wants somebody to at least comfort him and LISTEN to him instead of hearing criticism every time he opens his mouth. When I mean LISTEN... it means that he comes to you, sits down and talks to you. You cannot force him, as he has to initiate the conversation. When (if) he does tell you some stuff, do NOT get angry, and comfort him. When he is finished, do NOT force him to make decisions, let him take his time, and when he does figure out what to do, you should try to help him achieve his goals.

    Speaking from watching my mom and dad, I see them arguing a lot too and that is my basis for my response, but there is sure as hell no "divorce talk". Divorce will just cause problems mostly for the kids (no mater how old they are) and that is horrible.

    I hope that helps somewhat.

    • Report

      Thank you Jtmatt you have some great insight. we are not talking divorce, he wants to stay married as I do. I don't nag him, I guess I do not listen as he would like. he is depressed, and feels like I do not listen to him, or I guess comfort him as he would like. I don't know what, or how to accomplish this. I love him with all my heart, and I want to see him happy. he is the love of my life, but he shuts down and until ready will not talk to me. he secludes himself, I just wait patiently.