How to play hard to get or keep a guy interested after hooking up?

Question

I'm really interested in this guy and I know he is trying to keep it casual.

We previously had a college class together and we got along very well. It wasn't anything until he invited me out, and we ended up kissing. He said that he found me very attractive. I started getting this connection towards him from talking to him in class almost every other day.

We hardly ever talked this semester though, and I took the initiative to text him last week and ask if he was free to hangout. I went over and we had a nice conversation about how our semester has been going. We ended up kissing and almost having sex, and then we cuddled. he told me to drive safe and to text him once i got home but he didn't reply.

I'm okay with keeping things casual and taking things really slow, but he doesn't even casually text me once in awhile or even invite me to go out. Initially I was hoping this would lead to something more emotional, but it seems as if he only wants to hook up.

I'm not trying to play this twisted mind games, but I don't want to come off to eager anymore. How do i keep him interested?

dangerDoge · Accepted Answer

I think that ultimately, playing hard to get wouldn’t have an effect on him, as that 1.) has limited success I’d argue in the first place and 2.) would be more applicable to a guy that’s already interested in a full on relationship. From what it sounds like, he has already sort of zoned you into a casual relationship.

The basis of “playing hard to get” is to be distant from the guy to make him initiate things or take charge. Doing so will have an opposite effect here though: you both will just be without contact and likely fade away. Since he has limited emotional pull towards you at the moment, he has similarly limited reason to initiate anything. Furthermore, you’d be stuck with the stress or hassle of trying to actively play hard to get instead of “being yourself” or such.

Now, if it was just a case of simply not knowing you well enough, that’d be one thing. However, I fear the reasons are likely more deeply rooted into his philosophy/style/how he decided to live his life for the moment. I found in college that a lot of people aren’t always so eager for anything too serious. Between classes and feeling weary of being tied down to anything, a good percentage of people are really in it to hookup only (aka “hookup culture”). That’s why it can be hard finding anything too quality in my opinion.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hookup_culture

Can love be found in unexpected places? Yes, of course. However, if I were you, I would not spend my time betting on a small chance. In a way, he could be actively trying not to feel any deep connection, which means you’re fighting against the tide. If you were absolutely sure he was potentially “the one,” that’s one thing, but given you haven’t been able to get to know him too deeply, I would advise you to move on. The relationship has already been defined as well as something casual, so it’d be even harder to convert it.

PlacentaSalad · Accepted Answer

I don't really think there is much you can do from what you might have already tried. If a guy isn't interested in a sort of relationship with you, then he's probably not going to be convinced, and playing hard to get is just going to make him get his casual romance from somebody else who is much easier. Even if he likes the chase, it's just going to be the game of conquering you since you were being distant and challenging. He still won't consider you as a girlfriend by playing hard to get if that isn't what he wants.

A guy who would want a relationship with you would not need to be convinced or kept interested; so you wouldn't need to try so hard. There's just something about you or something about him that is preventing him from focusing his attention on you. Perhaps he is prioritizing college as being more important than relationships but will still take time out of his schedule to get laid. That's what most people in college seem to be doing. Love and commitment comes later.

You just need to let him know of your intentions and of your interests. Get the honest answer from him, and if you don't like it, then move on and find somebody else. Or continue to be his casual partner, texting him whenever you want the sex, in hopes that he might fall for you later on, but don't get your hopes up like so many girls do. If your picture is real, it shouldn't be too hard to attract other guys.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If he doesn't want you as you are, why play silly games? If you somehow manage to get him interested by playing games, what kind of relationship develops from that foundation?

PrincessGrail · Answer

Turn him down the next time he asks to hook up. Unless he’s drop dead gorgeous and has a whole string of girls waiting to hook up with him, he’ll put a little effort into chasing you. Still won’t make him like you for real though.

Logorithim · Answer

Dont hook up on the first place, but if that train has left the station, just try to invite him on spme interesting dates.

Pinay_ako · Answer

you can't keep him interested if he is not fully interested to begin with. playing hard to get will just drive him away further.

Anonymous · Answer

Like many guys on here are saying, he may not be worth it. Many guys these days freak at the idea of going out because it's a money losing risk, but to just text you a bit isn't difficult and if he can't even do that, you may as well try to teleport through a brick wall to be with him "emotionally." I don't know, but it seems to me you may just be fuck buddy #23 to him. There could be 22+ others younger and with better skill he's considering for something more or more likely, to have fun with. It'd take quite a bit of effort on your part to push him to strive for more with you when there is always somebody younger and better out there, so you need to think twice about what you want. Being just a fuck buddy for a while COULD lead to something more, or it could just be that it's your body that is special to him while your personality means nothing. Hard to say, so i'd encourage some real open minded theorizing, psycho analyzing and even advice from some closer guy friends or even his own guy friends if you can. You can get close to figuring it out, but the possibility always remains for you to be dead wrong, miscalculate, and make grave irreversible mistakes.

mattdzz · Answer

You're asking how you can keep him interested in hooking up with you? If you make yourself available then he'll be more than willing to have sex until he gets a girlfriend, but nothing more than that.
It's clear to me, and should be to you, that he isn't interested in you, doesn't like you, and doesn't necessarily find you interesting enough to do anything more than have surface level (e. g. about your semester) interactions with you.
You're clearly not playing hard to get, and he's not interested in playing that game, otherwise he'd text you.

Alkamens · Answer

Playing hard to get is a "strategy" every woman should do sweetheart! It's the nature of men to "hunt" therefore enjoy the "prize". When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement if you know what I mean.
The next time you start to feel impatient, remind yourself that everyone moves at different speeds when it comes to dating. Maybe he’s shy. Or busy. That doesn’t mean he’s not interested.
Busy yourself in other areas of your life, and when he’s ready, he’ll come around believe me. Especially if he realizes you’re not giving him all your attention. Also, Don’t Give It Up Right Away…Wait to Have Sex!
Good Luck...

SnapTsch · Answer

I guess what you are trying to achieve is to is to try to get him to want you by playing hard to get, what you are failing to realize that him wanting or liking you is the basic necessity for playing that game.
But to speak the truth even if the twisted game works, he is more likely to end up wanting you physically than romantically.
So stay away from the game.
Also its much better to be with someone who likes you back as much as you like them, and when you find such a person, games will only drive them further away.

Loadedgamer · Answer

Playing hard to get won’t get you anywhere.

Here are the reasons why acting like you have no interest in someone is pointless. First if you’re saying “no” to him he will think you have no interest in him. Second if you start using hand signals to signal him off. Then he will think to find another women. Third he will start to date another women; while you start finding loopholes to try to get signals.

Finally you just stated your problem and it’s called “hookup.” That is a loophole for sex and not dating, so of course he won’t care about your personality. I would suggest try talking too him like normal person. On the contrary you’re to naive to understand social skills.

Finchie40 · Answer

It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants but i can say it's definetly not a relationship cuz if he was really into you he would be texting and calling and keeping you part of his life no matter what so to me this guy just sounds like he wants a casual hook up and He is probably seeing other. girls as well considering he. isn't giving. you a lot of. effort , so you have to ask yourself if. you really want to be with someone like this? you aren't a priority to him which is a bad. sign , you are just a convienence to him. Someone shouldn't have to make excuses for them to like. you , You deserve better then that ypu are a very pretty girl dont settle for someone that doesn't want you by their side as much as possible

PsychoKiller · Answer

Try asking him out once. If he agrees and you two have a nice time, he might call you first next time. If not, then you at least know where you stand.

Society leads you to believe that men always take the initiative and know when to do it, but in reality a lot of guys are just as, if not more, clueless about this stuff than girls. When I was younger there was a girl I liked more than anything in the world, but I also rarely texted her, and never asked her out. I just didn't want to bother her, didn't want to seem needy and I didn't know how much did she like me, if at all.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Playing hard to get doesn't work. Being hard to get works. Playing is a mind game and means you are low quality woman. Being hard to get is a sign of a high quality woman. Hard to get also doesn't mean not communicating, it means not spreading your legs quickly or easily for anyone.

Like if a slutty girl tries to go slow with me i view it as disrespectful. You sleep with everyone on the first date and not me? Fuck off. But on the other hand if you sleep with everyone I don't want you anyways.

If a girl is a legit challenge like every girl i ever been in a relationship i will actually chase and desire her BUT she won't ghost me or act rude, she will be respectful and encouraging.

Nobody even understands what hard to get is anymore because y'all think it can't have anything to do with sex since everyone is hooking up these days. Its 100% about sex.

Porcelaine · Answer

He tried to get you into bed, didn't work, now he is not interested. you are right he only wants to hook up, you cannot change his mind by showing more interest or less interest. he might get curious where did you disappear when you show no interest anymore, some guys are like that, they want the girl who isn't interested because in their mind they think she will not pressure him for a relationship or that she has better things to do or other guys taking up her time.

Paris13 · Answer

Play Hard to Get... Stop Enabling just a Quick Kiss and then He Makes you Amiss. This is what He wants because you Make it too Easy on him.
Be this Chase and Challenge. He may not Want A Real Relationship but at least he May One Day ask you out as a Date and Maybe a Mate too, One Day. xx

JoMatthew · Answer

just don't. guys hate that. And he might even try hard but just to convince himself that he can get u and after that total ignorance.
He seems not that interested and he won't just be by you playing hard. It's your call to keep it casual or just find a guy who is really interested in u.

Buckzor · Answer

Depends, if he's only looking for casual relationships/sex or whatever, then next to impossible i'd say. Definitely wouldn't play hard, that'll push him away more.
You should communicate and tell him what your intentions & feelings are, you both should so you both know what the fuck's going on

lightbulb27 · Answer

How the heck is he not interested in you with that pic? You are quality girl. Bottom line, he's just not interested enough to date you or maybe anyone and he's probably the type that can get the girls coming to him, so why would he commit to someone?

My vote is move on and find a real boyfriend. Be you, be the best you that you can be. someone else said it... be open about what you are looking for and need, listen, and likely move on.

djmzes · Answer

Simple A banana tree gives banana not apple no matter you gonna do. It will always give banana.

Katerina_Belle · Answer

You can’t really play hard to get if he’s already had you.

That being said though he hasn’t actually slept with you so the best thing to do is be that person he can’t have. He thinks he can come to you and go as he wishes, you’re easily accessible to him, you need to change that. Let him see that you need his attention and can say no.

PeterB1517 · Answer

I suspect you did things to make it seem like you weren't interested or don't like him.

He likely is interested, a d you acted like a bitch and he figured he blew it. Acting more like a bitch ain't gonna make him come on stronger despite "the Rules".

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