People say that I'm too "sweet/nice"? Should I change?

[PurpleTeardrops]

My family and friends call me a "genuinely, sweet" person, yet it'll hurt me later on in life.

My friends say that I can't be "nice" or people will look down on me, yet I don't really mind that. I can't please everyone.

Whenever my friends and I are out and see a pretty person, I'm quick to compliment the person, while my friends just look away and roll their eyes.

Even when some people are mean to me, I don't wish any ill on them, I mostly want to understand why they treat me like that, than get back.

I can be assertive when need be, but will being "sweet" but not a pushover be a disadvantage?

Should I be more of a "bitch"?

[hellionthesage]

No, because at the end of the day what matters is how you treat people. Every action you take will be your legacy, you don't want that legacy being that of selfishness and cruelty. Just because its not fashionable right now doesn't mean that the world doesn't need good people. Your actions can inspire others to do right, and hopefully, even if it isn't readily apparent, make a change for the better. The devil (figuratively speaking) is the wisper in your ear that tells you to place yourself above others. Its the thing that pushes you to forsake others for your own interests. This is also what destroyes civilizations and empires, dramatic I know but it is true. The greater the desire for wealth, power, or lust, the greater the decay. There is a reason the roman empire fell when it was at its most decadent or why poor countries are ruled by the wealthy. The only thing that holds people together is altruism and kindness, the ability to just be a decent human being and to earnestly care about the well being of others even if its something as trivial as a kind word. So, no don't change the world may not understand it or even appreciate it but it does need it.

"The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual - for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost."

M. Scott Peck

[knight1986]

Wow, i think the world needs more amazing people like you. Being sweet and nice are such admirable qualities to have. Yes i do agree that you must also be street smart as well. Don't judge yourself on what other people think of you. Just be YOU. Being able to compliment someone shows real strength of character.

"Even when some people are mean to me, I don't wish any ill on them", please stay this way, you are unique, you really are. Also whats the point in getting angry with those people who do that to you, the anger will only hurt you, no one else. Look, there will be times when you can be sweet and times when you need to stand for your values and views.

"Should I be more of a "bitch"?" - Peronally my view, i say no. But you should be whoever you want to.

That sweetness and kindness you have really are beautiful qualities to have, don't let go of them...:)

[knight1986]

Thanks :) and i think being sweet and kind are awesome qualities

[glockenspiel]

i think your family and friends are expressing their concern that you might get hurt, rather than wishing that you'd change. I don't think being nice to people is going to disadvantage you as long as you're not a doormat. In my experience, it builds good relationships with people - some will try to take advantage of your good nature, of course, but I think there are always the people who remember what you did for them and will go out of their way to pay you back. It's kinda important when sometimes who you know is more important than what you know. Having people praise your character can make the difference as to whether or not you get a promotion, scholarship etc that you want.

[SailorGenevieve]

I can see how you feel, cause most of the time that's what I'm like!
My friends are always bugging me about it, but in my opinion you'll get further in life and people will probably like you more if you're a nice person.
If you act like a bitch, that's how people will begin so see you (even though your friends might like it better for reasons unknown to me) but if you're sweet to people, they'll be more likely to treat you nicer in return, and want to be friends with you.
I don't know if this is right or whatever, but that's just my opinion.
Hope it helps a little!

[everyoneloves]

Honestly I'd stay nice just work out who's worthy of your kindness I have ended up worst of from being too kind some people take it for granted and will end up actually making you feel un worthy and no good you do have to be carefull, I've learnt that the hard way u don't have to be a bitch but do be selective of who your kind too or honestly you will end up a bitch from hating the people uve helped and then you will miss your kind old self and the world needs more kindness try joining an animal shelter or something and that way you'll be forever apretiated x

[AvaMarina]

Some people might look down on you, some people might take advantage, but I've found that overall, people respond to kindness with kindness. I've been told I come across as a genuinely sweet person as well (I'd like to hope I am, haha), and in my opinion, it's brought me more fortune than misfortune. You'll seem more trustworthy and likable, and that's definitely not a bad thing. :)

And the fact that you're assertive when you need to be is perfect. So don't worry, just keep being who you are!

[Coffinspire]

You sound like a lovely young lady and very comfortable with it as well. Don't be bitchy like your friends, it's not your fault they have a stick up their ass or are insecure, and it doesn't mean you are a pansy because you don't want to argue. You aren't an angry person, so why act like it?

I wish more people were like you.

[Deezyy]

People usually take kindness for weakness but you combat this by standing up for yourself when the time comes as well as setting appropriate boundaries. I have been told I'm "too nice/naive" but the truth is that there's two sides to me and I prefer being a kind person than a cold bitch. I'm polite and proper but I also put my foot down. I get respect from my colleages, strangers and classmates this way. It's just being an adult. Don't let anyone take that from you that's your gift and most likely they're a bit envious of your shine. Never change!

[billy_young]

Absolutely not!

If you are sweet then 100% definitely stay that way. Especially if you're happy being like that.

Sure, sometimes people will roll their eyes at you, sometimes people will think you're weak, sometimes people will take advantage of you. But also, people will often want to be your friend, people will often go out of their way to be kind to you in return, people will often let you get away with things. There are many advantages to being sweet, but the most important thing is do what makes you feel truly happy. Don't do what gets you the most friends at your current stage in life, do what feels right and natural to you, and you will gradually surround yourself by people who think, feel and act the same way and who will make you feel good about being sweet.

Stay sweet :)

[serious]

Yes, a little bit of change will surely help. In today's world just being a sweet and a nice person (100%) will not help you in the long run, of course not everyone will take advantage of you but there will be people who will use your nature to hurt you or take advantage of you in any way they can. Of course, there will be people who will like you.

Hence what you can do is bring in smartness, in your nature, be a little assertive and mentally tough if you aren't already when required stand up for yourself, defend yourself when required no matter who may be in front of you, even if they are your parents. However don't change your basic nature (being sweet) completely just induce smartness, assertiveness and mental toughness in your nature. This combined with your sweetness will be an excellent combination, however, you must know how to control these things. If you can do that then there is nothing like it.

[genuinlysensitive]

No one should EVER aspire to be a bitch, or more of a bitch. like you I have been called a pushover etc. When I was younger I tried to be more of a bitch. It didn't work out. I found it hard to live with myself, and found that it took a lot of energy to be mad all the time, which is basically what they mean by dont be a pushover. Be mad and assume everyone is out to get you so you need to strike first.

It is not only untrue but a very exausting way to live. Be happy, but be smart about who you are friends with and interact with, and you will be fine!

[HandsomeRaj]

1. If you change everytime a majority says that you need to then you'll probably lose identity :)
2. Also that it may well be the story of the father, son & donkey (assuming you don't now the story here - https://www.bartleby.com/17/1/62.html)
3. Everyone has their own identity being made so by nature and they should work towards strengthening it
4. The world as we know is devoid of good people, if nature has granted you be one, better learn to improvise it
5. What hurts is our own expectation, not being good :)
6. Be good but be practical and learn to say a no when required and warranted which is very important
7. Never try to be what you are not, it'll only come up as (pardon the parlance) a crow with peacock feathers :)

Good luck and think before you act :)

[Voice]

Stay that way'and maybe you will find some real friends when your older. I've had the same problem.. and let me tell you something the friends you have now are here now so you can reflect on the difference between you and them. In time you will be surrounded by good healthy harmonious people that will up lift you not vampires that are feeding off your energy. And as far as being too nice well that's true also' be very careful of people that are existing to ruin the core root essence of life... this is REALLY HAPPENING.

[muspelhem_5]

Have struggled with this myself (the nice guy stuff).

It really got on my nerves that people would always tell me I was too nice and how to behave, and inside I was thinking "fuck off and stop telling me how to live my life".

But I guess that is a good illustration of the potential problem: if you're not being real towards others.

I believe that honesty is one of the most basic social skills, because when you think about it, how much better would humanity function if there was perfect communication between all?

If you communicate poorly, you not only waste your own potential, but you also confuse others and might even let them down.

[snowangle]

You're just a beautiful cinnamon roll who is too good for this world, too pure. :)

I can understand why some people would tell you these things, but it's my opinion that being kind in a cruel world shows strength rather than weakness. Keep doing what you're doing, the world needs more kind people.

[Raging7x]

The way you are reminds me of Kurt Cobain, well there are a lot of ways a person like him can be defined but one most admirable aspect of his persona was being simple and not mean to anyone. Like he once said that why just people can't love each other and be satisfied and happy about themselves and the others. But u can't prove him or urself wrong but its just not the way the world works, u gotta be selective with the persons you show your true (being sweet) side or else u may get hurt real bad.
But hope for the best prepare for the worst. ;)

[Featherlove]

I have been told this my entire life as well, I let things go and i am very sweet and kind to everyone. Don't lose your identity, it is the kind hearted people who are far and in-between and although we sometimes get the short end of the stick, we impact peoples lives in a way we don't realize sometimes more often than not. It's kind of being like a light in darkness, embrace it, and there will be those who appreciate you.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

The world does need more people like you but you need to learn how to be a bitch so you can use that skill if someone tries you. Really nice people get walked over a lot so learn to reign that in if you sense someone is trying to take advantage of you or isn't a nice person.

[Darkfairie17]

No, how you are treating people is fine. It's those people who are the problem. I have the same problem as you. People tell me I am so nice and sweet, yet I get treated like garbage. You just have to learn to stand up for yourself and not let people treat you badly. If they start to, put a stop to that. Walk away and keep them out of your life, you don't need that kind of treatment.

[ConfusedShyGirl]

I am the same I see the best in people and always want to help and be there for someone and always trys please people cause I am just like that.. a part of me thinks "maybe I should be a bit meaner and people will respect me or something" but then the other part of me is like "maybe some day I will meet someone who really appreciates my kindess and will love me for it" so I am always so torn but I think I will just stay being me, I don't wanna change who I am

[matheus_mb]

This is you, don't try to change who you are. Every kind of personality has its advantages and disadvantages. You're probably a nice person to be with and a good friend, don't change yourself because people tell you to do so, principally when you're doing nothing wrong.

[SirenDep]

It's a good thing you are inherently inclined to see the good in others. You naturally have something that many people strive to attain. I am kinda like you, except for when people are trying to tell me want to do. I don't like that most people are so judgmental and suspicious of everyone.

[Mesonfielde]

They are telling you that because some evil people will attempt to take advantage of your kindness. Being nice/sweet is not a problem, only if you are also naive and not wary of anyone, even if they're not trustworthy whatsoever.

[MrGRIMM]

I know exactly what you mean. I am a sweet person but I also have my bitch side and I don't put up with anyone's shit. When I have to I will be a bitch and other times I am as sweet as can be. It is all about finding the balance between the two. I honestly do not believe that his is a disadvantage but instead it is something that makes you a stronger and better person. ~ Mrs. Grimm

[longjohndan]

As long as you are not letting people take advantage of you it doesn't really matter. If you feel like giving someone a compliment then go ahead and give it and fuck off to anyone that thinks you have to be mean. That being said, false compliments and discussion to get in someone's good graces comes off as false and weak. Don't go there.

[Jade4]

This is silly (not you). Growing up everyone liked the tough girls but a few years on, in the adult world, I'm constantly being told I'm a really nice person and not put down for being nice. (Very weird, I always have a private laugh, I can't help the way I am and I find it funny that as an adult people see different qualities. ) at the end if the day you have to live with who you are, I'd rather be nice than feel bad about myself.

[x_Pretty_x]

To me that honestly shows confidence. Instead of getting back at someone that hurt you, but to understand them and their situation as to why they did what they did to you. It is a very rare quality to be that way. I don't think you need to change at all. Especially if your not a pushover. :)