How can I stop being "too nice" for girls?

Question

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that I'm "too nice" by girls, and been rejected by them. And it's typically for tiny little things. Stuff like asking them what they'd like to do on a date and when would be convenient for them, like asking them if they're alright if they've fallen over and hurt themselves, like offering small gifts on special occasions like Christmas or their birthdays, like offering emotional support, and making an effort with their families.

All of these things and more, literally anything that I've ever done for any love interest which offered any indication that I cared the slightest bit about her or about anything that she had to say, has been cited by that girl as me being "too nice", and used to justify rejecting me and breaking up with me. So why is that? Why does it seem to be an instant turn-off for any girl whenever she realizes that a guy genuinely cares about her as a person?

Why does it seem like I'd have to become a total jerk, an asshole and a womanizing player for any girl to remain attracted to me, and to acknowledge me as a "real man" with all of the others? And is there any other way to get these girls to stop universally rejecting me and emasculating me for being "too nice"?

Dim_121 · Accepted Answer

The best answer that I have for you from my experiences with this is that they want a guy that is nice. Not a nice guy. They want a guy who is confident, assertive, and a leader. She does not want you to be so "soft". She wants to be lead around, she wants you to grab her hand and hold it. When she is out with a guy she does not want to be asked where would you like to go. Instead suggest a few places that you like and let her choose that way. Always choose the first date at least. It might be something that she likes or it might be some place that you like. They see you being kind to them as a bad thing when you do it. They want you to choose where to go and what to do. When she does not want to do something or go some where she will let you know.
You also need an air of respect for yourself, is she worth your time? a lot of people say that you need to change this or that but all you really need to do is have the right mindset and remember that until your in a relationship you need to make yourself happy over her. Remember that she has to also win you over. When you put them before you they loose "the chase" or there just does not seem like there is an challenge with you. They think well great he likes me and will do anything for me- na to easy I don't want a soft guy like that.
For a guy imagine a girl that is happy with what ever you do and will quickly do what you want to do. She would seem like a puppy. Well we look like a puppy to women also when we are to kind. We need to seem like a dog. Not an alpha but a grown dog/man. They want to FIND an asserive, confident, leader of a man that wants them. I know that sounds sexist but when you take away the rest of the jerk, asshole, player stuff your left with those qualities that women love. I bolded Find because women also love going after the guy. She has to feel like she did something to win you over. When your to kind they just don't feel that. They feel smothered by the kindness.
My close freind did litterer EVERYthing for his girlfreind when he was with her. Being his close freind and not knowing his girl freind. I hung out with them and soon became close freinds even with her. One day I was teasing her that she never even opened her own door or carried even a small box. She agreed that he never let her do ANYTHING. Simply he was being to much of a gentleman. So when he came back I teased him and her, but mostly him about him not letting her do anything. We all had some laughs and at the end

Prof_Don · Accepted Answer

Niceness is good! The key is to make sure a woman has earned your kindness.

Too many dudes like you are nice to a girl... just because she's a girl and you like her.

Most women see the act as exactly what it is; sucking up, not genuine, fake.

Secondly, most women like to be driven in the courtship. Don't ask her what she wants to do, MAKE A PLAN and execute it. Pick her up, and go to this theater, or this smoothie shop, or this restaurant. Take her out, as in YOU COMMAND THE SHIP!

Don't give gifts to girls who aren't your girlfriend. If she hasn't given u any courtship, or any sex, or even a kiss... she deserves no gifts.

BTeal · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you're a lovely guy - and that those girls were missing out!!

I don't think you should stop being a "nice guy", because there are sooo many women that are looking for those qualities in a partner, that you just haven't yet met (But trust me, they do exist!!).
Because of the misconception that ALL women like a bad boy sort of thing, has caused the nice guys to hide away/ change how they are.

I feel that different people look for different things in a relationship, and the fact that you are a "nice guy" indicates to the women that are searching for just that, that you are the kind of guy that will be a great friend as well as the physical attraction, which from what I've seen in long term relationships/ marriage is ALWAYS what lasts!!

My Dad is the prime example of a "nice Guy" who ended up marrying my Mum, because he was himself. They've been married just over 30 years now, and started off as best friends as well as Boyfriend and Girlfriend, since their mid-to-late teens. Any time I've asked my Mum how she knew he was the one, she has always pointed out that he was her best friend as well as her boyfriend.

From what I've heard from many women around me, especially those who kept going for a 'bad boy', have said that when they matured a bit more, they realised what they were looking for in their life-long partner, and it was a nice guy!

Being nice is everything - if someone were nasty/ controlling towards me, I wouldn't give them another second out of my day. The same goes when a guy is trying to impress me that way. I like being nice to everyone I meet, and it's nice when someone shares similar values. Nice isn't boring. Nice isn't bad - You just need to find the right girls that appreciate you for who you are!!

Good luck!!

FoxxyFanta · Accepted Answer

No girl will leave you because you care about her, girls like myself, love that. What seperates it to be unattractive is when you over-dose on a certain things or show some sort of unsure vibe/asking her to make most decisions.
Amost every girl loves a confident guy, so when you aren't very straight up with things, it makes her want to distance herself away from you. For example; When it comes to dating, asking her where she wants to eat, what time is best for her, its kind of a turn off and I will tell you why. When you are relying on her for all the choices, its much less attractive than if you were to decide the place and time. Girls like a guy who likes to take control of most things, and most importantly who is confident about his decisions. So when you are iffy about something and always relying on your partner for her opinion and what not, she feels like you are insecure. Boost your ego a bit and dont think twice about things. You'll see the difference in responce.
BTW: Do NOT be an asshole though. Girls like nice guys too, just not TOO nice. But dont mix that up with being a complete douche, you'll get a lot of shit talk behind you back for that.

acka72 · Accepted Answer

read your question several times. Think about the number of times you've been nice to a girl because you think she is pretty or you are sexually attracted to her. Think about the fact that pretty girls get hit on by guys just like you all the time because she is pretty and think about all the ugly fat girls who you do not waste a rose on. Pretty girls know that you are nice to them because you want something from them. So if you want to get anywhere with a woman you and other men find attractive, you have to be more creative and intelligent. No roses, no poems, no expensive restaurants, no emotional Support until she shows genuine interest for sex and a relationship with you. Tell her your real thoughts and opinions about politics, religion and if you have a chance to show her that you are smarter by all means take the opportunity. Treat her the same way you'd Treat any person you dont know yet and be yourself. Uf yourself is an asshole then be one, if not be the nice dude that you are but dont act like a slut giving away all the goodies before the woman is sexually and emotionally interested in you.

Relentless_Hippie · Accepted Answer

When a girl says you're too nice you tell her she's too stupid and turn that break around and you break up with her. My boyfriend is the sweetest most amazing man in the world and I wouldn't trade him for anything. Find a girl with some sense in her head and not an idiot who wants a man to play games and break their hearts on repeat because they want their lives to be a living drama.

AdamThomas · Answer

She might see you as "too nice" for many reasons.

The trouble with "nice guys" is that they try too hard to please people, and it comes across as weak, whether or not you believe it is. It can also come across as you not knowing your own mind, being indecisive, being afraid to ask for what you want - again, all unattractive "weak" qualities.

You say you try to help out with family, offer emotional support, send gifts - are you already dating these girls? And for how long? If not, perhaps you try too hard too early. Women say they want a challenge - they want to win you over. If right away you're trying so hard to act like a perfect boyfriend and do everything you can to please them it sets off red flags. Men don't want easy women who'll just go for any guy right? Well the same goes here, and that's what all of these things signal to a girl whether consciously or subconsciously.

The solution is to become more decisive. When it comes to setting a date for example take the lead. Figure out what she likes, find out what time she's available, choose a place. Don't do the whole "what do you wanna do?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" "I dunno, that's why I'm asking you, what do you wanna do?" thing. Just choose a place.

Don't fall for a girl too quick. At first she might seem perfect, and if you really believe that you'll do everything you can to try to impress her. But realise that you don't really know her yet. She probably has flaws that haven't shown themselves yet because it's early, and she's on her best behaviour. She isn't perfect at all, and eventually she might turn out to be an absolute cunt. You have no idea. Make it a two way thing, she's seeing if she likes you and you're seeing if you like her, rather than it being a case of you trying to impress her and win her over. All the really romantic stuff, the emotional support, the effort with her family, save that til a later time when you know her a lot better.

That's all assuming these are new girls. If these are girls you're already dating, perhaps you're boring them (no offense). Try to bring more excitement to the relationship, especially in the bedroom.

Hope that helps.

InDetail · Answer

Listen in order to deepen a relationship women want to see other sides of you, when she says you're being too nice she means yo're being too formal with her it's as if every date is the first date where it's similar to an interview (which CAN be romantic) but at a certain point you have to say what you feel in a calm matter so they don't think down on you, but just have a personality... I'm sad tos ay the dating game is full of little games that aren't worth it in my opinion (Like sometimes you'll pokefun at her (when you know her) just to get her thinking about you even though it pains you to do so (it's manipulative but if everything is always good and relaxing it gets boring no matter how much they deny this for the sake of not looking shallow it's true) a good friendship is worth way more than a relationship so if you can find someone who'll listen talk about more deep topics with them, they'll know you're sincere and that you don't mean any harm and that'll open them up to talking more with you about deeper conversations that 's on thier mind. But if you really want a chick you have to be a bit more sexual or deep in your conversations (it's easier to be more sexual with a lot of women it's hard to find ones that really crave deep conversation) so don't be afraid to joke about her kinks or heck be as cheesy as possible with your replies and tell her you only do it because you love to see her blush (if she is) this is the smartness people are talking about down below you have to be witty and quick in order to charm a girl (you'll find what she sees as being treated as a normal person is different from what you think treating her as a normal person is (let the urge to make her happy and coddle her push you forward to actually getting her then gradually you can show her how much of a gentleman you are (as I said it's very much a game when it comes to dating, how long can you keep your hand concealed in a group full of cheaters as soon as the game starts so you don't have to quit (lose her) early.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever heard that women are more attracted to danger, whereas they say they want a "nice guy"? I tested this a few times, as I'm a "nice guy". Essentially, all I did was act like an overly confident asshole. Guess what. I had her eating out of my hand. (She was already talking to some other guy, but when I talked down to her "for science" she literally asked me "Okay what do you want me to do?" in a very submissive way. (Although I was testing on a girl I didn't even like, so I let that go.) Side note: a few years later, I apologized to her and told her what the point of that was. She forgave me.

This (as well as other similar tests using the same principles but using different variations) taught me that what was appealing about my behavior was my ability to TAKE CONTROL. Assholes just have this principle down quite well, albeit they go about it the wrong way in this overly aggressive and abusive manner.

You can show a woman that you are in control without being a dick or abusing her. The proper way is by not asking her so many questions so that she has to make a decision (Woman are bad at making decisions when it involves men, for example the classic choosing where to go out to eat. Which is a nightmare.) Instead, make decisions for her. Don't ask for permission to do something for her. Simply do it because you want to. Be firm and clear, but not inconsiderate. The point is to show her who's in charge, but to also show her that she is important to you and that you value her at the same time.

You can take control of any situation by having complete control of yourself. Not worry about what others think of you or attempting to be extremely considerate about everything. Simply taking action is all you need to do. Women like men who are going somewhere in life and don't always need answers. Women want men who make them feel as if they have the answers. You can't do that if you're playing the part of a person who's so good to them that they don't feel like they deserve you.

Instead of "May I take you out friday?" Try "I'm picking you up Friday, you should wear something nice."
Instead of "being there for her" to show her you care, Make sure she's there for you first. We guys always feel like the woman can leave at any moment, which leads us to go the extra mile, but that's a two way street. See how much she's willing to do for you and let her know up front, "I need to know you care for me before I decide to carry on with you".

Stuff like that.

cth96190 · Answer

Go to YouTube and listen to a range of the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) videos that have been posted by various content creators.
Some of these videos deal with topics such as 'nice guys finish last', or why women want the bad boys and/or players.
You will hear the thoughts of different people, on the same topic, so you will receive a variety of perspectives.
Accept or reject as you wish. :-)
I will tell you what worked for me.
Until I was about 30 I could almost not get a date. Aside from more outright rejections than I cared to count, there were many young women who said that I was 'too nice', or 'saw me as a friend'. Some were honest enough to say that I was 'too boring' and/or not exciting enough for them.
What they considered to be not boring and exciting was a bad boy who treated them like crap, or a nightclub Romeo who screwed a different girl every night. Young women thrive on the emotional rollercoaster of a psychologically (and sometimes physically) abusive relationship. They get to live in their own personal soap opera.
At age 30 I looked back on a data set of 15 years of rejections and came to the evidence-based conclusion that whatever it was that women (as a collective) wanted it was not me.
Okay. That was nobody's fault. That was just how things were. I realised that I was wasting my time, so I took a decision to walk away. I stopped looking at women, speaking with women, or asking women on dates. I even began to avoid interacting with women as much as that was possible, because, to be frank, it hurt too much.
Not long after I took that decision, I found that women began to show interest in me in ways that would have been unthinkable a couple of years earlier.
From my early 30s to the present day, it is just about impossible for me to go anywhere, or do anything, without a female making moves on me.
There had been a 180 degree shift in demonstrated female group preference about age 30, but it took me a few years to understand what had happened and why.
What happens is that girls spend their teens and most of their 20s fucking a conga line of bad boys and sundry oxygen thieves, because they are 'exciting'.
About age 30 they begin to see this type of male as the loser that they are, so they begin to look at the type of man who was of no interest when she was younger.
It has been said that a woman of 38 will kill for the type of man she rejected when she was 18.
You are 29 years old. You are on the threshold of that change.

bobair · Answer

Being "nice" is a manipulation tactic to influence how she feels about you. And she FEELS that as being creepy, or gross.

Women are intuitive and can FEEL when a guy is being authentic, or fake. And most NICE GUYS are pretending to like everything she likes, while he's letting her walk all over him. This instead makes him seem like a doormat.

Often we guys think that another guy is being an asshole when he's really just being assertive. Don't mistake assertive behaviours (good) for aggressive behaviours (bad.)

Being yourself, despite what she thinks of you, is the best move. When you're making choices that please her but that go against how you normally act, that's weird.

The "assholes" aren't always jerks... very often they are just being themselves, doing what they want, and moving in their own flow of life. This is attractive because it draws women into their lives.

The nice guy is "acting nice" so that he doesn't make waves... he wants to fall into the woman's current, following her. And that's not attractive because it's asking her to be the leader.

Women want to follow a leader.

And a leader has his own opinions, he argues and has opposing points of view. He moves ahead with or without her. And that's attractive.

I wrote an entire articles on this very thing here:
www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/.../

Your goal should be to make yourself the leader of your own life, and invite these women to follow you... and to not care if they don't. This will make you feel better because you won't even notice when some women walk away, but mostly you'll notice how most women will respond positively to you.

I hope this helps,
~ Robby

Syvient · Answer

I have encountered the same problems. I started out with the simple idea of romance and attempting to deliver on my own expectation of it. After spending years with this type of mentality, I noticed that it was always the "jerk" labeled individuals who got the most "play."

I did a little test and pretty much threw out the window everything in my personality that made me the "nice guy." Amplifying all aspects that I identified as the "jerk" label. Sadly, it was an instant success and continued for 8 years. So long as I disrespected, disregarded their feelings, refused to be monogamous, and played everything as if I and mine were the only things that mattered; I never went without a playmate for the evening.

This all left me with a bad taste in my mouth towards the women that I dated, simply because I knew who I was beneath the charade.

In answer to your question, there is a middle ground. Don't look to "over romanticize" dates. Forget flowers for just because reasons, and hold off until they actually set theirselves apart as unique. Treat them as you would your buddy for the most part. Instead of asking where do you want to go and when, call and say I am going here at this time and wanted to see if you wanted to go also. Open doors and foot the bill if you are inclined, most will still appreciate a gentlemen.

If they begin to respond romantically then you can step it up with the romance. Just keep in mind too much of anything is a bad thing. It takes away the "special moment" feel that you are looking to convey.

Hope this helps,
Cheers!

TesticleMonster · Answer

how about just stop respecting them when they do stupid shit? i mean all you really gotta do is hold them to the same standard guys do, and then basically most of them, you won't ever respect again. if they're a decent human being, who is fun to talk to, engaging in conversation, believes in pursuits beyond herself, and just overall, not a total bitch all the time, then cool. respect her.

if she takes your respect and pisses all over it, she's undeserving of it.
if she's hostile, sullen, withdrawn, don't respect her.
if she's mean, vituperative, hypocritical, don't respect her.
if she tries to trainwreck every conversation you have with her, replies to texts with "k", doesn't ever meet you halfway, expects you to constantly come up with engaging interesting conversation but has never come up with anything interesting or even had anything interesting to say about an entertaining topic you came up with like a trained dog in the entire time you've known her, DON'T RESPECT HER.
if she expects you to respect her, despite having done nothing to earn that respect, DON'T RESPECT HER.
if she constantly tries to make you feel guilty, violates your self esteem, constantly expects you to pander to her feelings without giving a crap about yours, makes you do things for her that she would never do for you, or faults you for doing things that are just generally good things to do, DON'T RESPECT HER.
if she is narcissistic, vain, self absorbed, does not respect your time, energy, or money, and just plain doesn't respect you, DON'T. RESPECT. HER.

And if you end up feeling like there's not much of the female race left respecting... well, welcome to the club pal. You're now officially a man. Manhood, is the death of pussy idealization.

Lollipop193 · Answer

Too nice isn't what you think it is. I think it's that you may be desperate or clingy (I don't mean this offensively, everyone has their weaknesses). A real man is a man who is strong enough to not need you (or any woman to make himself feel happy) but he still wants you. Girls want a man who will fall in love with them, not just choose them because they've weighed up the pros and cons of you in their head. There are many other factors involved when it comes to deal breakers, and sometimes girls want to end it nicely in order to not hurt you. Saying 'too nice' is a lot less of a hurtful comment (and kind of a compliment at the same time) than for example saying 'too ugly'. Many girls instinctually want a guy who is dominant, and unfortunately jerk characteristics such as confidence are associsated with dominance, so this may be why some girls go for jerks. Soon enough, those girls will leave the jerks when they figure out how hurtful it is to deal with. But, if you are even considering acting like a jerk to get women, you were never truly nice, and maybe girls detected the false kindess used just to pursue them instead of make them happy. Good luck :)

Ratiocinative · Answer

Humans want connection with other humans. Obviously your male friends are interested in a different kind of connection than a potential female lover, but it's the same concept. People don't want a butler, or a servant, or a secretary, or some other such kind of person, the want someone they can relate to. Someone they can feel something in common with, whether that's you and your buddies working out at the gym getting stronger together, or you and a female lover who just wants you to listen to her day at work while you're driving to a date activity.

The best way to gauge how you should treat a woman is how receptive she is to your romantic advances. If you go to kiss her and she gives you the cheek, you let her be the on to contact you next even if they means you never talk to her again. If you're making out and you can tell that she's even more into than you are, then you can give her a call for a second date in a few days.

The important thing to remember is that people like you because of who you are, not one you can give them or do for them. The best way to reward someone, especially your woman, for giving you the lots of sex you want, is simply to spend more with her. Plan a fun night out or maybe even a nice vacation. Buying her stuff or being extra nice for no reason is a very bad idea.

Also, you should tease and not be so literal all the time. If she trips and falls, and she's not hurt, then tease her about it. Not in a mean way, but in a playful way. Something like "woah there clumsy, better stand closer to me so I can hold on to you" then pull her next to your and put your hand around her back. Telling someone how you feel is feminine, and showing someone how you feel is masculine. And again, that doesn't include buying her stuff or being extra nice, it means romantic physical contact appropriate for your relationship.

HeWhoPonders · Answer

Stop being nice to her just to be nice. Make her work for your nice.

If she disrespects you, gives you lip etc, you withdraw your nice, she is no longer important until she earns it back. Stop talking to her for a bit and make her worry about the relationship until she realizes that what she did was wrong. I know this sounds manipulative, and it is, but no relationship of any sort functions without discipline and conditioning. Thing about girls is that they don't like doing the training. If she finds herself being the one who does that to you, you'll never be able to make her pussy wet again.

Another thing that girls seem to like is that when you do bad things for the benefit of the relationship. Common example, kicking her guy friend's ass when he's clearly hitting on her. She'll PRETEND to be mad at you, but deep down she'll know that you did it because you cared about the relationship and will thus be more into you. Why do you think that abuse is so common and popular in romantic literature? It's because the author paints it in a way that the readers believe it was out of love. Common example of this, rape in erotica. Sure, in theory it sounds terrible and you wonder why a girl would like reading about that. Thing is that the authors paint that rape in a "he cares so much about my pleasure that he's willing to break the law for it" kind of way, and thus, the male lead gets away with it.

btbc92 · Answer

Okay, you being too nice isn't the problem. Its the fact that you have poor taste in the women your interested in. You going for the same type of girls. For me there is no such thing as too nice. I would rather be around a guy who is respectful and kind than somebody who acts like a jerk who I'm going to highly dislike and clash with. Those girls are too shallow and are clones. They like to follow each other. You can take the lead on things, but overall, just stop trying to pursue such women. Its very clear that they are not interested in you, so why get your hopes up. You want a girl who can very much be vulnerable in some way to you and wants to willingly do it. Obviously they want to be used because they always have been. They don't know any better, and they think they do. So when they end up with a real punk who treats them like yesterdays lunch, then so be it. It won't have anything to do with you. Some women like that don't know how good they got it until its gone.

Being a real man is based on what is to certain people. Its subjective, but it doesn't mean its always true. The way how your saying this tells me that you are a real man, but your not for any of those immature women. Find somebody who wants to be interested in you and just move on. They are not worth your time.

OkiLove · Answer

Like anything in life, balance is the key. This issue is not just for men it goes the same with women.

Nice men are very attractive, but in most cases, courting starts off by being nice to eachother because you like eachother. When I want to get to know someone better, I personally like to see different side of the person. If every conversion is too nice or polite it's hard to get closer. You should definitely keep doing the nice things you do but if you haven't yet, add a little bit of playfullness like laughing at her when she goofs or trips (only when you know it wasn't a bad fall) and if the girl is being indecisive, take the lead and decide for both or make plans. The last thing you want to be like is the bride to be from "Coming to America".

In my opinion, both men and women are attracted to independent person who can hold their own, knows what they like and don't like but at the same time has an open mind and doesn't mind trying new things. of course, this doesn't apply to everyone and there are more elements that come into play when creating a connection with someone.

think_logic85 · Answer

Let me tell you something from experience and debunk this being 'too nice' thing.

A girl who knows what she wants would rather have a 'nice guy' compared to the jerk.

When someone isn't interested in you, they pull any excuse out of the book to breakup with you, they just need a reason for the sake of having a reason, any reason would do it for them.

For both Male / Female who say 'He/She is just too nice so I broke up with him/ her, I want someone to challenge me, I want someone who respects themselves...' Bla Bla, are the people who have a wrong mindset when approaching relationships, they have just zigzag ideas of what they think it's right, but none of them makes any sense.

The sooner the breakup occurs in the relationship, the better it is, because you don't end up spending your time, money & love with someone who doesn't want it, someone's trash is someone else's gold.

Try to not fall for these type of partners, who make you feel like you are walking on eggshells or your effort isn't being appreciated, because these are also the same type of people who run miles away after facing the very first problem in the relationship, they have no communication skills, it's always 'me me me' in that relationship and not 'ours'.

hellionthesage · Answer

The fact is women want a strong man and if she can push you around then you will not seem so strong, so the goal isn't about being an asshole but about being sincere while also being strong enough to set your foot down and tell her no. To be able to show that you have a plan on a date for instance it shows you have initiative and drive and that your capable, if you ask her it makes you seem unsure of yourself or as more of a follower rather then a leader (which women hate). So be nice but don't be unassertive. have your own opinions have your own desires and don't constantly let her have her way let her know that you care about her but your not going to simply allow her to do what ever she wishes because of it. Thank of it as a father, a father caters to their children and loves them right? But he also doesn't let them get away with bad behavior either, he doesn't let them do what ever they wish. That's kind of the same attitude, you can be nice yet also be firm with your decisions and your actions.

djmoore33 · Answer

The more I observe people, and from what honest feedback I get that its all about balance and what you can bring to the table. You can be kind but not "nice". The word "nice" is the kiss of death for most guys trying to get the girl. In my experience, nice= weakness. Women are appalled by weak men. Men are supposed to be strong despite all of the PC and sugar coating society says. Its about strength, power and influence. From what I've seen, heard, and read, human beings are still fundamentally hard wired with Stone Age thoughts. The nice guy isn't perceived as being able to be tough and strong when the situation calls for it. The bad boy has an edge that the nice guy doesn't. He has a magnetic pull most women cannot resist as being exciting strong as well as a good fighter/protector. Women have an inner compass for finding these strong men. Weak men equal weak genes. Women dont want that passed on to their kids. Fortunately, there are many other options for the kind hearted. You can be balanced in developing bad boy/ warrior state of mind without forfeiting your inner kind heart. I used to be the poster child of nice guy ism. I did a lot of reading and got feedback from people who were already successful with women and other areas I wanted to be successful in. Im noticing a serious positive turnaround in all areas of my life by adjusting my life to an assertive outlook. Its neither submissive or overly aggressive. Its about that middle road and balance with most things. Not extremes. It is not easy, but it can be done with the right guides. You can enhance your strengths without fundamentally changing the core of who you are.

MsElizabeth96 · Answer

They're not turned-off because they realise you ' genuinely care about them as a person' they're turned-off because you try too hard.
You don't 'have to become a total jerk, an a**hole and a womanizing player', you just have to learn to tone it down.

Trust me, I sympaphise with you. I'm Pretty socially awkward myself and know how frustrating it is to not be able to naturally fit in with social norms as easily as everyone else seems to. I've also had a bit of experience with the odd 'too nice' guy like you.
It can be sweet and flattering, but it might also make the girl feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it can feel as if she's not seeing the real you, almost as if you're putting on an act. When you date someone, you want to be able to be casual and natural.

It's good that you're chivalrous, keep doing what you're doing but just tone it down a step. Assuming you're a decent guy in general, you don't necessarily have to put in that much more effort with a date than you would anyone else. If you have a habit of being 'too nice', maybe just concentrate on being polite, and acting yourself.

I Wish you the best

3Didnt7say · Answer

You don't... Here's the thing my ex boyfriend was too nice as well but i loved him nevertheless i still broke up with him because of it. However that doesn't mean i wanted him to change because that's who he is somethings can't be helped but i couldn't handle coz him being too nice meant I'd be feeling guilty constantly that it started affecting our relationship. Be that as it may trying to change yourself will only ever end up hurting the ones you love and love you back. So the best you can do is hold on and hope that soon you'll find someone who doesn't have a problem with you being too nice because i know for a fact that there girls out there who are looking for guys like you. Just because you haven't found her yet doesn't mean you're never gon' find her because you will. trying to change can turn out so many ways.. it could go wrong and you end up not being moderately nice but full on jerk or it could go right but you'll never fully be comfortable in your own skin because not being too nice is not who you are. Hopefully i helped... good luck.

senor_bacon · Answer

bro you have to have a sense of self-respect.

when a girl asks you "why are you too nice?"
first of all that question is loaded with the assumption that you are too nice
second a better question would be "are you a push over (too nice) or a gentleman?"

third how you answer determines how she sees you
let me expound on this
if you answer in a way that is pussy footing then it makes you seem like a push over.
it makes it seem like you do extra without expecting anything in return
and push over is another word for doormat. in other words, no respect for self.
if you dont respect yourself, she won't respect you.
then off she goes bye bye

youve got to stop thinking if yourself as too nice. you're being a gentleman. women want a gentleman but you also have to stand up for yourself. this means you have a sense of self-respect.

now how you should answer is not just in your words but with your actions.
ACTIONS: lets say you're going out with a girl and you're doing gentleman stuff. she doesn't act like she appreciates it with her words or actions. fuck that bitch. if you are being nice to someone and they dont appreciate it, just walk away. girls like this just dont know how to keep a man who treats them right.
WORDS: so she asks you the aforementioned question. your response "im not a push over. but i know how to treat a woman. so its up to you if you are gonna treat me right as well and keep me around."

Smmyskittles · Answer

I'm currently interested in men that are 'nice guys'.

They talk to me daily, make time for me, ask me about my day, check up if I get hurt (even just stubbing my toe). When I hurt my back a week ago, one asked me EVVVERY single day how I was doing until I was 100% better.

All wished me a happy birthday on the day, and then asked how it was the day after. :)

Gifts.. I'm awkward about because I like buying my own and don't like men giving me gifts (except family)... But I'm learning to accept them/like them.

- - - There is a woman out there looking for you, Mr. Nice Guy. Don't give up just yet.

GreatnessBack · Answer

"Stuff like asking them what they'd like to do on a date and when would be convenient for them... like offering small gifts on special occasions like Christmas or their birthdays, like offering emotional support, and making an effort with their families. "

Yeah, stop doing that. That makes you come off as a insecure, indecisive friend, not a potential lover.
1. You don't give gifts to a girl who is NOT your girlfriend, she doesn't deserve it. It's a hollow gesture because she didn't earn it herself. And it makes it seem that she owes YOU
something when she doesn't.

2. Emotional support should be given to a degree. If a love interest is crying about some guy she dated, DO NOT ACCEPT THAT!!! You are not her girlfriend to cry on, you are a man who wants that ass. Nothing puts you in the friendzone/nice guy territory faster than talking about other men she could be dating instead of you.

3. Also, if you are upfront with your feelings and she doesn't respond, leave her and find someone else. Unless she's a good friend, there is nothing to hold on to.

How can I stop being "too nice" for girls?

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