There's a cute guy in one of my college lectures and for a few weeks I've noticed him looking at me during class, he would glance over and stare. I always sat in different places too and sometimes he would turn sideways or look back at me when he thought I couldn't see. A few times I look over at him and his head snapped in another direction or his eyes shot up to the ceiling. So I thought it was pretty obvious he at least thinks I'm attractive and is interested enough to keep looking at me? He seems very shy.
I caught him looking over at me and looked away smiling which I think he saw, then I turned back and he was looking at me and I shyly smiled at him and he just looked surprised/bewildered then I turned back. I think the next class he was trying to look at me and shyly smile as I walked up to my seat but I only looked at him for a second before stupidly/shyly looking away. I think he took it as a rejection. Since then he hasn't been looking at me at all and when I'm near he looks straight ahead refusing to look near me. I've tried looking at him so he'll notice, but he isn't looking anywhere near me now so I don't think he's noticed!
Anyway I saw him out a few nights ago and I was sitting down when he was nearby and I think saw me and then avoided looking towards where I was all night. He passed by me twice and at one point was behind my friend talking to someone when I was talking to my friend, but he just absolutely didn't look in my direction or at anything anywhere near where ever I was. He kept a very low profile and I barely even saw him around the bar. If he was interested wouldn't he not avoid me and not avoid being seen?
I'm so confused. Is he interested? Has he realised I know he was looking and is now trying to show me he actually isn't interested but was just looking? Does he think I'm a creep and wants to avoid me?
What can I do? I never have a chance to talk to him and I'm terrible at that anyway, but as class is ending I would get up the guts to do it I guess. If he won't look anywhere near me, how can I show him I'm interested?
Should I write my number on a bit of paper and give it to him or his friend who I'm sure knows about this?
Or should I sit near the front so I can turn back and look at him very obviously? But then that seems weird. It's impossible to talk to him!
Most Helpful Guy
Oh, on a semi-related note, this reminds me of a Robert Redford movie
People need people. Without other people, you would have to do everything yourself. You would have to grow your own food, cook your own food, clean up, fix things around the house, build your own house, defend your own house, well, actually you wouldn't exist, because if everyone would be by themselves, the whole human population would die off in just one generation.
People need to mate, to create children. And besides mating, people need to socialize, to exchange "benefits of trade". For example, if there's an accountant in your family, and you are a dentist; you both work out a system where you don't "charge each other money". You would rather have "favor IOUs" than "financial IOUs". Why? Simply because the favor IOUs are more valuable. If he helps you with your taxes, that'll only save you $300. And if you "pay him", you're no longer indebted. But if you owe him a favor, and he needs a root canal, he's saved "$1,200". The reason you both do this is because the "favors" you're both exchanging have very little to minimal cost to both of you. So you both get hundreds of dollars in value, for only less than $50 in cost.
When two people meet, they assess the value that the other has to offer them very quickly. If you saw Donal Trump, or Oprah; you would WANT to associate with them. They have value you want. But they don't want to associate with you. So what do you continue to do? Do you continue to try and be their friend, and be nice to them, and clean their home, and do favors for them, and ask them out to dinner, or to a party? Or do you just go on with your life?
Here is how people meet:
1. Awareness: people become aware of each other
2. Assessment: people assess the other person's value
3. Interest: people are happy with the initial assessment & curious about the WHOLE package
4. Initiation: people initiate contact or an interaction
5. Acceptance/Rejection: if both people feel that there is mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they accept the initiation & reciprocate. if both people don't feel that there is a mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they reject the initiation & do not reciprocate.
6. Aftermath: Following an acceptance, the two people look to establish attraction, connection and closeness so that they can continue to enjoy the benefits/gain of the other person for a long-period of time. Following rejection, two people go their own separate ways & do not waste any more time or resources on a non-mutually wanted relationship.
(you can imagine how tragic mixed messages from shyness "low-self-esteem" and playing hard-to-get "insecurity" are for two people who WOULD have a mutually beneficial/gainful relationship together)
When he looked at you and you looked away, it seems like he felt that was a rejection on your part, and that you weren't interested in you (and TELLING HIM) in a tactful way.1