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He always stared at me but now he ignores me?

There's a cute guy in one of my college lectures and for a few weeks I've noticed him looking at me during class, he would glance over and stare. I... Show More

What the hell is going on with him?

Most Helpful Opinion

  • Oh, on a semi-related note, this reminds me of a Robert Redford movie



    People need people. Without other people, you would have to do everything yourself. You would have to grow your own food, cook your own food, clean up, fix things around the house, build your own house, defend your own house, well, actually you wouldn't exist, because if everyone would be by themselves, the whole human population would die off in just one generation.

    People need to mate, to create children. And besides mating, people need to socialize, to exchange "benefits of trade". For example, if there's an accountant in your family, and you are a dentist; you both work out a system where you don't "charge each other money". You would rather have "favor IOUs" than "financial IOUs". Why? Simply because the favor IOUs are more valuable. If he helps you with your taxes, that'll only save you $300. And if you "pay him", you're no longer indebted. But if you owe him a favor, and he needs a root canal, he's saved "$1,200". The reason you both do this is because the "favors" you're both exchanging have very little to minimal cost to both of you. So you both get hundreds of dollars in value, for only less than $50 in cost.

    When two people meet, they assess the value that the other has to offer them very quickly. If you saw Donal Trump, or Oprah; you would WANT to associate with them. They have value you want. But they don't want to associate with you. So what do you continue to do? Do you continue to try and be their friend, and be nice to them, and clean their home, and do favors for them, and ask them out to dinner, or to a party? Or do you just go on with your life?

    Here is how people meet:

    1. Awareness: people become aware of each other

    2. Assessment: people assess the other person's value

    3. Interest: people are happy with the initial assessment & curious about the WHOLE package

    4. Initiation: people initiate contact or an interaction

    5. Acceptance/Rejection: if both people feel that there is mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they accept the initiation & reciprocate. if both people don't feel that there is a mutual benefit/gain to be realized, they reject the initiation & do not reciprocate.

    6. Aftermath: Following an acceptance, the two people look to establish attraction, connection and closeness so that they can continue to enjoy the benefits/gain of the other person for a long-period of time. Following rejection, two people go their own separate ways & do not waste any more time or resources on a non-mutually wanted relationship.

    (you can imagine how tragic mixed messages from shyness "low-self-esteem" and playing hard-to-get "insecurity" are for two people who WOULD have a mutually beneficial/gainful relationship together)

    When he looked at you and you looked away, it seems like he felt that was a rejection on your part, and that you weren't interested in you (and TELLING HIM) in a tactful way.

What Guys Said 5

  • try to find sum way to talk to him,in break or after college..!

  • I think he thinks that you've busted him for staring at you, so he is trying to not look at you. Why is it impossible to talk to him? Ask him the time. Ask him if he knows where you can buy wire wool. Something simple and where he can give an easy answer while he recovered from the shock of you talking to him. Do you know what he likes? Maybe tell him you want to find out more about it.

  • Ask him to become a study partner for the course you are both in

  • Most guys don't try to analyze subtle clues. Don't play with your hair or point your legs at him -- go up to him, say 'hi', and give him your number. If he's really that shy, he may be too awkward to say much, otherwise he may strike up a conversation. Go for it -- what do you have to lose?

    • Don't listen to the other answer.

      This guy said it plainly and simply. Confront him if he's that shy. Few guys pick up on small hints (I had to read a couple body language books to even realize that there were so many signs that women give that I had originally thought of as natural behavior).

    • Show Older
    • So do you think that he did take my looking away as a rejection? I think I should try and smile and look at him very obvious in class and give him a big smile, and then after class try and get the chance to say 'hi, were you at blah that night? I think I saw you' and start a convo then give him a bit of paper with my number already written on it. Agreed?

    • He seems very much the shy, sensitive, quiet type. Still masculine, just not all macho about it, I think that's why I'm so intrigued. So I guess he wouldn't reject me badly, just might be a bit awkward. I've been told tho that shy guys can sometimes get a number they want but be too afraid to call or text? Guess I don't have a chance and just have to do something!

What Girls Said 3

  • There are about a million things that could be going on in his head but basically it looks like he's not in any shape or form going to approach you. In turn, you have a couple of options.

    A) Smile widely at him next time you see him. Play with your hair, always keep a smile on your lips. Sit up straight and point your legs in his direction. This will give him some serious GO signals. If he isn't into you, he may think it's a bit creepy but that's a risk you have to be willing to take.

    B) Bump into him as you're leaving class and apologize. Drop your binder too and see if he picks it up. Segue into talking about class and homework. Pick up his body language and go from there.

    C) Leave it alone and forget about it. Maybe he's not into you at all or maybe he's trying to get his game together before he figures out another tactic.

  • He want to break up with you but he don't want to hurt you feeling.

    • You're very ignorant.


  • He's like me. I'm a girl and I'll tell you why. The game's over, you caught him, he's too shy to make the first move and now embarrassed that he got caught so he tried not to look at you anymore and it might seem that he outright ignore you. He may still harbor his feelings for you and he's struggling to fight the thought of you, that you're there and he still has to see you. If you don't like him that much, just ignore him. If you do, I suggest that you get him alone and tell him that you feel the same. My crush talks to every other female friend, but he ignores me. But that's okay because coming to think of it, you two haven't been involved in anything serious, so with time and the 'out of sight, out of mind' factor, this crush shall pass. I hope though because I will begin the next semester without seeing him in my class, and we won't have classes on the same days.

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