Why does he freak out when I touch him??

I know he does not hate me, & he is attracted to me, so why does he freak out so much... I do not mean groping him or anything, just if touch his elbow by accident, or accidentally kick his foot, or brush by him as we pass... The tiniest touch & he gets Really tense?Maybe he thinks i MEAN something by it- but I do not I just happens y accident, tho I do not MIND of course, but I do not go out of my way to DO it... The more relaxed I am & do not worry about it, the more it HAPPEN lolGUYS, anyone have a being touched problem?Help, advice, insight? Thanks.

Updates:
btw He does not seem to mind OTHER people touching him, OR him touching OTHER people- apparently just me - so far ^ ^
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • may be he is like me, and everywhere that is possible to touch tickles him O.O

    • Loli'm like that actually. hmm maybe , he usedto get annoyed tho when we were making out if I got ticklish I guess because it would ruin the mood. maybe he is and he does not say anything because its not manly to be ticklish- omg mabe you are right. I asked this quetion a while and weve been together since, but he stil holds me kind of away while we are 'together; its very strsange. but like he won't shake hands either- hell have sex but he won't shake my hand. I meant he's willing to , not that we did

    • Maybe that's why he holds me away from his stomach when we kiss & uses harder pressure rather than gentle, so I'll do the same & MAYBE that's why he pushed my hand away even tho he said it felt good lol itd be good if you are correct. what do you do if people touch you?

    • Most times when people touch me I jump up in the air!other times I just sort of spaz out :D

What Guys Said 24

  • Assuming you're not a 7-foot-tall Amazonian pit fighter, and he thus shrinks away in fear, and that he's not aphephobic, he's possibly hesitant to establish any physical contact while his heart is otherwise committed.

    • I am not hugging him or anything, just like accidentally running into him or tapping his arm, like I do with anyone for emphasis is about whatever I am talking about.. He also works a lot & talks t me most of the time & we live in the same building, I never see him with anyone.Other people flirt with him & he dos not react that way.. Just people who are not into him & he does not know - he has a nice body I guess. hahahaIdk, problem, I do not do anything that is like heart involvement.^^

    • I suppose the bottom line is this: for whatever reason, he has some aversion to touching you/being touched by you. This being the case, doesn't this make you want to shy away from pursuing anything deeper?

    • I am not persuing anything, just talking to him when he talks to me. I recognize that he feels uncomfortable , but he spends alt of time talking to me.. I am not mad at him so I have no reason to not talk to him, I just wonder why he acts weird & I asked not to solve it- just o understand it cause that makes ME feel like the world makes sense- if I understand it.:-)

  • I read the comments that you went out with him... That would do it. He kind of wants to avoid you. There's a good chance he fell too hard for you and got hurt. Try slowly getting into his circle of friends and getting close to him again, personally. You two may slowly make a connection again.

    • Ok. Please explain to me, WHY he would want to avoid me.. If he did get urt , & I doont knowthat tat is true, he may just have been insulted which is not the same thing, but if he had been HURT it would be cause he had LIKED me, & if he LIKED me, why would he ot want to TALK TO ME, like a normal person. The touch thing is more obvous, but he is subtly strange in other ways.I do not mean to be dense, but I just can not relate..If I liked someone, I would WANT to talk to them, even BE with -

    • Hang out with them , at least I would be amiable, I would not want to AVOID them.. Even IF they broke up with m,e, & I did not even DO that, I just stopped talking to him, & I explained it to him at the end, & he was mad for a bit , but I thought it was cleared up, he even gave me is adresse, asked me to write to him, I thought we were on friendly terms, & NOWI feel like we had some FIGHT that I was not around for..As far as getting into his circle of friends.. I AM THE ONLY ONE HE TALKS TO-

    • Outside if school, & the reason we liked each other in the first place is cause he was a bit tired of them, & I never hit it off with them... I became good friends, with one of his close friends a long time ago - tom, but tom will not talk to me, he acts like we NEVER met.. It is weird.... Sometimes I wonder if tom does tell him not to talk to me - idkI appreciate your comment, I am just perplexed as to why he avoids me if he do not have any thing against me- & if he DOES -why would he?:-)

  • How do you "accidently" touch this guy so often?

    • Hahaha well, it stared out as accidental & I just pay attention... It does not happen that oft I was just surprised. Anyways the point I that the touches are the type of touches that would be considered accidental.& Really the main point beyond that is that he is sort of weird overall.He has been acting like I stole something or he tole something or something would be stolen, ever since I came back.that was what it was all about.

  • it sounds to me like the man has some residing issues..most likly from his past, I would leave him be and if he doesn't want to talk then you may have to consider other options..and no I have no issues with being toutched..

    • No.I mean he TALKS to me all the time,of his own volition I do not really approach him,not because I mid doing that, but because I recognize he has this response to me.So we talk & talk for a while, but he is very tense & once in a whole I something happens where I touch him by accident, he jumps or looks freaked out.I will not sto talking to him unless he asks me to or makes it clear that he does not want to talk to him, which at this point he has not.So I was curious about OTHER people*

  • I don't have a being touched problem but I know who does, victims of childhood sexual abuse and victims of other physical abuse in childhood as well.Could be this is what's going on maybe not but it happens.

    • Yeah idk... Honestly I think a lot about psychology as it ias an area of interest, & I have of course thought about ihs health, not so much the touchig, he just gets this look on his face that I recognize as being sort of innocent & dark at the same time.. I have actually had flashes of ihm as a childlike 6 or 9 being molested.I have no proof of ths it isjust things that appear, & I now from our past that he is both very sexual & very uncomfortable - he swings back & forth & at the time-

    • I did not recognize it - I was new to guys & sex & I had no reference pint, but onw I see thatit is definitelt abnormal.Now I do ont of course know that anythng actually happened, & I am gad their is tihs site cause I hate gossip lol But I feel that something very powerful happened.I notice that he does not seem to be as bothered by other people touching ihm, or maybe they do not notice he is.. I am sensitive to I i mean I think about it a lot & maybe athas an affect on him...-It also -

    • Occured to me, that even if he does not get as uncomfortable withiother peole touching ihm, it could be the difference between ihm having feelings for me, thatcould make other uncomfortable feelings come up.I had some abuse in my past & I remember I was always MUCH easier to be touched by strangers then to be touched by people that I knew especially people that I had strng emotional feelings towards.Not like I can do anythng about the problem -I still feel like it would help if I knew what.

  • Sounds like he has social and or sexual performance anxieties or feels you have expectations of him being intimate too fast. Talk it out before you do it, for no more than a minute at a time, and smile when doing so the whole time, when you do and you will see he will eventually relax on both fronts.

    • Thanks. ^ ^

  • hmmm ok... I may be able to relate. sometimes when a girl I'm attracted to touches me I kind of get a nervous feeling. but I don't tense up and freak out. he may just have very sensitive nerves.so don't worry it's probably normal :) and the more you touch him the more comfortable he'll probably be with it.

    • I am REALLY sensitive, I mean I usually think / KNOW he is bothered, & no one else notices... Thank you for explaining yourself to ,me - it helps.. Do you actually NOT like her touching you, I mean when you get nervous do you want her to be gone, or something lol-HE touches me on occasion, but I guess that is DIFFERENT,- he knows it is about to HAPPEN... Different from when I touch HIM..It just seems so bizarre, because how could you touch someone else, then freak out when they touch YOU

    • I definitely like it when she touches me. it's just that when it's unexpected I just get nervous. but it's not a problem at all :) everyone I know of loves being touched by someone they're attracted to.

    • Hmm, well, he seems weirded out by it, & other people touch him & he looks fine.. I was present when this waitress wrapped herself around him, just to balance her self from one end of the room or the other- he was def. fine^^Ok. Maybe MOST people like being touched, but I am almost sure he hates it... Maybe I am projecting?I like him touching me, bt not usually WHEN he does it, cause it is rare, & I am surprised & I get uncomfortable cause he is ACTING weird.Maybe it is the weird mood^^

  • i remember being like that before I went to high school, then I joined the wrestling team, where touching was a must.i was never used to any contact, from anyone, not even my parents or brothers. and every contact from anyone was unfamiliar and awkward to me.or he just thinks you are gross, I would have the same reaction

    • Lol He thinks I'm hot. ( Friend told me)Burt the other thing is that other people touch him & he does not freak out... I even saw him hug my roommate once right in front of me, & she is a hippie & she sort of smells - she is an awesome person, really strong & intelligent, great for advice & learning things about the world, but I dot even hug her. ^

  • He is probably just self conscious. I am guessing he thinks you are really special so your touch is going to feel really ecstatic to him.

    • Your sweet- you win as far as flattery goes... As far as believability well, I don't know.... Altho I could actually relate to what you are saying... There are a select few people that I know where in thee touch IS LIKE LIGHTENING. lolThat ever happen to you?- Do you really hate cop cars? :-)

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    • You just need to slow down a bit. Sounds like you probably worry a lot. Just take stuff one day at a time! My main advice to you is to just relax a bit.

    • Thanks, I guess I finally was able to do that,- a while back... & He could not relax, so I a a bit shell shocked.... But I do understand what you, mean about one day - it feels beautiful when I can pull it off... The other thing is I am leaving before I was expecting & I am trying to make things peaceful before I leave - but I am not feeling very peaceful lol

  • u said you dated a year ago.. his reactions would kinda make more sense if something you did something towards the end of the dating that got to him.. no pun intended but 1) maybe he likes you but is trying to let go and is paranoid of the idea that you want something w him again since he might not or 2) he simply doesn't want you touching him in any way..

    • Soo it is disruptive if he is trying to free him-self & he does not want me rocking his inner tranquility?

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    • U on the other hand seem to enjoy the kind of reaction?

    • No. I am frustrated because I feel like I am doing something t him & his reaction is far out of proportion, & it confuse me& I do not want to be confused.. I just want peace with him.I feel bad when he responds that way because it seems artificial. He has touched me so much more that he can handle me doing now, it sort of REALLY bothers me, & I feel like we are fighting & I don't know why..NO - "U on the other hand seem to enjoy the kind of reaction?" - I would not say this is correct.:-)

  • I don't have any problem from being touched like you mentioned. Maybe he thinks your leading him on, and doesn't know what to do anything or is scared of it all. He could just be weirded about the whole touching thing in general. Mayeb there was a past experience that got him to act the way he does.

    • Welll he touches OTHER people & he is always freaked out when I touch him but it is like by accident - that can't be a leading on right?

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    • Have you noticed anything different in the way he responds to you when you talk to him now? I don't understand if you haven't done anything to provoke his weird before, what exactly caused it.

    • Welll he is much quieter & controlled around me then he used to be.. like he looks like every thing is in slow motion - like on guard I guess.... Like he is looking to see of a burglar is lurking in the corner.He is very careful when he talks to me & very in depth & involved in talking & THEN he abruptly changes & takes off.. He is really erratic & he is pretty reserved - with other people.He talks tome LOTS we talk everyday for hours which is more than we used to , but it is strained.

  • Some people are not used to being touched and then again some have been abused physically or mentally. Try just being his friend, he might one day open up to you.

  • Well he might have really sensetive skin, I have that so I'm very ticklish. Or maybe there is something wrong with him... It's not you though, everyone loves to be touched, he is abnormal.

    • Wow, have you always had that... I am VERY ticklish but I thnk I do not jump if someone touches me, well unless I LIKE them, or HATE them lolI am glad you think it is healthy, but I think some people actually do not LIKE it.. I am uncomfortable with t SOMETIMES..He does get touched by other people & he seems to be ok.. I am just worried maybe he thinks I touch ihm cause I LIKE him, I would not do, cause I would feel too self conscious. We used to date & I kind of stopped talking to him

  • Make him get over it the hard way, like it was done to me years ago.Jump on his back and hold on his neck, don't let go. Next expect him to hold you on his shoulder.I remember how I felt when I had lady parts on my neck, so near but still so 360° far.Hell get over it.

    • He is not a prude & I would be too uncomfortable doing that lolit is ont easy for me to touch him on purpose most I notice ihm doing that when I touch him by accident anyways I think he would get mad lol

  • He likes his space and actually doesn't like anyone touching him, he's just more real with you.
    &
    He is upset with you for some reason OR is just a very high strung person who needs to figure out how to relax.
    If you help him figure out how to relax, things will change dramatically...

  • He shy

  • he is gettin erection

    • Um, could you maybe elaborate on that a bit - please....;-)

    • i'm curious...I have a guy that acts like this too and someone told me this same thing...

  • LOL this guy is somewhat like me...he seems like he's shy and unexperienced he's not use to a girl and something as simple as contact will freak us out. I've had times where I'm like so use to no contact at all its like freak out alert O_O

  • If he does like you, he wants to make sure no one knows it. Next time he freaks out when you accidentally touch him, then right after, play with him, jump on his back or touch him even more on purpose and see if he smiles or really gets mad. A smile will let you know he's got something for you. Getting angry means he really thinks you are gross :( Sorry.

    • Oh my , I don't think so - if he wanted and one to know he WILL get mad.. He may no like me & get mad & if he does like me he would definitely get mad.. iI don't see how jumping on his back will help, if he already freaks out.That would bother me even if I LIKED domeine - I like my space too.I don't touch ihm on purpose partly because I would not like it.It is just that when I do it by accident, I happen to notice that he freaks out.. I really just wanted insight lol I am not trying-attack

  • 20d

    maybe he's like me, every time a girl touches me I freak out. Every time. or maybe he is just so interested he gets shy when you get body contact?

  • Some people don't like it, like some people don't like geting a massage because of the thought of someone else touching you. So it could be he may over sensitive to people touching him, talk to him about it there might be a reason,

    • He does not freak out when OTHER people touch him. Just me.

    • Maybe he likes you and he get weird becasue of that when you chat with him play a game like hold his hand for a bit or put ur hand on his chest and see how he reacts, or move closer to him inside his personal space whenyour talking to him she how he reacts does he take a step back...

    • Lol I think I WOULD FREAK OUT.I really do not think I could do that.. & I do not want him to think I LIKE him, cause I DO but I REALLY want to be FRIENDS too.. That is why this bothers me, it8 is making it HARD to be NORMAL.& Anyways, who walk up to a guy & puts there hand on his chest lol He'll think I'm a slut.- or I will anyways, hahaha( Out of curiosity, how SHOULD he react, like if he liked me?):-)

  • Sometimes. It depends on the girl, and the situation. I had a girl complain that she thought I was freaked out by her touching me; when really, I arched away from her because she spilled scalding hot coffee on the back of my shirt, and it was hot! So my back stiffened a little from her, not because she was touching me, but because it was burning hot coffee on my back, and a drenched, icky coffee on my shirt.There's a girl I used to like, and she'd come up and do this little weird quick back rub thing. Part of me LOVED it, but part of me would tense up because if I showed too much interest, or that I liked that, she'd have freaked out, and I didn't want to fall too hard for her by confusing a back rub with interest.

    • " ...she spilled scalding hot coffee on the back of my shirt, and it was hot! So my back stiffened a little from her, not because she was touching me.." -Did you finally straighten that out? lolol" Part of me LOVED it, but part of me would tense up because if I showed too interest,....she'd have freaked out, I didn't want to fall too hard her by confusing a back rub with interest. "-How / why do you know she would freak out?Can you really fall from a back rub?- what kind WAS it - lol

    • Yep, the shirt came off (lol, It was an overshirt, so there was not a huge issue... and I explained to the girl when she told me about that. I didn't know it was a huge issue for her...lolAnd I had already fallen for her, but was trying to distance myself. And the back rubs were GREAT. I know she'd have freaked out because if I show any interest, girls freak out. It's what they do. And if I try flirting, or showing any interest (even kidding around), she's not been happy about it at all.

    • Maybe you;'re imagining that.. Not ALL girls freak out if a guy flirts... & Anyways, girls won';t give back rubs to guys the way do not want to touch! :-)

  • Some guys just have touch issues I know from personal experience. If I get bumped or something in the community I usually tense up and get wicked agitated for a couple seconds. Also if I get touched other way usually affectionately it make me want to hurt people (I control my self) but it stresses me out, so I get really tense. I do have a few friend I've know for years that are exceptions though. Maybe he has a similar problem, touch problem are usually really specific. although judging by your update it doesn't sound like he does.

  • he's just nervous, he doesn't get the subtle signs ur giving him, try something new. Make him feel comfortable and try touching his hand as to see it and write ur phone # on it !

    • Lol that would be like saying I want you to call me..anyways he has my number - and I don't use the phone anymore...i just moved lol but hey thanksbtw what subtle signs..i'm just trying to convince him that he won't get electrocuted - if we accidentally touch lol

What Girls Said 12

  • generally if it's a small touch and it doesn't do any harm, it's not a big deal. I'm the type that doesn't like to be touched. depends on the person. try and talk it out and see if he can get over the fact of just a small touch. did he freak out like yell at you? or was he just saying 'hey', depends on how he reacted too.

    • No no, I wish it was something mre overt... He just siort of jumps & looks like ihs sace has been invated.. But other people touch him & he is ok... & When he does o occasion outrught purposefully touch me , he is TOTALY calm about it.. at least he acts that way, tho I guess those times are planned..He dioes not sa h isMAD but he looks almost scared or relly confused.& It is not like grabbing him or anyting.. It is like if I tap his arm while I am talking- like BARELY, cause I AM NERVOUS

  • This question intrigued me. I know this guy that does the same thing. We haven't dated or anything but we have always had this weird chemistry. Some days he has no problem with touching me, other days, he either jumps or freaks out. Just the other night I was showing him how I got this funny scar on my finger from cutting it a week ago. I told him to feel it as it was odd and he got all nervous. I said it's ok! It's a finger! Seriously, it's OK. And he got all nervous and said "that's ok., that's ok." I then said "oh for goodness sakes!" and rubbed my finger under his arm. He wasn't mad, in fact he giggled! WTF? He then showed me how he had hurt himself and when I asked to see it closer as I reached out to touch his hand, he jumped and kept his hand away. He use to have no problem bumping his hand into my shoulder or tapping me on the arm. I don't know what happened. We still talk etc, it's just that the tapping is gone. Sigh

  • I think it could be one of two things:He is very self-conciousorHe has emotional baggage from past trauma

    • Umm yomean like physical traumma?You know he sometimes sees like really deeply sad o tormented by something. Arond me, but he is also soetimes fin touching other people - well not touching but them touching HIM - sometime..They don't pay attention to the way he stiffens up so I don't know if I am imagine or what.The thing is- we used to go out & if he is physical in THAT way he seems like he ignores a peice of himself - he checks out mentally his hands are still busy.Hard to explain cause -

    • Guys DO sort of check out, but this is different & he always seems a little bit ashamed in general.i mean he has like a REALLY big ego, so it is not like he walks around like a lump but there is always this thing I can'y quite explain but it looks like a dark ness it just does, worse than me having to be confused -so should be more sympathetic.Anyways thanks for - I don't know , I don't feel so out of left field I guess ;-)BUt it IS more pronounced with ME, & I NEVER ABUSD HIM physically ^

  • Sounds like he is easly aroused by you and he is trying to control hisself and can not. Try posing in a sexy way for him and see if he gets that way. If so that means that he is aroused by you.

    • Lol I know he is aroused by me- for sure he told me so & its obvious, but I do not mean when I touch him in a sexual way...i just mean like a normal way , like even by accident this arm or something. he jumps or looks scared almost- it makes me feel like he is grossed out by me but I know he is not physically grossed out we talk a lot so I do not think he hates me but I don't know its weird. I do not WANT to disturb him, I don't want him to freak&how is he ever supposed to kiss me if we can't touch?

    • hmmmm I'm going through the same exact thing and you brought up a good point

  • ASK HIM! DUH!

    • No. I do not want to raise anything that might ellude to the past or at least make him think I am TRYING to ellude to the past.I want things to get normal not awkward. :-)He may not even recognize he I doing that..... tho I would still like to know why he is doing it.

  • One of my friends is this way, too... We can be joking, laughing, having a good time...and then I touch his arm, or poke him or something, and he freaks out. I also asked to hug him (and of course) he said No. His reason was that only couples hug. But I think some people are generally more huggy and open, and others are more reserved. I think it's just how he is.

    • Yeah, except he is not like that with other people. but I know what you mean.. lol I am actually one of THOSE people, who do not like to be touched, but he kind of gets really weird about it. I mean I just tell people, but he freaks out, & he hugs other people in front of me. I am not saying it is FOR me, I just mean I have SEEN him hug people.. He would not even hug me when we went out. lol

  • He is shy. He likes you. He likes you A LOT. I did the same thing with this guy I liked.

    • Oh? What happened , I mean , why did you do that?:-)

    • I don't understand the down arrow lol because at least this is what it meant in my situation.I can't exactly explain it... it's just that I was hyper-aware of his presenceand around him there was this electrical charge. I was nervous. I would tense up when the touching would catch me by suprise. So I was nervous and very aware of where he was, because I liked him so much.

    • Oh. Yes. Exactly I get it./.. lol Well, if / when he touches me by surprise that is exactly what happens, but I do not think of it the same way , because he touches me on purpose, so I figure he must be in control... Wow, that is funny, I totally forgot that I could have used myself as a comparison.lol Yeah the down arrow was probably the down arrow scavenger - thee is someone who just down arrows indescriminately on this site - I am sure of itlol Thanks.:-)

  • LOL he sounds like he doesn't want you to touch him, it's not as complicated as you think. He's not into you.

  • if you know he's attracted to you then it may be just because he's a little shy or nervous around you.just give him time...i dated a guy like this once but he was very much into me, just had a little intimacy problems...it'll soon pass but for now try to let him come to you...

  • It sounds like you want people to tell you that it's because he likes you.If you like him, then just ask him out to coffee or something.

    • NOPE. I want people to tell me, it is not because HE thinks I LIKE HIM. LOLI CAN'T ask him to coffee,we talk in a shop a lot of the day as it is lolNo I generally see people who like someone ok with touch... Like I like him & I touch him, &he used to touch me when we met.. I am wondering if he is worried that I think he likes me like before. I am not trying to create that kind of foundation. I want things to be CASUAL, be friends - I broke up with him cause we never had a chance.

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    • Really ? haha, can you think of an example where you did that or someone else did that to you?-Just curious.

    • People react by being mad and resentful about anything all the time :Sit is not really surprising, it's quite the human characteristic. when me and my boyfriend were going away to university and were going to be long distance, I spent the last 3 weeks of our summer together being moody, getting mad for little or no reason, and pushing him away.

  • Well who is this "he" and what is your relationship to him?

    • Ll well, HE is someone that I know well enough that I should not have to ask OTHER people this question, SO here is either a problem with him or ME haha.Umm, we dated a year ago , he liked me for a long time before that - as I am told, I liked him right away. We got along pretty well until I stopped talking to him - complicated not his fault,& we talked about it before you left the country for 9 months.I have spent the last 7 months trying to talk to him, & we have been talking to him for th

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    • Maybe he jumps because your touch brings memories. Idk. Just ask him what his deal is- and you say he jumps with his eyes? So maybe you're perceiving it the wrong way.

    • Its both- he LOOKS shocked & or uncomfortable, & he also moves physically. ( the combo is what makes me pretty sure he is reacting oddly)I do't want to say anything to him about it - the last thing I want is for things to be any weirder lolI just wanted to see if maybe there was a normal explanation, cause I he IS that uncomfortable, I will have to be more careful- cause I don't WANT him to be uncomfortable.Anyways he would not tell me even if he KNEW, & maybe he is un- aware.:-)

  • Is he your BF? If not then maybe he likes you so much that just by touching him you get him a little too excited. Or he hates you and thinks your weird/disgusting and doesn't want you touching him. Just ask him and he will tell you. but he is most likely just shy.

    • Ha haWel I have it on pretty high authority that he does not think I'm disgusting.But I can't attest for the hating thing - Or weird for that matter ^ ^We dated a year ago then I had to go away & he has ben weird ever since I came back - that is the condensed version of it. lolToo excited means......?I asked here specifically because I don't want to ask him.I tink it would make him uncomfortable & I don;t want to make things more awkward... I would like to be friends with him.

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    • If he he REALLY likes you, then yes it is possible for him to get a hard on just from the slightest touch, especially if he has ever thought of you in a sexual way. An getting a boner would be a bad thing if he is in a public place and/or around other people because it would be embarrassing.

    • Ohhh, I see... I had no idea guys could be that sensitive. Thank you, ill be careful not to touch him.He usually seems to be um erect- I don't look on purpose, I just notice it when it is obvious... But I try to avoid looking in that area, but I figure it it because of his age, & from what I recall, he is rather 'passionate'.I couldn't figure out why he seemed so upset.. thought he was mad at me, but maybe that's not it.... Hope so/Maybe he will relax more now. :-)

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