Why do I feel compelled to emotionally torture myself?

[Anonymous]

I guess it's like emotional cutting? Every so often I need to hurt myself by reliving emotionally hurtful incidents or scaring myself by reading about heart wrenching accounts of aviation disasters or something. Needless to say I feel horrible afterward but I can't stop myself. Anyone else experience this? Is it like because I'm suppressing something or what?

[Brando]

Weird, I'm the very same way. There will be some times when I just feel like putting myself through sadness or discomfort like how you mentioned, "emotionally cutting". I remember one night I watched the movie "Faces of Death"...I felt down after watching all of that, but at the same time somewhat satisfied. Seeing people jump from buildings, bodies in a morgue, cattle being slaughtered, and just depressing stuff like that, I have no clue why I wanted to watch it but I did.

As for why you and I do this stuff, my guess is that you also have suffered from depression before? For the longest time, the thought of mental stress has become a normal thing for me so I don't see myself as being weird. It's probably just a form of self-punishment due to low self esteem or something similar. I don't do stuff like this very much anymore, but I'll occasionally beat myself up mentally. I'd say it has something to do with feeling down about yourself, you recognize this, and further punish yourself because it disgusts you.

[Asker]

Hm, so I guess I'm not alone. But having suffered mental stress is true (not quite depression but close). I guess it's just that coming out bit by bit or something. Hope all goes well for you and thank you for your answer.

[Brando]

Hope things turn out well for you too

[Anonymous]

Okay, don't take this answer for granted, but it sounds like that you hate yourself, and subconsciously feel that you need to be punished. Therefore, yes, I think you are suppressing something. Either that, or you are really depressed. Either way...it's not a good thing.

[Asker]

This is true. Feeling like I need to be punished...that almost gave me the chills haha. I'll think about it. Thank you for your answer.

[minas]

i think that you are fearing sth that's why you need to draw you attention to something else, or experience something negative to forget your fears, you need to have someone to talk to them about it. you need to know that every person has his own fears, troubles and weaknesses try to pull yourself together don't hurt yourself or your feeling just to forget about sth bad... write your feeling down in a journal and pick-up the moments when you feel that... only then you can know how to defeat that... without hurting yourself. what ever goes wrong in your life you are not responsible for it.. and be sure that you are loved from the dear ones.

[Asker]

Thank you...this is encouraging :)

[flower1000]

ok this might sound very strange but I'm telling on my exp OK I had a fear of rejection after I lost my partner I did the same things but I've helpt my self over it I got my self a new partner and when ever I feel like this I tell him he comes home and makes love to me I mean really make love to me emotionaly its called sexual healing it workes for me if you can try this do it but not just with any1 try find some 1 even a close male friend talk and tell him it works :) but that's my way of dealing with it

[Asker]

I think it may work for me, since I'm a very sexual being (haha). But I think I'll enjoy the emotional part. Thank you for the suggestion.