Do you honestly think you'll be alone forever and why?

Question

It's probably just specific to people on this site, but lately I've been talking to users (mostly guys, but some girls) who believe they'll be alone forever.

I don't know where they get this idea. I find that most often times it's people standing in their own way and putting themselves down for things they can change with a little hard work or allowing quasi-rejection or rejection to stop them cold turkey.

Do you honestly think you'll be alone forever and why?

I'm single, yes. But I'm not going to cry a river about it and wait to die of old age alone... I don't have that kind of attitude and it pains me to see that other people give up so easily.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

TheCheshireCat · Accepted Answer

I sort of do. I like being alone, but I do have a desire to eventually get married. The problem is that I'm shy & don't put myself out there. But, I don't know where to even meet men, I don't go to bars or clubs, & I live in small town. I feel like I'm just getting older, & time is slipping away. I've read someone where that men want young, beautiful, & healthy women. And every year, I'm just getting older & less desirable to men's preferences.

Also, I'm scared to be with a man. I know everyone says there is good guys out there, but I'm so used to seeing the bad ones, I think it's nearly impossible to find a nice guy. I've never actually dated, but I've observed my friends/family relationships & they are not that good. One of my sisters was married & at first he was a great guy. But then he became really depressed & started doing drugs/alcohol, & didn't give my sister the attention she deserved. She left him, & found someone else. But the guy she is currently seeing has no job, so she financially supports him. He seems like a nice guy, but who wants to financially support someone, who can afford to even if they didn't mind.

My other sister has had a bunch of negative relationships. They were all jerks, & treated her like crap. Her husband is now jobless & lives off her child support check. I found out he has been physically abusing her, & that really makes me angry. I mean, that is my sister, what you do to her, you do to me. I just don't know what I can do to help her. My dad's really upset about it too, & that brings me to my next point. My dad is great dad, & always has his kid's backs. But he is only getting older & my sisters put so much stress on him. They can't depend on their bfs/husbands, so they always come to my dad for help. I feel terrible for him, & worry about his health.

My sisters were a little rebellious when they were younger, like many teenagers, & I always felt like it was my responsibility to make that up to my parents. That I had to be good, so that they could at least have one kid who did the right things. Not that my sisters are bad, they just went through things most teenagers do. But now that I'm older, I still feel like it is my responsibility to make it up to my parents for my sister's mistakes, but not it's their choice in men. I don't want to date a waste of space, & have to depend on my father like my sisters did. I want to be independent, & if I ever get married, I want a nice guy who has good intensions.

Then there's my fear of finding a guy, but getting cheated on. This happens to so many women, I just don't want to be another victim. Some of my friends have been cheated on & their partners got STDs from the women they cheated with & passed it to my friends. I don't want to be another victim, so I guess I choose to stay away from men. But I still have the desire for a husband, I just don't know if I can overcome my fears.

Sorry this is so long by the way

hisangel · Accepted Answer

I think you hear it from guys more than girls cause of the experiences guys have had. A woman believes a guy can fall out of the sky and be her knight in shining armor because we are usually the one's being chased. You go to a store, only thinking about that gift you have to buy and a guy is trying to hit on you in the blender aisle! That makes most women hopeful that they will find someone. Even if you haven't had a lot of boyfriends in life, realizing men seem to want you, even if it's just physically, can keep a women hopeful.

Guys aren't so lucky. They have had to ask girls out and hear no over and over again. And when that happens to a guy he can start to think if those 3 or 4 girls didn't want him, then there must be something in him that all women don't want. The same way that if you had 3 or 4 boyfriends and they all broke up with you saying that there was just something about you they couldn't see marrying. Of course you would start to think you would be alone forever! Most people can only take so much rejection before they start to lose hope.

Also, in my experience, I believe men have a much, much harder time when a relationship ends then women do. I know women cry and cry for long periods of time. But you usually don't see the extremes like you see in men where they can do something like become an alcoholic from the devastation of the relationship ending. Men aren't as relational as women so when they find someone that gets in their heart, it's devastating if they lose her. This can make guys much more afraid of diving into more relationships cause it can seem like it's just a heartbreak waiting to happen. It can seem easier to be alone.

When people go to extremes like saying they will be alone forever, there usually is some serious pain in their past that has made them get to that point. It isn't just a Negative Nelly attitude. And I don't mean just their own pain. I can't say for everyone but the people I know who have taken up that kind of thinking have seen pretty painful things in life. Like I knew a guy who had an alcoholic father whose wife left him because of the poverty they lived in. It devastated the husband who had waited a lifetime to find "the right woman". And it left their kids to watch the fallout from that. When this guy got into relationships of his own they failed as well. And it destroyed him that he was reliving what he saw growing up. So he preferred to be alone then hurt someone and get hurt in return.

So sometimes it's not just fear of rejection but fear of reliving a terrible life you saw growing up. That's not something easily overcome.

Belleza · Accepted Answer

you are right and I agree with you on this 100% but I believe I will be alone forever not because I look for the perfect partner, not because he is rich or poor or lacking a certain quality but because everyone around me is either getting divorced or is getting cheated on - I was having this conversation 2 days ago with my coworker and she remarried the second time but her first husband has been perfect but this one is a lazy bum and she always complains about him and tells me - don't get married - it sucks and they will show their true colors once your in a 2 year relationship. And then my mom admitted to me that my father cheated on her and my uncles have cheated on their wives too and then I also have a friend who is sort if a womanizer but every girl who he sleeps with seems to be in a relationship so you tell me how can I possibly not think the way that I think!

And statistically 100% of men think of cheating on their partner but 20% actually cheat so there you go - why should I give someone a chance if I know in the end this won't work out!

TheGodEmperorLeto · Accepted Answer

I dunno, sometimes I feel that way, but I'm too stubborn to ever give up. I'll find someone. And even if I do end up alone, doesn't mean I won't find something. I'll find a purpose and work hard at it. I'm stubborn and persistent. I'll never give up.

Sometimes it sucks when I feel like there's really no one I can rely on or that I'm alone, I mean, well, nah that's gonna get a bit too personal and I don't care to share everything (or anything actually lol) all that often randomly with just anyone :P But ya, there are times it feels like Hell, but I'm strong, I can endure it and I'll find that which I feel I do deserve and work hard for it :P

So ya, while there are times it sucks and I feel pain for my state, I am just too damn stubborn and too strong willed to quit and not keep trying. I constantly do my best to open up and talk to people, and it tends to work out if only for the short term and I get better at talking (which is a plus), might not always get any real friendship or anything from it, but I do get improvements and that matters to me :P and I have fun for that little bit hanging out with the person working on a project or whatever. Just generally talking to them.

Still, in the end if I do end up alone, I won't end up miserable. I won't feel the happiness I do when I am with someone I love who loves me, after all there's nothing better imo, but I will find happiness of some sort. I'll make it worthwhile :|

And you, I feel you are just single cause you choose to me (i.e. can't find someone you really think deserves you which is OK or whatever). After all, you're attractive (judging from that pic hah) and your personality (judging from the few posts I've seen here) is also appealing. Generally nice, hard working, smart, and positive. That's good.

Everyone has such good qualities, shame so many refuse to acknowledge them because they compare themselves to others (not saying you do, I'm off on a tangent) and not looking at the good they offer already. I do it too, I think we're all guilty, but it's important for us to look at what we like about ourselves :P I personally think I'm quite awesome. And I could go into why, but that's OK, I don't care to seem conceited lol.

Basically, I agree with you, and it's something I realized in myself sometime ago. I was the only one really getting in my own way. Now, I'm still not THAT social or talkative, but I'm improving and it's making a difference, small, but it's progress!

Dylan1989 · Accepted Answer

Personally, I don't know whether I will be alone forever or not, but I do know that if I continue with the attitude and mindset I have right now I will definitely be alone for a very long time. I'm not going to lie, I do have insecurities and I am shy and I am definitely not the most confident of people. I spend most of my time studying and working so I don't have time to socialize with friends or potential girlfriends anymore anyway. But even if I had lots of free time I wouldn't go out trying to pick out girls and then date them and make one of them my girlfriend. I don't see the point in trying to do that when I need to fix my own insecurities first. As much as people tell me what a great guy I am and I have a big heart and how I have a golden personality and stuff, I just have trouble believing I am that worthy enough to have a girl love me like I would love her. Besides, having such great qualities means nothing unless you believe you have the self-worth to share it with someone incredible.

I've been single my whole life and for a very good reason as well. And like you, I'm not going to cry over it because it would be even worse if I got into a relationship with all these insecurities I have right now. I would rather work on myself and do the things that I enjoy and make me happy so I can increase my confidence. When I begin to love mysef then I will be ready for a REAL relationship which has the potential to turn into a long-term relationship and then hopefully marriage. Call me naive, but I hope to just get into one relationship and then get married and have kids. I'm not up for all this ''sleeping with as many women as possible before you settle'' business. I've never wanted that and I don't plan to ever be like that. Call me naive again but I am a true Christian and I believe God will bring me the right girl when the time is right.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm first going to start by saying, yes, I do think I'll end up being alone, but ultimately from my own choice. I'm going to explain my side both truthfully and anonymously, so as not to give people the impression I'm doing this for sympathy. I'll start off by saying I used to be overweight and an introvert, and also picked on in high school, alot. From guys beating me up to girls putting me down when I asked them out on a date. I soon had enough and after high school, I decided to get in serious shape and become more confident and outspoken, and decided to leave my old life behind. I've since then been told I'm much more attractive and noticeable, and have even been told this by some of the girls who made fun of me back in high school.

Now normally this would be considered a victory for most people, but all it did was make me realize something, and that was most people are attracted to superficial things, qualities that reflect themselves, or that which they wish to be found within themselves. While there are exceptions, most human beings are selfish by their basest nature, and feelings are fleeting and situational based on who you met, not some destiny love as shown in some Disney movie. All people go to find another person to satisfy the loneliness that eats away at them on a daily basis, they tell them they love them and cherish them, but when it doesn’t work out, what happens? They move on to someone else, and those previous feelings diminish. They soon tell someone else they love them, and the cycle continues, it holds no true value. As human beings, we HAVE to move on, we are SELFISH by nature, and it’s because of this nature that I do not have a high opinion of relationships. Let’s not forget abusive relationships, casual sex relationships, divorces, so many of us are just violent, impulsive creatures looking to get our next f***.

Now most people will say, “We’re not all like that.” Of COURSE we’re not all like that, and that is the kind of partner I look for in my life. Except there’s another problem, and that’s where it really starts to get complex. As a secondary result of my observations and withholdings, I’ve developed an EXTREMELY high moral standard for myself, and other people. I have a strong aversion to selfish-laden activities, the people who perpetuate abusive relationships, casual sex, and objectifying of the other gender. So much so it’s become something of a neurotic compulsion.

The result? I’m an extremely unselfish person, that borders on unhealthy habits, who also has a very narrow and unchanging mindset who thinks the whole world should be the same (NOT so good of a habit too). As a side effect I’ve been popular with women, but only chose to keep it as casual dates and hangouts, all of which I keep at arms length. Both polite and courteous, but assertive and unchanging, unflinching, because of my complexities.

Well, that’s my side of the story, I think I may need mental help or something.

Brando · Answer

Most of the time, people can only see their current situation. The fallacy with that is they apply their current situation to something in the future. Like if I looked at myself 10 years down the line, most likely I'll imagine my situation around what my current one is like. So I'll be 10 years older, but won't stop to think that things change in my life. That's what happens to people, they frame themselves in an unrealistic picture.

As for me personally, I don't know if I'll be alone forever. Despite the fact that my social skills are really not the best, I rather like my solitude and routine in my life right now. I mean don't get me wrong, I do get tired of the same old thing happening, but for some reason I'm fine with things. Just me sitting here imagining having a girlfriend is really weird to me. I don't know what it feels like or how to handle it, let alone how to really get one in the first place.

So I don't count myself out, but I can honestly say that I see myself being single for a very long time. As for the rest of my life, I can't say for sure. But in the near future, yes.

IAmAnon123 · Answer

I don't think I could sit here and logically argue that I'll be alone forever. Emotionally, however, I certainly feel that way. From my experience so far, I'm pretty sure I am not what you'd call attractive, and that scares most girls off from the start. On the rare occasion that I meet a girl who does find me attractive, things will look good briefly before they, inevitably, blow up in my face. And I really mean that. The situation never just fizzles out or dissipates over time, it backfires to the extent that I feel like I was created so that my antics could be a punchline for some form of cosmic joke. I dunno', I think there's just something inherently wrong with me, like something that can't really be explained or pinpointed through logic. I just seem to have this oddness or some unidentifiable character trait that kills any chance at a relationship I have as quickly as it forms. It's like as soon as she gets to know me it's over. I guess there's just something really off-putting about me. Wish I knew what it was.

heavenonearth · Answer

I know what you mean, I've seen a lot of questions like that too. I mean, we can give advice but it's really hard to change someone's attitude for them, they have to do it themselves. They don't have to believe me when I say they can do it, I'm just some random person on the Internet, but they need to try instead of just dwelling in their negativity.

And many of them say they do try, well then just like everything else in life all you can do is give it your best shot and hope it's enough. The thing is, most people aren't really giving it their BEST shot, and that's something people have to evaluate individually.

Loving and believing in yourself is half the job, because other people can see that about a person, and if nothing else that's always attractive. You don't have to be conceited, just comfortable with who you are. Or if you're not, be able to put in the work to change yourself.

There will always be guys that won't want to date me, I'm not worried about them, I'd rather spend my time finding the guys that do want to date me.

Anonymous · Answer

I hope this isn't too rom com material or too sappy, but whatever

I'm what you would call a late bloomer. I didn't date in high school or in college for that matter. Because I'm shy, I have problems opening up to someone, as if when I first meet someone, I get really shy and quiet and have problems being myself and most people won't give me a second chance. I've had a lot of first dates and even second ones, but never a relationship. And I always thought that I was destined to be alone with 10 cats. And obviously this could happen given the fact that I can't keep a conversation going, I'm not interesting, I'm boring and quiet. After a while I just gave up on ever finding anyone.

But I'm 22 now and finally found the guy for me. I was quiet and shy and awkward, but he gave me chance after chance after chance until I was got to that comfort level with him when I could be my fun self. And I love him for not giving up on me like every other guy did.

So my point is if I can find someone, with my other social skills, everyone can.

The key is to find the right guy and he's out there definitely

PeterCobra · Answer

I think people panic about this way too much.  If someone is making common sense choices in most areas of their life, they are not going to be alone forever.  It's just that most people don't use their brain.  I got friends who say that and this is their typical profile.  a) they are very fat and unkept in general.  I invite them to the gym with me or something less threatening like a jog down a quiet road.  They are always too lazy and don't have enough respect for themselves to do anything about it.  b) they say they never meet girls but they spend 6-8 hours a day playing W.O.W. or other video games alone in their room.  c)  they have negative/pessimistic  personaities that have them defeated before they ever get off the couch.  d)  they don't have a car but they always have new video games or weed (priorities)...you get the point.  These people will die alone.  The rest of the normal world, chill out, think critically about your situation and why you are not meeting people or the right kind of people, and keep improving the odds by improving who you are and what you do.

defiantdragonfly · Answer

I guess I'm a little late to the game, but after reading sob story after sob story, I guess I can understand why some people think they're going to be alone forever. I'm 27, divorced, and a single mom. I'm a complete tech nerd, work with engineers all day, read for fun, and have 4 level 80's that are all max geared. I'm way into cars, love boats, like camping, and would rather sit alone in a coffee shop and watch people than actually be bothered to interact with them.

All that being said. I'm in no rush to get married again or even be in a relationship. My ex is a great guy, he decided he wanted to be unemployed and live in someone elses house and explore his desires, rather than being married. That's on him. I don't have a bad taste in my mouth regarding men. In fact I have had 6 marriage proposals in the last year. 6! I know I'm a good person and a little goofy. I like me, and that's what makes all the difference. You'll never be alone if you like who you are, because then you'll always have good company.

All of you downers who are upset about the world, you need to BE the person you want to find. Of course you're going to be alone if you are negative and bitter, who wants to hang out with the scary guy who might come to work and shoot everyone?

Find the energy source within yourself. Go DO things, join clubs, experiment with life. Don't give up at 17 or 70. Happiness comes from within yourself, so does satisfaction. Find it within you and you'll find it in a partner too.

Twilight_Starstorm · Answer

I used to think that, or that I would at the very least be a 40-year-old-virgin :/

It was because I was 17, had never kissed a guy, was a redhead (and we all know how redheads get treated and teased in school), had never even had a boyfriend, and had never had a guy ask me out or show interest in me who didn't seem to be joking. I used to think I was totally undesirable to all males. I had a very, VERY low self-image, was a loner, and was way too shy to make friends. Not to mention that I was in a small town (not many guys to choose from, and the few there were, were total f-heads).

But then I moved far away, went to tafe, made a whole new group of friends (including a really sweet, cute guy who decided to befriend me on the first day because I "looked lonely"). After about 8 months of being class mates, I got with said cute/sweet guy, and we have now been together in a serious relationship for 4 months. He improved my self-image infinitely, improved my self-confidence, and showed me what love is...

I now know that I will not spend my life alone (it also turns out that most of my guy friends and many of THEIR friends have been interested in me at some point, as well as a random guys I've met O_O so clearly I'm nowhere NEAR as undesirable as I thought O_O).

I hope that I can spend the rest of my life with my currant boyfriend. I'm so lucky to have him... We are so in love that it might just happen :)

I hope that made sense; why I thought I'd be alone forever... I'm just so glad I have my boyfriend now... I don't think I will ever love anyone as much as I love him, or find anyone as perfect to me as he is...

So yea, I hope you found my answer informative :)

girloncue · Answer

I believe right now I am meant to be single. It's very obvious, specially since every relationship I have ever started has been in the beginning of february. I need to be single right now. For at least a little while.

Sometimes I disliked being single, and when I was younger I felt it was very unlikely I would find someone.

But lately when I've been single, I've felt that it is a good thing for me. I enjoy going out to bars :)

I think being under 21, most people think it will never happen, but once you're in relationships, you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to understanding what you yourself are about. And that's what is so important. knowing what YOU want. If you don't know what you want, you won't get it. In that case, it is impossible to get a life partner. You might get serious relationships, but definitely, you will not end up with anyone significant in your life.

If you want someone so bad, you are needy, and that projects an unpositive outlook in relationship seekers. I know I would never date a guy that asks me to make out every day.

I think these people need to realize that being single is quite a breath of fresh air. You don't have to check in with anybody, you don't have to refuse numbers, you don't have to pay attention to if you're accideently flirting with men/women.

Chucky · Answer

What a deep question, and I can honestly say that is the scariest thing to think about. I'm so dreadfully terrified of being alone, not just forever but now. I am so afraid that no one will love me, that I will be alone, have no one to hold my hand or cuddle watching movies that I settle. I have a boyfriend now but things aren't working out, I'm 99% sure he cheated and he has a drug problem to boot. His family hates me and treats me like sh*t and he doesn't treat me very well either (wow I sound like a looser). I do love him, its been over a year together but I am sure he doesn't love me, or enough to fix the things that are wrong. I know I will never be completely happy in this relationship, I question everything, I don't even think I believe in love anymore, but I can't seem to kick him to the curb cause I just don't want to be alone. When I was single, all my friends had boyfriends or girlfriends, husbands and wives, I would avoid going out, cause I felt like a third wheel. I just hit the gym (late so no one would see me going to work out alone) then go home and watch movies. I can't watch sappy love stories cause it reminds me what I feel I can't have, and I cry all the time.

This all sounds like I'm a crazy bat, but my biggest fear in life, is that I will end up like my mother, alone, no friends, no family and bitter. I don't want that, but I'm so scared I can't seem to bring myself to find someone who is good and would make it so I don't feel alone. Wow, what a deep question, I'm even tearing up as I write this.

finallyaftertwoyears · Answer

Yes, I do think that I'm going to be alone. I don't know about forever alone, but I know that I will be for a very long time. I have absolutely no problem with getting guys to like me or date me. All the guys I've dated/kissed/hung out with, however, never asked me to be their girlfriend. It's almost as if they get sick of me after a few months. I've ended about half of the flirtationships I've had as well, though. It's the same thing over and over again. When a guy ends it with me, he's usually surprised to see that I'm not hurt, not even in the slightest. I then explain that I'm used to it, that it's just another part of my routine to be used and then dumped later. They feel really upset about it sometimes, but it's the truth. Perhaps I'm the kind of girl who isn't "girlfriend" material for a guy, and I appear to be just another piece of ass for him. Maybe there's something absolutely appalling about me that I haven't figured out yet, and for some reason, none of the guys I've dated said that was the reason why they ended it with me. I know it can't be my looks because of what I said before. I've tried everything as well. I've tried being a little bit more clingy, a little less, a little more forward, a little less. I'm always myself with a guy though. I'd say I'm intelligent, I've been called funny, I've been told that I have a personality that enables people to be calm around me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not rude. I also shower every day, just saying. Anyway, maybe it's just that I wind up with guys that are just... blah... to date. All I know is, is that my friends constantly rip on me for never having a boyfriend; meanwhile, I go out on dates with a decent amount of guys. It hurts after a while, knowing that there's something wrong with me beyond my control. They tell me I must have a curse. I'm almost starting to believe it! I wonder if a guy will ever prove me wrong, but I highly doubt anyone will anytime soon.

Razer · Answer

No I don't and hope not. I don't have a lot of experience in the dating world. My last relationships were In grade 9 to 11 with the same girl. I broke it off cause I knew what was ahead for me and I didn't think she would fit in the picture. It was selfish but she got over it and we are cool now. I was free and single for 7 years after that when I started seeing my buddies sister in law. That only lasted for 3 months due to distance and borders. She wasn't my type anyways. And most rescently a 7 month relationship with a girl that I was very fond of. We hit it off good. I thought we were very compatable. But my inexperience got the best of us and I wasn't giving her what she needed such as space and spontanuity. Sure I surprised her with flowers in good fasion but more spontanious in the bedroom sort of thing. When we broke up she told me in a nice way to man up. It still hurt cause she didn't allow me the chance to man up with her. So right now I am somewhat down as we broke up a couple months ago and she doesn't seem to want to make any contact with me. She rescently said she doesn't mind being friends but she isn't comfortable yet. So I'm 27 and haven't had much luck but am learning from the few experiences I've had and am slowly realizing that love doesn't always come knocking on your door. If you want to find it you have to do just that, find it. I avoided the dating game cause I felt I would be wasting my time and the womens time as I didn't want to be tied down. But now I wish I would have dated more for the experience. You'de be surprised at what happens when you take charge and go for what you really want.

Vasillilaw · Answer

Thank god you are OK with being single.  I really can't stand people that believe there is no way of living besides being in a relationship.  It gives you no time to develop your own opinion about the world, so as far as I'm concerned it's more important to be able to live alone than be with somebody.  In reality those who are single don't know how lucky they have it.  So many restrictions given in a relationship aren't there to hold a person back.  Other than that the saying "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" has become complete bs in my mind after a conversation I had with my friend.  She told me how in love she was with a person and when it was lost it felt like a half of her was completely missing...and if you heard the way she felt about this person you would understand that the saying above is bs.  For example, pretend you are totally head over heels for this guy and never felt anything better in the world...and then he dies.  You would be more than devastated.  The pety fear of dying alone could alternatively be something much worse.  I say if you die alone, so be it.  Just find a hobby or career you can be in love with.  If you find someone to love that's wonderful, but don't be disappointed if life doesn't work out the way you expected it to.  And if anybody is wondering I am with someone at the moment.  It took me a long time to find him, but he is an amazing guy for me. But when I was single I wasn't constantly searching for somebody willing to be with me.  I wasn't searching for the idea of a relationship.  I just happened to find someone that clicked.  I hope this helps! (:

windy-rose · Answer

I steadfastly refuse to believe I'll be alone forever. Despite the fact I'm 23 and have yet to be asked on a legit date. Much less have a boyfriend.

However, I know right now in my life, I'm building myself. I'm building a career. I'm building my experiences. I'm building my friendships. I'm building who I am.

Sure, these things won't stop when a boy waltzes into my life, but I'll have a strong foundation of self worth and value. I'll know I can be OK with myself and who I am, with or without someone else intertwined as my boyfriend. I think a lot of people out there forget the value of that, and grow dependent on those relationships. But If I can hold my own, I know I'll have that much more to share and give.

In the meantime, I keep my eyes open. I learn from the relationships of those around me. Those my friends have with others. Those I have with the cute boys in class/work/etc. Get an idea of what personalities work with me, what I can stand or grow to understand and where my lines are.

So when he does pop into my life, damn. That boy better be ready.

ginny · Answer

There is a pretty good chance I will be single forever & I don't cry about it. Please bare with me -it is difficult to cut short.

Why? Well, I married a Marine, the love of my life, & we were not able to be together all the time. At first it felt like I was making a sacrifice to be his wife. It bugged me to be w/o him around couples and/or on some holidays, etc. But over time I came to know myself & realized that I didn't need him to “make me happy.” Believe me when I say that this was an eclectic journey with many twists and turns; and is not to imply that I was unhappy in my marriage. In fact, the more I accepted myself, the more love I felt for him.

Now I am especially grateful to have created a life on my own because he died in Iraq. Although I knew about this risk when I married him, it didn't soften the blow of losing him. Still, if I could go back in time I would do it all over again. This is not only because of my undying respect for his particular purpose. It's because I've learned how important it was to me for both of us to realize & live our own purpose; & support each other for being who we are.

For the first few years I was not able to even imagine being with another man. Fortunately I have intimate friendships with women who have supported me & I've healed over time. I go on dates, but have yet to meet someone I'm interested in getting serious/intimate with, & it's not a priority. I believe this is partly because I'm happy on my own, and also because (I don't know a modest way to say) the bar is high. I am not perfect & will always be learning. But I do know who I am & who I'm not. I won't settle for a man who I am not looking up to or across at. Let's be realistic here... most of these men my age seem to already be married. Who knows? I sure don't.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, most women are jumpers behind their mans back. Whether it be sexual or flirting... Nothing but misery comes from their craving for other males to lift them up. Yes, even if you are spun on them one day the hart break is their. And everything that made you not be lonely is all over something you lack. No man is perfect even though women believe men are because men women are spun and beleive anything for attention... The loneliness usually never is felt as bad as when you realize what they doing with anther man... It's better to treat them as sex objects and expect the worst then go threw love and loss and loneliness... Women are by nature bring loneliness to men... yes I will be lonly forever...  Women are all cheaters in someway when they see something they don't like... Just look at the men who have back from war and had their wifes throw the ring in their face becaus his face was burnt. Then turned and died heart broken.. Yes love is conditional and females make me want to be muslim...

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm, I've honestly never thought about being alone even though I am single.

The reason being about five years ago, I asked myself what type of man do females fantasize about? Since then I've been working on who I am. Growing and growing as a person and eventually grew to a point where I can just simply laugh and enjoy life without worrying about finding someone. Now I'm not saying I'm merely sitting around twiddling my thumbs, but I'm just living my life, enjoying going out and doing things that interest me. As for the living alone forever, its not really something I even think about. Females show interest in me and I have a good time with them, but I'm not really at the settling point in my life quite yet.

So my advice to the guys out there is to be full of being, aware, clear and purposeful, yet connective and compassionate. It might sound like a weird and tough advice, but it'll happen if you grow yourself.

Also another piece of advice for the guys. There must be a you in your words and actions. If you let a women dictate your words and actions then there is no you. There has to be something unique about you that will separate from the multitude of other guys out there. Plus a female can tell whether consciously/unconsciously if your action is seeking something from them.

Anonymous · Answer

yea I think I might... more a psychological thing tho, I don't do so good in relationships. I kinda blame it on not really having the 'father figure' growing up... very long story but basically all the problems I have in relationships are exactly the problems mum has and all the problems she has are the problems grandma had. basically her dad worked on the mines and stuff when she was growing up and would spend most of his time away and she never really had a father figure at home. then in her later relationships, she couldn't really function in a full-time relationship and needed too much independence. as a result of that, she and my dad split when I was quite young and she has a partner now but they've been together 7 years and tried moving in together but again, she needed more independence. they don't live together, they barely see each other and are more like a part time couple... I've found now in relationships I've had that I quickly become less attracted the more 'couply' it gets... I'm studying psychology atm and apparently your relationships mirror that of your parents. Freud's theory of development suggests you base what you look for in a partner on the characteristics of your parent of the opposite gender and so apparently, me, my mum, my children and grandchildren are going to end up alone... fun... :p

Anonymous · Answer

sometimes yes and sometimes no. I am still only in high school and there have been guys here and there that I've hooked up with casually, but no one that I've actually genuinley  liked or liked me back. its all just physical, hormonal teenage attraction. but then I look at all my friends with their boyfriends, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one without a special someone. I've never even had a boyfriend or been on a real date (meeting up at night just to hookup doesn't count as a date). in times like these I feel like guys only talk to me and show interest because they want to get with me, but I can only blame myself since I haven't really given a "relationship-type" impression. but other times I think that I will find someone one day who is looking for more, especially when I start looking for more than just a good time when I look at guys. when I can start to take myself seriously, then other people will too.  its all about your mindset, your attitude, and basically just yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

I got ruined when I was in my early 20's. I am probably on a scale from 1 to 10 -i am a 6. The girl I dated back then was 8 1/2 to 9. This girl was a knockout. Whenever we used to go out, she would constantly get hit on. Guys would go right up to her even when I was standing next to her and flirt with her. I had no business being with such a hot girlfriend. When I met her all the stars had aligned. She was a young single mother who was 6 months out of an abusive relationship. The relationship lasted one and half years. We were engaged to get married. Things stopped being fun and we ended up splitting.

I spiraled into a life of hard drug abuse for 12 years until I overdosed. I now have been sober for 2+ years. I have not had sex with a woman in nearly 14 years. Either my standards are way to high or I freeze up and play myself right into the friendzone with a girl. It just happened to me again last week. Plus since I have sobered up I have gained 50 ibs which will not come off AND I am living with my father while I am getting my degree in college. I was a regular don juan with the girls when I was younger. I always had a girlfriend a or FWB. Now I can't get a girlfriend to save my life. I will keep plugging away but I am about ready to throw in the towel for good.

Do you honestly think you'll be alone forever and why?

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