Why are people so mean to "ugly" people?

Question

I am a 16 year old girl in high school. In middle school I was teased for being ugly and having a big nose . My freshman year and high school , I once walked into the gym because I had to go to P.E. and the whole basketball team was laughing at me when I walked in, because I am ugly. I was always the butt of the Joke "your uglier than Alisha (that's my name)/that girl right there"

"she's so ugly " a girl in my gym glass once said as she whispered to her friend as she walked by while staring at me.

I know it's not my personality, these people don't know me personally. In the 10th grade, I audited a freshman class and the first day I walk in all the kids laugh at me and one girl said jokingly "Hey, my friend likes you!" This happens to me constantly "Hey, my friend like you" is what people say to me to tease their friends . I sometimes hear "Do you think that girl's pretty" and usually they say no. People talk about me while sitting across from me, an inch away. I am in the 11th grade now and as I was walking to the school buses a kid yelled at me at the window "Hey fat ass nose, fat ass nose!" sometimes when I walk by people I hear them say "she has a big ass nose!"

I never knew I had a big nose until someone told me. I just thought everyone had a different size nose . I never knew nose size was that important. I have never had a boyfriend. I hate to go in public now because I'm worried what people will think of me. I just wanna be treated like a human. I feel like an outcast. I sometimes wish I owned a different face. I do not wish to have children because A. I doubt anyone would want to touch me and B. I don't want my kids to be teased. Why are humans so cruel? My self esteem is now a -13 . I just wish I didn't know I was ugly so I could be more confident. What's wrong with people these days? I feel like I am at a lower class of human being. I feel even worse for the fact that all they guys I crush on are the type I'd never have a chance with and they are always the "hot" popular guy at school. So why do people always put others down?

DebiPie · Accepted Answer

People can be cruel. Notice I said "people" and not "kids?" Unfortunately, some people find the best way to make themselves feel better about themselves is to put other people down.

I do not believe for one minute that it is socially encouraged to be mean to ugly people. I think it may be acceptable by some people who are bullies, and by bullies only.

You will find as you get older, that there are many good hearted people out here who are not superficial. However, there are just as many who are. As you mature, you will "grow a thick skin," so to speak. Get a good mantra going for yourself, repeat after me, CONSIDER THE SOURCE. When anyone digs at you like that, you need to consider the source. They are nobody to you, they do not matter. When you let them get to you, you make them important in your life. They aren't. Do you want people like that to be in your life at all? Oh, h*ll no! Just forget about it. I know, easier said than done, but work on it. KNOW that they are full of it. You are a gorgeous girl, a lovely young lady.

And you will grow into your nose. Trust me. Look at Celine Dion, Barbara Streisand, Madonna.

Even with a little work, she still keeps her nose, because it's cool. Look at Padma Lakshi? Hot, big nose. Check it out.

link

Trust me, those meanies will come up against karma in their lives. And you will have good karma. Many blessings to you.

alby00darned · Accepted Answer

Probably not what you're going to want to hear, but people can be cruel, and teenagers are ESPECIALLY cruel. I struggled with appearance issues throughout high-school (still do, but that's not really the point), but as you grow older, things will change, I promise. In the meantime, do whatever you can to ignore the comments; they're not worth getting so upset over.

One day, you'll get out of school and then you can either go on to college or find a job and those people who make your life so miserable right now won't be there anymore; years will go by and you won't see them at all. (And it will be AWESOME, again, first-hand experience talking here.) So just do what you can to ignore them now.

Also, looks change as you get older. I seriously never thought I would grow into my looks, but now that I'm in mid-20s, things are starting to come together. Teenage years are awkward for a lot of people, so don't label yourself as "ugly." Not only is that a completely relative term, but people change over time so how you look now is really only a little what you'll look like in a few years, when things will get more refined and mature. Hang in there.

lananoel · Accepted Answer

You were "big nose"? I was anorexic black weird chic... Its simple as this.. When those A holes see that you are hurt by their words they will keep firing them at you plain and simple.. People are often egged on or influenced a lot more in groups because they have a support system to do so.. So if they see a response it feeds the group even more.. I had to learn to own my insult and give in NO ATTENTION... it works.. When they called me anorexic I learned to say " Then make me something to eat " or when they called me weird id say "yea... and?" its a few phrases that wouldn't provoke a fight but instead would puzzle them.. Puzzle them because I am not frowning or, crying or distraught in ANY way.. By the end of middle and high school they  grew bored of insulting me almost completely...  My point is this.. You are who and what you are and HATING it won't change it.. I had to focus my attentions on what parts of me I loved most... Theirs a whole lot to love about yourself.. just remember that..

Cyric · Accepted Answer

In High School people are immature. Just remember that it's not forever and it'll pass, you need to get an education and succeed in life because chances are, people who behave like that aren't going to succeed on a high level. I'm a Senior right now, now I understand what you're going through since I had trouble with bullies my freshman year but I joined ROTC and Boot Camp over the summer and now people are afraid to say anything to me though people I do speak to are very respectful.

If you let them get to you over something so immature and pathetic it will only make the children laugh and point more. Just for dealing with these hardships and humbling things, I'm certain you're already a beautiful person because those of us who have been wronged by others typically do achieve a higher level of maturity at an earlier age. Just because they say something about you doesn't mean its true, the only person who truly knows who you are is you, not them, who cares what they think or say? You shouldn't because trust me, in a few years the tables are going to turn and they won't know what hit 'em.

So don't let the kiddies bother you, they can't help it. If I were there I'd deflate their heads for being so immature. ;)

DaveMicharl69 · Accepted Answer

Some people in high school just get a kick out of being mean, & others will join in just to be accepted! They are UNBELIEVABLY CRUEL, & a big nose (IF you even have one) DOES NOT make you ugly! My older brother & I were subjected to such treatment all through grammar & high school, but not from random people as I was walking down the street! THEY are the scum lowest class of human being, NOT YOU! The fact that you're enduring this without being mean back makes you a better person than any of these A**HOLES can ever HOPE to be! Also, this doesn't help now, but most of the people who treated me that way in school are now trying to make amends & be my friends on facebook. In the meantime, I've seen a girl who felt ugly fue to her hose get a makeover & have her makeup shaded in a way that her nose appeared smaller. She was then taught how to do it really simply. Maybe girls on this site can teach you, & in the extreme there's always plastic surgery. I pray this cruel treatment of you stops, & I REALLY PRAY you get your self confidence back! No one (except the people who cause this pain & misery) deserves to hurt the way you're hurting...

Lau5en · Answer

I don't believe that anyone is ugly, unless their personality is ugly. That's the only time I use that word, its to describe someone's personality.

The reason they do that stuff is to make themselves feel better, its mean. I use to be teased a lot at school, but now when I look at the girls that teased me karma has caught up with them.

They have way more problems in their life that they feel so shallow that they have to put someone down. If you really think about it its sad on their behalf, because its kind of like they have nothing better to do. Which gives you the upper hand. You are better then them and will go far in life. Its tough I know but you will get through.

One more thing there is someone out there for everyone, I use to think that too at times it comes back to me and I think of it again but you just push through, keep your head up high and try your best not to show them how bad they make you feel. Remember they will get what's coming to them.

One more thing you don't want a guy from school, they are immature and really just stupid for not seeing the beauty in you. When you leave school, get a job, you will meet the real guys who are mature enough.

Anonymous · Answer

People in High School can be cruel, and I do hope things get better for you. I feel like I could have written this same exact question ten years ago. I am no longer in school, but basically what you described happened to me quite often. I even got extremely depressed and I let myself go. At the time, I was a thin girl with an ugly face and then by eleventh grade I just stopped caring and let myself get fat. So that gave them for ammunition.

After High School, I was angry with myself for letting myself go because of them. So I started working out as much as possible and lost the weight, and then I decided to move out of my old town when I was 21. The people I went to High School still liked tormenting me. When I lost all the weight again, according to them it was because I was a drug addict even though I've never touched the stuff.

So in my current city I was still made fun of, but by just the younger people. The area I moved to was a college student area. It was the cheapest for me. I wasn't in school, but I could afford the apartments. The people in that area were twice as cruel as the people I'd went to High School with. It made me feel like crap because I thought people grew out of that stuff. Instead of letting myself go though, I got so depressed that I barely ate and got myself sick from it. I was anemic and too skinny.

Now I live in a condo, and it seems things are better. I haven't heard an ugly comment in a while but I think it's more because I'm around older people. However, now I have social anxiety and I still have health problems. I'm now 27. I ignore any comments now because it's not worth it. I have basically wasted most of my 20s because of it. I hope you don't.

I'm working everyday to improve my life. Please learn early to ignore people like that, otherwise you might end up in my situation. I hope for you that you away from them and find better people who love you. I wish I wouldn't have let them get to me.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Clearly the answer is to go to one of those hot girls, cut their faces off and wear it to school! That'll show em! Hah!

Seriously, f*** them. They're shallow, immature, and retarded. You'll not see them after senior year anyways. I doubt there's anything that bad about you. Have confidence. Figure out something you like about yourself and make it stand out. And you might just wanna get away from where you live. I have no idea where you live, but it sounds like a sh*t place anyways.

And you're not doing much better by only going after or crushing on the "hot popular guy at school" you know? Ah well.

As for the reason why people put you down? Probably because their life is such sh*t they have to put someone down. Realize they probably are abused by their parents or never had anyone give a damn about them, probably just used for sex or something and they gave it up like the weak little bitches they are. Ignore em. They're just pathetic.

islands7 · Answer

William Powell

Barbra Streisand

research more to give you a more stable self-image

These idiots are a) covering up their own inferiorities - you could be aggressive & exploit their problems but this would backfire; b) they are pleasing someone popular that doesn't like you, as if you blocked a position they desired, etc.; c) school authorities are shamefully turning a blind eye, certainly not teaching etiquette.

Change schools, take some self-image classes in private and some healing should take place - not to mention a new, positive direction, saved from years of bad, scarring memories.

MrScTi · Answer

Count your blessings and cherish those who are close to you. I won't tell you to ignore the immaturity of those kids who heckle you, because I can't imagine what it's like to walk in your shoes. One thing you must realize and take to heart now is that teens are cruel. They talk so much crap until they either get punched in the face or fear retaliation. They don't realize how painful the words that come out of their mouths until the pain comes around. Realize this. Grasp it with both hands.

I'm not saying your nose will be perfect tomorrow. I'm not saying people will suddenly think you are gorgeous. I'm saying that life progresses beyond those immature brats. You can't control what people think. You can control your future. Work hard and dedicate yourself to school. Do research and find out about the field you wish to work in. Start now. 7 years from now when those college dropouts are working menial jobs you will have your degree starting a lucrative career. Make your family proud.

mrlonelyone · Answer

I would like to tell you adults are different. They aren't.

The truth is some people are just jerks who are insecure.

The difference is once you are out of high school you don't have to inflict those people on you ever again. You can simply go where people will appreciate you. The people who make themselves feel better through bullying in high school often end up victims of arrested development. They end up flipping burgers until they die or something not too much better than that.

You know what.. while they are flipping those burgers they'll still talk about you... in order to make up for their insecurity at being on the lowest rung.

So if it's any consolation realize that in most cases the real world social order is the reverse of what it is in highschool.

Idolism · Answer

Society is based off a totem pole effect. Back in the day, there were low, middle and high class people and honestly, there will always be. Because you feel that you lack self esteem and appearance, doesn't mean you have to lack heart. There are tons of guys out there who look past the outside and want personality in a girl, regardless of how she looks. However, you're in high school and you have many years to encounter that special guy. The people who make fun of you are most likely insecure of themselves and put you down, just so they feel better about themselves. They have no idea who you truly are, you probably have talents that they could only dream of and your personality may be exactly what they've always wanted.

Keep your head up high, legs crossed and bring your self esteem up.

OpenClose · Answer

I think it's retarded (yes, I still use that word) that people talk down to and pick on people who they think are unattractive.

I mean, I may not want to date them, but that's basically the only case in which I should care about looks at all. I'll vote an ugly person into office. I'll befriend an ugly person.

I mean, you also have to figure, everyone has slightly different tastes. Traits that seem repulsive to you could be of little importance or flattering to someone else. I have a friend who loves big noses, for instance. Another friend who loves huge girls.

I mean, people who are considered "ugly" by most people's standards already have it hard enough in love, having a narrower selection of people to find.

Perhaps they do it to fit in with their peers. In that case, I'm glad I wasn't a very socially active person during those years. Kids can be cruel and enforce some pretty messed up standards on "fitting in".

bprox · Answer

a -13? what yours scale out of? lol =P sorry to be honest its a terrible draw. but it also has to do with where you live most of the people from here seem to genuinley think that there are no ugly people, if a person doesn't look good the girls still talk to them like normal and guys still joke with them. know if you're giving off a defeated look many people will seize the opporotunity and jump it makes them feel good.

one of my best friends face is covered.. and I do mean covered in zits. many people would take the opporotunity to make fun of him but in all actuality he is one of the most popular kids at my school. he's hilarious and very confident. so I think it might also have to do with how you act. and I'm sorry, people are sh*t holes, to be honest I think the human race is awful but I like the people in it. if that makes sense sorry I traveled a lot of different paths in this paragraph... oh well

ShyGurlTee · Answer

Gurl I COMPLETELY relate. Omggg I used to have small anxiety attacks before high school. People just loved to tease me. But I changed, and you will change. The kids at your school are shallow , insecure kids, trying to look cool to each other because their not happy.  Honestly do yourself a favor, every day before you go to school just say "fucc em!". Everything your going through will pass and make you a better person. I know your pain. So please believe me when I say this will noast. Senior year was my best year because I embraced who I was. You'll understand soon enough.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I think a lot of people do it because they are insecure. I am very insecure and I often think to myself 'wow he's ugly' or 'yea I'm better looking' and I get very competitive in my head with any other guy I see. Now I am never ever mean to them because I know how it feels to be teased and I never say anything or would ever make it clear in any way what I'm thinking, but some people might find that if they call the other person ugly its like reinforcing the idea that they are better looking, so it gives them confidence.

Now about your self esteem - yes noses can be an issue, but luckily they are solvable. Get a nose job! I don't like my own nose either and I think I'm going to have a nose job. I know it's controversial, but if you look good other than your nose - you are OK because you can just get a nose job if you want. It's not like being too tall or too short of big boned or having a weird shaped face or something. You can fix it :)

NayaAbouzaid · Answer

I used to be fat , so I kinda know what your going through , I'm in the 11th grade . just think of this , imagine yourself to be beauty beyond beauty and everyone liked , wouldn't you feel kinda betrayed that people only liked you because your skin glowed or because your eyes are big etc. Don worry about them , when I was fat everyone respected me because that's what I demanded . 9th grade everyone laughed , 10th grade still fat but walked like I was the queen of the world , then by 11th lost the weight , still queen of the world.

Its all about how you walk , talk and represent.

Anonymous · Answer

When I was 11 the popular girls would mock me about my nose and everything one girl even said it to me"hey you are só ugly that no surgen can fix you" and I tought she was way uglier than me, and I was OK about it, I got really said and kind of believed in her... Then when I was about 14 I realize guys looked at me like they limes me even the pretty ones, and I had a big nose... I was self consious about it after people started talking about it... When I was 21 I had a nose job and I feel way prettier and better I think I am pretty now ... Any girl can be pretty... Don't care about this people they are just immature and problematic people they wanna see the flaws on everybody else just só that we don't motive their which might not be in the face but in their life.

destroyer · Answer

Because beauty is a valued trait amongst everyone, people like things to be pretty.  Kids (under 20) are usually more immature and unable to suppress their dislikes of ugly people.  Your best bet is to stay in shape, wear makeup, wear good clothes, and just laugh at people back when they try to say anything, don't let it bother you, don't be reactive to others.  In the end, confidence is usually more attractive than physical appearance

pawan_jasoria · Answer

well yes you are right we all are cruel, but why you loosing your confidence, why do you care what other thinks, outer persnality matter, but internal beauty is far better then outer personality, just find some good friends, they can understand you,

Good luck and don't looose self esteem and don't afraid to face peoples because that's makes you ugly :)

Blobb · Answer

It'll get better with age.

One thing, in everything there's an opportunity. Here you opportunity is to get a thick skin, don't let that sh*t get you down, you'll thank yourself for it when you get through problems in life much more easily than they do.

You'll regret it if you let this get to you.

LiliLippps · Answer

Because they're ugly inside and have insecurities, so they wanna pick on you to make themselves feel better.There's something about you that is so awsom to them and it bugs them, if that wasn't the case, then they wouldn't do that to you. Don't worry about it girl just shine, shine, shine!

Enickols12 · Answer

First your problem is in this sentence "I just wish I didn't know I was ugly so I could be more confident.", you are only ugly if you let people make you think that. For the reason why people make fun of other people it is because they feel bad about something about them selves and are trying to keep their own insecurities out of the spot light. No one is perfect, and the people that seem that way usually are the most messed up.

kaythanksbye · Answer

Oh wow... That's not right. You're like the first to make me realize how bad it actually is when I'm judgmental of other people. Things can get better for you after high school. Like I've heard most people say, once you graduate you'll realize how insignificant your high school life was

WavyCherry · Answer

People like to isolate and make fun of the people they think will be easy targets. It's cruel, unkind, and they do it often times because they have self esteem issues themselves. Making fun of someone who won't fight back is an easy way to make themselves feel better.

Why are people so mean to "ugly" people?

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