Why do girls run away from the nice guys when they always say that's what they want?

Girls always say that they end up with assholes, but when there is a nice guy in front of them they don't know how to react.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Simple solution if you not getting anywhere being nice then switch it up a bit, become a jerk, look women whine, cry, and complain a lot and about the dumbest crap you can think of. So instead of acting like her gay shopping pal, step up your game, and when she whines and cries and complains tell her to stop. Stop being there for her every step of the way who cares, they have other girls to deal with all that emotional crap, if all women wanted was a nice guy in life this whole world would be full of over emotional not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, guys, thank god the world isn't like that.

    Be a man not a shoulder to cry on, trust me once you stop being their crutch and actually tell them well ya life is full of problems no reason to cry because you can't find the right shoes to go with your dress you will get a lot further with women. Stop being so understanding of them, who cares I don't know why they can't leave the house because their hair doesn't look good, I just tell them wear a hat then, or a put your hair in a pony tail, but if you don't figure it out in about 5 seconds I'm leaving without you.

    A nice guy would say something like no no your hair looks beautiful as it is, but if you really think it's that bad and if you don't want to go then we can just stay here. Notice the difference one guys a jerk about it and mission accomplished she's in the car. The nice guy gets screwed because he let her get her way and now he gets to sit at her house with her while she sits and pouts on how her whole day is ruined and he gets to comfort her.

    • Wow... reverse psychology.. you know what.. not a bad idea.. but nice guys better remember it pretty fast when theyre in a situation like above..

What Experts Said

  • 3|1

What Girls Said 17

  • okay I hope I'm not too late in answering but I disagree with this concept and what most of the guys answered. I really don't think that the majority of girls really wants a jerk versus a guy who's nice but this is why it seems like it:

    1) people often remember stuff that doesn't make any sense and/or shouldn't happen. girls shouldn't want bad guys/assholes/jerks but some do and because of the ones that do many guys think that most - if not all - girls do.

    2) guys who end up being jerks usually don't seem that way when they're first meeting girls they want to attract because, well, they want to attract them. they seem really cool and friendly until they got them then they show their true colors. unfortunately girls get attached to these guys and so they usually still want to be with them even with their jerkful ways.

    3) nice guys are usually also shy and insecure guys. they hope that the girl they like likes them back, but they have a hard time doing anything about it and wonder why the girl isn't all over them. guys who are jerks are also usually very confident and, thus, easily get girls to fall for them.

    I bet there are other reasons that it seems like girls like jerks versus nice guys but these are the main three that I can think of right now.

    • I think same is true with nice guys

      some nice guys wind up showing their true colors, after first meeting a girl... that's kinda how the girl I liked wound up, she thought I looked like a nice guy, then she said I was a bad guy, kinda weird eh?

    • I think some guys confuse being "nice" with being a pushover...or even better.... use being "nice" as a way to manipulate a girl or at least that's how she might see it.

  • Cause when your used to bein hurt so much and disappointed, its scary to think you'll ever get treated right because your always let down. Girls like this often feel like they don't deserve better cause every time they've tried, the same old thing keeps happenin then they lose hope and continue to date the shitty guys cause they are used disappointment and anytime your used to something its hard to trust anything else that is different. In other words, a nice guy is a change but if a girl is not used to a nice again, she's afraid of change, afraid of something good happening for her. Also, nice guys are boring. Most, which I don't know y but they usually are and a lot of nice guys are not that attractive. Funny how bad guys are the pretty boys, the athletes and etc type of guys who take care of there physically appearances to attract girls. I guess you can say girls like this rathergo for the looks than how a guy treats them.

    • See I'm not ugly and have no prbolem getting women..i meet the ones that take advantage of being spoiled and abuse that and basicly create monsters... I be blinded because of my feelings and attatchment then have to let them go so in away I meet the wrong ones lol now that I think about it

    • Well not all nice guys are ugly or really attractive either. Honestly, really handsome guys use there looks to get what they want(women) therfore abuse it because they get greedy and stuck up attitudes treatin women bad. Nice guys finish last. Sry

    • Hhaha tru.. but id rather be last than regret the past

  • They don't actually want a bad boy. They want a combo... a guy that can give them playful attention by teasing them, but still knows how to be respectful about it. Simple as that. They want a balance. The problem is that not many guys know this, and they try to be one or the other, when they should try to have a sweet & sour combo. : )

  • You have to date all sorts of people before you know what you want; that's true to everyone. The "jerks" know how to manipulate feelings so girls think he's nice, but really, they've just been manipulated. Nice guys don't know how to manipulate feelings so they usually don't get the girls until these girls that got played develop their Bullsh*t meters. The plain and simple truth is that they can't tell they difference. It might be obvious to guys because they dicuss this amoung each other or they hear a girl complain about it, but what guys don't know is that they act the same way around us but with a little extra something (smoothness or, whatever their trick is). Nice guys always end off better in the end though so, don't worry, because while nice guys are having honest relationships with nice girls, the jerks will be alone and unhappy because the only type of woman who wants an aging jerk is a crazy woman who can't get married herself. Hope this helps!

  • LMAO. This is the way I see guys. I am really nice and I have morals. When a guy finds out how I am he doesn't know how to react except to be a dickhead. So uhm I am just as lost as you are.

    • Thats shitty I wonder what's happens you got 2 people that are the same way.. Is it magic and to good to be true or a stale mate meaning it won't go anywhere....But don't change there somebody that excepts you for you that's what people keep telling me..

    • People are stupid. End of story.

  • I don't want a guy JUST because he is nice. We have to have chemistry too or it's just not gonna work. Also, a lot of nice guys are too passive and don't make a move so if he is right in front of my face I probably wouldn't see him that way unless he did something special ya know?

    • Ok so if the chemistry is there there is no reason to overlook right? In the end if I'm giving my all why is for a girl to meet someone have way..

  • I definitely know exactly what you're talking about. I am pretty much in that position right now, I met this really nice guy who adores me and treats me right but there's just no chemistry for me. Then there's this other guy I'm talking to who is a complete douche bag but whom I find myself completely attracted to. The problem with nice guys is they get so attached and yeah you guys say and do all the right things, but you're boring and you can make a girl feel smothered. Nice guys need to chill out and keep yourself busy, be aloof every once in a while. Give a girl some space and time to think. Also don't do creepy things like staring for long and I mean long periods of time and remembering weird details about conversations/dates and then bringing them up. Don't talk about your "game" and your insecurities if you're just getting to know each other. Assholes tend to be more attractive because they're smooth operators, they know all the right things to say for when they mess up. And usually what happens is a girl will get fed up with the asshole but then he'll say or do something that makes her stick around. I don't know why but that's just how it goes even though we know they'll just mess up again.

    • Im a nice guy but I attract the girls take advantage and that's where I come up short..so I always call it of and they don't see why..

    • Show All
    • Totally not true. when you get hurt believe me or not you would want a nice guy. nice guys are cooL, and fun. I'm one, I'm not boring at all woman don't know What the f*** they want. how dare you come to any nice guy with thIs sh*t. when you get pregnant by that asshole and he leaves you, who will come and help you a nice guy because the asshole's don't wanna have anything to do with your ass anymore. nice guys don't attached. Go learn some knowledge than come at us NICE GUYS. TRICK

    • Haha chill out lol and yes we there wil be the few cases where girls will run to the nice guys but time and time again, we don't usually end up staying with the nice guys and we usually end up leaving them for whoever we have feelings for. The nice guy we go to is usually in the friend zone. And they're is a difference between nice and being a clingy creep. You just sound like someone who got screwed over....you're bitter and need to get over it or at least don't take it out on other people.

  • I've known some supposed nice guys who have actually turned out to be quite horrible.

  • Most nice guys I know are boring. I don't want a guy just because he's nice, he has to be kind of course, but I'm also searching for some excitement in my life.

    • Nice guys can be very charismatic and have great personality . . . You sound that you are more like after fun.

    • Wow Lysane... You and I should get into a relationship if that's the case.

    • How about a nice but spontaneous guy? for example I was hanging out with a girl I like today.. we were driving back from a small food place..and as I was about to pass this exit on the freeway that said.. Santa Cruz.. I was JUST bout to pass it going 70 mph.. and I asked her hella fast I said.. 'you wanna go to santa cruz?' she said yes. and almost crashed but made it on to the exit loll... that was exiting. dark as hell but at least we made it to the beach. got lost on the way back too hahah

  • because they are used of them 'assholes' so when someone treats them right, they feel like they are wayyyy too nice so they want some spice in the relationship. like for example. I don't mind nice guys, but I'll rather get a rebel. I like to play/fight/argue/tease the guys and the 'bad' ones are always the perfect match. I don't mean FIGHT FIGHT for real. but, if you play with me. you better watch it! haha. lol.


    • I know what you mean I like doing the same but there's no wrong in giving the girl everything she wants at the same time..

  • thats a bit of a generalization, but it is probably true.

    If a nice guy was interested in me, I'd be all for it! But it seems like guys don't even notice that I'm a girl. If a nice guy notices me, he just sees me as a cool friend to hang out with. And complain about life to.

    • But see I want a person I can talk to though cause you want to estabilsh that bond as friends that's what makes relations strong

  • I dated this one guy and he broke up with me. I started dating someone else on a very seroius level a year later and yes he was no good. However, the guy that broke up with me said the same thing. So I tried going out with the first guy again and he started being an asshole to me. So we think that the "nice guy" is just a cover up.

  • Honestly, I don't think girls want either a "nice guy" or a "bad boy", because those are very broad generalizations, and are on the two ends of the personality spectrum, if you will. For example, everyone has a food they love, but if you were to get it every single day would you want it anymore? Most likely not. The "nice guy" can sometimes be too nice, showering girls with love, affection and gifts, which is nice at first but after awhile its not even special anymore! Thus, I think girls tend to lean towards the "bad boys" because their personality and lifestyle offers spontunity and excitement and the near-guarantee that life will never get boring as long as I'm with him... even if you have to endure a horrible egotistical personality in the process. And due to that personality the relationship is almost doomed to failure, but I digress. Basically, I think us girls pretty much want a guy in bethween the "nice guy" and "bad boy", who can be affectionate, giving, and listens to what you have to say, while being fun and spontanious too... and maybe a little teasingly mean (if you get what I mean) lol.

    I think me personally, being kinda introverted, usually goes for nice guys or someone in between. But that's just me.

    • You hit the nail right on the head, I hate it when guys say that we "say" that we want good guys but we really want bad guys which is SO untrue.

    • You just explained how women want bad boys even for the long term, and are even willing to stay with the bad boys when they have to endure something bad about them. Now when a nice guy does something that you have to "endure" suddenly you leave. You pretty much proved that women go after the bad boys and why.

    • I'm not sure if I could really say that anything long term hardly lasts with "bad boys" to begin with... but the sad thing about the girls-only-like-bad-boys arguement is that it's kind of related to wanting what we can't have: they usually don't shower girls with the affection they want which keeps them striving for more, but when they get it from the good guys it becomes kind of routine and expected and they really don't give a care about it if it'll always be there regardless.

  • Maybe because some nice guys just look but ugly?

  • same girls don't know what they want in life. also you can find girl that like to play games

  • some girls do some don't.

  • i like nice guys. I don't run away from nice guys. but I do run away from guys who are too confident. I don't like jerks. so I don't think most girls run away from nice guys unless they're just not smart.


What Guys Said 16

  • Maybe the guys who think they are the nice guys aren't nearly as nice as they think they are =/

  • I can only speculate, but maybe a possible reason is that they're so taken aback by a guy who's not a player, jerk, etc. that they don't know what to make of him, and don't pursue him further. There's also the unfortunate problem of jerks and players generally being better at promoting themselves, whereas a lot of nice guys stay quiet and hope to be noticed. In that case, if a true nice guy can learn to add confidence to his repertoire and put himself out there more, then he should eventually find who's he looking for. Take it from someone who's been there and knows.

    • I never thought of it like that and makes a lot of sense..

    • No problem, happy to have helped you.

  • Will never understand women *sigh*

    You women always cry out loud how you end up with jerks and how you want a nice guy.

    But after your heart gets broken . . You just do that all over again.

    What is so damn fascinating in ''players'' ? They might be mysterious and bad asses but still treat you bad. . . And you women STILL always fall for them.

  • It seems to stem as to what confidence is and a guy who is too nice seems like a wuss, pop culture and Darwin have shown that a guy who is strong in character is not a girl hence he becomes someone to be desired like, be cool and hold back on the politeness just be the fantasy women want, as we men want the fantasy of awesome beauty.

  • trust me, I've had a ton of dating experience and everything that your mom and old girl-friends and the movies taught is bullshit! women LIKE nice guys, but they are not deep down ATTRACTED to nice guys. nice=FREIND ZONE if you were a woman, who would you be attracted to? rick moranis from huney we shrunk the kids.OR george clooney/brad pitt? simple answer. play it cool, BE BUSY, people like busy people=people want what they can't have. be aloof, and I suggest you google "david deangelo" don't have to pay for his stuff but he's got great advice that tripled my dating! make women chase YOU, not the other way around

  • i totally agree with you bro.even though you offer them ur hand, its very unlikely that they would accept it.offer them that you would take care of her if given the chance and they don't even budge.its hard to let it go since there are a lot of great girls with aholes.but we can't do anything but offer them the other option and see if they'll realize that good guys are the real deal.

    • Hell yea I know what you mean..

  • ...this is the stuff of life...

  • hey all. whenever a woman tells you she wants a nice guy she wants the opposite. I treated my girl treated f***ing queen Elizabeth, she dump me for no reason what's so ever. I was nice, caring, freaky, all that stuff. Woman don't know what they want. When a woman loses the nice guy she had she lives in misery because she found out how special the guy was after he movd on and found someone else. For woman things have to soak in with them, when a woman is with a asshole she then realizes the nice guy really loved and cared about her. Its hard but you have to keep being you. don't let a woman bring you down. Its to many nice ones out there. keep being you my brother.

  • Nice guys never flaunt it. That's what makes you hot. Nice guys think it's about. . . you know being friendly. Or whatever. It's really about how f***ing awesome you are and how badly she ought to want to be with you - and you just gotta own that attitude. But it's really about knowing how much you're worth, liking yourself, and being confident with who you are. You gotta take care of yourself - go to the gym, eat right, do what you love in your life and be excellent at what you do; buy clothes that fit (doesn't have to be pricey if you're broke), wash your face and shower, get a proper haircut.

    Nice guys think about how much potential they have and then think "oh, women should just be flocking to me." Well they can't read your mind and they aren't carrying crystal balls. You have to put the goods on display. It's like window shopping a store that has naked mannequins - where the f*** is the selection?

    And of course, nice guys don't persist. They don't get out there and put themselves on the market and find out what girls like and do that to death until they get their foot in the door. Rome wasn't built in a day, the pyramids weren't built in a day.

    Last but not least - nice guys hang out with other nice guys. Like that's going to help you get girls. Go hang out with some guys who are already handy with the ladies whom you also can get along with.

    Hope that helps. Bottom line: stop making excuses.

    • Lumm3, you have the right attitude thank you, finally someone on this board other than me that's know s what they're talking about. You have the attitude of she has to convince me to want to give her the time of day not the other way other around. I bet you Lumm3 gets girls left and right, I have that same attitude and I get women all the time.

  • im in the same boat as you are bud, I am a nice guy.ive been told that I'm a romantic, compassionate, caring guy. but you asked why girls say they are looking for one thing but get the bad boys. that's cause most of the GIRLS want a bad boy.start looking for women. after talking with many women I have come to the conclusion that girls are dumb and can't make up their minds about wut they really want but women.they know wut they want.they want a caring compasionite, romantic guy.and I have found of one those women and I'm not letting her go. so up your bar.aim a bit higher and ull see that nice guys don't finish last.we get the women that will last a lifetime

  • If being a nice guy is wrong then I don't want to be right and for all the gilrs out there that feel that way to me that just makes you an animal a product of evolution but iam more than that iam a man I was born to fight but I chose to love so if iam wrong for being a nice guy I don't want to be right,

  • If being a nice guy is wrong I DONT WANT TO BE RIGHT so f*** it if that's the case ill live in my own world by my own self

  • Simply put, the stereotypical "nice guys" is mild mannered and boring. "Assholes" are the "bad boy" type which seem like a challenge, so girls chase after that. In reality, girls just want a gentleman who actually has a backbone without being an insensitive douche.

  • Nice guys get put into the friend zone. You are probably very quiet and do everything she says. No challenge, no confidence.

    You need to be respectful but not a puss. Take the lead, be confident and don't kiss her a$$ all the time.

    Dont be an asshole, but be a little cocky

  • girls are attracted to masculine guys bro. its a natural instinct a girl wants a guy who can protect her and take care of her and if your nice and sensitive etc it just seems like your weak to a girl. every girl I've met has always said they like assholes because theyre more masculine. girls want you be the man in the relationship take charge and tell her what to do shit like that but show her you care not too often and not too early in the relationship but the more she cares about you the more you should show her you care because that creates passion and romance and they like that shit too. they want to be treated like they matter but don't seem obsessed and don't be too sensitive. that's how I see it