Why do I get nervous?

[Anonymous]

It's been like this since middle school. I can talk to a girl, but sometimes I run out of things to say and voila! Awkward pauses, and then when I want to ask to hang out or for her number I get nervous and fail. Then I kick myself for not doing it.

What is wrong with me?

[thorthorley]

You are making it a too big a deal in your head when actually its a really simple task. Just try to have more confidence.

When you run out of things to say, its not the fact that there is a pause that makes it awkward. Its only awkward if you make it awkward. Plenty of people have pauses and feel totally comfortable with it. All you have to do is just act cool and confident like you meant for there to be a pause and she will go along with it and feel more comfortable bc you are comfortable too.

Also you can actually take advantage of a pause if you want to sexually escalate with a girl. By holding good eye contact and just staring into her eyes, she will feel butterflies and the sexual tension will increase. Its a similar moment that happens just before a kiss when you 2 just look at each other and there is a pause which just builds the sexual tension. So next time just try holding eye contact and feel more comfortable.

Asking to hang out and for her phone number isn't a big deal. Its just a question and if you have made a good interaction with her you should be confident enough that she will answer yes. If she says no then its no biggie and you move on. Its worst if you dont ask at all so just give it a go.

[Asker]

Yeah, that's why I kick myself later in the day for not asking. Next time it is

[MikeGaultier]

Nothing is wrong with you. You may have a bit of social anxiety. Experience tends to mitigate the symptoms.
When talking to women, let them do most of the talking. I've yet to meet a girl who doesn't like to talk (nothing wrong with that). The "trick" is to keep her engaged. Don't just ask a dead-end question. Ask a question that allows her to reply in a way that would allow you to ask a follow up question.

[Anonymous]

Make it short..
The more you guys talk and see each other the more you are comfortable

[ThatJarHead]

It's just social awkwardness my friend. Just remember to breath and do t let your mind race. A good excersize is to sit in the middle of a crowded mall and observe.

[Asker]

This happens only with new people

[ThatJarHead]

That's why I said go to a crowded mall. Talk to random people you've never met. It'll help you get over it. Trust me I had the same problem.

[Asker]

I've actually been trying that at school recently, I don't know how to avoid those awkward pauses though

[ThatJarHead]

Practice talking fast to a friend or a family member. I find singing and getting a rhythm in your head while talking works. Use a metronome app or get a real one and talk to it. If you have a rhythm in your head while talking and get good at talking to an internal beat it becomes habit to talk coherently consistently and fluidly. This is the same advice I give people I teach to speak English.