Unfortunately, for 25 years he never learned how to talk with you, although I would bet he really loves you, just have some strange way to show that. Maybe if he would know how to tell you what is bothering him, before you do that, if this is a reason why he felt like he is hurt. I guess you do not act deliberately to p*ss him off, it is just the way you are. Maybe the best way for him and for you two (because it seems that you care for your relationship as much as he is) is to try to find some professional help, it is silly that you passed down 25 years and that he still feels urge to change you. It is a hard thing but if something in your behavior or anything is hurting him, he needs to tell that openly. Maybe after that you would not always act in that manner that he needs to act like insulted kid. If he does not change something he will just keep to hurt you and himself as well. It is stupid to throw away 25 years of, I would say, generally not so bad, life together (or you would left him much, much earlier), just because you do not tried or did not know how to walk a bit one towards another...to adjust a little without changing personality, 'cause, it is too late to change personalities, you are far from teens, thanks God... It is not some big answer, but sometimes a bit professional help can move things generally in good direction, either towards better unity or towards civilized and reasonable split. Maybe it would just make him to open a bit, to talk, to articulate his problems and to try to look things from better perspective, not to act like kid...
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Its not that men ignore others when their hurt (some guys get way more aggressive too, which could be worse), it that he does not want to continue arguing with anybody. I don't know the full details of what you both argue about (and its not my business), but many times it is what we guys call "nagging". He might be tired of you telling him what to do, why he this and that, throwing around some insults here and there about him etc. It could be also that he is depressed and wants somebody to at least comfort him and LISTEN to him instead of hearing criticism every time he opens his mouth. When I mean LISTEN... it means that he comes to you, sits down and talks to you. You cannot force him, as he has to initiate the conversation. When (if) he does tell you some stuff, do NOT get angry, and comfort him. When he is finished, do NOT force him to make decisions, let him take his time, and when he does figure out what to do, you should try to help him achieve his goals.
Speaking from watching my mom and dad, I see them arguing a lot too and that is my basis for my response, but there is sure as hell no "divorce talk". Divorce will just cause problems mostly for the kids (no mater how old they are) and that is horrible.
I hope that helps somewhat.
I read through a lot of the responses and your comments to them. I see that you already tried marriage counseling and he didn't want it. So I now suggest to you that you get counseling on your own. It will improve your ability to cope with him when he detaches, and it will also help you to figure out how to support him and listen to him in such a way that it happens less often.
By the way, you are a safe person to blame for his woes and for feeling misunderstood because you will still be there for him. The people and situations that may actually be causing his depression and frustration are not safe to blame.
Immaturatey maybe. I mean I've heard of boyfriends ignoring their girlfriends but never a husband and wife for two whole weeks especially with 4 kids and living together I'm sire it makes things really awkward for everyone. It just not healthy to totally breakdown and ignore someone. I think that maybe you should tell him that it really hurts you when he ignores you and you feel like he doesn't love you or care for you. I would try to make him feel bad, play it up and see if he reacts or what his reaction is then you will know how he truly feels about you by his reaction.
But both of you are so unhappy, and you both know it too.
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I say you need a divorce lawyer. Your husband is an idiot. After 25 yrs, he runs downstairs and pouts like a 5 year old? And doesn't even speak to you? What the hell? Sounds like you two are already separated, just sharing the same house. You said it yourself..."You're miserable, he's miserable" and I'm sure if you two have kids living at home, they've got to be miserable. Tell him to stop whining and acting like a littel bitch, grow some balls and deal with the problems you two are having or else you're leaving so you'll both move on to happier lives.
I do this, I feel weird talking though problems with people and I know I can take anything but it'll just take some time. you need to tell I'm that he shouldn't feel uncomfortable about taking to you and him it hurts you to see him upset. good luck
I do this. Initially it's just anger that he probably doesn't want to take out on you. But it sounds like your relationship definitely needs help. Marriage counseling?
I think we do it, because then we won't say things to you that hurt. When people get hurt or angry we want others to feel the pain, so he's trying to protect you from himself in some ways. You guys just need to sit it out and talk about it.
If he can't talk to you like that, maybe get a marriage counselor involved so you can have a safe place to talk about your issues with a non judgmental listener
How does he want you to change?
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