Why does that matter so much? I loved him too :(
He dumped me because I used to be promiscuous :( ?
Why does that matter so much? I loved him too :(
Men by nature do not trust a promiscuis woman, if she was willing to give it away that easily what will stop her later? Why would he treat her special if she never required that from others? Many studies have shown that the more partners a woman has the more likely she will divorce (1% with one partner, 16% with two and so on.) Those who score in the upper half of the sociosexually unrestricted scale (ie casual attitude towards sex and by extention are promiscuis) have a 50% divorce rate and a 50% chance of cheating. Its also been linked to depression and self esteem issues. In short its a lot of negatives that will all adversley affect him (women initiate divorce 80% of the time and most divorce laws favor women) so that is a huge risk. Now you say you use to be promiscuis but how does he know that? A lot of women claim they "changed" their priorities and "realized" what they really wanted in life, but this is after sleeping around (usually while he worked to establish himself in career or what have you) and then suddenly have a change of opinion as they begin to get older and by extention less desirable. So was it a change by choice or circumstance? That would be something he would always be left wondering about, did you want him or was he your second option because the first (sleeping around) wasn't a viable option any more. He chose not to risk getting used and broke it off. This is his right and choice, in a relationship men have the most to lose so he must be incredibly picky when it comes to who he begins a long term relationship with. Just as you had the right to choose to be promiscuis (though I don't think 8 is that bad but then women also almost always under report as studies have shown). Unfortunatley you where never told this before hand but rather where told that you could live it up without consequence and that could not be farther from the truth. My recommendation would be to think about your life choices why you made them why you stopped the behavior then if you can say honestly that you are not a risk to him, talk to him explain the situation tell him how you have changed and its not simply because of convience (I had an ex who long story short had been promiscuis but it was due to a really screwed up child hood incident (religous family, accused of premarital sex and was ostricised etc.) but it was understandable from the circumstances and she wanted to change). He may not take you back but at least you will have learned about yourself.
What was your motive behind that many? What rationalization did you feed to yourself each time you went out and got yourself a fling? Considering everything that could have gone wrong - and how it would have affected your whole family, not just you; how many of your excuses do you feel still hold any water in light of reality?
If you're still convinced you are justified and righteous, then that attitude may have been what has scared him off. Because if it's all about pleasure and material gain, then commitment is meaningless. So who's to say you won't cheat? With a woman, even? And what sort of baggage - emotional or biological - does he stand to gain from it? What excuses from his past is he trying to do better than, that he feels you'd force him to still defend?
If those are his issues, then the two of you do have deep divides to overcome. If the number alone is all he cares about, then he is petty, and doesn't deserve you.
Dude get over yourself. How can your mind bring you to all these assumptions?
Even if she's at the low age of 25-29 that's one boyfriend/Year since 18. And even at that there could be many many reasons why each didn't work out.
@SarahsSummer : She said she slept with that many, not that she was in a committed relationship with that many. And it is entirely possible to date and be chaste. Based on how some of my exes would cheat or otherwise treat me like crap, and that everyone makes excuses to fornicate when they do, it's not impossible to conclude that he assumes the worst about her based on her number. My entire point is, he needs to learn the motives behind the number, and not judge on numbers alone. My exes, with the exception of one where things got out of hand, were all chaste romances - with me at least. I didn't hold it against them if I was not the first suitor they had ever had, nor that they weren't virgins. But if they had shitty life attitudes, or treated their previous suitors horribly, that I would take note of. Not that they had sex if they did, but why they did, and why some were able to walk away so callously.
Maybe they cheated because they were ready for sex but you refused. No excuse for cheating just that you picked the wrong women in the first place. It's entirely possible she picked the wrong men. Your first paragraph of assumptions are clearly because of the broken nature of your relationships. Try not to project that on others.
There could be numerous reasons why she had that much. Just the number shouldn't be a reason to break up.
@Felinegirl exactly!
@SarahsSummer : Actually, with most of them, sex was never even an issue. It was that they were going through tough times in their family lives, and were at best only halfhearted about me being in the picture in the first place. Most of them decided they were better off single until they got their issues sorted. They just didn't handle things in a very graceful way.
Yeah, some of them were just plain douchey. The rest... simply didn't know what they were doing.
And yeah, I believe she picks her men poorly.
@Felinegirl: I was saying that exact same thing. Motives matter, not numbers alone.
@ObscuredBeyond, You in your own life had several relationships that didn't work out. Should that be held against you for your next relationship?
@SarahsSummer: My point is, does he think she's a manipulator or not? Having lots of sex is one thing. Being a manipulator, however, is something else entirely. He seems to be assuming that if she's gotten that much, she must be a string-puller. And that's where the danger lies.
Once again your are inputting your own experience to the situation. Each relationship could have any any number of reasons for drawer her to another. To pass judgement without first hand knowledge is quite reckless.
@SarahsSummer: That's the natural reaction of most guys. If a woman has slept with that many men, then either they didn't mean anything to her, or she was manipulating them, or possibly both. Yes, there's a chance that wasn't how she felt. But I'm telling you what most guys assume.
You also have to take into account, that family will ask questions. Including about the sex lives of the guy's prospects. The higher her number, the more effort he needs to defend her against his own family passing judgment. That's pretty universal, not just specific to me.
I'm not sure what planet you reside on but in all my years of dating, meeting families and Introducing my mates to family, never once has either of our past sexual history been a topic of conversation. SMH. And what I am attempting teach you is to assume is wrong, as the old adage on the subject states.
@SarahsSummer : Your family sounds very laid back. Mine has always had this mindset of: "Assume their dates are con artists, until proven otherwise." A promiscuous past is an automatic red flag of "probably a con artist." And with four of my sisters' past boyfriends, and at least two of my ex-girlfriends if not a lot more of them, that has turned out to be absolutely true. If they've had a lot of partners, and they can never stick to one story, don't ever let your guard down.
This may sound like Paranoia Central to you. But my family has had to ward off a lot of rotten apples; and they usually follow a pattern.
Ever since my grandma's one cousin was driven to attempt suicide by his gold digger Filipina runaway wife, you have to be "unimpeachably worthy" to breed with the family's seed.
So it's a wonder any of my siblings managed to get married.
Omg. I feel so sorry that is how you were raised. It truly saddens me.
@SarahsSummer: My aunt tried to force me to break up with my one Filipina ex. I thought Wilgrace's outfits were fine, especially since she is an architecture major living in 90-degree weather all-year-round. My aunt looked at a picture of her off Facebook, and was like: "that ho!"
Wilgrace being from the Philippines also led to automatic rejection from my aunt, who was still under the prejudiced assumption that all Filipinas just want American men for their money.
Wilgrace eventually left me for some basketball player, proving my aunt right about the "ho" part, so the "problem" took care of itself. My aunt was convinced Wilgrace was gonna drive me to attempt suicide, and that history would repeat itself. That part turned out to be bogus.
I was more angry at myself, for letting her existence slip at work - which resulted in paranoid feds harassing her step-dad (who didn't know anything, or me.) I told her nothing either. But... that's government for you.
There is this double standard in society that men are allowed to be promiscuous, but women are not. It is ridiculous, but real nonetheless. Some guys feel that a girl that sleeps with too many guys are not loyal, they are cheap, easy, and are more likely to sleep around even when she is in a relationship.
A mature man definitely don't think this way. You deserve better.
If a guy dumped you, cut him off completely. This is the only way you can regain your value in his eyes.
There are plenty of guys out there. My best advice is to find one that accepts you for what you are.
Ok I've only been with 2 people and I'm happy about that but for a (25-29 yr) that's not that horrible of a number. Most of my friends are early 20's and aren't married like I am. They're partying it up. I wouldn't call them sluts and they've had sex with more than 8people. The fact he's only been with one person is the only reasonable excuse for his opinion. Especially if you're ready to settle down and be serious most guys shouldn't care. Most guys I know wouldn't care as long as they don't have to hear about it.
I think he has the right to not want to date because of your past. For some people it's something important... However it should have been said a long time before so you wouldn't catch feelings and the both of you end up disappointed!
Well the problem with that is most women get very angry when asked, so its kind of hard to gage when to ask what the response will be etc. Why get cussed out (based case scenario) if the relationship isn't going anywhere to begin with?
@hellionthesage I personally wouldn't be in a relationship straight away, I would spend a lot of time getting to know him, what he wants in a relationship, his desires in life... just so I know if we're compatible
How would you go about that without actually being in a relationship? Get to know him as a friend first or what?(just curious)
@hellionthesage yup, get to know him as a friend, I would probably regularly text and talk for a couple of months at least before deciding if yes or no it would be interesting to become boyfriend and girlfriend
How does that work for you? Does he accept it, do you still go out on dates or is it more like hanging out with mutual friends etc?
@hellionthesage I never dated! I almost never get interested in guys... But the guy I like and I have been talking for 7 months and we brought up all these important matters that's why we love eachother! We both value families and want to get married, we both want kids, he knows that I am a Virgin and I know that he isn't... If we lived in the same country we would have been dating by now...
Ah, okay. I was just curios. Well good luck with your relationship (hopefully he isn't too far away).
@hellionthesage Hahaha thanks! Well we only have the Atlantic Ocean separating us 😋
Ah, thats not that bad, I mean its not like its the pacific. You should probably make a move soon though, the atlantic ocean is growing wider and he is moving away at the insanley fast rate of an 2.54 cm a year from you. If you wait to long he could be a whole meter farther away :D
Well good luck anyway (I am presuming your from Europe (I want to say france?) which is why I used the metric system instead of the imperial, you are welcome.)
@hellionthesage haha wow We should find a solution ASAP 😂!!!
And thanks for the centimeters! I have such a hard time with the imperial system 😖😝
Yeah I live in Paris but I'm not French and he lives in New York 😊
I know the imperial system better then the metric but the metric really is a superior system, oh well American stubborness keeps the imperial system strong. Oh thats not bad at all, paris to new york. Well anyway good luck to you, I hope it works out :)
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Being promiscuous says something about the person you are. He probably thinks you like sleeping around/can't hold a serious relationship or something along the lines of that. He probably wants to settle and make the next girl his wife and so isn't willing to take that chance with you.
People have the right to not date anyone they don't want. It sucks when someone doesn't have the same feelings you do, but unfortunately that's life. The good news is there's billions of people on the planet and you'll find someone new a week or to if you just go out and meet people. Cheer up!
A lot of these questions today...
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1938806-why-are-some-women-so-disgusted-by-a-man-s-past
To anyone whose head is attached correctly, it doesn't matter.
So because someone doesn't want a partner who has slept with many people, that makes them crazy?
@Anno_Domini It means they have an attitude to sex you wouldn't expect from an adult.
It means that sex has meaning to them beyond just getting yourself off.
@Anno_Domini It could well have meant something, for all you know, with all of her previous partners, even if the relationship didn't pan out in the long run. You've immediately jumped to the same conclusion as her now ex-boyfriend. Sex isn't dirty and doesn't make you dirty.
Finally a logically thinking man.
media0.giphy.com/media/io9xZrNM2ct4k/giphy.gif
Anybody can choose who to date and who not to date, if he doesn't want someone who has had more sexual partners than him then I guess that's his right. Truth is, guys can feel quite intimidated by a girl who has had more experience than him. It could be that, but I don't know. I can tell you most guys would probably not mind 8 partners at your age.
Hope this helps :)
Well he's not a hypocrite with his preferences and he had the courtesy to end things before sleeping with you.
Fair or not, it's his right to make that decision. That said, I personally think it's a little strange to shoot someone down for an eight, but that's just me.
Anyway, what I find even stranger is that he waited so long to ask you a question like this -- especially given how important it is to him.
It means that he is nervous about whether or not he would be able to give you the attention you would need. If you were promiscuous then obviously you weren't satisfied with someone you were with. Plus it puts you in greater chance to acquire an STD or STI. Plus the guy is worried you will leave him, because you won't be satisfied.
he has a hard time believing there could be something special with you because you have the same thing with so many others. ladys should think the same thing about guys. if they have been with a lot of people whats the chances they will not stick around.
It is unfair however he seems a good guy to me. Ending the relationship with you before making it 9. Many men wouldn't do that. As for you being or not being promiscuous your number isn't all that shocking for 25-29. It might even be on the lower end. He is of course entitled to have whatever weird preferences he wants for a relationship. I for example never date people who like popcorn.
You'd be surprised how rarely that limits my partners.
You most likely don't see sex the same way. You don't take it as seriously as him, and that bothers him.
People need a partner who they're compatible with.
well its fine. honestly after 3 partners a women is a horrible investment for marriage statistically. he knows this internally and good for him for going after what he wants. you wanted sex and got it and thats also fine.
Why is she a horrible investment? I had more than 3, but young mistakes made out of curiosity shouldn't define my capability to be a good monogamous partner.
If a guy had more than 3 it's never a problem but if a girl has had more she is suddenly a slut and not marriage material?
She didn't want sex, she wanted a relationship with this guy.
@Felinegirl men and women are different get used to it.
Yes it actually matter to 97 % of Guys... Basically you not a gf/wife material to him...
8 is just too much... I wouldn't even think about dating you..
Think about it.. You slept around.. Means your attitude was slutty and promiscuous... It's did not what we guys want in a girlfriend...
We want her to be slutty only for us...
Fair? My sister once dumped a guy because she didn't like his shoe selection. At the end of the day you along with everyone else have full freedom on who they decide they want to fuck and date.
It's just his preference. There is probably some evolutionary/biological reason why men prefer women who have to no other sexual partners when it comes to building relationships. shouldn't be surprising.
Child rearing was intensive, resource and time wise, its not particularly favorable to spend that much of your own resource into a child that may not be yours. So women who are less promiscuis would be less likely to lie about the childs paternity and less likely to cheat. The whole reason why the man is spending his life working and fighting on her behalf is for the right to reproduction so finding her giving that right to some one who is not spending 14 hours a day working in a field is naturally an adverse situation. Also why men have a 70% probability of detecting infidelity as opposed to a womans 50%.
@hellionthesage "Also why men have a 70% probability of detecting infidelity as opposed to a womans 50%."
That's really interesting!!! do you have a link or something for it? I'd really like to read more on the subject!
I can't find the original report that I read (its probably lost in my favorites list, so many things their its never getting found) but here is another one that states the same thing (different percentages but men still had a significantly higher probability of detecting, almost 20% higher): www.independent.co.uk/.../...nfidelity-978550.html
@hellionthesage awesome thanks! lol about your favorites bar, mine is the same.
Yep I have folders within folders, catagories ranging multiple topics and I still can't find anything. To much just way to much.
Well, I see your age listed as 25-29. Let's say you are 27 for example. That's an average of one a year since you were 19. At your age I really don't see that as promiscuous. I think he's being a bit sensitive but hey we're all individuals.
8 men at age 25, is a different man every year since age 18.
That'a not alot! Dude is an insecure fuck that I hope eventually grows up.
No, he's good, she a t*ot
well that's fucked up.
Ha, ha.. The number one lie women tell to men is how many people they have had sex with. Didn't you know that?
Is not fair at all, but why talk about the past relationships when all it brings is problems. It's not even worth trying to fix things because he will always judge you for it. :(
LOL...
8 in my books is almost too few, and certainly enough to be considered inexperienced.
Because you guys may see sex differently.
you may enjoy casual sex while he may only have sex with serious gfs.
Such an obvious and reasonable answer that so many other GaGers just can't seem to wrap their minds around.
Well said.
@gray_sailor thanks!
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