How do you prove to a girl that you're not just pursuing her to get in her pants?

I REALLY like this girl and we've been friends for about a year now. She's known I've liked her for a very long time. We aren't dating but I would love it more than anything. Every now and then she says things like "Guys are only ever nice to me because they want to get in my pants" or "All guys want is a f-buddy".

Sometimes I feel like these statements are directed at me. I don't really know what to say. I mean, yes I want her sexually, but I want everything else that comes with dating too. How do I let her know that?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like you're in a pickle, because like TC123 has stated, it's like you're already locked into the "friend zone", and once you're painted with that brush, it's pretty hard to wash off. I guess the real dilemma, is what you do next. There's a few scenarios that play out in my mind, as I read this.

    The first scenario, is that you keep being there, gaining her trust, and continue being the friend etc etc, as Marmelade suggested. I wouldn't drop the L word just yet either, as rjg20 has suggested; that's too much of a leap of faith. But if you don't know where you stand, and where she stands, then you're setting yourself up for a bit of heartbreak. Does she really know that you like her? Or are you assuming that she knows that you like her?

    If it's the first one, then you're really in a pickle, because a) She knows the score and b) She's not doing anything about it. She's either stringing you on, by not shooting you down or telling you where she stands in it all (either she likes you back, or not), or she really is ignorant of how to deal with a situation like that. If she knows where you stand, ask her about it.

    If it's the second one, where you're just assuming that she knows that you like her, then it's not so bad, because there's nothing out in the open just yet. i.e her doing nothing about it, is great, because she doesn't know anything about it. Problem is, you'll have to bring it up, if you want something to come from it.

    The second scenario is that you throw it all down, and let it out. I wouldn't call it a confrontation, but I would bring it up casually (if there's such a thing of raising this topic casually). Tell her that you like her, and you don't want to be in the friend zone anymore. Clearly state that you don't want to just get into her pants, but want to build a long lasting relationship. If she says something like, 'But you're like all the other guys, and are just saying that to get into my pants', then clearly, you've already lost the battle, because it's already been a year, and she still thinks you're like that; talk about having your work cut out for you.

    If she still thinks like this about you, then clearly she doesn't know anything about you (I'm currently assuming what you want is a long lasting relationship, and not a trophy lay, and just seeking approval by asking this question, without all of the full details). Plus, you're probably wasting your time, because you've already been painted with the "bad guy / every other guy" brush, and that paint is sticking...

    Tough call, but it's a make or break situation. You're either going to win out, and start a relationship, or you're going to lose out, by either just being the 'guy friend' for a fair while, or you're not going to be friends at all.


What Girls Said 8

  • Tell her that you want to hang out... But not at night, in a typical put-the-moves-on type of place. Not the movies, bar or a swanky dinner. Invite her to do something goofy, like laser tag or mini-put. Show her that you enjoy her company, regardless of whether or not it's sexual. Be a gentlemen, and try to have serious conversations with her as well... Ask her deeper questions about herself, and prove that you've been listening and paying attention to her... The key is to earn her trust. Once she sees that you're not like other guys, then she'll be more receptive to the idea of dating you. She's probably just not used to guys who actually respect her and want relationships, especially if she's really physically attractive. I hope that his helps :) Good luck!

    Oh, and if you have the time to read my question as well, any input would be really appreciated.


  • Tell her you love her, if that is the case! And take it slow if you're do go out on dates. You should make the point that you've waited for her for a year and you've never tried anything sexually with her. I used to say something similar to my boyfriend! Before we got together I would always say "there's no point in relationships until you're, like, 20" and so then he never asked me out even though he really liked me. In the end, I was the one who asked him out :) Hope this gives you encouragement. It's always sweet to pour your heart out to a girl to tell her how beautiful you think she is and how you feel about her :) x

  • alternatively you could just get in my pants

  • Hm ya it sounds like they are directed at u..! But hey you kno what you can say back, be like "actions speak louder than words, try looking pass through all those a*sho* and who knows maybe you are lucky enough to see the person who really wants you from the bottom of his heart" lol I kno very cheesy but girls dig tht have fun

  • Make it simple and tell her how you feel about her. Tell her you would like to be with for more then just sex. She is probably just scared or maybe she had bad experiences in the past, but do point out to her that you guys been friends for a year now and you haven't made any sexual approach to her and she knew that you liked her.

    Go for it and just tell her your heart wish.

    Hope you guys work out. =]

  • Look at her face, not her chest, don't push yourself on her/respect her boundaries. Compliment her on traits of her personality, not her body/appearance. Tell her that you love spending time with her, and never drop hints that you want to have sex with her! Going slowly in a friendship/relationship prove that you want to be in it for the long run, not just a hookup.

  • Look at her face when she's talking, take her out on dates and don't compliment her body. I she still acts like you just want to get in her pants then she needs to get over herself and you need to move on.

  • Don't try to get into her pants, for start.

    Be her friend first. Ask her out and don't get physical on your date. Be a sweet guy and explain that you like her because...(list personality traits you like here)...

    Chivalry isn't dead either. If she confronts you about just wanting to get into her pants, explain that while you are sexually attracted to her, that's not why you want to go out with her. It's because she's (sweet, funny, fun to be around, smart) If you mention her looks, always mention them WITH something else, like her brain or sense of humor. That way you aren't just talking about her body.

    • Did you even read his question? The very first line is "I REALLY like this girl and we've been friends for about a year now."

    • Good call TC123

    • Yes, she read the question!

      I think what she's saying, and what I agree with, is that since he's not just trying to get in her pants, he should show her that. Don't just assume that because you want her for more than sex, the sex comes with it automatically. Openly tell her how you feel, and admit to being attracted to her in every way, but also tell her that you are willing to take things at her pace sexually.

      Then, actually do that.

What Guys Said 9

  • When she says stuff like "Guys are only ever nice to me because they want to get in my pants", gently disagree and tell her that on top of being a knockout, some of the other great things she has going for her that would make any guy want to be with her.

    If she protests about any of what you say, follow up with something like you can only tell her for sure how much all that's great about her makes you want to be with her.

    Might work, or you might crash and burn, but you have to go for it and find out!

  • Lay it all together when you ask her out. My current girlfriend has also gone through plenty of messy relationships and had a hard time dealing with her guy-paranoia, but all it took was time and trust building. Tell her that you really like her for who she is (supplement it with traits; ie, smart, kind, warm, thoughtful, etc) and that you will prove to her that you are worth her effort because you're different from the other guys (at least different in terms of sexual gratification). Take it slow. Once you gain her trust, you can move on from there. Tread carefully!

    Best of luck.

  • Just be patient and after every time she turns you don't keep after her! eventually she will see you are a good guy and she will open up to you.just be patient and don't rush things

  • This is a hard predicament chap.

    I find a lot of girls these days always assume a cynical stance when you start suggesting some sort of attraction to her. Best you can really do is just to speak your mind. If she does not like it, she probably does not deserve your attention. If she understands what you feel, then I think you might have found a winner. Good luck bro.

  • Tell her you're starting to have feelings for her and you care about her more than just a normal friend. Doing this before you've ever had sex may convince her you're not just looking for sex.

    I know you're probably afraid to do it because you could ruin the friendship but if you don't do anything you'll never have any chance at all.

  • I had a friend who wanted to sleep with me turn that on me saying I just want sex from her. Considering that she propositioned me and I didn't initiate it, I was all WTF. We stopped talking and I haven't had any more of her head games. Though I didn't have the same feelings as you do for this girl.

  • Tell her you've been friends for a year, if you just wanted sex you'd have quit talking to her a loooooooooooooooooooong time ago.

    • Also, ask her out BUT be prepared for a refusal since 1) you're in the Friend Zone and 2) no matter what she says about guys being horrible assholes, keep in mind those are the guys she is picking out.

      Sorry but it sounds to me like you have feelings for someone who doesn't return them and might even be intentionally wasting your time.

  • No you can never prove this to a girl.