Girlfriend is distancing herself?

The girlfriend and I have been together 1.5 years. We've talked seriously about marriage, kids and life. The last few days have been rough, she's complained to me a lot. Right now, I am not working (lost job) but actively searching for a job.

We just moved into a new place that she bought and majority of the financial burden is on her. I try to help out and before she used to say she didn't mind being the bread winner. She said she could support us. But now that's changed. She doesn't want that and she doesn't like how I am...

Just in the last few days we've taken a major turn. She doesn't call me from work anymore. She doesn't call me after work anymore. Now, she's out late with some people at work.

She says she's upset because she has to tell me what to do. Which isn't true, I am looking hard.

A major blow was I missed the deadline for school for finishing my engineering degree in the fall. She took it really hard.

I'm trying hard...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Since you still live with her, and you see her every day you should just sit her down and talk to her. Just ask her what can you do to improve the situation? Tell her you will find a job, and you will help to pay the finances and for her to just be patient with you. If she loves you she will love you regardless of the money you make. My husband is the only one making money in our relationship and he loves me so much he says that even though I don't make any money he doesn't mind. As long as I am with him. So good luck with you and her.

    • We've had a few sit down talks already. At first it was, just make the effort. Then it was, I had to do it. Now she can't take it. Although we love each other. She told me she can't stay with me unless it gets fixed...and soon. She said she needs to be "taken care of".

    • Well get a job, any job until you can find a better job. Help her out and show her you have it in you. Good luck


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What Girls Said 6

  • Would it be weird if I said... I'm going through the EXACT same thing... my boyfriends been distancing himself... acting super shady... saying things like "oh don't worry man I'll come get you if me and my buddy go to the bar..." that was 5 pm... its now 2 30am... bars closed and he still isn't home..

    hes adding all kinds of random girls he's never gone to school with or worked with... being distant never calls me beautiful anymore... talks different... forgets me alot... never tells me he loves me and claims he shouldn't have to after so long I should just know...thing is the way he's acting.. I don't know...

    my honest opinion...sit her down and talk it out with her... things really only ever get worse without talking... explain to her you are trying and youd appriciate if you understood how hard you are... that you love her and you really are trying to better yourself for "our"(your) future together... keep it positive but be honest.

    • Man, really do not keep yourself attached to this guy anymore. get out while you can and start busying yourself. Leave him as soon as you can girl.

  • A relationship needs balance ...

    she spends her days makin the dough

    u spend your days baking it ;) you get what I'm sayin?

    if your doing all the other sh*t that goes along with having a place, maybe making supper for her? keeping the house clean, those types of things while actively searching for that job, she'll have less to complain about.

    then again, I don't know your situation, just interjecting my idea of what the situations like.

    • Trust me, I do. I clean up the house, move the boxes, unpack, pack. Make the bed, clean the dishes, etc. etc. I even drive her to work in the mornings and sometimes pick her up after work... I also buy groceries and try to contribute... but every day its "did you find a job?" "why not?"

    • Show All
    • well, just talk with her, uve heard her 'complaints' maybe its time that she sees that she doesn?t have it all that bad. the next time you sit down with her and talk , put forward all that you DO for the relationship, and for her. if she can't accept & respect your efforts then maybe you should be questioning the relationship, but it seems as though its too early to tell if this is just a bump from the stress of having this new place, and having you loose your job, or if this change is permanent.

    • So update: We kinda got better but now she fell off again. Today, she saw me doing the dishes, getting salad ready and folding laundry when she asked about jobs and stuff. I told her I applied and didn't h ear anything back. She asked if I liked being a maid. She went on to say that she wants to be taken care of (she makes 6 figures). Before she said she doesn't mind being the bread winner...all that... she asked me a few times if I think she's spoiled since her dad helped her buy the house...

  • how do you miss the deadline! no you aren't doing everything I would take that as you didn't care enough to get in school on time. you knew when was too late you know when school starts! I would be mad at you too it really dosen't seem like you are really trying. y would you OK moving into a new place if you knew she was going to be paying for everything? no I would be mad too

    • 1) The school deadline was 4 months before I decided to return to school. Literally outside my control.

      2) She knows very well the situation. She wanted to get a place anyways. I told her up front that I can't contribute for a while. She said "I understand".

    • she feels like you are just a moucher! she really does and she most likely wants to be anywhere but at home with you the reason she stays out late now. you have to show her you want to help and be a big part of the relationship. you should spend more time looking and harder to find a job. if you are say you are trying turn it up a notch and show her! your action will say more then any words. until you get a job or get in school it will be like this

  • Consider going back to school? It looks good and you'll likely get in somewhere. It really helps getting a job to have more education.

  • talk to her and ask her what's wrong. she may just be really stressed.

    • She is. She's stressed about the house she pays for and me not having a job.

  • Maybe you should talk to her about this.

    • Yeah, we've talked about it.

What Guys Said 1

  • girls always said they can support you, but in the end they all want us guys to support them... if she out late a lot because she looking for someone new who is more successful. That's how it always is most of the time. She sick and tire of covering your butt. So yea.. have a sit down and talk it out and reassure her. If she feel insecure then she has to find it somewhere else.