Should I ask him what happened or just act unaffected?

[TrinityNOLA]

I had been hanging out with a guy that I like a lot and there is amazing chemistry between us. I love that even more than the physical stuff, we can talk for hours about everything. Anyway, after hanging out several times and even after he spent the night, HE started asking me what I thought about us doing the whole dating thing. He even aske me if it was OK for him to grow his beard out (he's an actor and needed it for a role).

Now, immediately after that, several things happened. He moved (same city still), got sick, hosted out of town guests, started a new job, and then we got into all the holiday stuff., He hasn't asked me out in almost 2 months now. We still see each other around town occasionally and he still kisses and hugs me when we see each other.

My question is, should I ask him what happened or just accept that he simply doesn't have the feelings for me that he might once have had? I've known guys that try to pull stuff like this before you sleep with them, but not when you wake up in their arms.

[OnlineDatingCoach]

Truth is sometimes we don't know we were just after the sex until we DO wake up in your arms.

I know it's hard on you, but it can be weird for him too. We guys are wired to chase girl and sometimes that programming takes over and we chase hard. I'm sure you've seen guys come on hard and then back off - well sometimes we back off after we've had sex with you. It can be a strange phenomenon when we feel drawn to you and then all of a sudden we don't - it's almost like we've tricked ourselves. It's happened to me in the past and I just ended up feeling stupid - and remorseful that I'd probably hurt a girl's feelings in the process.

Here's what it boils down to though - if he was into you, you would know it. Sounds like right now he's just not. There's not a lot you can do about that but showing interest in him right now probably will not help.

You can ask him what happened if you like - but then what? It very likely won't change anything and may just because him to feel uncomfortable around you.

If you can, just play it off like you could care less - and don't show much interest in him. If he scared himself with the 'boyfriend talk' the best thing you can do is act like you're not all that into him. The effect that has on us is it makes us wonder why you're not into us, and what it is we've done wrong. He may even ask you at that point - but if he does don't unload on him. Just play it cool - act only mildly interested - and he may start chasing again.

Hope this helps...

[TrinityNOLA]

Thanks! Nice to hear from the guy's side!

[Anonymous]

Doesn't really matter why his feelings changed, but if you really need to know, ask him? Why wonder about or value a relationship the other person doesn't, I know it can be confusing without an explanation, but I don't think there is one need when he treats you that way.

[vmw2008]

After two months I would forget about it. Something has changed, he has a lot going on in his life, and it's possible this is his M.O. until he meets a new girl. Time to start moving on and next time you bump into him, don't let him kiss you.

[TrinityNOLA]

Thanks!