Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm seriously trying to help you, but the answer to your initial question is: because you let them.
You need to figure out what you want and what your rules are, and I *strongly* advise you to make "no sex outside of an 'official' committed relationship" a hard and fast rule. Once you know what your rules are, you need to make them known UP-FRONT to any guy you show interest to, and you need to make DAMN SURE that YOU don't get weak and let them be broken, because if you do, people won't take your rules seriously. And this isn't something you should play by ear; I can already tell that you aren't strong enough to know when to stop yourself in the heat of the moment.
If you don't mess around with guys until you're in a real relationship, most of these problems will go away on their own. YES, that does mean many guys, who just want sex, will lose interest and move on, and you have to be okay with that and let them go. The ones who stay will almost always be the guys who really want to be with you and will take you seriously.
In order for other people to respect you, you have to respect yourself and be willing and able to stand up for yourself and say "NO!" when necessary. And I don't men "no?" or 'no." but "NO!" You have to mean it, and the guy has to know you mean it too.
You're trying to have it both ways: you want to be able to mess around with guys outside of a relationship, but also have them take your relationship rules seriously. You can't have it both ways, and that's why they laugh at your rules: your actions show that you don't stand behind them.
Smarten up, grow a back-bone, have self-respect and demand a basic level of respect from the people in your life, and these problems will go away.
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Instead of assuming guys love you you need to assume they just want sex and decide whether that is OK with you or not. If that is not OK then do not risk it. If it is then see it as a one night stand. If you wake up and are pleasantly surprise that a one night stand becomes a two night stand and a someday 1000 night stand then that will be a pleasant surprise. But to assume the best and be disappointed will entrap you to be a doormat...think about it...the more you are willing to live with the worst case scenario the less you will fall for petty tricks and statements -false promises made to you. This will in turn give you inner strength and confidence which will translate to others as 'do not screw with her because she knows what she wants'...you can be innocent in your heart but NOT in your behvior which is what others are preying on.
Hon, I think that you have answered your own question yourself. If you read your own question & take a step back you will see...You allow them to treat you this way. Let me explain.
Take the example you gave of your "friend." You say you have been physical with him sometimes in person & online. But this is really only FWB. You even talked about stopping the sex between you 2 if he finds a girl. Now you've found out that he has a girlfriend and you're shocked! Why? You knew up front that you 2 were not in a relationship & that he was looking for someone. You said it yourself. Other guys? Maybe they know of this & want in on the deal.
Take a look at how you look, how you dress, what kind of vibe you give off to guys. Too friendly? Too fast? Guys are visual beings, and they can get the wrong idea quickly, so rethink your look. I doubt, too, that you are not pretty. You must be attractive or you wouldn't be quite so popular.
Let's look at the word: gullible. This is something that might define you. Too trusting & you believe most of what others tell you. So, a man can "get by on you" fairly easily. You need to be more skeptical. Take your time, don't buy into everything you hear them say. Wait a long time before giving yourself to them. Get to know them, "weed them out" so to speak. If he likes you, he will wait. Take pride in yourself, respect yourself & they will respect you.
Listen, you need to start being able to define a relationship and not have sex until you are in one. If you don't, what you've described is going to continue to be a very sad & painful pattern for you.
You're too nice.be more of a bitch and guys will respect u. You sound like you tolerate too much from them, like if you dislike something he does call him out.don't be afraid to ignore guys when they don't do what you want and play by your rules. You make the rules, not him.guys can do what you tolerate but if they know you don't play that, they'll be more likely to act right
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this is just from reading the title, so sorry if I'm off. but I just read a girls question in which she essentially uses guys to buy her sh*t. this is pretty much the guy version of that I think. both are f***ed up and wrong, but both happen...sucks
With only reading the title I can tell you it's because you allow them to. Stand up for yourself.
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