My boyfriend dumped me over the phone after we had a dumb little fight. Why?

[Anonymous]

We'd been together over 6 months and everything seemed great. We hardly ever fought and everybody thought he was really into me. Then we had a little argument, I didn't speak to him for a few hours, then I apologized. He accepted my apology or so I thought. I texted and called him afterward and he didn't reply. I got the silent treatment for almost a month. Then he finally answered my phone call and said that he didn't want to see me and that there was nothing more to say.

Updates

+1 y

We fought because I got jealous about another girl. In my view, I thought he had been talking an awful lot about this particular attractive female. He denied talking a lot about her and denied any interest in her. I did apologize to him after a few hours. We had been together over 6 months at this point and rarely fought.

Updates

+1 y

But I haven't even asked him about his past relationships. If he wants to spend time with his friends without me I let him. I am not one of those women who is always calling and trying to see what he is doing when he isn't with me. I am usually really laid back and mellow.

[MrOracle]

IMO, he wasn't very mature about this, and maybe you weren't either. At your age, you should be a bit more thick-skinned about him "talking about" another girl, but if it seriously did cross the line (and maybe it did; I'm not saying that's impossible), then instead of fighting about it, you need to just tell him how it makes you feel when he does that.

His reaction was definitely immature; it seems he's not able to share his feelings well either. Given that that's a problem for both of you, this relationship probably didn't have much of a chance to go the distance anyway, so it's probably best that it's over; he might have done you a favor by breaking up with him.

In the future, though, instead of getting mad and fighting with your guy when he does something, just tell him how it makes you feel. If he cares about you, he'll realize he hurt you, and he'll fix the problem (or at least try to share his perspective), and if he doesn't, then you know that you need to end it and find someone who does. Don't tell him not to do something, just tell him how it makes you feel when he does it, and let HIM figure out what to do about it, unless he directly asks you what to do. You'll find things go MUCH better that way.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. You are right and I should have handled it better. I do regret that. I know that he is passive aggressive and has trouble expressing his emotions. But I never thought that this would happen.

[MrOracle]

I believe that. Don't think I'm being too hard on you; it's just that the only person you can fix is YOU, so I'm telling you how to avoid that in the future, so that you'll have a better chance the next time. He needs to fix his stuff too, but he's not going to listen to you about that at this point.

[2EagleEyes]

Sometimes you do something that can't be undone with "I'm sorry" especially early on in a relationship. He may have found what you did as something he isn't willing to forgive or he caught a glimpse of behavior he is not willing to deal with. Some behaviors are deal breakers for one and not another.

He may have just seen the relationship as exhausted and was just waiting for an excuse to end it. If it's done it's done... don't try to force something.

Good luck

Eable

[Anonymous]

I had something similar happen to me with my last relationship. We were together for 5 months everything seemed great. Then, the first argument, text him the next day and apologized. He gave me the silent treatment, that was his break up. Really though, he just wasn't ready, didn't think I was the right girl, doesn't matter why, and took the first big wave as an opportunity to jump ship. I had a sweet ending though . . . I was dating someone else and he came back and said he wanted to try again. Well sorry bub, moved on already. Glad I did too, while I got along OK with the ex and we had a nice time, it was nothing to the love I have for the guy that came after him. We're now engaged. And the ex knocked up another woman about 2 months after he had tried to come back to me so maybe in a sense I bit the bullet :-). Bottom line is, he didn't want the relationship and was waiting for the first easy oppportunity to bail.

[asdaven]

There is another possibility. He was cheating with the other girl and he didint care about the relationship much and breaking up with you was the most "convenient" option before you found out. But who know? Whatever the reason, I'm sorry to hear. Things will get better. :)

[aMuse]

What was the fight about? You call it a little argument, but he obviously he didn't see it that way. My guess is you really disrespected him in your " little argument" and he saw you for who you are, or he felt like you were starting drama over little things and didn't want to wast time with you.

[aMuse]

That's the reason for the break up then. He felt you were being jealous and controlling and you didn't trust him. I've dump a girl for the exact same thing before.

[aMuse]

So? He's was likely just being open and sharing a story with you about a friend of his, and you turn it into a fight where you're questioning his integrity and loyalty to you, painting him as a cheater or whatever, demanding to look through his phone or who knows what. He was open with you, and you painted him as a bad guy. Who wants to stay with someone that treats them like that? =S

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this wasn't the reason for him breaking up with you. Maybe a small part of it, but there must have been something more. What was the nature of the fight? I mean, was it heated? Were regrettable things said?

He owes you more of an explanation than what he gave you, that's for sure.

[Premonition]

to me Crazy Jealousy, Smoking & Ghetto Public stunts are Deal Breakers.

I think you need to move on, I know hurts, but try an stay strong

[Anonymous]

1. who uses the word "mellow" in this day and age?

2. He might have felt like there was no trust in the relationship.

3. Apologizing and/or saying you're sorry doesn't fix everything.

[Anonymous]

He might have decided that jealous girls are just too much hassle to have in his life.

I feel the same way, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

He didn't want to be with you