I'm in love with my (ex)FWB ...

[Anonymous]

It's simple.. we had a deal to be friends with benefits and of course I knew it is stupid.. I fell in love with him, then he found a girlfriend.. he stopped talking to me for 2 months.. Then we started to text again and slept together.. I thought I am over him but then he acted really nice to me like never before, he was also jealous and we slept together once more (yes, he still had a girlfriend and he still does even that they have broke up for about week..) and the thing is, that I am not really over him .. I feel desperate..

[vajinator]

Hello,

This may be a hard pill to swallow, but then again, the truth in this life always is. Here is your solution.

You're yearning is for something you assume he can provide. You believe he can because you grew up in a world where dogs bark, cats meow and that true love cures all want, needing, yearning, craving and desperation for ever and end ever and ever just like your baby sitter Walt Disney brain washed you to believe when you were just out of diapers.

You have to do that for you. You must love yourself first. You can't up and one day take that love away like another person can when you foolishly rely on them.

You, like 100% of humans, are severely co-dependent and you are seeking your happiness from the very source of your pain. It's not your fault. It's not the fault of any of us. It's just the Walt Disney culture we were born into and automatically accepted as gospel.

But you've found out haven't you? Reality is no where near what Walt promised us is it?

The angst we feel inside comes from our inner animal screaming DON'T DO IT! The animal knows because it is in tune with nature...the nature of things, the nature of ourselves and the world inwhich we live.

And in nature things die. They end. We invariably suffer the loss of what we covet.

Winter must die for there to be spring. Spring must die for there to be summer etc. etc.

Become a master at loving and providing everything your mind, spirit and soul needs to survive happily and with a contentedness FIRST... FOR YOURSELF...and then you will be ready for the thing we call love.

For when the season of that love come and go you will have YOU to fall back on. You will be secure in your own skin and confident in the knowing that YOU will make it. That everything will be ok.

This makes recovery easy because it allows you to mourn the passing of something beautiful, love, and not get caught up in all the anger, hatred, resentment and blame that co-dependency provides.

Rely on yourself throughout life for your own personal fulfillment...if you are lucky enough to find a mate that honors and respects you than that is just icing on the cake.

The fallacy in Walt Disneys' way is that it's all inferred that it all just magically happens and we'll never feel the angst from the risk of setting our hearts and egos on the line and hoping they aren't crushed or betrayed. Walt's movies don't portray the precariousness of putting your heart in another's hands.

With Walt it's blue bird chirping, puppy kisses, kitten paws and cotton candy flavored unicorn farts.

He is the biggest cancer on human development this species has yet experienced. The plague doesn't hold a candle to the damage Walt has done.

[SteelyMcBeam]

I'm going to tell you what you already know:

Talk to him.

The only REAL way to know if things will work out or not is to talk it over with him. Who knows? Maybe he'll think you're his favorite girl of all. But if he doesn't then at least you will know and not lose sleep from wondering.

[SteelyMcBeam]

Or I guess people could just thumbs me down for stating the most reasonable course of action.

You are going to have to do it in the end anyway if you want peace of mind. Furthermore, it takes two people to be friends with benefits and no two guys react exactly the same. If you can start feeling this way about him that doesn't mean he can't start feeling differently, too!

[SteelyMcBeam]

Err... I meant to say "If you can start having feelings for him, than maybe he can start having those kinds of feelings, too" -not "that doesn't mean he can't" which doesn't make sense grammatically.

(just saying)

[Joedog]

He is just taking advantage of you - like most of us guys would do!

As long as you are available, he will continue to do so - like most of us guys would do!

Doesn't it enter your brain that he still has his girlfriend, has gone back to her after screwing you, that maybe, just maybe, you are being used?

You are the kind of girl that most of us guys dream about having, so I guess that he is a lucky guy in some ways. Most of us would really like to have a bit of spare available anytime it suits us.

Anyway, for your benefit, dump him and move on!

Better still, come to my city and be my fwb. Please?

[Anonymous]

1st of all people tend to love what they can't have. Your mind is playing tricks on you to a degree. You should stay away but you shouldn't. If you really wanted to get HIM then YOU would play hard to get but you won't. He most likely is not a good person. If you even had a chance to truly win him over you would bore of him or he of course would cheat on you. You grew up with some dysfunction to make you want to punish yourself. Hopefully you do not make this a habit and a cycle of madness. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

If he had any emotional feelings for you & not just sexual then he would have made you his girlfriend not someone else. As long as you keep letting him use you for sex, you will feel desperate.

He acted overly nice & jealous because he wanted something different to screw other then his gf...& he will probably cheat on her again, with you in about 2 months so don't forget to mark that on the calendar.

And you're wondering why you feel desperate? It's because you are desperate.

[TheChosen1]

The fact that you agreed to be FWB, means that you are scared of commitment. You should take time to fix your life and find what you want. Forget this guy go chill with other guys/girls.

[ivan50]

if you feel that benefit with your needs... just do it for fun.

taken Easy girl..

but true man, true love and gentlemen will never do it for benefit. why, from the prehistoric time, man fight, hunt and stand still for his tribe, for his family and for the one who is true love too.

only a beast want take benefit.

[KingJR]

move on, there's TONS of SINGLE guys out there waiting for you...Stop wasting time on this guy.

[Anonymous]

Your just getting mixed feelings. Sex brings people emotionally together and it's your mind kinda playing tricks on you. Whoever starts a friends with benefits is stupid (no offence) because it always leads to love for someone.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me like the guy just wants a booty call honestly.

[SteelyMcBeam]

Honestly, if you wanted a booty call wouldn't you prefer a former friends with benefits to some stranger, too?

Personally, I would sooner want to be in a relationship with a girl I was already friends with than some stranger. And heck, I'd only enter into a FWB agreement with a girl if I knew there was a chance we could become more.

[Anonymous]

You should stop sleeping with him.

Find a guy for yourself.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't and never has loved you, and he never will.

This is why young women need to stop whoring themselves out for 'cool' guys with charisma.

[Anonymous]

talk to him , but since he took you as a FWB I don't know if he'll want a relationship

[vmw2008]

What's the question?

[Asker]

I guess I just need someone's opinion

[vmw2008]

Well I think it's pretty obvious that this guy doesn't treat women very well and isn't faithful. Wasting any more time on him will get you hurt.

[OccamZRazor]

move on and date others

[Anonymous]

Ask him out. You only live once right?