What if being myself doesn't work?

[TamLin]

It's the oldest piece of advice in the world: "Just be yourself." This, apparently, is the be-all and end-all secret of social interaction. But what if being myself is the entire problem?

It's been universally true throughout most of my life; people just plain don't like me. I'm the awkward type, shy and always unsure what to say. If someone puts even a little effort into interacting with me I open up just fine, but then people tend to be put off by...well, I really don't know what it is. "Creepy" is the word people always use, and while that's hurtful it's such a common complaint that I assume I must be doing something genuinely wrong.

Now, since none of you know me none of you can assess my personality defects (although I promise it's not the usual suspects; poor hygiene, oddball outbursts, etc). But it seems pretty clear to me that being myself doesn't work. I need to change. The question is, how? To what? How does one act normal without it seeming to be an act? What do you do if being yourself is not only not the solution but seems to be the entire problem?

[HappyHrt101]

You said "awkward" as in shy probably? The only way that you are going to overcome this is by interacting with people. Do it...as much as you can! You will learn social cues. You will learn social behavior. You may stick your foot in your mouth a few times but guess what? It's OK. You will grow into a more social person and become more relaxed as time goes on. Sounds like you haven't interacted with people much. In my early twenties, I tried internet dating for the first time. I also met people at night clubs. I was always awkward. I mean shaking...trembling voice. You name it. After interacting with people so much...it eventually became a piece of cake. Now when I meet people, I can't shut up...I have personality and am known to be very funny (although, I am also very serious in other areas). Now I'm 32, I never get nervous now. I don't care how "good looking" the guy is. I'm confident but it did not happen overnight. Best wishes, try it. I do look back and have to laugh and shake my head at myself for being so timid in the past...no more. Just look in the mirror and say "i'm da sh*t"...ok so I don't talk that way but you get the picture :).

[TamLin]

No, see, I'm past that point now. I did the whole thing about forcing yourself to approach people and interact with them even when it's hard and coping with the feelings of embarrassment, etc. That's not my problem. My problem is that when I do that, and then get to know someone a bit, they're almost invariably turned off by...well, whatever it is about me that people don't like. If I knew what that was I would stop doing it, but as it is, it's clear I need to change my demeanor. But how?

[Shpongolia]

I hear ya man. And I totally get where you're coming from that's why I wrote this article link It's about why just being yourself is the best and worst advice out there.

[Ugliness]

If being yourself doesn't work, have an out of body experience and be someone else.