Am I wrong for not wanting to add my girlfriend on Facebook?

Question

I have a Facebook account which I do not honestly care for, I have 300 friends on it but do not add anyone else. honestly I only just use it for assignments and group work along with university updates but will delete it the instant I no longer need that.

I do not want any excuse to use it, my girlfriend has a huge issue with me at the moment. She is really upset because she uses Facebook and upset that I will not add her, (we been together a year but told her I am not bothered with Facebook) and she recently just found it.

She tells me I have been "lying" to her about not having one (I often deactivate it when I do not need it) but when she found it one day when looking for me she is really angry about it. I mean I have a MySpace also, you could say I lied about that also because I never told her about it (the last time I logged on it was 5 years ago).

Am I doing wrong?

why-makoto-kun · Accepted Answer

I'm with your girlfriend. Facebook shouldn't be as important as it is, but I use it as a way to let people know whether or not I'm taken, and a general summary of my interests, friends, etc. It's a big part of modern life. You should have just told her the truth, that you deactivated it and you don't use it much. Lying hurts.

I have seen guys lie about whether or not they had a Facebook, or get iffy about adding me. It hurt. It was like, if they'll add some random chick from one of their classes, why won't they add me when they claim they're interested in me? I mean, I understand waiting if you're just casually dating and not sure about the person yet, but when you're in a relationship, you owe it to your significant other to take down your "single" status and put "in a relationship" or put nothing at all for your relationship status.

I feel like if a guy won't add me on Facebook, he's hiding something from me. When I didn't have a Facebook (permanently deleted it), I didn't get to see my then-boyfriend's relationship status. While not having a Facebook reduced my anxiety to polish my image and pay attention to everything my friends posted so I wouldn't be an ignorant, "bad" friend, I regret not seeing that ex's profile and his relationship status, because I could have found out that he didn't take our relationship seriously sooner than later.

viva_glow · Accepted Answer

For her it's about how she looks. She's the girlfriend who can't have "In a Relationship with __________" because her boyfriend won't add her on Facebook. But really, to say, "my boyfriend won't add me on Facebook" sounds like an insult. Even if it's not meant to be. But Facebook creates a meaningless way of life in a way. People grow such dependency on it, and it grows to hold so much weight in one's social circle.

So do this.

You clearly hate Facebook. So get rid of it, PERMANENTLY this time. Then your girlfriend will have nothing to complain about, nor you.

Don't give me the school excuse. I got rid of mine a year and a half ago and I get along just fine with email and texting. Anyway, gmail has gchat and google docs and all sorts of great networking crud. You can do everything by email. If your groups refuse to cooperate and push you to join Facebook, tell them to stick it up their a** and if they have any dream of contacting you, it will never be able to be through Facebook.

Problem averted.

As for university updates, you might be stuck on that. You'd have to find other ways to stay connected to the information.

Or you could make a fake Facebook account? Just for schoolwork and updates? That doesn't actually add friends, only group members? Weird suggestion but it might work :S

gogogidget · Accepted Answer

1. Lying by omission is still lying.

2. By making a big deal about adding her, you're adding suspicion on top of lying.

a. suspicion that you're trying to hide your relationship with her

b. and/or trying to hide something FROM her

3. Making a big deal about adding her to a social networking site that is supposedly no big deal is kind of silly.

4. I understand some people like to maintain a sense of privacy. But those people wouldn't be so easily found, wouldn't have 300 friends, and would probably find a different way of communicating with classmates other than a SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE.

5. If you don't like her enough to add her, maybe that's a sign to let her go.

Just sayin'.

sochillin · Accepted Answer

Oh hell naw MySpace that sh*t is so irrelevant and Facebook is so lame and even us kids in high school don't use it any more (twitter and instagram is the sh*t now but I don't even use those) so you don't want to be "that guy" in college using it the way your girlfriend does, it's a bad look on you, b because really the only people who use Facebook recreationally like your girlfriend are middle schoolers.

So the first option is just tell her that you'd rather text or talk to her face to face b because you really don't use Facebook for recreational purposes BUT the second option could be that you JUST add her and (this is a bit of a stretch) ...change your status to "in a relationship" lol, honestly adding her would not be that bad BUT if she wants to talk to you all the time on Facebook don't do it b because then you'll be obliged to log in to Facebook just to talk to her and if you'll don't it will turn into some type of stupid issue about how you don't like her or you're cheating on her b because you don't log onto Facebook, trust me I know relationships in and out (almost) and some stupid things lead to another...I think I gave you great, trustworthy advice tho

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

I agree with you in many aspects of your argument. I rarely use Facebook and I despise the responsibility so often associated with it and other social medias. I hated that on our anniversary my girlfriend actually got angry that I didn't say anythign about it on Facebook, despite the fact that I hadn't said anything on Facebook in over three weeks. In my opinion f*ck Facebook!

However, what is the harm in adding her? Even if you barely use it, and especially since you barely use it what is the harm in adding her? Give her some peace of mind and avoid arguments. She probably feels as though you are hiding something (and I personally wonder the same) if you won't even add her as a friend. You have 300 friends what's the problem with 301? Let her know that it doesn't mean you are going to start waxing poetically about her on fb or even using it reguarly but that sure if she wants to be Facebook friends then what's the harm. Let her know that you live your life in the real world and don't need a electronic world to determine how you feel or interact with people but you want to make her happy so...

Anonymous · Answer

If you're never on it then why would it be such a big deal to add her and then never use the account again? I am practically never on my fb or w/e. My MySpace is likely as unused if not more unused than yours. I think what it comes down to is why not add someone? My reasons for not adding someone on one of my accounts is I keep things extremely private even taking care not to add someone over the friends they have to ensure security of things I don't want getting out. HOWEVER my last girlfriend literally I gave her the passwords to nearly all of my accounts, if she wanted to check something or w/e she was free to, and because we had/have such strong trust and are still friends I am not worried about her screwing me over.

SO my suggestion is either just add her and move on keep doing what you use fb to do and don't use it when you don't need it or explain WHY you won't add her if you have a strong reason of why you don't want to. I mean if you don't want other people to see her profile and add her because you are insecure about others flirting with her or w/e if she's understanding then it should only benefit you.

Anyways, I wish you two the best of luck and wish.

stupidstupidme · Answer

It really takes one click to add her, and it'll save you a ton of drama.

Let her know why you didn't add her, and that Facebook doesn't mean nearly as much to you as it does to her, or the majority of the young population.

But relationships are about sacrifice. If she thinks you have bad breath and wants you to eat a mint, you would, right? Pop, done. This situation is the same. Click, done.

Adding her is also a public acknowledgment of your connection to her. Girls are strange that way. You can hold her hand all day every day, but she will still get the most validation from one direct, open, public declaration.

bobbi789 · Answer

It sounds like both of you are making a huge fuss about nothing. I personally don't understand why you need to use Facebook for assignments/university stuff when you have googledocs and your school's website, but whatever. Regardless of how you use Facebook, just add her and continue to use it like you normally do. When she sees that you often deactivate your profile and stuff, she'll probably understand the situation better and will make less of a big deal about it. I'm not saying she's completely right -- because it sounds like she's being dramatic too -- but getting into a fight about something this small is totally unproductive.

300 friends is actually quite a bit for someone who doesn't use Facebook. My boyfriend only uses his account to keep in touch with foreign friends so he has about two dozen friends, but I'm still one of them.

shiller · Answer

I'm against the majority.If you don't want to add her then don't, it just depends how much this issue means to you. The only problem that might occur if you do will be that she demands something else of the Facebook and your opinion on these won't have weight.

I had a girl, who wanted me to add them, I didn't really mind, then they wanted me to change my relationship status, it either said single, or there wasn't one, I refused, saying it was unwarranted and unnecessary, she became a nuisance on that, so I just removed her from my friends list. She asked why, I told her that I didn't appreciate that behavior. I wasn't so keen on Facebook then, nor now.

In essence do what you want, and don't let anyone bully you into what you don't want to do, sure in a relationship there's compromise, but you decide what you'll comprise on, no-one else.

blondiedancer94 · Answer

Facebook is so everpresent in our society and a lot of people get really caught up in it. The fact that you said you didn't have an account is a blatant lie and she feels like you don't trust her so now she can't trust you. You may use it for school stuff only, but seriously, it's not going to be so hard to click add on Facebook. It just is the way the world works now; in her mind, if you aren't friends on Facebook then you aren't friends at all. Haven't you ever heard the expression "happy wife, happy life"? That statement goes for girlfriends too. Just add her as a friend, it's one click of a button to you, but to her it's a sense of security in your relationship.

imnotasecretagent · Answer

This sounds really ridiculous. I get maybe she would be angry that she thought you lied about not having one (which might mean she's worried you have some other girl(s) on your wall that you don't want her seeing) but why was she searching for your profile after you told her you didn't have one? Do you guys have some kind of history with lying? What's up with the trust issues?

Honestly, I hate Facebook. Especially with all the changes it's so frustrating. I had Facebook for like a year and hardly used and when I deactivated it all my friends were like "what the hell why did you defriend me!" Then after I explained they just keep bugging me to reactivate it. I hate that it's hard for some people to believe that some people just don't use Facebook.

Myspace was nicer. At least you could customize it and make it reflect you. Facebook is so... Blue... Ugh whatever, I'm off topic now.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

It's okay that you aren't a big fan of Facebook and don't want to use your account often. But the fact is, you do have an account and you have a whopping 300 Facebook friends. Why is she the one person who you won't add? You MUST be able to see why that makes her feel bad. If you truly don't want to use Facebook at all, delete your account. There are other ways to communicate with groups. If you are going to keep your account, just take the five whole seconds to add your girlfriend and make her happy. You are really making a big deal about nothing. And as long as you have the account, it's totally reasonable for her to want you to add her. She is supposed to be someone you care about and want to be associated with. Adding her on Facebook shouldn't be such a horror, even if you don't use your account often.

Speeder132 · Answer

Prime example of why some people truly say that social media sites ruin relationships.  Even if you honestly do not use Facebook (like me) just go ahead and add her.  Even though I haven't updated my profile in about 2 years, I still would add a girlfriend.  If this one thing would make her happy just add her and when she finds out you have nothing to hide, I'm willing to bet she'd trust you a lot more than if you didn't.  I'd also be willing to bet you could score brownie points for having your profile picture contain both you and her.  After that, I don't think your Facebook account will be that big of a deal.  And for the record, yes I do think that before Facebook everything was a lot easier and the world had less stalkers/creepers.

oneconfusedwoman101 · Answer

If you don't really use it then it shouldn't matter too much as there are many ways besides social media sites to hide things from a partner. If you were using a dating site and not telling her about it (like what happened to me) then I would understand her concern. If you have a even a few single female friends on these sites however I would suggest adding her to them just to reassure her. It couldn't really hurt if you don't use them much and it will keep her feeling secure about the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I would assume that she thinks you're trying to hide her, or keep your relationship secret. It makes her feel inferior and just now learned you had a Facebook despite avoiding the subject. You did lie about it regardless of when the last time you've logged in. If you have a car that you don't drive and it's in a garage somewhere, you still have a car. Get it?

AamuYami · Answer

She thinks you're hiding something from her, or that you're hiding her from someone on FB, or whatever.Just add her. It's not a big deal, but it somehow weird if you have 300 friends and don't want to add your girlfriend who asks about it. After all, why do you care?

earthlyangelic1 · Answer

Good grief just add her you moron... Obviously it is messing with your relationship because you're both so upset about it. You have two options, add her, and move on with your lives, or don't add her and possibly end your relationship. What is more important to you? Proving your point? Or keeping the girl you love in your life?

Anonymous · Answer

Its different 4 every1 I guess, but personally I wouldn't even b willing 2 start a relationship with some1 until they added me on fb!  Its a huge trust issue 4 me, I feel that if I'm gonna b in a relationship with some1 it should b published on fb, so I hav proof that all of their friends and family that are on their fb page know about our relationship, therefore I know I'm not in a "secret" relationship, I've had these problems in the past!  I understand why she would b upset if you led her 2 believe you didn't hav fb and then she found out you did, cause that affects the trust!  I hav trust issues so I know what that would b like!  But if you explained 2 her that you don't use it often, or that you don't care 4 fb, then she should understand that you didn't do anything wrong!

8Oclock · Answer

NO! YOU ARE NOT WRONG AT ALL!

See how that's all in caps? Because I really mean it dude. Don't ever add your s.o. Not because you don't want them snooping, they're going to do that anyway. But because it's too hard to keep them out of your business after you've broken up...and from reading your ?...that could happen if she thinks this is such a big issue to her.

And I'm with you, OMG! FB? Really?

Anonymous · Answer

Just add her, what's the big deal?

It doesn't mean you have to use it more or become obsessed with it, just add her and then she'll shut up. You're making yourself look guilty by not adding her. It's probably making her think you're either trying to hide her or trying to hide other women from her.

You're creating an issue where there shouldn't be one.

CrissyBlue · Answer

if you don't care about it why are you making such a huge deal to click "add friend." I don't see a readon for that, unless you just don't want her posting all over your page.if that's your fear, then justhave her look at your page as proof of whatever

Codry · Answer

This Facebook is bs ... It took my fiance one month to change his status from single to engaged , after he proposed and before that it took him one year to add me as a friend ... I know that he still chats with his old "girlfriends" on it ...but as soon as we get married all that will change ... I will make sure of it..lol...so add her cos if you got something to hide and if it gets serious with her you won't be able to hide anymore I assure you :)))

zeddy · Answer

It takes two seconds to add her. Two seconds of your life that would save your relationship from this argument. She's not making a big deal out of nothing, you are.

Babeegirlxo · Answer

i think its a great idea, Facebook causes so much drama in relationships! from something as small as liking another persons status. I think you should offer her your password. that way she can log on if she is feeling a bit insecure. I can see where she's coming from by getting upset about it- but hopefully giving your password will make her feel better

WaitingAtTheDoor · Answer

No, you're not doing wrong and people have a really bizarre obsession with that stupid website.

She thinks you're hiding a lot of "activity" and I'll let you guess what it is.

Just have fun and be done with that useless attitude of hers. If you don't have time for Facebook, then you definitely don't have time for her.

Am I wrong for not wanting to add my girlfriend on Facebook?

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