How to Get Your Ex Back - The Four Phases of Getting Your Ex Back

Every day, couples who felt they were in a good or even great relationship find themselves broken up. Frequently the reasons for the break up aren't clear and the break up seems senseless. This typically leaves at least one of you wondering how to get your ex back.

There are four primary phases to getting your ex back. These may seem simple and obvious to someone who is not suffering from a break up. However, if you have suffered a break up then your head is likely spinning and your emotions are running all over the place. Here is a good general outline for figuring out how to get your ex back. In this article we will cover the four phases of how to get your ex back.

How to get your ex back - Phase 1

Regain control of yourself. As mentioned above, your emotions are likely taking control of your thoughts on the relationship and the break up. Remind yourself that you are someone special who this other person found wonderful enough to get into a relationship in the first place. There is nothing wrong with you. You are also possibly feeling terribly hurt and or angry. You need to get over the hurt and anger which is much easier said than done. A big part of how to get your ex back is regaining your own emotional control. You can't really move on to the next phase of how to get your ex back until you can at least view your relationship with some objectivity.

How to get your ex back - Phase 2

Now, that you have regained some objectivity you should begin to understand what happened to break up your relationship. You need to get past specific events and things said to understand the underlying real causes of the break up. Not to oversimplify, but there is a basic reason for a break up for both a man and a woman. You need to understand these basic reason if you want to know how to get your ex back.
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A man wants to be admired. He wants to be respected. If your emotions are still a little raw you may be thinking "oh no, I have to stroke his male ego". Call it what you like but yes. Men like to think they are being successful for their women. When you start making little jokes of everything he does you are undermining his sense of maleness. Without even thinking about it he will seek out other women who do fill that need. You need to understand this if you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back.

A woman wants to be appreciated. Women do all sorts of little things for their men. Initially men respond to these but as the relationship ages men tend to be much less appreciative of the detail that women put into a relationship. If you are a man you are likely saying "oh no don't tell me I'm taking her for granted". Yes, you are probably taking her for granted. Women want you to notice and appreciate all the little things they do. They need your time and attention. So often the complaint from a woman is that he doesn't pay attention to me. So she may go and find someone who will pay attention to her. You need to understand this if you want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back.

How to get your ex back - Phase 3

Now it's time to analyze the situation. Armed with the information above you need to make an honest assessment of your specific situation. Make certain you want to get your ex back for the right reasons. You should want to get your ex back because you really believe in the relationship and think it is still worth pursuing. Don't try to get your ex back to satisfy your own ego. It's not about getting your ex back so you can later dump them on your terms. Most people who feel this way won't bother trying to get an ex back but some do.

Understand the specific and the underlying reasons for your split. This will be invaluable in helping you get your ex back. What other factors are putting stress in your lives? Work and family factors are often a big part of a break up. Make certain you take all this into account in your analysis of the situation.

How to get your ex back - Phase 4

You need to develop a plan and then execute it. How will you make first contact? What will you say? How will you even get a conversation with your ex? These are all things that need to be considered and planned. Professional counselors will tell you that there is a business aspect to getting your ex back. This is not to take away from the emotional attachment you have. But if you want to get your ex back you must first develop a specific plan and then execute.

The Four Phases of Getting Your Ex Back
  • Regain emotional control.
  • Understand the real causes of the break up.
  • Make certain you want to get your ex back for the right reasons.
  • Develop a specific plan and then execute.

The plan is necessary because you need to think about all the possible responses you may get and be prepared for each. You don't want to have an emotional reaction to anything because that can ruin your chances for success. So, think things through and develop a complete plan.

Good relationships are worth saving but so often couples just don't know how to go about it.


Most Helpful Girl

  • its been almost 3 months since we broke up we haven't seen each other or talked to each other...everytime we had fights or break up I always make up to him even though it wasn't my fault..but this time we had a fight and we broke up I just wanted to see how much effort he puts in to contact me or come back to me..he never contacted rather he is spreading rumors that I am a bad girl and I play around with random guys his female friends are saying it to my school guy frieds..this is very embarrasin


Most Helpful Guy

  • To win your ex back it is important that you make them think that THEY want to come back to you. If it is their idea they won't resist it, but if they think it is something that only you want, then reconciliation will be very tough.

    I know it won't be easy but the first step is to avoid doing anything negative such as complaining, laying blame, whining, or putting undue pressure on your ex.


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What Girls Said 9

  • What if your broke up but still best friends, and he still shows affection and acts like he's in a relationship with you and wants to have sex, but says he needs time to be on his own to get his life straight with finances and find out where he's going, how do you go about getting him back then?

  • I went from initiating contact to no contact, now I'm back to contacting once or twice a month. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. It's a very hard habit to break, but deep down, I know I should stop altogether. I want to see if he'll miss me, and come to me, for a change. I'm not saying I'm waiting by the phone, but it's always a curiosity of mine.

  • will he ever contact me? why is he doing this? and every time I talked to him he always said he cared about me..he still loves me..loving doesn't mean you have to win the person? like I seriously don't get him..relationshipxpert can you help me out? can you tell me why is he doing this?

  • How to get your ex back in a long distance relationship?

    He broke up with me just with a word by email, "After careful consideration, I come to a conclusion that we are not a good match." He lives in Holland while I am in Asia.

    I still love him and want to get the relationship back.He did not respond to any of my text, calls nor emails.Thanks very much for the advise

  • What if he said he didn't love you anymore but literally days before the break up he was saying I love you so much angel and I cannot wait to see you again?

  • I agree wit FlgirlAna. Ya wt if you still friends with ur ex? wt that supposed to means?

  • Hey expert , the link on the blog doesn't work ,can I download the books from a different website ?

  • What if he disappeared?

  • Great info! Thanks!


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