He says he has no intention to get back together.

[Anonymous]

So I recently broke up with my ex, and he has agreed to meet me for coffee after 2 weeks, but he says he has no intention to get back together cos he just wants to finish his degree first which ends in 2012. Why do you think he is willing to meet me and what should I do when I meet him? My friends say I should just act cool and respect his decision, but how does that help me win him back in the future? I need a little bit of what the male mind thinks...so far all my advice has been from females (which I appreciate) I just wish I knew what he was thinking :(

[unknown88]

Il be nothing but honest with you here... I'm my opinion there are 2 reasons and they are as follows:

1. He does still like/love you and doesn't want to lose you so is keeping the door open by meeting you for coffee...may happen a few times whilst he is doing his degree untill he finishes when you get back together or he goes travelling.

2. He wants to find out if you are dating anyone else or just wants to meet up to keep you interested and hanging on (people say us guys don't like girls chasing them but I have to disagree) If I had a girl chasing me, it gives a certain 'i am the man' attitude and enlarges our ego's. I would mine anyway... maybe its just some of us.

The fact he has agreed to meet you and it was you that asked him and not him asking you makes me think that maybe he does still care about you otherwise he would have said no or made up an excuse...

As for what your friends said...play it cool. Do exactly that! Its hard, very hard, I know I've been there and pressure is a NO NO! Don't talk about getting back together, don't talk about breaking up, don't talk about you as a couple at all! Just be like you were when you first met, have a joke and a laugh and just be happy in eachothers company... men don't like pressure, hense the reason they say 'good to get away from the mrs, she's doing my nut about cleaning and doing this and that' Its not that we oppose doing it, I just we don't like being pressured into it. We are men and we have been taught to do as we want and please, we are alfa after all.

Bottom line is...NO PRESSURE! Agree a time and place and that's it, don't text or call before then or after.

Hope this helps.

[nikkibrecht]

Im in the same situ here. Can I clarify that he definately would not agree to meet if he didn't care? Its tough around Xmas too with emotions running high. Do guys feel strange when meeting with an ex for the first time since break up or doesn't it bother them?

[Asker]

thanks this helps and gives me hope...will let ya know how it goes ...thanks again!

[unknown88]

I personally play it VERY cool when it comes to meeting an ex.. but then it would proberly depend on the ex... there have always been games played with my ex but I ask you this... If you didn't have feeling for or interested in an ex like that and they ask to meet, would you?! Letsbereal has hit the nail on the head with the latter part of his answer I think.

[Letsbereal]

You said you recently broke up with him. I just want to get this clear? did you dump him or he dumped you? because if you did he may still have feelings for you but he got hurt and maybe it affected his studied and have decided to work on himself before he either get himself back out there on a "Romantic " level

[Asker]

no he broke up with me because of some trust issues, I have been faithful to him but I told him a lie couple years ago which someone he just recently found out about so he got really mad ...

[unknown88]

You lieing a few years ago is a very silly reason to be mad when years have past I think... was it a little white lie or was it something major?! If you don't mind me asking.

[Asker]

it was a little white lie abt me meeting my ex (before I dated this current one)...

anyways, do you think he is missing me and just putting up a front like changing ALL his FB pictures to single ones etc? HELP me...the more I think of it, the more lost I become and the more questions I have... I just want to know what he might be thinking cos just 12 days ago, we were so in love, and he even told me he never wanted to lose me, what is the deal?!

[rose21]

Well I think he just wants to be friends. If you brok up because he wants to get his degree before he has a relationship then I would ask him " Hey I know you said you just want to get you'r degree right now but would you want to get back together when you get the degree?" If you broke up for another reason that may not work. But you'r friends are right you should respect his wishes.

Good Luck

[Asker]

we actually broke up cos he doesn't trust me for something I did couple of years ago...but he told me he loves me and he is so happy when he is with me but he can't have the trust issue weighing on his mind and deal with his studies at the same time cos it's so draining... so should I just play it cool, act like friends and then just give him space?

[Anonymous]

you can't win someone back who doesn't want to be with you