If you want a divorce but young kids are involved, is it better to get it over with quick, wait until they are older or just stay married forever? (Page 3)
A lot of people are gonna be made into shitty parents in this thread, seeing how there are 65% of people who say it's ok if the kids are troubled just get a divorce
Depends on persons situation. I would see therapist. Within six month or sooner I would know to stay or to go. I should not be abused, manipulated. Lied to. I would not hes7tate seeing therapist by my self or doing phine therapy.
No point in staying unhappy (for both partners) because that affects your capability to be a good parent. We parted amicably and our child was more happy even with the split household because we were happy!
Absolutely. When I told my friend who was a child of divorce about mine she said it was better you did it when they were small. She said she had a whole identity crisis when her family fell apart in her teens and I know she is terrified of getting married and has a lot of fear and unresolved issues because of it.
Divorce if you can give the children better opportunities. It doesn't matter if you marry someone you're not happy with. but kids are the red line on this one. they are very important.
Psychology wise stay married unless abuse is occurring
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
As a child of divorced parents it’s not so much the divorce that traumatized me but getting a new stepdad at 3 years old and having to move to a new state seeing my real dad every 2 years.
I agree with Jamie… Many stay take their partner for granted. If it’s free… why put effort…
I remember one of my girlfriend walked out… the husband is as very hurt and sad…. and started to made the changes to be a better partner.
Often most women or men… when not happy… they think staying is best… court needs to set up a system with such mind set to send these “child” parents to live separately and go to school to be nice to ea other and to the kids they made together. Lacking consequences amd responsibilities has caused damages to offspring. No one is more miserable than innocent kids being brought to a dysfunctional child parents.
@midnightmoon05 That's an interesting idea, actually. As a libertarian, I would tend to lean towards it not being any of the court's business. However, there is a valid legal argument on the other side, considering that these two individuals voluntarily entered into a marriage contract before the court in the first place.
I am opposed to government interference in peoples lives like that though. People are not going to be perfect and trying to legislate their marriage seems REALLY intrusive.
Ideally, if two people can do that outside of the system that would be perfect. However, since they decided to be married under the law to stay together in good/bad till death.. what’s the consequences when they break that? Now how is the family being protected?
The til death do us part is not a legally binding contract. It's more of a religious vow. You can create your own vows and use those and never even use the phrase "til death to you part".
Regardless of why they want marriage, by law or not…at the end… if anyone wants a relationship that regards to the heart should take it more seriously. The day I read/learned that the court decided that their is a law call no fault divorce that’s when I gave up the fight to stay. And do what’s best for our kids. I fought a diff. war with my ex husband is that he must stay to work as a team. Not rising kids with his mom. Jamie… I had no choice but to go to court… and basically asked for nothing but him to be apart of the kids on a regular. bases.. he makes double than me. I have no allemony or child support and took nothing from the house. I rebuild from scratch with nothing except my job and a little savings and the house we both continue to own. I called him weekly to update kids and asked him about kids all the time.. After all these years… kids are proiority and they know it. All the “fights” were worth it. Couple weeks back when we took our daughter to her boarding school, the admission personnel asked why we divorced when we work so well to raise kids. Anyone who ever consider to end a relationship or stay… our kids first that’s all I ever wish in my life time as a human being.
Often… we are adult enough to work through things… however when my mother in law was in charge of my marriage/raising kids… I fought to get her out.
You asked for answer that the truth. you split while there young they'll be messed up. At least 13 they can understand something not working or somebody is selfish. And not programed by a single mother
Thats not the truth and as others pointed out here they were better off splitting early. Your answers didn't even point to that though, you say she should have closed her legs not taking any other circumstance into consideration and then say she is useless after 13. That mindset is gross.
I guess that was God's plan for them. She loved him in the beginning? It was fate? I dont know, pick your reason. It would be as good of a guess as mine.
It's not saying that they're only together 9 months. My girlfriend's sister divorced after having 4 kids. As of now the eldest is 13 (maybe 9 or so when they divorced). My aunt and uncle divorced when their eldest was 15. She went off the deep end hard. At 17 she had to be sent to Hawi'i for her final year of high school or she might not have graduated. She was dangerously close to failing because she chose a bad crowd to get back at her father (it was mostly his fault from what I've heard and he's actually my blood relation). Her younger brother was 13 and he turned out fine, he's actually more successful than his elder sister, me, and my younger sister combined. He is the second in command of Washigton's Microsoft sales team. Since Washigton is the place where Microsoft's main office is, that's where you go if you want to get noticed.
I'm not. I'm a utilitarian consequentialist. It's not my fault that more people are happy with liberal ideas than conservative. If you don't know what that is I'll give you two quotes that should help "Happiness is the only true good and every action should be aimed to maximize happiness" and "Heaven is filled with good works, hells is filled with good intentions." At the end all that matters is what you do. Every action should be to maximize happiness because that is the only thing that is actually good. From experience people are less likely to be messed up if they were raised in a broken home than to have their unbroken home broken when they're in the most difficult stage of their life (puberty).
@Twalli great quote! It's weird to think about for myself if it ever came to that with my wife and I. There is not any animosity there so I'm pretty sure it would be amicable if divorce ever were to become a thing. I am pretty certain we would still live together and just raise the kids as roommates than as a couple. Thankfully I dont have to worry about it.
Our kids are 8 and 6 and I'd personally feel like our son would devastated while our daughter would be able to work through it easier.
So you're homosexual? I don't know then. The rules could be completely different. Also the rules are different for adopted kids. If you and your wife notice that it isn't working out and you can't be together then you may have to soldier through until the kids are old enough where they're mostly independent (college age). Then there's little they can do to get back at you or your wife that they want to do. They know they're going to be on their own, so their failure is not the concern of their parents anymore,
Home > Break Up & Divorce > Polls > If you want a divorce but young kids are involved, is it better to get it over with quick, wait until they are older or just stay married forever?
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A lot of people are gonna be made into shitty parents in this thread, seeing how there are 65% of people who say it's ok if the kids are troubled just get a divorce
Depends on persons situation. I would see therapist. Within six month or sooner I would know to stay or to go. I should not be abused, manipulated. Lied to. I would not hes7tate seeing therapist by my self or doing phine therapy.
For total of six months or less.
Thanks for like!
I am happy my mother divorced and did not allow religion to stop her from doing it
No point in staying unhappy (for both partners) because that affects your capability to be a good parent. We parted amicably and our child was more happy even with the split household because we were happy!
Stay together have a high tendency to make one or both to behave toxic because of their immaturity in certain areas.
The younger a child is in a divorce, the better they turn out.
Absolutely. When I told my friend who was a child of divorce about mine she said it was better you did it when they were small. She said she had a whole identity crisis when her family fell apart in her teens and I know she is terrified of getting married and has a lot of fear and unresolved issues because of it.
Divorce if you can give the children better opportunities. It doesn't matter if you marry someone you're not happy with. but kids are the red line on this one. they are very important.
Psychology wise stay married unless abuse is occurring
As a child of divorced parents it’s not so much the divorce that traumatized me but getting a new stepdad at 3 years old and having to move to a new state seeing my real dad every 2 years.
Not fully grown but a little older. Toddlers are too hard without a partner.
So what is best for your sanity and the safety of the children
If you are miserable or in a bad marriage, your kids will see that too. Happy parents apart are better than miserable parents together
Definitely go for the divorce, otherwise kids will witness a toxic relationship
Really depends if you can fix it or the issue at hand
Or, Option D:. Don't remain miserable. Work on the relationship.
Assume that has been tried and failed
It's usually never genuinely tried. People just half-ass the try to use it as an excuse for quitting.
Well, it is an unfortunate mindset you have on the situation, but it is yours to have I suppose
I agree with Jamie…
Many stay take their partner for granted. If it’s free… why put effort…
I remember one of my girlfriend walked out… the husband is as very hurt and sad…. and started to made the changes to be a better partner.
Often most women or men… when not happy… they think staying is best… court needs to set up a system with such mind set to send these “child” parents to live separately and go to school to be nice to ea other and to the kids they made together.
Lacking consequences amd responsibilities has caused damages to offspring.
No one is more miserable than innocent kids being brought to a dysfunctional child parents.
@midnightmoon05 That's an interesting idea, actually.
As a libertarian, I would tend to lean towards it not being any of the court's business. However, there is a valid legal argument on the other side, considering that these two individuals voluntarily entered into a marriage contract before the court in the first place.
I am opposed to government interference in peoples lives like that though. People are not going to be perfect and trying to legislate their marriage seems REALLY intrusive.
@Ez-Bri-Z True.
Ideally, if two people can do that outside of the system that would be perfect.
However, since they decided to be married under the law to stay together in good/bad till death..
what’s the consequences when they break that? Now how is the family being protected?
By the way… I refused to go to court when my ex husband wanted a divorce because he wasn’t “happy”
The til death do us part is not a legally binding contract. It's more of a religious vow. You can create your own vows and use those and never even use the phrase "til death to you part".
@midnightmoon05 How did you get divorced without going to court?
Regardless of why they want marriage, by law or not…at the end… if anyone wants a relationship that regards to the heart should take it more seriously.
The day I read/learned that the court decided that their is a law call no fault divorce that’s when I gave up the fight to stay. And do what’s best for our kids.
I fought a diff. war with my ex husband is that he must stay to work as a team. Not rising kids with his mom.
Jamie… I had no choice but to go to court… and basically asked for nothing but him to be apart of the kids on a regular. bases.. he makes double than me. I have no allemony or child support and took nothing from the house.
I rebuild from scratch with nothing except my job and a little savings and the house we both continue to own.
I called him weekly to update kids and asked him about kids all the time..
After all these years… kids are proiority and they know it.
All the “fights” were worth it.
Couple weeks back when we took our daughter to her boarding school, the admission personnel asked why we divorced when we work so well to raise kids. Anyone who ever consider to end a relationship or stay… our kids first that’s all I ever wish in my life time as a human being.
Often… we are adult enough to work through things… however when my mother in law was in charge of my marriage/raising kids… I fought to get her out.
@midnightmoon05 That's good!! I'm proud of you!
No divorce. You should strive to keep the family unit united.
If a vow is made, then dying by it should be required, especially when it comes down to a marriage.
dude i'm not about to get squid gamed because i vowed to get cookies tonight and i didn't
if it can be fixed, then fix it. If can't, then get a divorce. If you can't get a divorce, then blow up the country you live in.
It’s always better to work things out rather than quit or runaway
She should wait til the kids are 13. Other wise she should have closed her legs and thought about he kids.
At the age of 13 kids don't need there mother any more and she essentially becomes useless.
What a misogynistic and blatantly incorrect response. Ugh.
You asked for answer that the truth. you split while there young they'll be messed up. At least 13 they can understand something not working or somebody is selfish.
And not programed by a single mother
Thats not the truth and as others pointed out here they were better off splitting early. Your answers didn't even point to that though, you say she should have closed her legs not taking any other circumstance into consideration and then say she is useless after 13. That mindset is gross.
If you weren't going to be with the child father for longer than 9 months why have the baby.
What if she was but then he cheated while she was pregnant?
Your mom could have left your dad at 13 and you would have been ok.
My mom could have left him while I was 3 and I'd have been better. My dad and I never got along.
Then why you mom get with your dad in the first place and have you
I guess that was God's plan for them. She loved him in the beginning? It was fate? I dont know, pick your reason. It would be as good of a guess as mine.
It's not saying that they're only together 9 months. My girlfriend's sister divorced after having 4 kids. As of now the eldest is 13 (maybe 9 or so when they divorced). My aunt and uncle divorced when their eldest was 15. She went off the deep end hard. At 17 she had to be sent to Hawi'i for her final year of high school or she might not have graduated. She was dangerously close to failing because she chose a bad crowd to get back at her father (it was mostly his fault from what I've heard and he's actually my blood relation). Her younger brother was 13 and he turned out fine, he's actually more successful than his elder sister, me, and my younger sister combined. He is the second in command of Washigton's Microsoft sales team. Since Washigton is the place where Microsoft's main office is, that's where you go if you want to get noticed.
I'm unlikely to believe you because your a liberal
I'm not a liberal and you are offtopic and being completely useless now
I'm talking about @Twalli
Ok well, then half my statement stands then. Political stances have nothing to do with this topic so let's keep it on that.
I'm not. I'm a utilitarian consequentialist. It's not my fault that more people are happy with liberal ideas than conservative. If you don't know what that is I'll give you two quotes that should help "Happiness is the only true good and every action should be aimed to maximize happiness" and "Heaven is filled with good works, hells is filled with good intentions." At the end all that matters is what you do. Every action should be to maximize happiness because that is the only thing that is actually good. From experience people are less likely to be messed up if they were raised in a broken home than to have their unbroken home broken when they're in the most difficult stage of their life (puberty).
@Twalli great quote! It's weird to think about for myself if it ever came to that with my wife and I. There is not any animosity there so I'm pretty sure it would be amicable if divorce ever were to become a thing. I am pretty certain we would still live together and just raise the kids as roommates than as a couple. Thankfully I dont have to worry about it.
Our kids are 8 and 6 and I'd personally feel like our son would devastated while our daughter would be able to work through it easier.
Oh That changes things. I didn't know your situation. It would better for them to split asap. I didn't know you were lgbt.
What does me being lgbt have to do with my parents marriage?
a lot actually But I agree with you now.
So you're homosexual? I don't know then. The rules could be completely different. Also the rules are different for adopted kids. If you and your wife notice that it isn't working out and you can't be together then you may have to soldier through until the kids are old enough where they're mostly independent (college age). Then there's little they can do to get back at you or your wife that they want to do. They know they're going to be on their own, so their failure is not the concern of their parents anymore,
They are biological children to my wife, but the topic was about my parents marriage not mine lmao.
Your a adult it doesn't matter they should got divorced at least 24 years ago. So your mother wouldn't have been bitching about her life
Honestly they could have got divorced after my younger brothers were born and I'd have been fine.
She still would have bitched, my dad just would have been out of the picture