What do you do after a fresh break up - especially if it was a LONG relationship?

Question

Broke up with my only boyfriend of almost eight years. I had known him since I was 15 but it was so toxic and dragged out way past its expiry. What do you do after a breakup?

I’m thinking of spending the next 2-3 years alone to find myself again.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Any thing you want to do. But instead of doing that I'm sure you just going to kick back feel bad cry little bit think about things we usually beat ourselves up LMAO in so many different ways don't do that though because it sounds like you've had enough you've been through it you've already thought about it a lot for a while let it all go think of something positive to do something positive and if you get really bored what you do find somebody to role-play with tell them you want to role play the most beautiful sexy relationship ever and see how it turns out I mean you only know what you have experienced right I mean you can be book-smart but in all reality you only know what you have experienced so experienced Something Beautiful so you can experience it again and grow from it very beautiful thing just because we think we know something doesn't mean that we're right but with experiencing something you can dial it

MrCommodore · Accepted Answer

Take a short break before starting to date again. List what you loved and hated about your last relationship, to help you better understand what you want and don't want next time.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Surround yourself with hobbies and develop strong female friendships. Travel. Party.

You're 20s are the best time for taking that spontaneous trip to LA, going back packing, or making your personality about what you like to do and eat in your free time.

Dating is fun, but I wouldn't take it too seriously as many people in their early 20s can't plan more than 1 year out. There are many fish in the sea, there is also garbage in the sea.

Build your life and it will attract the right person in time. What no one tells you is that it often takes 2-3 years and it comes when you least expect it. When you have a good life and are surrounded by good people, you are less likely to be interested in anyone who has time for you. You will be interested in only those that add value to your life.

DarkCarousel · Accepted Answer

Take as long as you need to heal. Lean on your friends and family.
-Start new routines for yourself. (That one was always hard for me, as I always called my boyfriend on the way home from work, etc.)
-Don’t hang onto associations (His favorite ____ was ______. Favorites can belong to anyone and don’t have to be “their thing”.)
Be proud that you did the right thing for both of you.

TruthBringer · Answer

What I did after ending a relationship that I was very much invested in was take like 2 years off of dating to indeed focus on my own development (mentally & physically), spend time indulding in interests and re-learn to enjoy life without having that person in it anymore. It is best to take the time to focus on your own self, mourn and get back up than to get in a rebound relationship. Especially after such a long relationship like yours. It is easier said than done, but never impossible. I think one of the things that took a lot of time to come back was doing AND enjoying the things I used to do before relationship. So take as much time as you can and don't be hard on yourself. The heart needs time to process that which the brain already knows.

And when you actually are ready to date again, you would be a completely different person and one who is far stronger, wiser and feeling the liberty.

RealMarek · Answer

I spent two decades in a toxic relationship. Fortunately for you, you are still young. Take comfort in that. I am glad that I took the time I needed to recover. The first year was spent finding myself, realizing I had been abused. I gained a lot of insight about what went wrong the second year. The third year I focused more on figuring out what I wanted in a relationship and considering ways to go about finding one. The whole time this went on I turned away women who were interested in me, meaning no sex or girlfriends. When I was ready I went and found the woman of my dreams.

Anonymous · Answer

I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years this time last year and honestly it was sooo liberating. I don’t miss him or have any desire to get back with him. But then again, there weren’t very many positive memories of him so that could be why. I’ve been so happy since.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Flirt my ass off. Yea i mightve loved him but shit i held back from flirting with others for 2 years. I got a lot of build up 🤣

AlexItsJustAlex · Answer

I think that in these situations our opinion doesn't matter. Do what feels right to you, if you feel you need to take a break for awhile and find yourself then do that, everyone processes these situations differently so do whatever is comfortable for you just know that it'll always hurt to get your heart broken, it's like getting punched in the gut while you're down, it's part of being human. But no one can tell you how you're supposed to handle it seeing as they aren't you.

Desconhecida · Answer

First, I'd give me a deadline -- yes, a certain amount of time to properly mope and be miserable, even allow me to feel sorry for myself and other bad shit that happens when you are going through the stages of grief.

Then, I'd erase him from my life -- any way of contact or traps that could make me wanna stalk him or keep him in my mind.

I'd write all the bad things the person did to me, all the reasons I'm better off without them. That's very useful when all you can think are the good moments you had, neglecting all the shit you went through.

Time eventually would make me get rid of any signs of him, pack away the letters and mementos until the day I wake up without thinking about him for the first time.

That's what I'd do.

Citizenkirk · Answer

You are the best judge of your own recovery process, but try not too isolate yourself in the process. Male friends of a platonic nature are good too have until you are ready for romance again. Even in romance, it's O. K. too hang out with male and female acquaintances and Friends.
Like at the Central Perk on Friends.

Alyssa_11 · Answer

I would say don't plan for anything and just focus on yourself. Focus on what you have in your life right now and do everything you've ever wanted to do. Don't think of your next move when it comes to relationships cause it will just happen (or not happen) when it's supposed to. You can't change anything :)
Good luck I know it's tough.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Yes thats a good idea. And definitely resist exploring casual sex. Something many girls in your position do. It will really bite you in the ass.

It bit my exgf in the ass after we broke up after 9 years. After about 4 or 5 years we started connecting again and both of us realized our mistakes and were more mature. I just had to end it after i learned she was the town bicycle. She cried and cried more than when we broke up at first. I guess another man or two told her the same thing basically before and she realized she fucked up. She then moved far away for a fresh start.

So id not go down that road if your goal is to be back in a serious long term relationship at some point.

Take time off. I took a few years off myself and that really was the right thing to do and i felt a lot better about myself and spent time figure myself out.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m 30 and taking a break.. and it’s extremely ok. Times have changed.
And.. You are only 23!! You can take 10 years of break if you want 🥺 Just find yourself quick and be happy know that no one can make you happy beside yourself !
You will be surprised what universe has saved for you when the true love comes to your life. You are going to say “” I thank god for removing my ex from my life because the one I have now is wayyyy better than everyone.. “” trust the process.

dtweed1996 · Answer

Easy move on I been played and rejected before mostly rejected and as I moved on the previous person I significantly saw just becomes a distant memory who I may or may not still talk to but it doesn’t bother me like some chick I see to talk to played me for money and ditched me then got married after that I met someone else and we are so significant I hardly think about that girl who played me for money

Seinna · Answer

Just don't rush into anything. Many people start casual sexual relationships but I don't think that's the way to go. It will just hurt you and your reputation. Give yourself a few weeks, surround yourself with friends and family. Go to a hairdresser or to spa, do something for yourself to elevate your confidence. Eventually it will get easier. Then after a couple of months you can think about what you want in your partner and start looking for it if you're ready. Take it day by day.

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

Acknowledge that your feelings are hurt and give yourself the opportunity to feel. There isn’t a specific recipe that anyone can give you to feel better. Focus on self-development and journal your thoughts and emotions. Rather worrying about why it ended; focus on the reason why you walked away in the first place.

joe_schmidt · Answer

Personally? I used to hang out with my best friend A LOT. Anything to keep my mind off of the situation and eventuality my memories became just those... memories. Once I started realizing I could survive without her, I started doing more things on my own.

Before I knew it, I was managing okay.

Ram0n83 · Answer

Enjoy your newfound freedom.

I was in a similar position. I was in a relationship for 10.5 years, but it really should have ended a long time before it finally did.

Do things that you couldn't do in the relationship. Date, have lots of friends over, stay out late, pick up a hobby, whatever floats your boat. Now is your time to focus on you.

MelonSoda · Answer

First you cry about it and get all your emotions out. Next you do things that make you happy, like exercise, indulge in hobbies, etc. Then after awhile you get to a point where you still do think about it, but not as badly. Then you keep improving yourself and making yourself happy and eventually you won't think about almost at all anymore. That's what I did. I just tried to focus on myself and hobbies after the mess I was in.

libsaretards · Answer

Do not put a specific time frame on when you will date again. Just let healing happen at its own pace, surround yourself with those who love you and do any and everything positive for yourself.

follow10069 · Answer

Well that boring and toxic episode of your life i done now free to do what ever you feel like doing just be an adult about it and dont fight the fealing thats what im doing rite now since my situation is a little bit the same but hey shit happens for a reason maybe we should get some dinner sometime im up for it.

TedDyd20 · Answer

Take a break. Calm down. Don't hurt yourself and do stuff you'll regret. Don't get into casual stuff. Don't use people so you feel better. Work on you.

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

So many want to say find you some strange, have cheap meaningless sex to get over an ex. Wrong, while you might momentarily feel good, it is the wrong way to go. Take sometime to yourself. Do things for yourself. I been doing that since my ex cheated on me.

Better_off_here · Answer

i say good for you to get rid of that person from your life.
it is like all things you must take time to grieve we all have to grieve to move on. you take that time to grow as a person and to learn to love yourself and to find out what you really want from another man you may meet.

Gingerguy33 · Answer

Spend a few years on your own to love yourself it does wonders especially since you started dating him really young

hsshannah96 · Answer

Eat ice cream and watch my fav shows. steer off dating sites and give up dating entirely  as a matter of fact that’s what I’m still doing nearly a decade later

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I had a relationship for 3 years once. When that ended, it was cause for celebration as I wasn't happy with the relationship. I spent a lot of my free time doing the things I was wanting to do.

gggnnnbvb · Answer

Yess.. exactly what I do.. anddd, also explore sexually and get frisky.. hehe.. 😜😛

Here_Now · Answer

Correct. Spend the time by yourself at your comfort and find out more about yourself. Long relationships not only change you as a person but also make you used to a different lifestyle. Take your time settling into it and do things that you like.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, it takes some getting used to. Even ending a long distance relationship makes the world seem drastically different the next day.  I went on a road trip the next day with one of my friends.

MarieFeb14 · Answer

A threesome with Ben and Jerry’s, cheesy movies, and friends.

awkward_author · Answer

When I broke off my engagement with my ex-fiancee, I saw a therapist to help me process my emotions and heal. I also learned how to practice self-care and coping mechanisms.

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

Last time it happened I downloaded tinder. I wasn't crushed because I was thinking about breaking up for a while now. The relationship was not going well and I was finally free.
So I went to enjoy that freedom.

whosnumber1 · Answer

omg! 8 years. that does suck. I'm sorry to hear you lost all that time. hopefully you gained some clarity. what would I do - I think I would do something really challenging like hike the West Coast Trail or run a half marathon

the29thhuman · Answer

I’ve taken ten years after a break up. Dipped my feet in the dating pool, decided there’s no use for a man in this day in age. Keep to yourself and build your own empire

Zygum · Answer

It is really unfortunate to break up having relationship for 8 years, but as you have fresh break up, be patient and recall the mistakes and reasons for this break up, and resolve, not to repeat again, and search for other partner

Cowboy6666 · Answer

Well I felt unlucky, sad. Tried to go outside, walk, indulge in good health activities, watching some good movies etc. talk with new people or friends.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Wow I bounce back rather quick yet I don't waste time years. If I see it's not working I usually drop them within weeks to a month

Jintendo18 · Answer

Be open to hanging out with and dating different types of guys until you find one you’re compatible with.

ManHater · Answer

how does it feel t waste 8 years of your life for being stupid? did it really take you 8 years to realize you were in a toxic relatiship?

Shy_Steve · Answer

Try enjoying your Single life and do the things that you would of wanted to do but didn't when you were with him.

Shaftaloo · Answer

Took a deep breath! I guess it wasn’t an ideal relationship.

BestWoman · Answer

fill your brain. never leave yourself blank. It's not love in you it's a habit. It's hard to break habits. be patient

Waldoe · Answer

Spend the summer de-toxing... no rush, but be open to "Life"

Anonymous · Answer

Last time... I got super depressed she left. Decided to experiment with men and spent the next few months sucking all the dick I could find.

Anonymous · Answer

Take a few days to decompress and then get back out there.

Pink2000 · Answer

I text the people I’ve kept waiting…

donnny2367764 · Answer

You take time to reflect

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Bunch if hookers and cocain

syskerully · Answer

Fuck a bunch of other women

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

It's sad, but young love doesn't seem to last.

jerdanro · Answer

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're okay now.

Nazgol · Answer

I'd probably cry my eyes out

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Get a new dick inside you ASAP.

Anonymous · Answer

We’ll get a fuck buddy

msc545 · Answer

You grieve.

AkshiJanjua · Answer

Go to a club

What do you do after a fresh break up - especially if it was a LONG relationship?

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