I’m thinking of spending the next 2-3 years alone to find myself again.
What do you do after a fresh break up - especially if it was a LONG relationship?
I’m thinking of spending the next 2-3 years alone to find myself again.
Take a short break before starting to date again.
List what you loved and hated about your last relationship, to help you better understand what you want and don't want next time.
Surround yourself with hobbies and develop strong female friendships. Travel. Party.
You're 20s are the best time for taking that spontaneous trip to LA, going back packing, or making your personality about what you like to do and eat in your free time.
Dating is fun, but I wouldn't take it too seriously as many people in their early 20s can't plan more than 1 year out. There are many fish in the sea, there is also garbage in the sea.
Build your life and it will attract the right person in time. What no one tells you is that it often takes 2-3 years and it comes when you least expect it. When you have a good life and are surrounded by good people, you are less likely to be interested in anyone who has time for you. You will be interested in only those that add value to your life.
Take as long as you need to heal. Lean on your friends and family.
-Start new routines for yourself. (That one was always hard for me, as I always called my boyfriend on the way home from work, etc.)
-Don’t hang onto associations (His favorite ____ was ______. Favorites can belong to anyone and don’t have to be “their thing”.)
Be proud that you did the right thing for both of you.
Thanks for the MHO.
What I did after ending a relationship that I was very much invested in was take like 2 years off of dating to indeed focus on my own development (mentally & physically), spend time indulding in interests and re-learn to enjoy life without having that person in it anymore. It is best to take the time to focus on your own self, mourn and get back up than to get in a rebound relationship. Especially after such a long relationship like yours. It is easier said than done, but never impossible. I think one of the things that took a lot of time to come back was doing AND enjoying the things I used to do before relationship. So take as much time as you can and don't be hard on yourself. The heart needs time to process that which the brain already knows.
And when you actually are ready to date again, you would be a completely different person and one who is far stronger, wiser and feeling the liberty.
I spent two decades in a toxic relationship. Fortunately for you, you are still young. Take comfort in that. I am glad that I took the time I needed to recover. The first year was spent finding myself, realizing I had been abused. I gained a lot of insight about what went wrong the second year. The third year I focused more on figuring out what I wanted in a relationship and considering ways to go about finding one. The whole time this went on I turned away women who were interested in me, meaning no sex or girlfriends. When I was ready I went and found the woman of my dreams.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years this time last year and honestly it was sooo liberating. I don’t miss him or have any desire to get back with him. But then again, there weren’t very many positive memories of him so that could be why. I’ve been so happy since.
I’m feeling similar tbh. How old were you when you got with him and how old were you when you broke up?
I was 19 when we got together, and broke up at 26. I’m now 27 and it’s honestly the absolute best decision I’ve ever made for myself.
Yeah it feels like you have never lived for yourself when you get committed to someone so young and then stay in a toxic relationship for that long. I’m glad you feel better now. I’ve also been feeling such a sense of relief in the last two weeks.
Yes, I try not to beat myself up for wasting my time and having low self esteem for even putting myself through hell for so long. But once I learned that everything is a choice, I CHOSE to leave. And trust me, the relief will soon turn into happiness if you continue to heal and work on yourself! 😊
Flirt my ass off. Yea i mightve loved him but shit i held back from flirting with others for 2 years. I got a lot of build up 🤣
Lol I have been doing that too 😂
I wouldn't sleep with anyone or anything but flirting is a must 💪
Same here - don’t want to sleep around but flirting is harmless and fun 🤩
@gggnnnbvb but i need to be in love to do those things
I think that in these situations our opinion doesn't matter. Do what feels right to you, if you feel you need to take a break for awhile and find yourself then do that, everyone processes these situations differently so do whatever is comfortable for you just know that it'll always hurt to get your heart broken, it's like getting punched in the gut while you're down, it's part of being human. But no one can tell you how you're supposed to handle it seeing as they aren't you.
First, I'd give me a deadline -- yes, a certain amount of time to properly mope and be miserable, even allow me to feel sorry for myself and other bad shit that happens when you are going through the stages of grief.
Then, I'd erase him from my life -- any way of contact or traps that could make me wanna stalk him or keep him in my mind.
I'd write all the bad things the person did to me, all the reasons I'm better off without them. That's very useful when all you can think are the good moments you had, neglecting all the shit you went through.
Time eventually would make me get rid of any signs of him, pack away the letters and mementos until the day I wake up without thinking about him for the first time.
That's what I'd do.
You are the best judge of your own recovery process, but try not too isolate yourself in the process. Male friends of a platonic nature are good too have until you are ready for romance again. Even in romance, it's O. K. too hang out with male and female acquaintances and Friends.
Like at the Central Perk on Friends.
I would say don't plan for anything and just focus on yourself. Focus on what you have in your life right now and do everything you've ever wanted to do. Don't think of your next move when it comes to relationships cause it will just happen (or not happen) when it's supposed to. You can't change anything :)
Good luck I know it's tough.
Yes thats a good idea. And definitely resist exploring casual sex. Something many girls in your position do. It will really bite you in the ass.
It bit my exgf in the ass after we broke up after 9 years. After about 4 or 5 years we started connecting again and both of us realized our mistakes and were more mature. I just had to end it after i learned she was the town bicycle. She cried and cried more than when we broke up at first. I guess another man or two told her the same thing basically before and she realized she fucked up. She then moved far away for a fresh start.
So id not go down that road if your goal is to be back in a serious long term relationship at some point.
Take time off. I took a few years off myself and that really was the right thing to do and i felt a lot better about myself and spent time figure myself out.
I’m 30 and taking a break.. and it’s extremely ok. Times have changed.
And.. You are only 23!! You can take 10 years of break if you want 🥺 Just find yourself quick and be happy know that no one can make you happy beside yourself !
You will be surprised what universe has saved for you when the true love comes to your life. You are going to say “” I thank god for removing my ex from my life because the one I have now is wayyyy better than everyone.. “” trust the process.
Easy move on I been played and rejected before mostly rejected and as I moved on the previous person I significantly saw just becomes a distant memory who I may or may not still talk to but it doesn’t bother me like some chick I see to talk to played me for money and ditched me then got married after that I met someone else and we are so significant I hardly think about that girl who played me for money
Just don't rush into anything. Many people start casual sexual relationships but I don't think that's the way to go. It will just hurt you and your reputation. Give yourself a few weeks, surround yourself with friends and family. Go to a hairdresser or to spa, do something for yourself to elevate your confidence. Eventually it will get easier. Then after a couple of months you can think about what you want in your partner and start looking for it if you're ready. Take it day by day.
Acknowledge that your feelings are hurt and give yourself the opportunity to feel. There isn’t a specific recipe that anyone can give you to feel better. Focus on self-development and journal your thoughts and emotions. Rather worrying about why it ended; focus on the reason why you walked away in the first place.
Personally? I used to hang out with my best friend A LOT. Anything to keep my mind off of the situation and eventuality my memories became just those... memories. Once I started realizing I could survive without her, I started doing more things on my own.
Before I knew it, I was managing okay.
Enjoy your newfound freedom.
I was in a similar position. I was in a relationship for 10.5 years, but it really should have ended a long time before it finally did.
Do things that you couldn't do in the relationship. Date, have lots of friends over, stay out late, pick up a hobby, whatever floats your boat. Now is your time to focus on you.
First you cry about it and get all your emotions out. Next you do things that make you happy, like exercise, indulge in hobbies, etc. Then after awhile you get to a point where you still do think about it, but not as badly. Then you keep improving yourself and making yourself happy and eventually you won't think about almost at all anymore. That's what I did. I just tried to focus on myself and hobbies after the mess I was in.
Do not put a specific time frame on when you will date again. Just let healing happen at its own pace, surround yourself with those who love you and do any and everything positive for yourself.
Well that boring and toxic episode of your life i done now free to do what ever you feel like doing just be an adult about it and dont fight the fealing thats what im doing rite now since my situation is a little bit the same but hey shit happens for a reason maybe we should get some dinner sometime im up for it.
Take a break. Calm down. Don't hurt yourself and do stuff you'll regret. Don't get into casual stuff. Don't use people so you feel better. Work on you.
So many want to say find you some strange, have cheap meaningless sex to get over an ex. Wrong, while you might momentarily feel good, it is the wrong way to go. Take sometime to yourself. Do things for yourself. I been doing that since my ex cheated on me.
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Any thing you want to do. But instead of doing that I'm sure you just going to kick back feel bad cry little bit think about things we usually beat ourselves up LMAO in so many different ways don't do that though because it sounds like you've had enough you've been through it you've already thought about it a lot for a while let it all go think of something positive to do something positive and if you get really bored what you do find somebody to role-play with tell them you want to role play the most beautiful sexy relationship ever and see how it turns out I mean you only know what you have experienced right I mean you can be book-smart but in all reality you only know what you have experienced so experienced Something Beautiful so you can experience it again and grow from it very beautiful thing just because we think we know something doesn't mean that we're right but with experiencing something you can dial it