I’m going on a deployment right before February ends, and my ex has a baby due in May but she is certain I’m the father even though she cheated on me and I refuse to believe I’m the father.. i won’t be back till November. Then we got my ex’s grandma who says there’s a way to do a dna swab test while I’m overseas. When the baby is born in May.. to me that sounds like BS but her grandma has been pushing her to get me to give her this info.. I talked to some of my leadership and they told me they don’t see why she would need this info, especially if I’m over seas deployed. They told me to wait till I come back, who is right in this scenario. What’s the right answer
Your Leadership is correct Do Not give your info under any circumstances, they want your information not just so they can have a claim for child support against you but so they can also have a claim on your benefits, does the word 'Dependapotamus' ring a bell if not ask a senior NCO he should be able to fill you in about them better than I can. If the Ex is going to put your name down as the child's father, demand a paternity test be taken at birth or as soon as you return as some states will lumber you with supporting the child even if you have no genetic link to the child, see if you can leave instructions with a lawyer for the paternity test to be taken at birth if your Ex is going to give birth in one of those states. The website below gives some definitions of 'father' in law but I would suggest you see a lawyer to make sure you have yourself covered. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/putative.pdf
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Dude do not give her any of that information!!! None of it. Damn sure don’t tell her who your first sergeant is.
Do your deployment, stay safe, and put this woman out of your mind. She doesn’t need ANY of that information to determine paternity. All she needs is just a q-tip of your saliva that you’ve brushed against your cheek. You could just as easily be listed as “Male Sample A” for genetic testing to determine if the baby is related to you.
She wants to know what company you’re in and who your first sergeant is so she can start hassling your leadership to come down on you. You don’t need any of that.
I’m a war veteran myself. Thank you for your service.
As a lawyer I agree with your leadership. You have no need to provide her with that information until a court orders you to. There is a law which protects uniformed service members from being sued in family court while they are on active duty under normal circumstances. However, this is not my specialty and I don’t know any more details. I would trust your superior officers because unlike you or I, they deal with this situation on a regular basis (a lot of servicemen get girls knocked up).
You are definitely entitled to a DNA test when you get back. However, if this is your baby and she’s the one taking care of it, you MUST pay child support as long as you are employed in the military. No ifs, ands or buts. You can argue about how much.
Also, if it is your baby, you might be liable for back child support from when the baby was born up until you get back from your deployment. But again I’m not sure about that.
@Tstrbrainer definitely not!!! Cheating is not illegal (though it is immoral) and has nothing to do with the best interests of the child. Plus he only thinks she cheated. Maybe she didn’t.
@gwenhwyfar The relief act, it protects them while overseas. Not when actice duty. @Tstrbrainer Her cheating, if he could prove it, is only relevant if after they divorced whether he'd have to pay alimony. Child support is only regarding the child. One spouse's poor judgement doesn't alleviate the other spouse's obligation to care for and support their child.
Nope. All active duty here in the states are just like citizens regarding the laws. We have the extra protection only when are deployed. The idea is that soldiers don't have access to legal help as easily when deployed, also the soldiers need to focus on the fight... not be thinking about being taken advantage of in court, unable to defend himself... when he's out on patrol in hostile territory.
She doesn’t need the info, to confirm your the father. She is trying to get your work information so she can threaten your job with false allegations if you do not give her money.
Yeaaahhh you should definitely wait till you come back to move forward with anything. And no offense but just because she cheated doesn't mean the baby is not yours, so maybe you are communicating with your ex in a hostile manner which would probably make things worse? I am not sure but just saying, in May she has the baby, you guys could get to some sort of agreement that would not lead to any problems, because if you are in the army and the baby is yours…you will get into lots of trouble not taking care of the child.
Just because she cheated does not mean that you are not the father. But, wanting a DNA test in general is the best way to handle it. Simply because she did cheat and that throws a wrench into everything. I wouldn't give her any info tell you get back and get the results of the DNA test. The fact that she is pushing for the info right before you are deployed is suspect in general. Because it can cause you to sign any paperwork she gives you or give her all the info she wants when you have a serious event right around the corner. Sort of like a insurance agency trying to pull a swoop and settle right after you have been in a car wreck.
Don't give up that information. Do you live in the barracks or off post? Make sure she doesn't have any access to where you live. Ex girlfriend or ex wife? Does she have an ID card? Some of my leadership... make sure your 1SG knows the deal. Or whoever is on Rear-D. Do the DNA when you get back. If it's not yours, fine. If it's your baby... you gotta stand up and make it right but keep any data on her cheating because you getting custody might be the only hope for a kid whose mom might be bringing strangers to the home... which always puts kids at risk. Good luck, kid. It's not easy. I hope your Chain of Command has your back.
Don't give her any information. Wait for the baby to be born and THEN if she claims you're the father you demand a paternity test (and you get the baby's info, not her get your info). Otherwise, she'll just have a ton of your personal information (that she'll be sharing with Grandma and who knows who else). She might even change her mind and declare some other guy as the dad.
Thanks man, I figured.. my leadership told me it was strange they were asking me for this info. Not only that but I’m not handing out my SSN to someone who has a baby that’s probably not mine
If you truly believe the kid isn't yours, then wait until you return from deployment and take that DNA test IMMEDIATELY. If it is your kid, worst case scenario you pay 6 months of support. Hardly the end of the world. As a dude with an ex, and who pays support, please do the right thing. Support your child if it is in fact yours.
Dont give her anything , in fact wait till the babys already born and find out the childs info first. Untill this is all established first , dont bow down and get weak.. Furthermore stay your distance even with email.
It’s good that you talked to your chain of command, but you need to get an opinion from a JAG lawyer, because this is a legal matter. Even then, do not provide that info until required to do so by a court or JAG concurs that you must give it.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Why is she asked for a DNA test somebody else came inside her too don't get me wrong I almost asked myself but I knew I was with my woman everyday and I knew I was putting my load in her everyday sometimes twice a day outside of that wait till you get back slap Jack
Look into a lawyer and court orders. Sounds like she's probably trying to get child support. Lae is different in every county and state with child support and DNA testing. Based on my experiences with friends and family (ohio/michigan) area I'm in requires a DNA test proven with orders that you're the father to even collect.
Actually it would be very easy to tell if you are the father. All they would need is one of your relatives DNA to compare against the baby. If it is shown to be related to say your mother or sibling by DNA it would mean it's yours. Seems like the wiser thing to do is settle it as quickly as possible. I mean it is easy to say it's not yours. It is even easier to take a DNA test and prove it's not yours.
I wouldn't give her the info but would definitely get some. Proper legal advice. If she starts court proceedings for custody/child support the courts can rule you the father in your absence and stick you on child support. Keep it civil, if that's your child you have to deal with her for the next 18yrs
Never have someone else submit a dna sample of yours for you, always do that yourself in person, with the kid present, that way your ex and her grandma can't fabricate fake test results. also pic a doctor they don't know to do the test.
Whatever you do do not give her anything personal information. She will screw you over. Don't give her nothing. The guy probably just dump her ass and now she is just looking for a check. Her lazy ass needs to get a job.
Don't let that 304 baby trap you! Tell her to pound sand and after you get back DEMAND a paternity test! Also, speak to your Unit leadership. Don't let this blindside them.
