What shoud I do?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I discovered I was pregnant. I was extremely toxic and said and did things that deeply hurt him. I never cheated, but he told me he couldn't be a part of the baby's life because being a part of the baby's life would obligate him to have me in his life, and the baby would be a constant reminder to him of me and the pain and hurt I had caused.

I have pleaded and begged him not to disown the baby and allow his hatred for me to stop him from having a relationship with the baby, as I know he will deeply regret walking away from the baby. He knows this himself, as he said he will regret it, but he keeps saying he can't be in the baby's life at the same time. He called me to ask how the ultrasound went and told me I needed to be careful because I have health issues and I could die. He also went on to say he does care about the baby, but a couple of hours later, I told him I didn't believe him when he told me his family disowned him because he has lied to me so many times that he has seriously messed with my head to the point I don't believe anything anyone tells me without evidence and I truly don't believe his family has disowned him as I know they love him. He called me heartless and started to threaten to harm himself and kill himself for not believing him and accusing me of not caring before he blocked me.

Do I give up trying to get him to be a part of the baby's life even though I know he wants to, deep down, be there and I know he will regret it, or do I just walk away and raise the baby on my own?

Updates

1 y

A big part of the reason why I don't believe he is telling the truth about his family disowning him is he used to be a gangster and he hurt someone quite badly, and his family never disowned him for it. And I know how much his parents do want a grandchild. so I just don't believe they would disown their only child for getting a girl pregnant. At the same time, it is messing with my head when he is telling me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, but he is also calling me to ask

Updates

1 y

How the ultrasound went and advising me to be careful and he is also there telling me when and where he is planning on moving too

[RosieMelts]

He’s not coming back. He wanted you to feel sorry for him when he mentioned cutting and did a general care for your safety when it meant life or death in giving birth.

He wanted sex and somewhat used you. I’m just trying to be clear and concise and I’m sorry if it comes out heartless but those guys just make me tired.

Consider whether you should have the baby or not. Whether you can raise the baby on your own (financial status/ etc.)

I hate to promote death, but it could be the better option instead of bringing another person into the pain of this world or the pain of your past relationship.

The baby will feel the pain of a broken relationship like the mom because as a woman she wanted love and affection as a baby girl or boy would, but it doesn’t affect guys for absolute shxt

all guys do is harden like magma to lava and in the process of hardening they’ll keep the memories of their own past hurts as boys and turn that to grudges and anger as men who can no longer relate or sympathize except with the general need for life and food.

He’s not gonna come and be a gentleman- he’s a man and he’s a man who played his cards

A you can do now is be responsible for having the baby through or not- and taking care of them or not.

You can’t make guys like him come back

im sorry sis I’m really really sorry

🫂

[Asker]

We were involved on and off for 7 years and we even got married in a religious marriage so technically we are married but we don't live together everything you wrote has really hit me because I know deep down a lot of things you have said are the truth. I can support the baby financially but what you wrote about how it will impact the baby this is something I have stopped to consider and It is something I did say to him. I really do appreciate your help and opening my eyes. I needed this especially right now. Thank you heaps thank you

[RosieMelts]

Welcome sis I don't know how God be working sometimes but I hope and pray he has you and your child if you decide to have them. Either way if you go through with either option

rest assured you’re not the only one to have walked either of those paths.

Wishing you the very best. 🙏

Chin up heart up Queen 👑 👸💕🌅

[Asker]

My sister went through the same path with her eldest child biological father. But my sister and I aren't close and I haven't told her or my family about the pregnancy. So it does help in some small ways knowing I'm not alone in that sense. I really do greatly appreciate your help and your advice you have given me. Thank you so much

[RosieMelts]

Anytime 🙏 dm me if you need anything. I swear I’m not the greatest human to ever exist but I’ll do my best to listen, offer any advice if can, and be of service. 🤝

[Asker]

He is now accusing me of sleeping with someone else and asking me who the guy is. I've only ever been faithful to him. I even offered to do a DNA test but as you said he isn't coming back. He just made it very loud and clearly known in his message to me just now. Thank you again thank you

[RosieMelts]

Yeah at this time do what you gotta do, so you can thrive. If you go the baby route get some programs or books about single moms. Try to connect with other single parents who are doing well. Have friends or family in your corner. Get a few books if you need it. Give yourself some space to think clear. Sleep on it and recognize you have a few months to come to a clear decision.

Give yourself a week of rest or pampering yourself
And a week of considering it every now and then.
Options can be: Raise the child/ give up child for adoption/ or abort the child

It’s all a bit tough, but those are the only real options on the table.

Personal story: my mom was a single mom of three and she met my dad and he helped out. He wasn’t the greatest but we all survived. She loves us but I think she has her regrets too.

If you raise a child it’s a job you don’t rlly walk away from, and it’s a class you can’t really flunk. So take that into consideration if you wish.

No one would hate you if you decided not to go through the birth process

And if you do go through the birth process, make sure it’s something you want. Is it something you’d enjoy. Is it what you want and not anybody else wanting it for you.

If you go through with it, they’ll always be family to you (your child) an extra person in your corner, but they’d require investment until they’re able to repay you with alliance or etc.

1 week rest is my humble suggestion
1 week of consideration
You can adjust this as you see fit but don’t be hard on yourself. Love yourself 💕

[Asker]

Thank you RosieMelts. You have been an incredible supportive person and you have provided me with a lot of help. I really cannot thank you enough. Thank you.

[RosieMelts]

Wlc ☺️👐💕

[Guy13]

Child support order ⁉️

[Asker]

Thank you

[Guy13]

I’m not legal advice I just see them with a tenant application now and then🤷🏻‍♂️

[Danny_dan92]

Soo… you did cheat.

[Asker]

No I didn't cheat I said that in the post

[Danny_dan92]

Well then I don't know why you are saying he can’t be the father cause of you.

[Asker]

I have mental health issues and I said a lot of messed up things including treating him badly. He sees my behaviour as emotional abuse but I see it as me calling him out for him BS and his lies.

He expects me to listen to him and see where he is coming from at the same time he is quite dismissive of my feelings and how I feel. When he contacted me surprisingly this morning I told him I could potentially lose my job as my boss has warned me I can't take days off work even to attend hospital appointments and he just responded with yeah they don't give a fuck about you and they will get rid of you they don't care. He wasn't even there for me when my mum passed away and I tried to talk to him about how that hurt me but he dismissed my feelings saying he doesn't know what it is like to lose a parent he couldn't even hug me. he was even dismissive of my feelings and the fact I was experiencing quite bad anxiety and on the verge of having a panic attack because he was going to be late but then he gets upset if I dismiss his feelings.

[RosieMelts]

Yeah someone gave these implications that you had issues but you don’t you’re responding as a normal person would in any of those scenarios, I guarantee you. You’re being too nice to him and believed whatever he told you because from this response you shared with Danny, I can clearly see he’s the one with the issues. We get pain sometimes and we deal with it, that’s all we need to do and I know you can absolutely do this thing. You’re gonna do super well because you’re already self aware and know the actions you need to take in order to live your best life. 🤝💕