my ex, and I were together for four years. We broke up last month but we’ve been in contact on and off not really giving each other any space to grieve the relationship. Over the years we’ve been on and off not having the best pattern that’s the biggest reason for our break up was the continuous of unhealthy patterns. We’ve had conversations my ex and I and he was unsure about getting back together due to the fear of getting back into unhealthy patterns and also he’s enjoying being by himself without the stress of the relationship. When asked about if he would want to try again he said he doesn’t know couldn’t give me a solid answer because he was unsure, but that he was leaning more towards being by himself. Wednesday I told him I understood and that I didn’t want to force him but that wouldn’t be enough for me. I told him that we should stop talking unless we were gonna get back together. I told him thank you for the four years and that I loved him and that I will respect his decision and leave him alone. He was extremely sad from the decision, but said he understood why I didn’t want to be friends. I told him to tell me there was no hope for us to get back together so that I can move on. He said he couldn’t tell me that because he doesn’t know that there is but he doesn’t want me to wait around that would be unfair. I told him you never knew and that’s not enough for me and that I loved him and wish him nothing but the best because he’s a good guy. he told me I was a great girlfriend and he knows I gave it my all and he said he will always love me. He wished me well and I told him goodbye. is it wrong that I still have hope for us that he will come around with space and time now that he knows I’m gone?
3 mo
Wrong to still have hope in the ending of my relationship?
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Your relationship suffered because of unhealthy patterns and, even in breakup, you continue the unhealthy patterns. Stop the drama! Stop calling this a breakup and playing these breakup/makeup routines.
Either admit that you love doing this and you want the drama for the rest of your life, OR actually breakup and stop ALL contact. I got divorced nine years ago and I've spoken to my ex ONCE, and only because something came up in my car insurance about her daughter having an accident in my car. No contact - not to make them jealous and come back, but real no contact so that you start preparing to move forward - that is what you need.
Hey, that's a really tough situation. Breakups are never easy, especially after being together so long. Here's what I think:
It's not necessarily wrong to have hope, but I wouldn't hang all your happiness on the chance of getting back together either. Your ex was pretty clear that he needs space and time alone right now to figure his own stuff out. As hard as it is, I think respecting that boundary is important.
He may come around someday, he may not - it's out of your control now. The best thing you can do is really focus on yourself. Work on addressing any issues from the relationship so any future with him (or someone else!) has a good foundation. Hit the gym, spend time with your girls, pick up a new hobby - take this opportunity for self-growth.
Stay no contact unless HE initiates. That way the ball is in his court and the pressure is off you. Give it time - emotions are still raw. Who knows, maybe in a few months when you're both in a better headspace things could be different.
But for now, try your best to close that chapter and move forward. You gotta take care of your own shit first before worrying 'bout the future. It'll work out how it's meant to.
It’s probably unfair to you to think there is hope of getting back together down the road.
Like you said there wasn’t really much time to grieve the end of the relationship nor space, since you guys were on and off
I think it’s time to move on and really move on this time round