Is not it a red flag if someone says their ex is crazy?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That is a huge red flag for me, that I always watch out.

I would never say something that bad about my ex, I respect him as a part of my past and so does he, and he also took accountability for our break up and didn’t blame me for anything. Instead, we broke up in a very civil manner, respecting and caring for each other. I’ve heard of him speaking very fondly of me with his family and friends even after break up. So did I. I haven’t allowed anyone say anything bad about him.

Now, as for some men - saying an ex is crazy, If she was crazy why did you start a relationship in the first place? Lack of self-control and impulsivity? - None speaks well about the man’s persona.

Men who say their exes are crazy, usually fail to see their own mistakes and fail to take responsibility for them, which means they’ll possibly turn every new partner crazy as well, so better to stay away haha

[HawkPerception]

My last 2 exes were fine and we ended on relatively good terms although I was the one that got dumped in each scenario. I felt that I "loved" them when I was in a relationship with them.

My first ex though... that's another story. She was genuinely crazy. She made fake profiles on social media of attractive girls to shit test me. She slapped me for no reason one day because she said "I just wanted to see what it was like to slap a guy". There was even a day when I was going to bus back from her university, knowing I wasn't allowed to stay. But she said to stay and then she kicked me out after there were no buses left and I slept at a bus stop at her campus in the winter. We went to a club (one of the 5 times I went to a club in my life) and immediately after I took care of her drunk ass on the way to the club, she started grinding on some other guy on the dance floor right next to me. And when I tried breaking up with her after we got back from the club, she chased me outside in the winter barefoot. When I was on the bus, she kept yelling and everyone was looking around at who she was calling to. I eventually had to get off to shut her up and by the time I got outside, she could not walk anymore because her feet were too cold from walking in the snow, so I literally carried her back to her room. I was so embarrassed carrying her there. Even after we broke up, she kept trying to reach out to me and stalk me and come to my house when I told her not to.

There have been so many scenarios where I just question myself "Why the fuck did you not leave sooner?" And the only thing I can think of is... she was my first girlfriend. And I wanted it to be a fairy tail first love kind of thing. Now that I look back on it, I question my choice of even getting with her in the first place and how delusional I was thinking I could make it work and change her character. I really learned to never try and change someone. Just look for the qualities you like in a person to begin with.

So, my honest opinion is no... it's not a red flag if someone says their ex was crazy. But it CAN be if they're delusional and think that their ex was the bad one, when in reality it was them. As Harvey from Suits says "You have to play the man."

[OlderAndWiser]

I have an ex who ended up spending time in a few psychiatric facilities. She wasn't nuts when I married her, but there were other red flags that I ignored. I do accept responsibility for choosing her as a wife. Now I am older and wiser.

[OlderAndWiser]

But, yes, if every one of their exes is "crazy" and all of the breakups were their fault - not his - that is a huge warning sign.

[ZamerZ]

Let's just put it this way - my ex always gushed about how crazy his two ex-girlfriends were and I bought into it. In retrospect, I now completely empathize with them and know damn well why they acted the way they did because he was the problem. Now, things ended badly between both of us and I had to end it. But except with my close friends and family who witnessed everything going south and can attest that it was solely on him and his bullshit, I try to not talk badly about him. Especially not in front of a potential new partner. I just re-phrase it neutrally, but that doesn't change that some exes are horrible, sorry. What I agree with is the sentiment that they'll turn you into another crazy static as well tho because they aren't self-aware.

[IslaTheWitch]

People can learn during a relationship that someone is crazy... at least from their point of view. When you start to live with someone, and it happens after you decide to be in a relationship, you can discover many strange things.

I'm sure my exes describe me as crazy, lol.

[AviatorTom]

Some exes are crazy... that's how they became exes.

I wouldn't consider that an immediate red flag, but I might find out more about the person's relationship with their ex.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think it's a red flag. 1) They are the type that gets with a crazy person, & 2) They have negative opinions of their exes which most likely means you'll be called the same just like the rest.

Picture is for the AI bot.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Exactly. I agree with you

[spartan55]

To your point of why would a guy start a relationship with a woman he felt was crazy, there are a few things to consider:

• Both parties are typically on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. Crazy hasn't reared its ugly head yet.
• Nobody ever knows how someone will react in every situation.

[TenderFantasy]

No you don't understand. Before you date someone you don't know them very well. Once you break up, there's always a reason for it (whether you agree with the break up or not is neither here nor there but still). You're lucky you and your ex get along. I HATE my recent ex with a passion. He broke up with me when I really needed him. That just spells what type of person he is! Also, it's weird how you can get along and not have awkward feelings towards someone you used to have sex with or promise the world to and build a future with! When someone breaks up with you, that all goes down the drain and then you'll have to start over again from scratch or the drawing board! That's six months, a year, three and a half years down the drain that you will NEVER get back. You wasted fertility and memories with the person, especially if what you ultimately wanted was a working marriage to a loving and committed spouse!

You get?

[JacobJordan]

No that isn't a red flag in and of itself. But if they go on to further explain how everything was that person's fault then I know they are full of shit and more than likely the majority of fault for last relationship failing is on the bullshitter. A relationship has 2 people. Therefore it is on both people that it failed. Even if it isn't a 50/50 split for fault. The inability to acknowledge any personal wrongdoings that contributed to the relationship failing is a huge sign that one is not a good partner

[MasseurDeMojo]

That could be a real red flag. There are cases where the man was just being a friend, and she took it the wrong way. And when he clarified that he was being a friend, she went ballistic on him.

Those men never considered her an ex, because they never saw her as being in a relationship with them.

I have many women I have talked with over the years. I had one woman whom when their family found out she was talking to me warned me that she was supposed to be on medication, because she had mental issues. She was very possessive to the point where she has hurt men in the past. That bullet missed me, because her parents stepped in.

Most of the women I have been with, we are still good friends, and get along well. Some have ghosted me. But that is o. k.

[IAMRIA]

It depends on the situation. A friend said that about his ex. I asked him how so. And he said that she was a drug addict and aimed a gun on him. So i think what he said was fair

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Oops, yeah, I guess she was

[7Phoenix7]

Yes, it can be a red flag if someone always bad talks their ex. But in some cases it can be true that they were crazy, haha. My ex and I met in hs and we stayed together 14 years. I had to leave though because he developed a mental illness, and became abusive. Refused to get help 🫤. So I have at one point said to someone, "he was crazy. " But I don't think it's a good idea to say it like that.

[slatyb]

Some exes really are crazy. Mine was, but I didn't talk about her to women I dated. Why would they care?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My friend met a guy, he said his ex was crazy, my friend and I both thought it was a red flag haha

[hammeronfire]

2 of my 6 exes I would consider to be crazy. One because she walked in the cold windy western Illinois night at 3am, broke into my building, climbed up 11 flights of stairs, and sat outside my door crying because we had an argument about me not getting mad enough when she told me she wasn’t sure if it would work out between us after we had been dating for only 8 days.
The second one lied on me after her mom and her friends exposed her to me that she was cheating on me with 2 of her exes and a mutual friend, told her cousin I beat her, and almost got me shot by him until my dad talked some sense into him.
So yeah I’d say that sometimes, exes really are crazy

[RavenDarkheart]

It’s good your ex sounds like a good guy. Sometimes people don’t show their true colors openly or at the early stages of a relationship. I would not automatically consider a guy saying an ex was crazy a red flag unless they were obviously proven to be lying or can’t give a good reason for claiming that.

[91bryce91]

you sound like a complete loon , babycakes. Lets get together for lunch next week.
My Thursday afternoon is free after i check in for parole conditions.
dont worry its just a formaility.
parole that is not our lunch.
And no im not some crtiminal for gods sake, Shutup.
i just did time for a little light stalking, could've happened to anyone that was rifling through her underwear drawer while she was at work.

Can u hear that siren? never mind, seeya Thursday.
And call me (im putting a finger and thumb against my head like a telephone)
wink

[lightbulb27]

it's a flag for sure. A) they picked them B) or contributed to their being nuts C) they really are D) they are nuts and blaming the other.

Either way, it's a psych thriller to sort out. Much better if they can convey how they understand themselves and the other and how the formula didn't work. We call those people chemists in the chemical world and they bring order to chaos rather than blaming the materials for causing destruction.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Depends on how he describes her. If he says, "she was crazy" and goes onto list symptoms of mental illness then I understand it. My friend's ex has schizoprenia and bipolar disorder. She definitely didn't make his life easy. But if he says lines like "she wouldn't leave me alone, she kept making up lies about me" then I get suspicious if she was really the bad guy in the relationship

[sage2021]

What if he was married to her for 24 years and the first 12 were bliss. Then she started going psycho in the 13th year. She had been pushing down sexual assaults from her childhood and they caught up with her. Then she got diabetes. She gained weight.

He stayed with her until the end when she died in his arms. What then?

[RowenaRavenclaw]

I would say it depends. I don’t call my ex crazy but I do call him a narcissist (because he actually was diagnosed as one). If they’re saying it (especially about multiple exes) and it makes no sense in their reasoning I would say red flag. If it’s just one and it’s reasonable, then maybe it’s understandable

[EmyyWolf]

Well that’s a good question. It could be a red flag depending how soon in your relationship he brought that up.

If you don’t know him very well, and he’s telling you off the bat , that his ex is crazy… I.. DONT KNOW… 😬 YIKES..

Why is he breaking this news to you so darn fast. A little weird. Pay attention to your gut instincts.

[HighValue]

The ex could have been deceptive/dishonest and then after living together their true self was revealed. Someone that thinks anyone saying negative things about an is is a red flag, THOSE are the people to avoid for a relationship because they often take the side of the immoral bad people instead of good people.

Until people live together, they don't really know the person, no matter how long they date beforehand.

[ProbablyClueless]

It always raises questions for me, but I've learned to ask those questions before reaching any conclusions.

I've dated women who were professionally diagnosed with psychological disorders. I don't think I would be crossing any lines by saying that those women did crazy things. But I also wouldn't open that kind of conversation with "so let me tell you about my crazy ex."

[Joshydavid25]

Not really.. If they just so happen to mention they their ex genuinely seemed crazy, then that's one thing.. Constantly talking bad about them though is another..

I try my best not to bad mouth my ex as well.. Things didn't end the best with us, but I care about her enough not to vilify her in anyway.. At least I started developing like that..