Why is refusing to maintain contact with an ex partner often viewed as "Petty" and "immature"?

[Cherrylicious]

Especially if they were the ones to initiate the breakup and you did not want to break up? I'm pretty sure other factors will probably makes sense but I just want to go with one example.

I have been broken up with grin a guy who was my very first boyfriend (so I thought) it's a very long story so I won't go into details but it has been several years since we have known each other but close to the years before the breakup have been a lot of verbal and emotional abuse coming from his end and I have done absolutely nothing wrong but be a very good woman and everything that men claim that they want in a woman. Only to be told that I was never his type and that he was never attracted to me and that he does not love me and was never in love with me but called me childish and selfish for refusing to accept "friendship" instead of a relationship after a romantic history with each other.

People tend to normalize very disrespectful things things that are obviously inappropriate to a relationship I understand that everyone is different and everyone has different opinions and different boundaries when it comes to what they do in their relationships and marriages. But why don't people respect other people's boundaries because it is something that they themselves would not accept such as being friends with an ex that nowadays most people would deem as being insecure or immature for not wanting to maintain contact with someone who they have had previous sexual history with?

People often shame people for refusing the friend zone as "childish", "Petty" and "selfish". But is it really out of pettiness or setting boundaries?

[ohsheeT]

When breaking up with someone or they break up with us your more focused on the why. The pain. Your mind heart body and soul are in a different place and we will do anything to hold on to that connection

When all reality is, if it was meant to be, it would be\nThat goes for either party

When something happens in 2 people break up, there is a reason for it caught up in all the garbage. We don't allow ourselves to think clearly

And through heartache and pain time wasted time

We will\nFind we just acknowledged it accepted it and let it go. Life goes on way better and way faster

Because every single one of us has been through this pain. We'll also find you saying to yourself.1 day thank God we broke up because this would never happen. I am so glad that we broke up because this would never happen

But to get to that point.
You have to acknowledge the break up first and then accept it. And you will not believe all the good things that start happening. We hold ourselves back by not allowing ourselves to see the truth and the truth is we were never meant to be together except to learn something

No matter what we do in life when it doesn't work out the way that we see it or wanted to. It's because it is a learning experience, a big learning experience.
We were not learning so something dressed to happens to get our attention

This is.
Why we are here on this planet is to learn. Everything is a learning experience. Everything is a dual ality. It's a beautiful thing. What you accept this and understand it you can have and do anything you want and be so happy. It's unreal. We have to get yourself there. You have to find order to get there.

Everybody has been living their life like\nThis is the way that it is, but it's not in true reality. We are all here for an experience. We are all here to learn something. And that is the power of love and how many different types of love there are

And we have experiences on our journey when we're finding this

[Noredcarpet]

I think it depends on who these people are that think they are so smart to judge your call. I think your ex had tried to manipulate you to accept the relationship on his terms. I think these other people has tried to manipulate you too. Could be you are circled by these people as they are on the same level as your ex. I understand 100% if someone do not want contact with their ex. I had a situation with my ex when it was no contact that worked the best, but of course he tried to manipulate people we knew, he wanted me back in secret or he wanted revenge or little of both. The people who actually were dumb enough to want us in the same room they were in after the split had their own selfish reasons for it or they were manipulated to feel sorry for him after he had plant this one step at a time. In order to get away I cut them off too. In time he showed his true colors to them too and they too wanted no contact. But there are those who I bet he could continue to play with. The bottom line is it takes two to be at the same place at the same time, inside, in order for it to work and be healthy, and the thing is why you broke up in the first place or was friendzoned was because you were not at the same place. There are relationships that gain one person and the people around them the most while the other one is being stepped all over. If the ex can not have enough respect or the people around you to respect your boundaries it is their problem. Before I had this fear that my ex could turn people against me, I would not be part of the group. Then I thought so what? It was liberating. I learned outside of his and their tiny world was an ocean of people, ocean of groups that got to know me for me, and cared about me, they knew me. They would never say I was wrong for not wanting contact. They would 100% stand by me. I am sorry this happened to you, there are always those who do not want you to stand up and have self love and self respect, do not listen to them, they're just dumb, not people you should have in your life anyways.

[Amy_Mi]

Because society romanticizes tolerance and mistakes it for emotional strength.

Refusing contact with an ex isn’t petty , it’s disciplined.

It means you understand peace isn’t negotiable, and closure doesn’t require a conversation.

Maturity isn’t about keeping access to what broke you, it’s about protecting the energy that rebuilt you.

Some call it cold, I call it evolved.

Cutting ties isn’t bitterness.

It’s boundaries and boundaries are the love you finally give yourself.

[Purpleronnie]

I can see your point but I think they are blinded by their own belief that it’s more “mature” to devolve a relationship back to friendship as if that’s the “right thing to do as an adult “ … almost sanctimonious in their shortsightedness. “We shouldn’t hold grudges we are better than that etc etc bullshit.


What they fail to see is the need that many have ( including me ) to emotionally cut ties with their ex. Additionally I wouldn’t see it as healthy or fair to break up with someone but then immediately attempt to see them as a friend , that’s absurd.
Expecting a person your breaking up with to see that as possible / healthy is preposterous assuming against the idea of breaking up


There can obviously be many situations where remaining civil / friendly is best or makes logical sense but friendship should never be an expectation or even considered likely.

[OlderAndWiser]

Staying in touch with an ex is something that people promote because it allows them to feel less guilty about breaking up with someone. Unless you have children in common, I believe that maintaining contact with an ex is unhealthy and counterproductive.

[DishLady]

It’s not. Personally, if I know I need the space from someone I take it.

[Zack-Bann]

I think it’s immature NOT to cut off contact


Wanting it both ways is what children think the world is like


Not saying exes should be burned at the stake but if both former partners are gonna find healthy relationships in their respective lives they can’t be dragging each other around like baggage


It does no one any good


Unless there’s a kid involved in which case contact is necessary to provide the kid access to both parents

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Was hoping someone would say this

[PeachyPie93]

If you don't have kids together and the breakup wasn't mutual I don't know why he would expect you to stay friends. Seems pretty selfish and self centred on his part, like I get the sentiment that he would want to keep being friends especially if you were together for years but you can't force something the other person doesn't want.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Personally, I don't know anyone who said I'm immature for not giving my ex any attention. My family and friends were actually were amazed of my "self control".

I think what truly matters here is your environment, or the people you are with and their mindset. Some people would deem it as immature, and some people will respect what you want.

[McLlovin]

Its not petty and your 1000% right. I dont even understand why people try to keep old relationship connections like that. Whether they realize it or not that old relationship threatens the new one. This is how I see it:

if you can't break off connection from your old opposite gender relationship for your significant other then in your mind you have already chosen the relationship you value more and also it shows you are not over them. Its proof.

[Shiprex]

I've not kept in touch with anyone I've been intimate with and would not want to. It's my preference as I value intimacy highly.

You're not obligated to stay friends for the sake of it in the slightest. In fact it's probably the opposite if it were me.

[jshm2]

It isn't, and you should laugh at the imbecile who says different. What next? Keep in touch with the rapist who left you scared and with child?

They are your "ex" for a reason.

[Flower7]

Sounds like he’s looking for either a friend with benefits or someone to have on the back burner in case things ever don’t work out with one of the women that he IS interested in.

[Lliam]

Refusing contact in this case is perfectly reasonable and rational. He made his own bed, let him lie in it.
Cut him out of your life completely. Move on with your life and don't let that trash back in. Treat him like he doesn't exist.

[FreyaRed]

It's just a manipulation attempt. With a minimal amount of confidence you can ignore that.

[Joshydavid25]

I think it's pretty reasonable and normal for anyone to cut contact off with an ex.. I don't think society at large thinks it's immature or petty especially if what you said about you former relationship is true..

[dudeinohio]

Not petty or childish.

Its always best to no longer communicate with an ex. Worse to be friends with one.

A new partner may have issues wit you being friends with an ex. For me, it's a deal-breaker.

[exitseven]

I always stopped communication with exes. Once a girl that dumped me saw me at the local mall. She came over to talk to me like all was forgiven. I just ignored her and walked away.

[Nikki1989]

This negative judgment usually comes from people who prioritize social harmony and emotional avoidance over personal healing.

[loveslongnails]

Who says that it is? We don't live in the same cities anymore and one of them went to the "dark side" (she's a magat) so I want nothing to do with her anyway.

[msc545]

An ex is an ex for a reason, and often that reason has to do with them cheating or just creating chaos and misery.

Fuck the ex and fuck the person that says it is "immature" or "petty" to avoid an asshole.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Is it people? Or is it men specifically saying that?

[Crankor]

Id say its pretty stupid to stay in contact. Why would you continue to have someone in your life that for whatever reason lead them to be an ex? It would just hinder future relationships.

[AgentG111]

Number 1 life's short live it up. Stop worrying about other people think. I can almost 95% assure you don't want to have any knowledge of other people's brains!

[beenherebefore]

I don’t see it as such. I think that’s the right thing to do.

[MannMitAntworten]

I feel it is bizarre to maintain contact with exes. Either you are done or you are not. Short of having kids together … done is done.

[noohair]

" I have done absolutely nothing wrong but be a very good woman and everything that men claim that they want in a woman. "

I am so glad that you did nothing wrong.

[genericname85]

it's not. it's normal not to keep having contact.

[RHK36]

I haven't by my exes. Your exes might because you dated walking red flags

[blackeagle007]

Because society is against letting individuals make their choices. Sorry but if I get friend zoned… see ya!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Its not petty or immature. When its over its over. What the point in staying in touch.

[LiamJHayden]

Unless you have children together, what others think is irrelevant.

[jahaims]

It's the opposite. Because most people are immature

[Godihateyou]

Its an admission that you pick shitty partners and cannot make nice with the people YOU picked. Majored red flag

[Kelley1]

That never happens.

[Dargil]

It isn't. Never look back.

[Unap0logetic_]

Definitely boundaries. It’s not selfish nor petty.

[HighSchoolCustodian]

Cause they want you to be broken up about it.

[In_Trance]

No it's not