What is an acceptable age gap when dating?

Question

Im 21 and a guy has presented himself as intrested in dating me. he's 31... Its a 10 year age gap, I first met this guy when I had my first job when I was sixteen at a grocery store. he's 31 sucessful owns his own farm, and works two other side jobs just to stay busy. He works with my mom and is always asking about me. My mom jokingly made the comment "if there wasn't such an age gap youd be perfect her!" which he responded with "you know 10 years is that big of a gap." What is your opinion on age gaps? How old is to old?

jacquesvol · Accepted Answer

Age is relative.
This is not to say it's just a number but ithas to be considered in relation to other elements:

*-he's 10 years older, that's 50% of your age. When you were learning to walk he was already looking at girls and geting boners from it.

*-You're a student, responsible for your studies towards your parents. You get an allowance, a few $100/month maybe. (if it's that much)

*-He has a job and outside that, he's only responsible towards himself. He has income ten times as much as your allowance.

*-Your freedom is limited by your parents, he's completely free to do as he likes, when he likes it.

*-You don't have much of a past, maybe a few boyfriends. He has half a life behind him, exes, maybe children somewhere.

That makes for a very slanted relationship, slanted in his favor.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Age is not as big as factor as maturity and interests. The odds of a 21 year old and a 31 year old having similar interests and level of maturity are unlikely, but make that a 60 year old and a 50 year old and it becomes much more likely. When you get older, the relevant considerations are interests and general health. At 60 years old, I may have interests compatible with a 78 year old woman, but I don't want to be pushing a wife/girlfriend around in a wheelchair in the next few years - not if I can avoid it.

singlegirl1992 · Accepted Answer

Yep, age is just a number. While it is a big gap, that shouldn't matter if it's a happy, healthy and mature relationship with a great possibility for a future together. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 29, but it doesn't feel like there's a noticeable difference because we respect and support each other, tease each other, and have so much in common. We have a lot of fun together, but we also have serious talks about where we want to be in 10 years and how we both see the other person as a partner for life. My advice is to take things slowly and really get to know him (while dating) before taking any drastic steps, such as moving in together. Make sure he's a wonderful guy who you'd like to spend a very long time with before investing in the relationship. Good luck! :)

xobrowneyedbeauty · Accepted Answer

I don't think 5 years is too old but I also don't think age is nothing but a number. I am 22 and I personally don't think I would date anyone over 29 but its also not set in stone for me. I think if you click with someone then you click with someone. age doesn't necessarily determine maturity or compatibility. I think if you go for someone who's like 40 that might be a bit much. But to each their own. I think 10 years can be fine. If you're still in college though I think it could be hard because you're at very different points in your lives. If you're about to graduate and enter the real world I think it's fine. It has more to do with maturity and life stages than necessarily a number.

MichelleJustAsking · Accepted Answer

I think age is irrelevant, because it depends on what stage of life you are at.

Are you both happy with your jobs/careers? Are you both financially independent? Are you both mature and responsible? Have you both completed higher educational goals to get you to where you want to be in life? Are you both living in an area you want to stay long term? Do you both have the same life goals

I know a woman who is happily married to a guy 20 years younger than she is. I know other's with large age gaps who are happy, and those it didn't work out for.

The common ground was always the stage of life they were at.

HuckyHucky · Accepted Answer

I know a couple who are 60 and 70 years old. 10 years right there. You think that matters when you're 60/70? No.

Age matters less the older you get. When you're a teenager even 3 years can make a huge difference. But as you get older maturity differences between the ages get smaller and smaller.

The only problem I could see with 21/31 is him wanting to settle down and you still being all young and spry.

Bethany22 · Answer

If your mom likes him, then go for it!

rollsroyce12345 · Answer

Age can make a difference, or not make difference. As long as you are within legal age, shouldn't really matter depending on the person's standards, and what you find is acceptable.

The age for you, is a quite big, but not concerning, because you are both adults, in this situation. Now as long as you to get on, have great chemistry, have things in common, then have a relationship with each other, At the end of the day, age shouldn't matter now, you both get a long great.

At the end of the put things into perceptive, and don't make the situation any bigger than is, unless you are breaking the law.

Dwiin · Answer

there is an acceptable age range, this works for any age that there is an age difference (I. E. younger than 14 is too young to date)
for the lower age, take your age X and divide it by 2 (round up) then add 7
you are 21 so, 21/2=11+7=18
so you shouldn't date anyone younger than 18
for the older range, subtract 7 from your age, then double it, 21-7=14*2=28...
so for a 21 year old, there wouldn't be a second glance for you dating anyone between 18-28... now these are just social stigmas... there is no law preventing you and him being together, just social pressure, if you can deal with that pressure, then go for it. (it also depends on where you are too, like in where i am, it would be better for you not to be single than the social stigma from the age gap)

dogbert777 · Answer

10 years is nothing. Seems a huge gap now, but when you are 60 and he's 70 it will be insignificant.
There was over 7 years between my parents, but I know from the way they loved and respected each other, it could have been 17, 27 years.
They loved each other from first meeting.

Only YOU know the answer to your own question. Do not take too much notice of other people, as it is your life and yours alone. You will make mistakes, we all do, but that is how we learn about life.
If you like this guy and he likes you, then give it a go. As long as you don't go too deep too quickly and do something you will regret, you have NOTHING to lose!!

Take care, stay safe!!

ClariceOwen23 · Answer

Age matters less when you get older. It seems like a big deal when you're 12 and 14, but not so much when you're 40 and 50. It also depends on how mature you both are and which stage in your life you are in. I once dated a 14 year old guy when I was 17 and everyone thought it was weird. But he wasn't really like other kids his age. He was extremely smart and went to college before me. I wouldn't really worry too much about it. If you really like this guy, just go for it. It might seem like a gap now, but it won't later.

Kabloosh75 · Answer

Age really is relative. It is really how you act that matters. Yes, someone at 18 is generally going to be much less mature than someone at 28, but that doesn't mean you should necessarily rule someone that young or old out.

However I think it is important to realize the potential dangers or interests those kind of age groups have. You maybe able to find an genuine older man who is interested in having a meaningful relationship with someone under 21. The problem is he is most likely interested in your body more than anything so guard yourself well... that is unless you're into that sort of thing then have at it.

Metlahead · Answer

I think 21 and 31 is questionable, the fact you are even asking shows that you agree. When you are 27 or so, I think any age is fair game for older, and with younger, always your age divided by two, plus 7. So for your 31yr old guy, the youngest he should go for is 23. It always works out that any younger is questionable.

bloodmountain1990 · Answer

It's weird how this works. Personally for me I wouldn't date anyone under 21 and no one above 30(unless they're willing). My theory is if a girl can't get into bars, she's too young and that limits what we can do.

But anyways I've known guys in their 50s dating women in their 40s. At that point, your older, mature and experienced. That being said when I was in training for my job, a coworker who was 57 was hitting on another coworker who is 25. Even though that's legal, it's still weird. He was 32 when she just came out of the womb.

31IT3 · Answer

I say if you truly have feelings for him give it a shot.. He could be the one you never know. Age is only a number unless the persona is like 9 and your 20 then that could be a issue... XP But in all seriousness he be the love of your life your significant other and he will move on and you won't have your chance in the future if you don't take it now because of something silly like this.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

As long as they are both adults, the age gap is completely up to them. There is often greater challenges with a bigger age gap, but that doesn't mean it is unacceptable to date them.

Anonymous · Answer

A ten year a gap is a big deal when you're in your twenties and he's in his thirties. Your goals and motives are going to be completely opposite of his AND if they aren't, you should ask yourself why a thirty one year old man has the mindset of a twenty one year old student. Ten years would not matter if he were fifty and you were forty, but your twenties are all about creating a foundation for the rest of your life, making your adult friends for life and most importantly, testing out relationships so you know what you do and do not want in a person. Age really is nothing but a number, but only after a certain level of experience and maturity, should that philosophy apply. You're twenty one, have fun and date people a bit closer to your age, for now.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm torn here cause I'm only 21 and as a result I'm stuck with a small gap. For example a girl who is 18 is most likely still in HS so stay away. So 19 to 21 is my range. 5 years would be a bit weird if I'm 26 and she's 21 its a differing mentality where I'm ready to settle and she is still recently 21 in college. The 5 year gap starts to apply when the woman is 25 and the man is 30 cause both are most likely on a career track and ready to financially start a family. Sorry if I over complicated this lol.

Anonymous · Answer

I've dated a bunch of different ages. It seems that

The bigger the age gap, the likely it is for lifestyle differences, mismatches of intention and (often intentional) inequality of power and control to occur. Going through different stages of life can be difficult on a relationship.

That being said, it doesn't mean it's GOING to end up that way. You're an adult. Not every relationship will work, regardless. It's not like you meet someone and then marry them forever in a blink. Just keep your eyes open and think about what makes a relationship work for you. That beind said, often the older partner has more definite opinions and tries to mold a character for his/her own purposes from the younger one. Problems from this can arise later in life. So just keep your eyes open and be mindful of your progression as a person.

Goldie757 · Answer

Age is nothing but a number. But guys who usually that much older than you want one thing.

shayeshaye · Answer

in all honesty, I think age is nothing but a number.. but you just got to make sure he's after the right thing and not something to just keep him entertained. but I think he sounds like a incredible guy! go for it, cause you'll never know until you try it out. and if it does go further & people talk, let them.. cause remember its you and him against the world not a third wheel one.

lace1228 · Answer

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 7years. I'm 30 and he is 40. To be honest most people usually forget there is an age gap between us. When we met he was 33 and I was 23. At the beginning things were amazing but like all relationship it takes a lot of work and it takes both people involved to make it work. Honestly I say give it a shot you never know what can come from it if you don't at least try.

AverageGuy212 · Answer

There's a general rule I've learnt over the years, if you're older the rule is - Half your age +7 so if you're 20 it would be 20/2 =10 +7 = 17.

If you're younger the rule is (your age) subtract 7 and double it.

But there is no normality to dating, take into account the girl/guy as a person and try to look past their age.

YoungAndCurious001 · Answer

I think it depends on how old you are, but you 21 so I say go for it! when your an adult age doesn't matter as much, if you were say 18 or something, that would be different, because technically you would be barely considered a legal adult and that would be sort of weird but your 21, and the plus side to someone who is around his age is that he will be stable, the down side is that your 21 and most people are looking for something a little more permanent at his age and that can be restricting for you, that and most people at his age aren't into the same things that most early 20 year old's are into, like partying and stuff like that, but if you want to date this guy, I say why not!

Lambchopp · Answer

I think 12 years is about the biggest gap I'd be comfortable with. Men pretty much always want to date younger women. If you are attracted to him, you have chemistry and things in common to talk about, and as long as YOU don't feel weird about the age difference, then it's fine.

Queen_naki5 · Answer

It's not he's old enough to be your father and you're already over 21 so at least he can take you to the bar. In some cultures, the man being at least 4 years older than the woman is a sign of good luck and a long healthy marriage. I'm just repeating what I've heard 😀. Good luck.

Coffinspire · Answer

I think it depends on the maturity gap, not the number gap. I'll explain, a 15 year old is a lot different in maturity than an 18 year old, so that's too old. An 18 year old is a lot different than a 24 year old, a little old but is doable if the 18 year old is mature. I think after your mid 20s, people usually get on the same level as adults (some more than others, but generally speaking)

tomakievil · Answer

He sounds like a good guy! That's all that matters.
I'm almost certain I found my perfect guy and we have been together for about 8 months or so. He is 8 years older than me, and I'm 19.
My parents weren't very thrilled but all of my family likes him because they knew him since he was a kid.

nokyso · Answer

I look at it as in there might be a difference in what you want out of it. 10years is not a lot but he might be ready to get married, have kids, buy a house etc. and at 21 you might not want that just yet. So think of all of that when making a desicion. Thats how I think when approaching a love interest of a different age.

Kartusha · Answer

I think age is not important if you love each other. I had relationship with older guy and also with same age as mine and it didn´t last long. I wouldn´t follow other opinions if I love somebody. You know best what is good for you. Follow your heart and resume if you want stay with him or not. Good luck :)

Lovemuffin31 · Answer

I married my husband when I was 21, he was 32. We have been married over 10 years. Tbh my parents were not thrilled about it at first but they grew to accept it. Especially after getting to know him and how I felt about him. We never really saw the age gap. It's really all about the situation.
Since your mom knows him, I would talk to her about it first. Let her hear your argument, and you never know, she might come around.

risaharue · Answer

I am sixteen, and I am crazy in love with a guy six years older than me. I even used to like a guy that was more than ten years older than me, lol. In my opinion age gaps are not important... well unless it's a thirty years age gap. Anyway, I hope everything gies well

ZachD · Answer

It depends on what you feel comfortable with. If you are genuinely attracted to the person and the fact that others may judge you and disapprove of your relationship doesn't bother you, then any age gap is acceptable. And just FYI, I've known multiple couples with reader than 10 year age gaps who had long happy relationships.

Sweetiepie2120 · Answer

I draw the line at a certain age gap. The only problem with big age gaps, in my opinion, is that if the gap is big enough, it's hard to have much in common... especially from one another's time. But if you feel comfortable with the age gap, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!

killerbunny52 · Answer

If you really like him go for it but if u feel it would be unconfortable then don't do it its all about preference and highly on how mature you both are if your more mature for your age or he us less mature for his it will have a higher chance if working out.

silvergirl06 · Answer

I wouldn't say it was that big, if you like him then ignore it. the only problem is that you two are in different stages in life, he's ready to start settling down and find a career and possibly make a family and you're just starting your adult life and still want to have fun before you settle down. definitely keep him around but consider not committing 100% yet.

prettyface · Answer

Age is just a number but sometimes it plays a role. I tend to like older men but the age difference may be bit hard on compromising such as you my want to party and he wants to settle down. I think that if you two are serious about it then go ahead and try to make it work.

SoccerDiva · Answer

I don't think age matters I just personally couldn't date someone 10 years older than me. My limit is 5 years older and a year younger, (I am only 20 so if I go any younger I get into high school kids)

Anonymous · Answer

Me and my man have an 11 year gap, my parents have a 12 year gap, I know a couple with a 20 and two couples with a 40 yr gap!! Don't worry at all about the age. :) it's great dating an older man. They're a lot more mature and wayyyy more respectful towards women. In my experience.

opugh93 · Answer

currently dating 38 y/o. ex was older than that. as long as you two are on the same pages in life then you're golden. just expect others' unwarranted comments.

Strivous · Answer

The only concerns I would have with this is it would look like he's dating a 'girl', and women on average, already outlive men by a considerable amount, I wouldn't assume that tacking on 10 more years, spouseless after his death, would be desired. Thats the 'rational' side of it, my other side about relationships is that I believe that you should love people for 'who' they are, not 'what' they are.

Meedo · Answer

The other day. An 18 year old wanted to go on a date with me. I am 38

NotTheFBI · Answer

The youngest I've dated was 21 and that was perfectly fine. That being said the fact that you brought up that he has his own farm and jobs makes me kinda shy away a bit from this question; I hope it's because you like him and not because of his status. Not saying that your that kind of person but I have meet to many women like that. Once they know 'who' you are things can get complicated fast.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I dated someone that was 17 years older than me when I was 18. Bad decision all around. But seeing as though its only 10 years and that he really seems interested in you and wants to be with you, means he probably is a really great catch. Age is only a number with this guy. If he talks about you that much and especially to your mother, and is that successful, he's going to treat you right.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't date someone who's 10 years older than me now. Maybe in a few years, I will be able to do that. 10 years is too much for me.
I'm not mature enough and I have no sexual experience. A 32 year old man would never want to be in a relationship with someone like me.
Age plays an important role sometimes. Some relationships don't work out because of the age gap.

I would say that more than 5 years older than me, is too old.

cavmanier · Answer

I don't see how ten years difference is bad. What's most important is if you like each other and are attracted.

SourAngel · Answer

i personally think it should be within 3 years to ur age if possible... but never no more then 6yrs to ur age... my personal opinion... but if u like him dont be afraid to go for him just because of age...

MaiNameIsSunshine · Answer

My aunt and uncle are 15 years apart, no one cares, just do what makes you happy.

godfatherfan · Answer

The best formula I have found for determining a good lowest age is
Half your age plus 7.
In all cases I think it puts you are the lowest you really can go to still have things in common and not be creepy.

singlebee · Answer

Look a 10 years gap is too much... why this is wrong is because this guy is gonna get more old faster then you will... And by the time you are 31 he will be 41... you will also have different opinions and have arguments because of the age gap...
And you may also fall out of love...
So i recommend you search guy around your Age...

Bi_Guy · Answer

Age is nothing but a number and should not be considered.

If you and he are a good match and like each other, the age difference is irrelevant.

Go for it and have fun. Take the ride for as long as you want.

duckshark · Answer

I think everyone has a physical age, a mental age, an emotional age and a chronological age. What I mean by this is that it's all about compatibility (so long as both are of legal age).

amandalauren · Answer

I've dated a guy that was 10 years older then me and it wasn't a big deal. Go for it. its actually better bc most of the time older men will be more mature.

Anonymous · Answer

He's too old.

A good rule of thumb is if you want to know how old to date. Take the guys age cut it in half and add 7.

31 in half is 15 and a half. Add 7 and you get 22 and a half. So that means it's not really acceptable for a 31 year old to be dating someone younger than 23 or 22. And that's at the extreme end. It's probably better to date even closer to your age. Extreme age gap relationships rarely work out in comparison to other relationships.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

Option B, the way worded means "age is not a number, and is everything else other than a number". If you meant to say "age is only a number" that is my answer. The only unacceptable gap is if one of you is under age 18.

beautifulangel76 · Answer

That is too much of an age gap to me. I think it would be better to have someone at the most like years older but maybe no more than that. I mean do what you feel like is right but you should be careful.

Anonymous · Answer

In my case the difference is in 23 years... and it's awesome relationship on so many levels and aspects, that age is just a number for me. It's really important how he makes you feel, when you feel that you're with a real man, a Man, who has no age in your eyes and at the same time have a lot of things in common.

Jxx1981 · Answer

I was seeing a man who was 5 years younger than me know what he said? Go find someone your own age and or a child to call me an old lady, so if you like him go for it but keep remarks such as what I've typed to yourself though when you fall out.

Not-Exactly · Answer

Age usually reflects on the persons era, maturation, mentality, culture, future goals and responsibilities.
Other than those aspect if you cleared them and found a middle ground, then yes it is just a number.

SweetCaroline17 · Answer

I wish you two all the happiness in the world, but you also have to think of the burdens. When you are a spunky say, 62, he is an old, run down 72. That could be very hard. But if you love each other, I say go for it!

Realfire22 · Answer

Me and my Boo are 8 years apart, but i love my men with experience so he can teach me a thing or two. And he does! Its all about mental maturity, mutual compatibility, love and a willingness to work the relationship out. Nothing else matters.

This_guy_here · Answer

The age gap between a couple is no one else's business. If you two guys get along that's all it matters and regarding "public disapproval", they can go fuck themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

Age is meaningless. I'm a 22 yo guy, and I've fucked a 40+ yo woman. She was hot as fuck and we got along great. Was that wrong? I don't think so. If you fall for someone, count your blessings regardless of his/her age.

Alicant310 · Answer

Why not. It's important that you see the world at your age. If you're gonna end up having sex with guys you might as well do it with someone who can be dependable.

RationalLioness · Answer

I'm not going to choose because the first is dumb in my opinion and the second is untrue. You're both over 18 so you two can work it out if you want.

Anonymous · Answer

Once you're in your twenties anything goes. Surely by 21 you should be responsible enough to be with whoever you want. Age might matter really early in life but by this point if you get along with someone then what does it matter? To me it seems dumb to have a serious problem with it, like having a problem with dating outside your ethnicity or dating someone the same sex as you. It's just another thing where people need to go ahead and pull the stick out of their asses.

What is an acceptable age gap when dating?

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