What is an acceptable age gap when dating?

Im 21 and a guy has presented himself as intrested in dating me. he's 31... Its a 10 year age gap, I first met this guy when I had my first job when I was sixteen at a grocery store. he's 31 sucessful owns his own farm, and works two other side jobs just to stay busy. He works with my mom and is always asking about me. My mom jokingly made the comment "if there wasn't such an age gap youd be perfect her!" which he responded with "you know 10 years is that big of a gap." What is your opinion on age gaps? How old is to old?
  • 5 years older is to old
    Vote A
  • Age is anything but a number
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Age is relative.
    This is not to say it's just a number but ithas to be considered in relation to other elements:

    *-he's 10 years older, that's 50% of your age. When you were learning to walk he was already looking at girls and geting boners from it.

    *-You're a student, responsible for your studies towards your parents. You get an allowance, a few $100/month maybe. (if it's that much)

    *-He has a job and outside that, he's only responsible towards himself. He has income ten times as much as your allowance.

    *-Your freedom is limited by your parents, he's completely free to do as he likes, when he likes it.

    *-You don't have much of a past, maybe a few boyfriends. He has half a life behind him, exes, maybe children somewhere.

    That makes for a very slanted relationship, slanted in his favor.

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    • My personal age range would be MAXIMUM 15-20% difference younger or older. And those 20% would be stretching it.

    • Show All
    • The fact that you think of a potential relationship as "slanted in his favor" says everything about your mindset and nothing about age gaps. The best relationships aren't adversarial. There is no "favor" or advantage to be attained. Good relationships are mutually supporting and beneficial, and the very petty concerns you bring up fade into meaninglessness. Clearly, you're a scorekeeper, and I can't imagine any relationship succeeding with that kind of approach.

    • @Hikerdude

      MY marriage is going very well, since long before day One! :-D

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know a couple who are 60 and 70 years old. 10 years right there. You think that matters when you're 60/70? No.

    Age matters less the older you get. When you're a teenager even 3 years can make a huge difference. But as you get older maturity differences between the ages get smaller and smaller.

    The only problem I could see with 21/31 is him wanting to settle down and you still being all young and spry.

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    • I'm more than ready to settle down. I don't go out that much I'm more of a homebody as is he.

    • Well if that isn't a problem then I see no reason for this to not work out.

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What Guys Said 83

  • Age is not as big as factor as maturity and interests. The odds of a 21 year old and a 31 year old having similar interests and level of maturity are unlikely, but make that a 60 year old and a 50 year old and it becomes much more likely. When you get older, the relevant considerations are interests and general health. At 60 years old, I may have interests compatible with a 78 year old woman, but I don't want to be pushing a wife/girlfriend around in a wheelchair in the next few years - not if I can avoid it.

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  • As long as they are both adults, the age gap is completely up to them. There is often greater challenges with a bigger age gap, but that doesn't mean it is unacceptable to date them.

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  • I think 21 and 31 is questionable, the fact you are even asking shows that you agree. When you are 27 or so, I think any age is fair game for older, and with younger, always your age divided by two, plus 7. So for your 31yr old guy, the youngest he should go for is 23. It always works out that any younger is questionable.

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  • There's a general rule I've learnt over the years, if you're older the rule is - Half your age +7 so if you're 20 it would be 20/2 =10 +7 = 17.

    If you're younger the rule is (your age) subtract 7 and double it.

    But there is no normality to dating, take into account the girl/guy as a person and try to look past their age.

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  • It depends on what you feel comfortable with. If you are genuinely attracted to the person and the fact that others may judge you and disapprove of your relationship doesn't bother you, then any age gap is acceptable. And just FYI, I've known multiple couples with reader than 10 year age gaps who had long happy relationships.

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  • Look a 10 years gap is too much... why this is wrong is because this guy is gonna get more old faster then you will... And by the time you are 31 he will be 41... you will also have different opinions and have arguments because of the age gap...
    And you may also fall out of love...
    So i recommend you search guy around your Age...

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  • I say if you truly have feelings for him give it a shot.. He could be the one you never know. Age is only a number unless the persona is like 9 and your 20 then that could be a issue... XP But in all seriousness he be the love of your life your significant other and he will move on and you won't have your chance in the future if you don't take it now because of something silly like this.

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  • I don't see how ten years difference is bad. What's most important is if you like each other and are attracted.

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  • Why not. It's important that you see the world at your age. If you're gonna end up having sex with guys you might as well do it with someone who can be dependable.

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  • The other day. An 18 year old wanted to go on a date with me. I am 38

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  • The best formula I have found for determining a good lowest age is
    Half your age plus 7.
    In all cases I think it puts you are the lowest you really can go to still have things in common and not be creepy.

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  • Age is nothing but a number and should not be considered.

    If you and he are a good match and like each other, the age difference is irrelevant.

    Go for it and have fun. Take the ride for as long as you want.

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  • I think everyone has a physical age, a mental age, an emotional age and a chronological age. What I mean by this is that it's all about compatibility (so long as both are of legal age).

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  • The older the couple gets, the less it matters. As in: If the guy is fifty and the lady is forty or vice-versa. As it goes on, who cares. It's just creepy when say one is twenty-two and the other is thirty-five. That's just me, however.

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  • The only concerns I would have with this is it would look like he's dating a 'girl', and women on average, already outlive men by a considerable amount, I wouldn't assume that tacking on 10 more years, spouseless after his death, would be desired. Thats the 'rational' side of it, my other side about relationships is that I believe that you should love people for 'who' they are, not 'what' they are.

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  • The youngest I've dated was 21 and that was perfectly fine. That being said the fact that you brought up that he has his own farm and jobs makes me kinda shy away a bit from this question; I hope it's because you like him and not because of his status. Not saying that your that kind of person but I have meet to many women like that. Once they know 'who' you are things can get complicated fast.

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  • Age usually reflects on the persons era, maturation, mentality, culture, future goals and responsibilities.
    Other than those aspect if you cleared them and found a middle ground, then yes it is just a number.

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  • The age gap between a couple is no one else's business.

    If you two guys get along that's all it matters and regarding "public disapproval", they can go fuck themselves.

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  • Age is a changing factor, the older you are, the larger the acceptable age gap.

    That's why some people say the lowest age you can date goes: Your age divided by two, plus 8.

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  • Ewwww sorry but nooo if I dated a girl I rather she would be the same of my age... At least she understands my age and she know what our relationship needs for our future XD ❤️

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What Girls Said 92

  • Are you asking for my approval to date him because he is rich?

    You should know what your answer is if you felt attraction for him. Not because you think he has bigger assets than your mum.

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    • Never said he was rich. My point was successful. Not a gold digger. And my parents are successful as well but I pay my own way I work full time live on my own and pay all my own bills. I'm not asking for ANYONES approval. Just for there opinions. Thanks for yours.

  • in all honesty, I think age is nothing but a number.. but you just got to make sure he's after the right thing and not something to just keep him entertained. but I think he sounds like a incredible guy! go for it, cause you'll never know until you try it out. and if it does go further & people talk, let them.. cause remember its you and him against the world not a third wheel one.

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  • Age is nothing but a number. But guys who usually that much older than you want one thing.
    38.media.tumblr.com/...vb4SJ9s1qi88igo1_r1_500.gif

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  • I think 12 years is about the biggest gap I'd be comfortable with. Men pretty much always want to date younger women. If you are attracted to him, you have chemistry and things in common to talk about, and as long as YOU don't feel weird about the age difference, then it's fine.

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  • I draw the line at a certain age gap. The only problem with big age gaps, in my opinion, is that if the gap is big enough, it's hard to have much in common... especially from one another's time. But if you feel comfortable with the age gap, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!

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    • dude, I wasn't born in the Victorian era =/

    • Lol. I see what you did there. What I meant is that there was different things happening in lets say the early 70's to the 90's. There are things that people dating with large age gaps would have trouble relating to certain things that happened in their year
      @Levin

  • I don't think age matters I just personally couldn't date someone 10 years older than me. My limit is 5 years older and a year younger, (I am only 20 so if I go any younger I get into high school kids)

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  • currently dating 38 y/o. ex was older than that. as long as you two are on the same pages in life then you're golden. just expect others' unwarranted comments.

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  • If you really like him go for it but if u feel it would be unconfortable then don't do it its all about preference and highly on how mature you both are if your more mature for your age or he us less mature for his it will have a higher chance if working out.

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  • I look at it as in there might be a difference in what you want out of it. 10years is not a lot but he might be ready to get married, have kids, buy a house etc. and at 21 you might not want that just yet. So think of all of that when making a desicion. Thats how I think when approaching a love interest of a different age.

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  • I think age is not important if you love each other. I had relationship with older guy and also with same age as mine and it didn´t last long. I wouldn´t follow other opinions if I love somebody. You know best what is good for you. Follow your heart and resume if you want stay with him or not. Good luck :)

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  • Wait, B means ten years is NOT to old right? Anyways as far as older guys with younger girls go I don't find it too weird. Actually in a lot of cultures it is pretty normal.

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  • I think it depends on the maturity gap, not the number gap. I'll explain, a 15 year old is a lot different in maturity than an 18 year old, so that's too old. An 18 year old is a lot different than a 24 year old, a little old but is doable if the 18 year old is mature. I think after your mid 20s, people usually get on the same level as adults (some more than others, but generally speaking)

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  • My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 7years. I'm 30 and he is 40. To be honest most people usually forget there is an age gap between us. When we met he was 33 and I was 23. At the beginning things were amazing but like all relationship it takes a lot of work and it takes both people involved to make it work. Honestly I say give it a shot you never know what can come from it if you don't at least try.

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  • I am sixteen, and I am crazy in love with a guy six years older than me. I even used to like a guy that was more than ten years older than me, lol. In my opinion age gaps are not important... well unless it's a thirty years age gap. Anyway, I hope everything gies well

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  • He met you when you were 16 and he was 26. Has he been waiting all along? Is he a pedo?

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    • I'm sure he's date other people? He just came back into the picture a few months ago so no I don't think he's a pedo.

  • Option B, the way worded means "age is not a number, and is everything else other than a number". If you meant to say "age is only a number" that is my answer. The only unacceptable gap is if one of you is under age 18.

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  • I wouldn't say it was that big, if you like him then ignore it. the only problem is that you two are in different stages in life, he's ready to start settling down and find a career and possibly make a family and you're just starting your adult life and still want to have fun before you settle down. definitely keep him around but consider not committing 100% yet.

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  • Age is just a number but sometimes it plays a role. I tend to like older men but the age difference may be bit hard on compromising such as you my want to party and he wants to settle down. I think that if you two are serious about it then go ahead and try to make it work.

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  • It's not he's old enough to be your father and you're already over 21 so at least he can take you to the bar. In some cultures, the man being at least 4 years older than the woman is a sign of good luck and a long healthy marriage. I'm just repeating what I've heard 😀. Good luck.

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  • As long as it's legal, go for it.

    In my opinion though, if you date someone old enough to be your father or grandfather, that's kind of weird. And a little creepy. But 10 years is fine :)

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