Would bed wetting be a deal breaker for you?

Question

I was sexually abused when i was younger, and grew up in a rough home. I don't like to use those things as an excuse for anything but i do get horrible night terrors. They started when i was ten and have always made me wet the bed, Not every not, but often enough. Sometimes a few times awake, when i'm lucky sometimes just a couple times a month. I have seen doctors, and have tried treatments and have experimented myself on ways to fix or conrol it for years. Nothing has helped. Now i'm dating a really sweet amazing guy. He knows just because i have stayed at his house and didn't want him to have to deal with that. He always says it's fine but i've been lucky enough to not have had it happen at his house. If it does i'm scared he'll see me differently or want to break up. Any advice at all? I have considered never dating. Honestly. He always is so sweet and caring with me though.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I read your question, had one answer in my mind, read situation, and... you know it impacted things.

Then wonder if i should respond totally honestly or not. I'm going to, though i'm not sure it's the right move.

I'll start with the 'given context' thing. No, it would not be a dealbreaker, i'd be sympathetic. yeah, rubber under sheets, it's not that big a deal, i'd be understanding, and knowing they were triggered by night terrors, i'd almost want to hug you first and make sure you were okay then help you clean up.

I'll now spit out the 'if i hadn't known backstory' answer on the hopes it makes you feel better not worse.

If I didn't know why you wet the bed, just that you did sometimes, i think if anything it would turn me on a little bit. Not that much, but a little. Given your back story, i'm not sure i would be, in particular knowing you might have just had a terrible nightmare. So maybe i'd just feel protective when it happened. But for what it's worth, instead of just being protective instead of grossed out, it would be protective instead of turned on... i hope that makes you feel more confident, not less.

JLFalcon · Accepted Answer

The only tip I'd have would be possibly adult diapers when sleeping in the same bed as me.

Of course it isn't a deal breaker if you care about the person. Whenever you find someone you care about there isn't much that would be a deal breaker ( unless you're like an in-the-closet serial killer or something ). Everyone has their problems, everyone. As Sam Keen said "We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." So at the end of the day that right guy won't care, and whether that is or isn't your boyfriend, it doesn't seem like he cares either.

redeyemindtricks · Accepted Answer

If this is the worst issue in yr relationship, that's... a pretty solid relationship.

Ever try a medicine called desmopressin?
It tends to work, for these problems. It'll basically halt urine production for 6-8 hours or so. You take it before bedtime.

You just have to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that you won't have to get out of bed and exert yrself during the night. (For most people this is a non-issue, but, with little babies you never know.)
If that happens, there's a risk of hyponatremia (dangerously low sodium levels). The antidote is what's called vaptan drugs, but, that's not exactly something you'll have on hand. So, you just have to take it reaaallllyyy easy if you wake up in the middle of the night on desmo.

But, if you haven't tried it, look into it. It's been a miracle drug, for a couple of people I know with problems similar to yours.

StewieRH · Accepted Answer

I don't think it is a deal breaker. You have told your guy and he says it's fine. If it does happen when you are with him and he truly is a sweet, caring guy then he will not mind. Honestly, I think if he cared that much about it, he would have dropped you when you told him but he didn't.

If my boyfriend told me he did anything like this then I would not see it as a deal breaker or leave him because of it because it wouldn't change the fact that I think he is a cute and caring guy. Something that insignificant would not make me stop liking him.. Although it may stop me from ever sharing a bed with him at night (Jk!).

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Try therapy and counseling. It seems more of a mental issue than physically something wrong with you. I would never have a problem with it personally. Adult diapers would be good for sleeping at night so you don't make a mess , but with the right help , you can also over come this. Pee isn't nasty or anything by the way , it shouldn't " gross anyone out " that you're trying to be sanitary about your problem & wear the diapers. He seems to be very sweet and understanding. Maybe surprise him with some sexy panties during the day ;) haha

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It sounds as if he already has some strong feelings for you. It's not a deal breaker if he is a sincere guy falling in love.

abc3643 · Answer

LOL... The choice of "depends" is a double-entendre because a partner who wears Depends (the adult diaper), may be incontinent but not get the bed wet.

I voted not a deal breaker because, as we age, incontinence is a very real issue, so a mature person recognizes these things happen (and WILL happen) and deals with it.

johnanamoly · Answer

Sorry that this happens, I think the best way to deal with this is by seeking counseling. Bed wetting is attributed to trauma, child abuse and and even molestation. Find the issue and get help. And please, whatever happened to you is not your fault, you are a victim, best wishes and luck to you.

Anonymous · Answer

I think I'd sleep separately, if possible. I also have night terrors, and while I don't wet the bed, I often scream and punch. Once I attacked my then bf! I prefer to sleep alone because of sleep issues so I could have my own sleep routine and not be disturbed by the guy's movements or snoring. Getting good sleep is one of the most important things there is.

RedRobin · Answer

Hypothetically, considering what you went through it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me

akadatank44 · Answer

Nope not a dealbreaker. Got to try and work things out. Maybe you'll stop? Maybe the knowledge and comfort of someone sleeping next to you will train your brain? Who knows. Seems like he loves you. Stay with him and work this out.

Nivekian · Answer

My first suggestion is to buy a rubber fitted sheet. My second suggestion is to find a dream shaman. I have helped a few people I've slept near through their chronic nightmares, so I know it can help.

i1T2daty · Answer

Certainly not if I knew your background. In fact, I get kind of turned on by a girls urethra

LittleSally · Answer

@OlderAndWiser Has a point. =) Very true.

jayzee · Answer

Dont worry :) Stuffs happen

Sabretooth · Answer

only thing that's gonna help this is counseling.

93stepsawayfromhome · Answer

Not a deal breaker.

Anonymous · Answer

No not really.

Would bed wetting be a deal breaker for you?

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