Should I be with a guy who's too traditional and conservative?

Question

Hello everyone! So, my boyfriend and I (I'm 23, he's 29, in a relationship for half a year) have very different views on some things. He is very traditional and conservative when it comes to relationships (housewife and breadwinner roles of a woman and a man). He won't feel like doing any house chors as it's not a mans job. He believes man are intelectually superior to women and can't stand feminists (I am not a feminist myself, but I am pro-equality). He wants to get married and have kids very soon, while I don't feel ready. But he believes he can change me into wanting that too. Does this look like an acceptable way to think to you? Also, he's being overly sweet and cheesy to me (he would say "I love you" and very cheesy lines at least 10 times a day). This is a turn-off for me and 1 time a day saying or showing the love would be enough for me. More is something that makes me feel nauses, like I've eaten too much sugar. We did discuss this, but again - he feels like he can change me into being more "expressive". Matter of the fact is, I am not sure now whether this relationship can work or no, because I don't feel attracted to him since he's too traditional per my taste. Things that I like about him is that he always pays attention, very carring, always is ready to talk and listen. He is a very sweet guy, but I can't help but see him being overly sweet and clingy. Also, I don't find him to be very confident either (another turn-off). Am I being too critical and should keep on having this relationship or there is no potential? Maybe someone has or had same or similar experience, I'd love to listen to your opinions!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

" So, my boyfriend and I (I'm 23, he's 29, in a relationship for half a year) have very different views on some things. He is very traditional and conservative when it comes to relationships (housewife and breadwinner roles of a woman and a man). He won't feel like doing any house chors as it's not a mans job. He believes man are intelectually superior to women and can't stand feminists (I am not a feminist myself, but I am pro-equality). He wants to get married and have kids very soon, while I don't feel ready. But he believes he can change me into wanting that too. " <--- This. I would change this about him. Try to negotiate if possible on things. Convince him you want to be ready to work and do chores and he should do the same. Also, put some financial pressure on him for this kind of thing, kids, and other stuff. He sounds like maybe, he can change for the better. Why? "he always pays attention, very carring, always is ready to talk and listen. He is a very sweet guy" <--- This doesn't happen with every guy, even with the other conservative views. You need to find a way to negotiate with him that you need independence. I know plenty of conservative families in which the wife works too. The wife also knows how to shoot a gun and change a tire, even a bit about car engines and stuff. To be able to have all this AND be conservative IS possible. He is quite old school conservative and that won't work unless he ditches you and dates a golddigger and I'm sure he does NOT want that. You are NOT a golddigger as you seem to WANT independence for working and BOTH doing chores. There are issues in this relationship. Try to negotiate with him. If he won't, then sorry, it's more trouble to stay with him then to leave him. You could if needed, use the threat of leaving if needed as the nuclear option to get him to negotiate. If he is really "so sweet," he'll negotiate because he truly loves you. If not, the opposite.

Brand-O · Accepted Answer

Your BOYFRIEND is not "conservative". He is a controlling, manipulating, ass-hat... I'm conservative; Zero well-fare benifits for abled people, drug-test well-fare recipients, pro Firearms, build a boarder wall... I also believe in gender-roles; to an extent. For example, fact is that not many women can do my job. But that doesn't mean that there aren't women who are great roofers or that I wouldn't hire a women. Male gynocologists are just weird... Anyways, I assume that you two live together and you are pretty much his maid. He is not as "conservative" as he claims. He is a WOMANIZER. He is using you... Who would pick up after him and wipe his ass if he lived alone? He is a fucking pig... I believe that if either person (man/women) wants to be a stay at home spouce, they should absolutely take over the majority of household duties (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, mailing bills). But if they are both working equal hours to earn money to equally provide financial-stabibility, household responsibilities should be equally shared... ... I'm 33 yo, bachelor, self-employed building contractor. I'm able to maintain a small-business, do all my own cleaning, and cook all of my own meals. Sounds like your man is nothing but a lazy-ass loser.

mrs-turner97 · Accepted Answer

Mine is for traditional but he also was taught you work if you want to not cause you have to i make the money. Also once a woman has hers kids it’s her job to raise them not daycare but he was taught your not helpless help her when she needs it so Dishes rub her feet be there for her and I agree with it 💯 I hate the feminist junk but there is a balance I think woman should be at home where she belongs and was made for but if she don’t have kids and can do her house work. Like she should then go for it. But anyway if your not attracted to him then find another man. He was brought up that way if he could learn to balance his traditional then it probably would but if he’s not
Open minded to certain things then you need to find someone to your liking

newbie2015 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with your boyfriends point of view. He could in fact be a wonderful loving great guy. But it doesn't matter who loves who. If you see view points differently and both will not compromise you are both doomed to failure.

I myself love traditional men. But i also value my education and career. If a man didn't feel similarly we would be a poor match.

It's ok to not see eye to eye w your partner on everything, but its how you come together in conflict that matters. So if you love him talk about how you two can reconcile this while still being true to yourselves. If you cannot reconcile this it doesn't matter if you love each other or not, its best to move on and find someone who shares your ideals on key points.

lumos · Accepted Answer

I don't think you're being too critical. Your core views are clearly not aligning, and I think it's unfair of him to expect you to change for him. You're technically also in your honeymoon period still, but you find it offputting when he's saying sweet things to you and you are also capable of pointing out how his lack of confidence is unattractive, things someone in the honeymoon period usually wouldn't be able to see or point out.
It sounds like this relationship simply won't work, because he's already annoying you a little, and you simply don't share the same views on some pretty big things.

Minducked12345 · Accepted Answer

Dont settle just because you’re afraid you can’t find someone as caring or loving. If you really don’t think you can love him for all he is, don’t stay. You’re still very young. If you choose to settle with him, make sure you’re able to live with whatever he is for the next 40 years at least.

voltage · Accepted Answer

How to Deal with a Conservative Boyfriend?

Assuming you're asking how to deal with a conservative boyfriend in a relationship:

The first thing to understand is that a conservative boyfriend is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, there are many advantages to dating a conservative man. They tend to be more reliable, responsible, and mature than their liberal counterparts. They're also usually better equipped to handle finances and provide stability in a relationship.
Of course, there are also some challenges that come along with dating a conservative boyfriend. They can be set in their ways and resistant to change, which can make compromise difficult. They may also be less open-minded than you are, which can lead to disagreements about politics, religion, and other topics.

Here are a few tips for dealing with a conservative boyfriend:

1. Be patient.

Conservative men often take longer to warm up to new ideas and change than liberal men. So it's important to be patient and understanding when your boyfriend is resistant to something you want to try. Explain your point of view calmly and let him know that you're open to hearing his opinion. In time, he may come around to your way of thinking.

2. Don't push too hard.

If your boyfriend isn't ready to make a change, pushing him too hard is only going to make him resistant. Instead, gently encourage him to try new things and be open to new experiences. He'll likely come around in his own time if you're patient.

3. Be respectful of his beliefs.

Even if you don't agree with your boyfriend's politics or religion, it's important to respect his beliefs. If you constantly argue about these topics, it will only create tension in the relationship. Instead, try to find common ground and focus on the things you do agree on.

4. Communicate openly.

If you're having trouble seeing eye-to-eye with your boyfriend, open and honest communication is key. Talk about your differences and try to find ways to compromise. It's also important to communicate your needs and wants to avoid misunderstandings.

5. Be flexible.

When you're dating a conservative man, it's important to be flexible. He may not be open to change, but that doesn't mean you can't compromise. If you're willing to meet him halfway, it will go a long way in keeping the relationship strong.

Dating a conservative man doesn't have to be a challenge. By following these tips, you can learn to compromise and make your relationship work.

djmzes · Answer

Look
It is ur choice. Weight the pros and cons of it and decide. Maybe you are ok while someone are not.

Relationship takes a lot of efforts patience and commitment and understand each other duties towards each other.

So no matter there will be diferences and love in movies and books are fake and never work by magic.

Should I be with a guy who's too traditional and conservative?

God_down_under · Answer

If the guy is saying that you need to change for the relationship to work then thats an instant no for me. He is supposed to want to be with you. You. As you are, everything that entails.
I'm all for having different opinions in a relationship and i dont think him being traditional is something that should put you off alone, however, it doesn't sound like he is willing to compromise.
do you see yourself doing all the chores for the rest of your life? are you okay with putting your dreams on pause, indefinetly, to be this mans wife? do you want him enough to give up all the things he is asking for?
if your answer isn't an immediate yes then you should reconsider this relationship before you cross a line and commit something you cannot take back. If he pushes you without giving you time to reflect, then definetly end it right there.

coralee · Answer

First of all if your for equality your a feminist end of. People may be trying to hijack the term to mean something else, but feminism is about equality. You can still be a feminist and disagree with aspects of the movement. Second you two clearly have very different views and ones that seem to directly contradict each other. You aren't going to be happy in this relationship. His sweetness is contrived. You can't say someone thinks you are intellectually inferior and then call them sweet. You can put lipstick on a pig its still a pig.

Gianna17 · Answer

No, he can't change your beliefs and you can't change his. If you go in not knowing for sure that you want the same things then you are bound to have conflicts once your married and it would be a shame for you to have children and put them through all that. I don't know if he is against divorce either but that could very well make the situation worse for any kids you have. Tell him that you feel the two of you have a conflict in interests and you fear that if you rush into things it may not work out, And that you just want to wait and see how the relationship goes for now before you decide on anything. You may find yourself being very unhappy if you put your feelings aside for him.

Andre__ · Answer

I think you answered your questions. This looks more of a friendship at best. If you feel opposed to so many things about him and the two of you are openly communicating about your differences and actively funding a middle ground there is no future in which both if you will be happy. If you continue this he will have his way and you will be stuck in something you are not happy in or ever will be. There will plenty of other guys who think less conservative like you who will also be attentive, good listener and be there for you.

Moonchild714 · Answer

You already answered your own question, you are not attracted to him anymore, in fact he makes you nauseous. He should not have to change you, he should love you as you are as you should love him as he is. He is the perfect man for some woman out there but not you or me or any woman I know... You are young, no need to rush anything as far as marriage or having kids. Don't ever let anyone talk you into something you know you're not ready for. Be true to your Heart, Mind, and Soul!!!

Anonymous · Answer

I have had that same probably, but in reverse. My girl comes from a very very conservative family. The mom doesn't work, she stays home. Kids are grown, and although they are struggling. Her husband still believes a woman's place is in the house, preparing the food and doing the house work. He doesn't do much of anything around the house...

To answer your question, you probably need to run. Find someone as close to your belief system in that way as possible. Him saying that he can change you or try to change you is a red flag, you can't make someone change, you can only change and hope that your change can help them see they need too and if they want too.. plus, if you get married with these problems/doubts now, they will only get worse when married. I'm pro equal too, meaning if you had a good job and things were not working out at home, and you needed too leave, you have a way out. You can leave, not depend on him.. it's a trap for a lot of women!

DennisBishop · Answer

He is love bombing you in the hopes of controlling you. This sounds like a toxic mix. Your values don't match up perfectly which you could live with. But the love bombing and the idea of him wanting to change you is not good. If he wants to change you and make you into his perfect little woman then how can he love you now? He loves what he wants to turn you into. I'd get out now. I had an ex girlfriend try the same thing. Just run now because it will hurt more later.

VegetaSSB · Answer

Well the thing here is really to analyze if you can cope with his traditional views of life and of what a good partnership between spouses should be. If you agree with the majority of his views in these regards i say you should keep going on, but if you feel that the lifestyle involved in his views wouldn´t be very much suitable for you then the relationship isn´t going very farther than where it stands now.

MagnumJenkins · Answer

Sounds like you know the answer. He will end up resenting you. You will resent him. I do have a few questions as this post could almost be me.
Does he come from a good home? Both parents married, nuclear family? Are his parents loving and affectionate?
Are your parents married Nd did you come from a good home? I find that that people who are turned off by affection come from different situations in regard to upbringing. Was there possibly abuse? It seems you both have very different love codes. It won't work.

fwbalways · Answer

First off that's your decision as to stay or go don't listen to others decisions because it may be wrong. However I will say this. It's called a bdsm relationship. Don't let that scare you. But if this isn't what you want it won't work and will become heart ache for both. I personally have a somewhat relationship close to this and she likes some of it and doesn't like other parts. But we both give and take a little. He may not even realize what he truly wants he's just doing and saying it but not realize what it is. The ultimate question becomes can you love him do you live him and can you live with things you may not want but will deal with for the other things you do want good luck

pure7 · Answer

To me he doesn't accept your view on things. He wants to shape and mold you into his ideal instead of finding a middle line.
Saying he wants kids soon and you dont and he wanting to make you want it. Sounds like a major red flag to me.

LittleSally · Answer

No. If you're not the same as him and require your own mind and independance he's going to hate you for it and you're going to hate him in return.
He'll encumber your freedom and you'll reproach him for your thrust upon lifestyle... and it's going to implode.

Just move on.
He needs someone he can 100% control.

GreedyGiver651 · Answer

No, it seems like he wants to control and mold you into what he wants, not that he wants you for you.

Also, feminism is the belief that everyone, regardless of who they are, deserves fair and equal treatment under the law and nto not be discriminated against in society. Different but equal. It's sad to see so many actike it's a terrible thing.

MaryCherryBerry · Answer

It sounds like you've already made up your mind... I would say talk to him about it and be honest. If you can't have an honest talk with him then you shouldn't be dating. Regardless the relationship is new and people change. If you guys can't compromise then leave. Again, the way you talked about him, you've made up your mind, you just need to self reflect and realize that.

lilaqua · Answer

Clearly you're not right for him and that's fine. Tell him, you're too conservative, I don't feel comfortable getting married. They're massive things in a relationship, not something that you can really change. Also i'd be very wary getting in a relationship with someone who believes women are intellectually inferior, that sounds a warning for possible gaslighting.

Ak12da · Answer

My opinion is to understand eachother more. Things change if you are in relationship. You opinions change. What I want to explain is if you both love each other try to figure out some possible solution. See men are too conservative. Try to show him world with broader perspective. Go to NGO and spend timr together and show him women empowerment. Ask him to help out needed. He will definitely change his conservative mind. Dont blame him for being conservative, its his childhood teachings from family and friends to think conservative with limited knowledge. Try to open his mind to this beautiful world.

anurag_suthar_12 · Answer

See first thing if a guy is really a sweet person, take care of you, and listen to you and every time he just cheer up when you are crying then it's my opinion that never ditch her or leave her. Because carring person nowadys are very rare and if we find it then don't let him go. Secondly, if he is so traditional then you will have to discuss with him. See no one is perfect in this world. And if you are in a relationship with a person then 90% he/she will be of other caste and will have a other background. But you can mutually takes your decisions. Just explain him what you feel and what you wanna do. You said that he is a good listener then might be he will understand you. Go and talk to him about your Confusions and problems.

MidnightCowboy · Answer

Why would you date a guy who is traditional and conservative? They only treat women as their property. They are a bunch of sexist religious fruitcakes

sarisadi1 · Answer

As long as you guys have love I'm pretty sure you guys will figure it out. It should be 50/50 for both of you. And if you dont see that going to happen then leave his ass cause u deserve better. He has to respect your choices other wise he's not the right guy and there is plenty of guys out there that can treat you better and respect your decisions. MY girlfriend is sitting next to me and she said If you are not attracted to him then no and you should leave!

Should I be with a guy who's too traditional and conservative?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

Artificial Intelligence

How to Deal with a Conservative Boyfriend?

1. Be patient.

2. Don't push too hard.

3. Be respectful of his beliefs.

4. Communicate openly.

5. Be flexible.

What Girls & Guys Said

Should I be with a guy who's too traditional and conservative?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

Artificial Intelligence

How to Deal with a Conservative Boyfriend?

1. Be patient.

2. Don't push too hard.

3. Be respectful of his beliefs.

4. Communicate openly.

5. Be flexible.

What Girls & Guys Said

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