Is the "I want to focus on my career" excuse a cowards way of avoiding a relationship or a valid excuse?

I've seen people saying here "i want to focus on my career" seemingly at the price of having a relationship. I think unless you work like 60 hours a week or work and study both fulltime like i do right now (and even then i was able to make time and room for a girlfriend) it's a bullshit excuse and there's a different reason why this person does not want a relationship. A simple "I'm not interested in a relationship (with you) (right now)" would do much better and displays even honesty.
what is up with this kind of excuse to reject someone? Am i missing something here or what?

in any case a rejection is a rejection and the reason matters little.

Money, money, money 💰 💵
  • it's a cowards way out
    Vote A
  • it's an actual And valid excuse
    Vote B
  • I'm not sure
    Vote C
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My point is if you meet the right partner, then your job/studies won't have any impact on performance. That is provided the partner isn't crazy or insane or ruins your mood.
I'm not taking "valid" responses into account. I need an actual explanation why it would be a valid reason to reject someone.


Most Helpful Girls

  • My boyfriend for 5 years has b egun to try and get promoted. It means more money for us and him feeling better about himself. He takes seminars and reads books to get ahead. It's not just excuses he is really working hard for us. It takes a lot of time from me but I know he will make it and it will be the first step on more things. You need to support your guy.

  • I call bullshit on anyone _ on gag _ saying they are too busy for a relationship 🙄

    Anyhow relationships are what you make them. If it’s functional. Two busy people can make it worse or a busy person and a person who likes a lot of time to themselves, or it can be a temporary thing where there’s not much time.

    Often times People are dating or married and their spouse would HELP them with their career. A good partner is an aid not a hindrance.

    • I think people who say too busy have insecurities or they have a fucked up view if what a rejationship hs. If you think it’s like constant advertising and self promotion and secrets , then yeah you’re too busy for that kind of mental gymnastics.

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    • The best way to hurt a man ego is to smother him, or not beeing crazy in love with his private part.
      From the moment, you are a woman, and you think you are going to help a man with his career, he ll be nice to you of course then once gets to where he needs to, he will start to impress the woman of his life and you ll be thrown away like the crazy girl who thought she could get to his heart by beeing actively the one who helped him becoming the man he is.
      The last part of your comment is false.

    • When a man says I'm busy, you let him go build his pride, you move on and trust life enough to meet up again later and see if you are still a match :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • It's often completely legit.

    Look, some people can be in a relationship and they're perfectly happy to see their SO for a couple of hours during the week and then spend a weekend day with them - but MOST relationships aren't like that. Most relationships demand a lot more time and attention, and come with a variety of expectations (family events, work events, rides when the car is in the shop, etc. etc.) and if you are already working/going to school/studying 50 or 60 hours a week, there's just not time for all that. Yet, if your partner needs those things, and you can't do them, they're going to resent you and the relationship will blow up - which only adds more drama.

    Given that, it's completely reasonable to look at your situation and say "there's no way I can be fully committed to a relationship right now" and take yourself out of the dating pool. In fact, it's the responsible thing to do. And when your situation changes and things aren't so crazy, you can re-engage in dating/relationships again.

    • Nicely said. Thanks for your input.

      And i believe if 2 flexible and career oriented partners are dating then it can work. But like you said it's probably not that likely

  • If a woman wants to get with a guy she'll break all the rules to do it.
    If she doesn't then she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.

    Watch what they do, not what they say.

    And my fav...'She likes sex alright... just not with you.' ;)


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 67

  • My friend is in school full time and also works when he is not in school. On top of that he has to buy groceries and cook and do house chores and works out in the gym too. I asked him if the very expensive female party he went to was his girlfriend's and his response was - no - he doesn't have time for a girlfriend right now.

  • It's valid to it's fullest

    • No, it's a bullshit excuse. After all, if you really WERE focusing on your career, you'd never be in a situation where you would feel a "need" to claim it to excuse or explain away something. You'd be too fucking FOCUSED.

    • To focused that's a new one

  • It’s an actual and valid reason though one some may regret down the line.

    No women in the career path had much time for thoughts of long term dating if they weren’t already in a relationship for the first 5 years of my career.

    After that you have time, but only so much as they understand your weeks are tied up and there’s room in the weekend. Meaning the guy needs a busy life as well.

    There’s no downtime at work to be texting for the fun of it. I always have a set schedule that involves me leaving the office at a certain time, going to yoga, or running then yoga or waking early to run then yoga at lunch. Whatevs.

    The thing is my guy knows my schedule on Sunday if not earlier. Usually by Thursday so we can plan.

    I don’t have much down time nor does he do it’s often just deciding whose house we are staying at that week or if we are just too busy.

    If I date a guy that can’t underdrand this then, yes, I explain that my career is the focal point of my day while I’m a work and when I’m home, I’m home.

    I dated a guy who thought I was ignoring him because I was in a 4 hour meeting. Another guy who thought I was cheating on him because I had a conference out of town. These were all years ago but reminders of what I don’t want.

    If your partner has a serious job you have to ask yourself if you can share the time with that job or not.

    I’m lucky that my job is flexible in that I can take a 3 hour lunch break but I also work late or long hours when needed. And if you don’t respect my job then you don’t respect me.

    • I run a small business, but I have a few customers that give me 30-100k of work per year, and if something isn't working or if they need something taken care of, I have to do it, even if it means longer hours or working a day off or whatever. I know exactly what you mean about people needed to understand such things - you don't have time to battle the "you're cheating on me" or "you're ignoring me" accusations.

      I may be in an attic or up on a ladder or twisted up on the floor working in a tight space - OR I'm in the middle of making a sale or explaining something complicated to a customer, and I can't stop what I'm doing to answer a "whatcha doing?" text.

      And, sadly, a lot of people just can't understand or accept that. People like us can't be in relationships with those people.

    • You have my full understanding and my support. I myself am quite busy and i would say the exact same: Can't respect my duties = can't respect me.

  • we're the same and i don't mind. some of my friends are settling down with kids, husbands and serious boyfriends. i just cringe, i can't imagine that being me. plus we're in our early 20's so this is the ideal time to be selfish. i don't care what people say about love not being able to buy happiness because it's a lie. i believe money buys most things which bring happiness. love on the other hand doesn't put food on the table

  • It's really a matter of perspective and values. Some might think that it is perfectly find to choose their career over their relationship because that's what they value the most in their life. It might not just be about the money but their dream that they are passionate about and have worked their whole life for it. For them, their focus will always be on their career more than anything else. Relationships aren't just time consuming but emotionally draining. Sure, you can be super happy with your partner but it does consume a lot of effort to care about another people and maintain a relationship. For some people, that's just not what they want.

    It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt for them to do that, it doesn't mean that's it's easy. If anything, it can be the most painful thing to do. It depends what would hurt them more, not achieving their life-long dream or not being with someone they love.

    Of course, for the one being rejected, no excuse is actually ever valid. Well, unless that person loves the other more, completely selfless unconditional love.

  • At first reaction i say yes. But then there is the factor that dating and having a relationship costs you a lot of time and if you are in love it is really hard to focus. But also relationships can give you the relaxation you need. And if you find an other Who is also focussed on his/her career i think they could have a good relationship with giving them enough space to focus on their careers.

    • Then why don't you leave your career and stick with your boyfriend you will never meet one like him again let love overpower societal expectations on what you should sacrifice.

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    • No guarantee that your career will bring you money either. You will probably spend all your life paying for student loans wishing you had never made the decision to fallow your Career. Money brings you material possession but it does not give you what you really need.

    • This is just what i meant lady! Well said. I was having this context in mind, that you would just need to date someone, who is just as career oriented.

  • I once broke up with a boyfriend because of that. I truly -honestly- wanted to focus more on my career. It was the plain truth. He knew me well enough to know I was talking with the truth. Later on I regretted with my soul. I still regret it, to be honest.

    • Well, that's what you get for not doing your part. You can always maintain a healthy relationship with an understanding partner. It sounds like your former boyfriend was flexible but you didn't want to.

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    • Hope you learned something.

    • Man... I truly did.

  • It's totally a valid excuse. I tried balancing a relationship while studying to get my career and it was totally hell on myself and my boyfriend at the time. You end up neglecting one (or both) and you end up with nothing but a headache. My boyfriend and I split because I wanted to focus on my schooling. I'm glad I did because I'm now 2 months from graduating and a promising career. I'll start back dating again after I get settled and stable.

    • True you can't whorship you're boyfriend and go to university at the same time. Honest but true. Girl is after her self independence that's how society builds this types of people.

    • Then that means you two were not meant to be together. Simple.

  • I don't see anything wrong with that. There are people out there who have to study full time, work full time and factor their friends in there too. A relationship is hard work and you may as well be dedicated to someone than having a half assed attempt.

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    • I thought most workers get weekends off considering we are not talking about cashiers and medics and law enforcement as well as the police.

    • I mean at my age 95% of us work at hospitality or retail, who's big days generally are the weekend. Not to mention some people have other stuff to do on the weekend.

  • No it’s true
    I am focused on my career
    I genuinely don’t want to date
    I want to build myself up in many ways for a bit
    Many people feel this way but some might say this as an excuse to avoid commitment or being honest about feelings
    mostly guys

    • There you have it. You said a better reason why you don't date.

      "I genuinely don’t want to date"

      Looks like its a temporary thing but it's alright. I myself have felt like that before.

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What Guys Said 114

  • When someone says that, I think they are trying to justify to themselves why they are not pursuing a relationship. My perception is that they have internal conflict about pursuing a relationship and are justifying, to themselves, why they are not trying to take advantage of this opportunity.

  • Could be either. Better to be honest, though

  • Actually, it was me long back, I was focused on my studies and I never planned to be in any relationship I had no time and I wasn't ready for that, then a girl she was really beautiful started chasing me, at first I said no with all the courage but then she did something that melted my heart, I thought there is nothing wrong being in a relationship while pursuing your studies and focusing on your career, I didn't saw any reason to say no, then here after some days we spent some quality time, I was like more confident than ever before so happy inside definitely a better version, I thought everything was so perfect and dream come true, wow I am so damn lucky to have her, I was like giggle inside with burst of happiness all the time, this boosted my studies too, we started hanging out when I was not studying we started getting deep in relationship, we get used to each other, it was my semesters and I told her to meet next week because I will remain packed inside my room, so after the first exam I was returning from the Institute I still had some time until next exam so I planned a surprise visit to her home, when I reached there I saw her with another guy leaning on her kissing her, I don't know what happened to me all of a sudden my hands started shivering I felt choked and breathless, my mind started bursting with lots of questions, I went back to my room called her she didn't pick up the phone, she wasn't even replying to my texts. my world was like crashing down I could not focus on studies anymore I was not the same guy I was before this relationship, somebody has taken me to heights and pushed from the top now I was feeling smashed flattered on the ground, I was dying to talk to her I skipped my exams followed her, I tried to study but I just cannot think of it, I had all this all the time in mind whirling around, finally after 4 days I caught her in the canteen I asked her why she did this to me, she said it was a bet with my boyfriend on you because you were the most focused so I bet with him to ruin your focus because she was confident about her looks, and now here the fool myself skipped exams failed the important semester ruined my career broken heart can't even face mom and dad who trusted me, then there was one thing that was coming inside my mind, and that was your question I have taken my career for granted for a relationship and this is how it got ruined I failed I lost my golden opportunity, wish I would just have made an excuse that time.

    • Wow! I'm so sorry some people are that disgusting. I want you to know most people wouldn't do something like that. And it's just a life lesson for you. Your career isn't ruined. You just have to get back on track. People make mistakes and I'm sure your parents will remember they made mistakes in their lives too. Its definitely not best to get into a relationship when you have little time for the other person. Get things set up with your career then try finding a good woman. Also know that someday that girl will pay for what she did to you. Life has a funny way of doing that.

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    • @Unit1, In the end, you are a human an emotional being you are not a machine, no matter how strong you are and how hard you try to keep your promise, it still affects you and that's what makes us human, responsibility is not just to keep your promise at all cost, it's about understanding your weakness and acting according to it so you won't do anything that affects your promise instead of pushing yourself you have other ways, and that is why you should take precaution because you have made a promise.

    • Pretty much that.

  • its not valid at all its bullshit
    when someone really wants to be with someone they will find the time to do that
    career will not run away u can do it even when u are 60 or older ! but the person u could meaby love and spend rest of ur life will run away
    so use ur brain not the dollars $$$

    • I use both. Can't handle life properly otherwise.

  • Yes, it is a cowardly out. She'd make time for a guy if she was really into him and he moved her. The fact that she can easily walk away this just confirms she isn't that into you. If a woman meets the man of her dreams she is not going to say, sorry, I only have time for career now. Trust me.

    • I trust you on this one bro! Some have said the same and I do think it is true.

  • It's an excuse, I mean, it's not like a relationship HAS to be a lot of work. It could be just eating take-out next to each other while watching TV after work if you're both fine with that.

    You can just try to date a person who wants to focus on their career, and if you don't get to spend much time with them, then too bad.

  • I just find the whole thing strange. I work 60 hours a week and I'm still in a relationship, as is everybody else I work with. I think a lot of people today just have such silly ideas that they think are sensible when they make no sense.

  • If the right person comes along they will dump that excuse. When is a career worth more, as if they have infinite options, especially as they get older.

  • Some people have had enough and they just wanna focus on self improvement and not do the same mistakes over n over again

    Or other people are just so passionate about their career that they ignore everything else

    And let's be honest here, relationships are a hassle and take too much time most of the times

    • The usual relationships yeah.
      The minority where it's a walk in the park at any day of any age - it's not draining. Unfortunately that's why they are also a minority.

      All this stress on "oh, make me happy. do this. do that. don't do this. don't do that. anniversaries. marriage. kids. bitching. complaining." and that takes all the fun out of relationships.

    • Exactly

      Also work and focusing on oneself could make them a better partner in the future and give them more experience about dating/other people than an actual relationship

      Remember, love yourself before you love someone else

    • Pretty much that!

  • It can be a valid excuse but still good indicator of the person priorities. If he likes you, He will be there for you but usually its the opposite the opposite.
    I am in relationship and still we have to manage the whole Md stuff and asshole studies. I am not going to pretend that its easy or it won't have negative effects on studies but you can learn to muscle through them and actually made something good out of it.
    When people talk about relationship "they talk about sex, dates and living together" but when its more than that.
    We usually study together and if you miss some valid points due to quick nap during lect, you can ask her and She will help you. The whole concept of medical cases is even helpful cuz instead of wasting time on single patient together. You can visit different patients and then discuss about it to cover multiple ailments and gain experience.
    You can do much more with a life partner but YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED and SHE MUST BE LOYAL enough to muscle through. I am not afraid of pink gangs and I would state it loud and clear MAJORITY OF LADIES HAVE VERY LOW CHARACTER VALUE these days. SHe will cheat on every step.
    Its a shit excuse in the end !

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