Is the "I want to focus on my career" excuse a cowards way of avoiding a relationship or a valid excuse?

[MrOracle]

It's often completely legit.

Look, some people can be in a relationship and they're perfectly happy to see their SO for a couple of hours during the week and then spend a weekend day with them - but MOST relationships aren't like that. Most relationships demand a lot more time and attention, and come with a variety of expectations (family events, work events, rides when the car is in the shop, etc. etc.) and if you are already working/going to school/studying 50 or 60 hours a week, there's just not time for all that. Yet, if your partner needs those things, and you can't do them, they're going to resent you and the relationship will blow up - which only adds more drama.

Given that, it's completely reasonable to look at your situation and say "there's no way I can be fully committed to a relationship right now" and take yourself out of the dating pool. In fact, it's the responsible thing to do. And when your situation changes and things aren't so crazy, you can re-engage in dating/relationships again.

[Browneye57]

If a woman wants to get with a guy she'll break all the rules to do it.
If she doesn't then she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.

Watch what they do, not what they say.

And my fav...'She likes sex alright... just not with you.' ;)

[VIVANT]

I call bullshit on anyone _ on gag _ saying they are too busy for a relationship 🙄

Anyhow relationships are what you make them. If it’s functional. Two busy people can make it worse or a busy person and a person who likes a lot of time to themselves, or it can be a temporary thing where there’s not much time.

Often times People are dating or married and their spouse would HELP them with their career. A good partner is an aid not a hindrance.

[Wendy1000]

My boyfriend for 5 years has b egun to try and get promoted. It means more money for us and him feeling better about himself. He takes seminars and reads books to get ahead. It's not just excuses he is really working hard for us. It takes a lot of time from me but I know he will make it and it will be the first step on more things. You need to support your guy.

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend is in school full time and also works when he is not in school. On top of that he has to buy groceries and cook and do house chores and works out in the gym too. I asked him if the very expensive female party he went to was his girlfriend's and his response was - no - he doesn't have time for a girlfriend right now.

[OlderAndWiser]

When someone says that, I think they are trying to justify to themselves why they are not pursuing a relationship. My perception is that they have internal conflict about pursuing a relationship and are justifying, to themselves, why they are not trying to take advantage of this opportunity.

[Logorithim]

Could be either. Better to be honest, though

[Hariss]

Actually, it was me long back, I was focused on my studies and I never planned to be in any relationship I had no time and I wasn't ready for that, then a girl she was really beautiful started chasing me, at first I said no with all the courage but then she did something that melted my heart, I thought there is nothing wrong being in a relationship while pursuing your studies and focusing on your career, I didn't saw any reason to say no, then here after some days we spent some quality time, I was like more confident than ever before so happy inside definitely a better version, I thought everything was so perfect and dream come true, wow I am so damn lucky to have her, I was like giggle inside with burst of happiness all the time, this boosted my studies too, we started hanging out when I was not studying we started getting deep in relationship, we get used to each other, it was my semesters and I told her to meet next week because I will remain packed inside my room, so after the first exam I was returning from the Institute I still had some time until next exam so I planned a surprise visit to her home, when I reached there I saw her with another guy leaning on her kissing her, I don't know what happened to me all of a sudden my hands started shivering I felt choked and breathless, my mind started bursting with lots of questions, I went back to my room called her she didn't pick up the phone, she wasn't even replying to my texts. my world was like crashing down I could not focus on studies anymore I was not the same guy I was before this relationship, somebody has taken me to heights and pushed from the top now I was feeling smashed flattered on the ground, I was dying to talk to her I skipped my exams followed her, I tried to study but I just cannot think of it, I had all this all the time in mind whirling around, finally after 4 days I caught her in the canteen I asked her why she did this to me, she said it was a bet with my boyfriend on you because you were the most focused so I bet with him to ruin your focus because she was confident about her looks, and now here the fool myself skipped exams failed the important semester ruined my career broken heart can't even face mom and dad who trusted me, then there was one thing that was coming inside my mind, and that was your question I have taken my career for granted for a relationship and this is how it got ruined I failed I lost my golden opportunity, wish I would just have made an excuse that time.

[sjoes006]

It’s an actual and valid reason though one some may regret down the line.

No women in the career path had much time for thoughts of long term dating if they weren’t already in a relationship for the first 5 years of my career.

After that you have time, but only so much as they understand your weeks are tied up and there’s room in the weekend. Meaning the guy needs a busy life as well.

There’s no downtime at work to be texting for the fun of it. I always have a set schedule that involves me leaving the office at a certain time, going to yoga, or running then yoga or waking early to run then yoga at lunch. Whatevs.

The thing is my guy knows my schedule on Sunday if not earlier. Usually by Thursday so we can plan.

I don’t have much down time nor does he do it’s often just deciding whose house we are staying at that week or if we are just too busy.

If I date a guy that can’t underdrand this then, yes, I explain that my career is the focal point of my day while I’m a work and when I’m home, I’m home.

I dated a guy who thought I was ignoring him because I was in a 4 hour meeting. Another guy who thought I was cheating on him because I had a conference out of town. These were all years ago but reminders of what I don’t want.

If your partner has a serious job you have to ask yourself if you can share the time with that job or not.

I’m lucky that my job is flexible in that I can take a 3 hour lunch break but I also work late or long hours when needed. And if you don’t respect my job then you don’t respect me.

[yth0818]

It's really a matter of perspective and values. Some might think that it is perfectly find to choose their career over their relationship because that's what they value the most in their life. It might not just be about the money but their dream that they are passionate about and have worked their whole life for it. For them, their focus will always be on their career more than anything else. Relationships aren't just time consuming but emotionally draining. Sure, you can be super happy with your partner but it does consume a lot of effort to care about another people and maintain a relationship. For some people, that's just not what they want.

It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt for them to do that, it doesn't mean that's it's easy. If anything, it can be the most painful thing to do. It depends what would hurt them more, not achieving their life-long dream or not being with someone they love.

Of course, for the one being rejected, no excuse is actually ever valid. Well, unless that person loves the other more, completely selfless unconditional love.

[AlphaGhost]

It can be a valid excuse but still good indicator of the person priorities. If he likes you, He will be there for you but usually its the opposite the opposite.
I am in relationship and still we have to manage the whole Md stuff and asshole studies. I am not going to pretend that its easy or it won't have negative effects on studies but you can learn to muscle through them and actually made something good out of it.
When people talk about relationship "they talk about sex, dates and living together" but when its more than that.
We usually study together and if you miss some valid points due to quick nap during lect, you can ask her and She will help you. The whole concept of medical cases is even helpful cuz instead of wasting time on single patient together. You can visit different patients and then discuss about it to cover multiple ailments and gain experience.
You can do much more with a life partner but YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED and SHE MUST BE LOYAL enough to muscle through. I am not afraid of pink gangs and I would state it loud and clear MAJORITY OF LADIES HAVE VERY LOW CHARACTER VALUE these days. SHe will cheat on every step.
Its a shit excuse in the end !

[Anonymous]

Because, as someone who had to work 15 hour days 6 days a week to pay bills while the other half went to uni and attempted to get work.

It can easily destroy a relationship. We had been together for 6 years at that point, but after 3 months of doing that we were lime strangers in our own home.

Another month and she almost completely stopped talking to me, she would ve out when i got back, ask for money to go clubbing with her friends.

It got very bad very fast after that until finnaly she accused me of cheating on her, wouldn't hear anything i had to say and threw me out.

I had to move back in with my mum and i just got hit with a bill she claimed she was paying and had changed into my name without my knowledge consent or any way of paying it.

Trust me mate it may hurt but its a valid reason. Just do yourself a favor and move on.

[Rissa95]

I totally agree with you. If you meet your soul mate nothing else matters anymore, I met two guys who I clicked so well with I was even gonna give up my dream of moving overseas for had they not rejected me FML. The first guy stated I'm not his type physically while the other one had one bullshit excuse for the fact that I'm apparently not good enough for him or he didn't feel the connection like I did, the excuse being our driving distance of two hours smh. I'm not even worth driving two hours to him, makes me feel like shit. Obviously he wasn't as into me as I was into him, if he was all and any circumstances don't matter, I'm completely with you on this one man.

[Eryxx]

It's one of the reasons why I don't have a girlfriend. Tbh, I never had a girlfriend and if I happen to find one as of now, I would be overwhelmed and probably wouldn't be able to focus on my career. And finding a girlfriend with all those trust issues and all makes it even harder for me to go out of the way to look for them so I don't do it as it will hinder my studies. And who knows whether or not she will be able to understand it or not or be comfortable with my decision. My studies require most of the day and I'm used to play video games, so I think there's no time for me.. at least for a year or two.

[TarrAva]

There is nothing wrong with focusing on a career. The traditional family is anyway down the drain. So why not give the girls a chance to pursue a career and leave family planning for later. Perhaps that the time is right now to finally realize that women have also dreams to do something else with their lives rather than just to be a reproduction machine.

It is time for us girls to have our chances and to prove to the world that women can do just as well as guys.

How long did it take Marie Curie to be recognized as an equal and to be admitted in the first place to get a place to study and prove she was the equal and actually much better than all those boys studying there!

[1truekhaleesi]

It can be. I work 2 12 hour shifts a week and am on call twice a month in addition to studying about 27 hours a week. So that's 51 hours that I am at work or studying. I'm taking three heavy classes because I plan to be an Assistant Surgeon. I still make time for friends, kind of. I don't think they count because my closest friends and I work together so I catch up with them at work. I tried dating people and going to school and I was always neglecting one or the other. I want to better myself so that I have a good career and great future because you should never be completely dependant on another person

[Kairu]

I know a lot of people that rather focus on there career then a relationship. Having a stable career/job is important, finding love isn't that important (ofcourse this could always be the other way around it depends on the person). As they always say love will come when it is time. Unless you close yourself completely from love. Some say it as a excuse others really mean it. It depends on the person.

And as you said "in any case a rejection is a rejection and the reason matters little. About finding it an actual valid excuse or finding it a cowards way out is more of a personal opinion ofcourse, but in the end it could mean anything.

I don't want to be in a relationship with you.

I want to focus on my career.

I don't want to date you right now.

My opinion it isn't cowardly, if the person feels like using that excuse to say no wether it is real of fake is not my problem to take. Accept it as a rejection nothing more nothing less.

[princessfromjupiter]

No, I’ve only dated once and for a pretty short term because we both just didn’t have enough time and honestly what’s the whole damn point (of dating if you never see each other?).

Truth is you gotta set priorities and those should ALWAYS be your education/qualifications for later life — i. e. University.
If I see my friend who’s been dating only for some 4 months and actually making the time for her boyfriend (unlike me back then) and seeing how her grades keep dropping, I’m only reaffirmed in my position.
I’ll take my lifelong career over some short-lived relationship any day.

[ISaimon]

At first reaction i say yes. But then there is the factor that dating and having a relationship costs you a lot of time and if you are in love it is really hard to focus. But also relationships can give you the relaxation you need. And if you find an other Who is also focussed on his/her career i think they could have a good relationship with giving them enough space to focus on their careers.

[prettynormal]

I once broke up with a boyfriend because of that. I truly -honestly- wanted to focus more on my career. It was the plain truth. He knew me well enough to know I was talking with the truth. Later on I regretted with my soul. I still regret it, to be honest.

[jenxxl]

we're the same and i don't mind. some of my friends are settling down with kids, husbands and serious boyfriends. i just cringe, i can't imagine that being me. plus we're in our early 20's so this is the ideal time to be selfish. i don't care what people say about love not being able to buy happiness because it's a lie. i believe money buys most things which bring happiness. love on the other hand doesn't put food on the table

[Anonymous]

It’s a reason when it’s a person you really don’t care for of have little to no affinity towards but it automatically becomes a nonfactor if the person is someone you like and really want to pursue. You start thinking about how they’re you’re escape. Unless the person causes strains and hardships, I understand the excuse but it’s nothing more than that, an excuse. When people want to invest, they invest regardless. No one is gonna see their future wife and be like yeah I’m busy right now come later. And risk her not being there when you’re ready. Some people do, but boy do they cry when they come back around and see they moved on...

[Miristheiss]

Yes, it is a cowardly out. She'd make time for a guy if she was really into him and he moved her. The fact that she can easily walk away this just confirms she isn't that into you. If a woman meets the man of her dreams she is not going to say, sorry, I only have time for career now. Trust me.

[CubsterShura]

Depends on the individual. Not everyone uses it as an excuse and depending on their future goals and priorities it can be absolutely valid.

I don't want to marry before I have a good career but if I can trust a guy that he would be supportive of my life goals and he won't tell me to leave it or even force me to quit like many husbands do, then I might as well tie the knot earlier. I am sure that the right partner with the right mindset will actually help me more. But such a guy would be rare so yeah.