what is up with this kind of excuse to reject someone? Am i missing something here or what?
in any case a rejection is a rejection and the reason matters little.
Money, money, money 💰 💵
It's often completely legit.
Look, some people can be in a relationship and they're perfectly happy to see their SO for a couple of hours during the week and then spend a weekend day with them - but MOST relationships aren't like that. Most relationships demand a lot more time and attention, and come with a variety of expectations (family events, work events, rides when the car is in the shop, etc. etc.) and if you are already working/going to school/studying 50 or 60 hours a week, there's just not time for all that. Yet, if your partner needs those things, and you can't do them, they're going to resent you and the relationship will blow up - which only adds more drama.
Given that, it's completely reasonable to look at your situation and say "there's no way I can be fully committed to a relationship right now" and take yourself out of the dating pool. In fact, it's the responsible thing to do. And when your situation changes and things aren't so crazy, you can re-engage in dating/relationships again.
If a woman wants to get with a guy she'll break all the rules to do it.
If she doesn't then she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.
Watch what they do, not what they say.
And my fav...'She likes sex alright... just not with you.' ;)
I call bullshit on anyone _ on gag _ saying they are too busy for a relationship 🙄
Anyhow relationships are what you make them. If it’s functional. Two busy people can make it worse or a busy person and a person who likes a lot of time to themselves, or it can be a temporary thing where there’s not much time.
Often times People are dating or married and their spouse would HELP them with their career. A good partner is an aid not a hindrance.
The best way to hurt a man ego is to smother him, or not beeing crazy in love with his private part.
From the moment, you are a woman, and you think you are going to help a man with his career, he ll be nice to you of course then once gets to where he needs to, he will start to impress the woman of his life and you ll be thrown away like the crazy girl who thought she could get to his heart by beeing actively the one who helped him becoming the man he is.
The last part of your comment is false.
My boyfriend for 5 years has b egun to try and get promoted. It means more money for us and him feeling better about himself. He takes seminars and reads books to get ahead. It's not just excuses he is really working hard for us. It takes a lot of time from me but I know he will make it and it will be the first step on more things. You need to support your guy.
Opinion
114Opinion
My friend is in school full time and also works when he is not in school. On top of that he has to buy groceries and cook and do house chores and works out in the gym too. I asked him if the very expensive female party he went to was his girlfriend's and his response was - no - he doesn't have time for a girlfriend right now.
Stereotype.
When someone says that, I think they are trying to justify to themselves why they are not pursuing a relationship. My perception is that they have internal conflict about pursuing a relationship and are justifying, to themselves, why they are not trying to take advantage of this opportunity.
Exactly.
Could be either. Better to be honest, though
Actually, it was me long back, I was focused on my studies and I never planned to be in any relationship I had no time and I wasn't ready for that, then a girl she was really beautiful started chasing me, at first I said no with all the courage but then she did something that melted my heart, I thought there is nothing wrong being in a relationship while pursuing your studies and focusing on your career, I didn't saw any reason to say no, then here after some days we spent some quality time, I was like more confident than ever before so happy inside definitely a better version, I thought everything was so perfect and dream come true, wow I am so damn lucky to have her, I was like giggle inside with burst of happiness all the time, this boosted my studies too, we started hanging out when I was not studying we started getting deep in relationship, we get used to each other, it was my semesters and I told her to meet next week because I will remain packed inside my room, so after the first exam I was returning from the Institute I still had some time until next exam so I planned a surprise visit to her home, when I reached there I saw her with another guy leaning on her kissing her, I don't know what happened to me all of a sudden my hands started shivering I felt choked and breathless, my mind started bursting with lots of questions, I went back to my room called her she didn't pick up the phone, she wasn't even replying to my texts. my world was like crashing down I could not focus on studies anymore I was not the same guy I was before this relationship, somebody has taken me to heights and pushed from the top now I was feeling smashed flattered on the ground, I was dying to talk to her I skipped my exams followed her, I tried to study but I just cannot think of it, I had all this all the time in mind whirling around, finally after 4 days I caught her in the canteen I asked her why she did this to me, she said it was a bet with my boyfriend on you because you were the most focused so I bet with him to ruin your focus because she was confident about her looks, and now here the fool myself skipped exams failed the important semester ruined my career broken heart can't even face mom and dad who trusted me, then there was one thing that was coming inside my mind, and that was your question I have taken my career for granted for a relationship and this is how it got ruined I failed I lost my golden opportunity, wish I would just have made an excuse that time.
Wow! I'm so sorry some people are that disgusting. I want you to know most people wouldn't do something like that. And it's just a life lesson for you. Your career isn't ruined. You just have to get back on track. People make mistakes and I'm sure your parents will remember they made mistakes in their lives too. Its definitely not best to get into a relationship when you have little time for the other person. Get things set up with your career then try finding a good woman. Also know that someday that girl will pay for what she did to you. Life has a funny way of doing that.
@PinkMichae Thanks for your kind words, and I respect my parents a lot they have done immense sacrifices in raising me, they sure do remember their days as well, they have put their everything on stake to send me there to fulfill my dreams but I ended up with this, they had expectations with their son, so they were just disappointed, also I know they were equally feeling bad and broken for whatever has happened to me, they never blamed me or said a word to me they supported me all the time even when I skipped the exams and returned home and told them what happened to me, my mom cried for me and hug me and they both didn't even say a word besides they tried to cheer me up all the time, they have done a lot for me and forgiving my mistakes before I could say sorry, am no one to raise my head in front of my parents besides that it's me who have broken their trust I realized that was mistake, but I have moved on struggled hard and have a succesful career I am a chef & a restaurant owner :)
I'm so happy to hear in the end you have a happy ending. Good job and it sounds like you got some great parents.
@PinkMichae Thanks very much :) and yes they are.
Sad story bro! I am sorry to hear that. My point was not putting relationships above career and studies but given with the right person (and not a cheating whore) it wouldn't impact career. You said it yourself, it may even boost it. There are a few women out there, who would help you claim just that instead of bitching, that you have never time or never make time for her.
There are 1000s of kinds of women.
Your ex girlfriend was a piece of trash polished to be all shiny and pretty on the outside.
Thanks for your support Bro, but my point was to take precaution as you never know what can possibly happen once you are in a relationship. and what a person can do to you once you let them enter in your life then you have no option, prevention is better than cure. hence If I have something really important to me, I would be more cautious not to ruin my focus if something goes wrong and in certain unavoidable circumstances, even if you are in a relationship with a very good lady still there are no guarantee things will go smooth, some people just have compatibility issues which they realize later in relationships hence you just can't focus when you are going through emotional up and downs and stress, relationship boosting you up is almost a fairy tale world thing. really is different.
@Unit1. You're right that women shouldn't bitch. But there are some men who will put their careers before their family in which a woman should say something because you need to find that happy medium. That's if the man has a choice in which he won't lose his job over it. But men who have the choice and choose to be at work and barely spend time with their family isn't right. And I think there is a way to tell a man you want more time with him. You don't demand it. You let him know how much you miss him. That's not bitching. That's caring.
@PinkMichae, Of course, there is a way to demand everything and that's how understanding goes between two people, but if a person keeps on demanding attention and ignorant about your situation and condition that means they are with you for all the good only and they are pretty much self centered such a person cannot make good relationships, a good relationship goes by not caring for yourself but by caring for each other, a selfish man would give birth to another selfish man because once suffered from this he/she will do the same with other, it's like an eye for an eye, which we face nowadays, a man blames women and women blames a man, instead a bad person needs to be blamed, this gender war started because of people like this who wants their own fulfilment satisfaction and once they are done they leave the person in miserable condition, a selfish person can never make a good relationship don't force yourself into one-sided thing, having a good partner is bless take care of each other.
Precautions is the right term (that's like wearing gloves to not get burned when handling something potentially hot). I can agree with that and on top of it to promise you won't let the relationship impact your career and academy. This is called taking responsibilities and it's quite an unpopular thing to do.
@PinkMichae sure, that's alright. There's a difference between peacefully or directly communicating and just plain releasing frustration to an already tired man, who just came from work.
@Unit1, In the end, you are a human an emotional being you are not a machine, no matter how strong you are and how hard you try to keep your promise, it still affects you and that's what makes us human, responsibility is not just to keep your promise at all cost, it's about understanding your weakness and acting according to it so you won't do anything that affects your promise instead of pushing yourself you have other ways, and that is why you should take precaution because you have made a promise.
It’s an actual and valid reason though one some may regret down the line.
No women in the career path had much time for thoughts of long term dating if they weren’t already in a relationship for the first 5 years of my career.
After that you have time, but only so much as they understand your weeks are tied up and there’s room in the weekend. Meaning the guy needs a busy life as well.
There’s no downtime at work to be texting for the fun of it. I always have a set schedule that involves me leaving the office at a certain time, going to yoga, or running then yoga or waking early to run then yoga at lunch. Whatevs.
The thing is my guy knows my schedule on Sunday if not earlier. Usually by Thursday so we can plan.
I don’t have much down time nor does he do it’s often just deciding whose house we are staying at that week or if we are just too busy.
If I date a guy that can’t underdrand this then, yes, I explain that my career is the focal point of my day while I’m a work and when I’m home, I’m home.
I dated a guy who thought I was ignoring him because I was in a 4 hour meeting. Another guy who thought I was cheating on him because I had a conference out of town. These were all years ago but reminders of what I don’t want.
If your partner has a serious job you have to ask yourself if you can share the time with that job or not.
I’m lucky that my job is flexible in that I can take a 3 hour lunch break but I also work late or long hours when needed. And if you don’t respect my job then you don’t respect me.
I run a small business, but I have a few customers that give me 30-100k of work per year, and if something isn't working or if they need something taken care of, I have to do it, even if it means longer hours or working a day off or whatever. I know exactly what you mean about people needed to understand such things - you don't have time to battle the "you're cheating on me" or "you're ignoring me" accusations.
I may be in an attic or up on a ladder or twisted up on the floor working in a tight space - OR I'm in the middle of making a sale or explaining something complicated to a customer, and I can't stop what I'm doing to answer a "whatcha doing?" text.
And, sadly, a lot of people just can't understand or accept that. People like us can't be in relationships with those people.
It's really a matter of perspective and values. Some might think that it is perfectly find to choose their career over their relationship because that's what they value the most in their life. It might not just be about the money but their dream that they are passionate about and have worked their whole life for it. For them, their focus will always be on their career more than anything else. Relationships aren't just time consuming but emotionally draining. Sure, you can be super happy with your partner but it does consume a lot of effort to care about another people and maintain a relationship. For some people, that's just not what they want.
It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt for them to do that, it doesn't mean that's it's easy. If anything, it can be the most painful thing to do. It depends what would hurt them more, not achieving their life-long dream or not being with someone they love.
Of course, for the one being rejected, no excuse is actually ever valid. Well, unless that person loves the other more, completely selfless unconditional love.
It can be a valid excuse but still good indicator of the person priorities. If he likes you, He will be there for you but usually its the opposite the opposite.
I am in relationship and still we have to manage the whole Md stuff and asshole studies. I am not going to pretend that its easy or it won't have negative effects on studies but you can learn to muscle through them and actually made something good out of it.
When people talk about relationship "they talk about sex, dates and living together" but when its more than that.
We usually study together and if you miss some valid points due to quick nap during lect, you can ask her and She will help you. The whole concept of medical cases is even helpful cuz instead of wasting time on single patient together. You can visit different patients and then discuss about it to cover multiple ailments and gain experience.
You can do much more with a life partner but YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED and SHE MUST BE LOYAL enough to muscle through. I am not afraid of pink gangs and I would state it loud and clear MAJORITY OF LADIES HAVE VERY LOW CHARACTER VALUE these days. SHe will cheat on every step.
Its a shit excuse in the end !
Because, as someone who had to work 15 hour days 6 days a week to pay bills while the other half went to uni and attempted to get work.
It can easily destroy a relationship. We had been together for 6 years at that point, but after 3 months of doing that we were lime strangers in our own home.
Another month and she almost completely stopped talking to me, she would ve out when i got back, ask for money to go clubbing with her friends.
It got very bad very fast after that until finnaly she accused me of cheating on her, wouldn't hear anything i had to say and threw me out.
I had to move back in with my mum and i just got hit with a bill she claimed she was paying and had changed into my name without my knowledge consent or any way of paying it.
Trust me mate it may hurt but its a valid reason. Just do yourself a favor and move on.
There is nothing wrong with focusing on a career. The traditional family is anyway down the drain. So why not give the girls a chance to pursue a career and leave family planning for later. Perhaps that the time is right now to finally realize that women have also dreams to do something else with their lives rather than just to be a reproduction machine.
It is time for us girls to have our chances and to prove to the world that women can do just as well as guys.
How long did it take Marie Curie to be recognized as an equal and to be admitted in the first place to get a place to study and prove she was the equal and actually much better than all those boys studying there!
@HereIbe You got a point I concede. I, myself would place my career ambitions first and above sexual pleasures, but then I am an atypical person and probably don't fit in the standard matrix.
That does not mean I would totally abandon my sexual needs but would not take my needs for excuses to have fun. I would however place my career before family planning if I were truly focused on my career.
It can be. I work 2 12 hour shifts a week and am on call twice a month in addition to studying about 27 hours a week. So that's 51 hours that I am at work or studying. I'm taking three heavy classes because I plan to be an Assistant Surgeon. I still make time for friends, kind of. I don't think they count because my closest friends and I work together so I catch up with them at work. I tried dating people and going to school and I was always neglecting one or the other. I want to better myself so that I have a good career and great future because you should never be completely dependant on another person
I know a lot of people that rather focus on there career then a relationship. Having a stable career/job is important, finding love isn't that important (ofcourse this could always be the other way around it depends on the person). As they always say love will come when it is time. Unless you close yourself completely from love. Some say it as a excuse others really mean it. It depends on the person.
And as you said "in any case a rejection is a rejection and the reason matters little. About finding it an actual valid excuse or finding it a cowards way out is more of a personal opinion ofcourse, but in the end it could mean anything.
I don't want to be in a relationship with you.
I want to focus on my career.
I don't want to date you right now.
My opinion it isn't cowardly, if the person feels like using that excuse to say no wether it is real of fake is not my problem to take. Accept it as a rejection nothing more nothing less.
No, I’ve only dated once and for a pretty short term because we both just didn’t have enough time and honestly what’s the whole damn point (of dating if you never see each other?).
Truth is you gotta set priorities and those should ALWAYS be your education/qualifications for later life — i. e. University.
If I see my friend who’s been dating only for some 4 months and actually making the time for her boyfriend (unlike me back then) and seeing how her grades keep dropping, I’m only reaffirmed in my position.
I’ll take my lifelong career over some short-lived relationship any day.
Depends on the individual. Not everyone uses it as an excuse and depending on their future goals and priorities it can be absolutely valid.
I don't want to marry before I have a good career but if I can trust a guy that he would be supportive of my life goals and he won't tell me to leave it or even force me to quit like many husbands do, then I might as well tie the knot earlier. I am sure that the right partner with the right mindset will actually help me more. But such a guy would be rare so yeah.
There are many reasons for it being valid and it can also be very personal for different people. Some people think that a partner and kids would mean they won't be able to give as much time, effort and energy to their career as much as they could if they remain single.
At first reaction i say yes. But then there is the factor that dating and having a relationship costs you a lot of time and if you are in love it is really hard to focus. But also relationships can give you the relaxation you need. And if you find an other Who is also focussed on his/her career i think they could have a good relationship with giving them enough space to focus on their careers.
Then why don't you leave your career and stick with your boyfriend you will never meet one like him again let love overpower societal expectations on what you should sacrifice.
I think a girl /woman should never stop working because of a boy/man. You can't expect the other to Work for your money. Focussing on your career and not having a career at all are two opposites. If you are building your career but it isn't your Number one priority then you are not Focussing but quitting because of that is really stupid. You can't rely on anyone but yourself. Only 1 out of 3 mariages last. Don't count on a man or woman to take care of you. Make sure you can take care of yourself so you are not UP to a surprise if you have to because your man left or got disabled.
No guarantee that your career will bring you money either. You will probably spend all your life paying for student loans wishing you had never made the decision to fallow your Career. Money brings you material possession but it does not give you what you really need.
I once broke up with a boyfriend because of that. I truly -honestly- wanted to focus more on my career. It was the plain truth. He knew me well enough to know I was talking with the truth. Later on I regretted with my soul. I still regret it, to be honest.
I know!!! He was “the one”. I will never forgive myself for that. That was 16 years ago and it still kills me.
Man... I truly did.
we're the same and i don't mind. some of my friends are settling down with kids, husbands and serious boyfriends. i just cringe, i can't imagine that being me. plus we're in our early 20's so this is the ideal time to be selfish. i don't care what people say about love not being able to buy happiness because it's a lie. i believe money buys most things which bring happiness. love on the other hand doesn't put food on the table
It’s a reason when it’s a person you really don’t care for of have little to no affinity towards but it automatically becomes a nonfactor if the person is someone you like and really want to pursue. You start thinking about how they’re you’re escape. Unless the person causes strains and hardships, I understand the excuse but it’s nothing more than that, an excuse. When people want to invest, they invest regardless. No one is gonna see their future wife and be like yeah I’m busy right now come later. And risk her not being there when you’re ready. Some people do, but boy do they cry when they come back around and see they moved on...
Yes, it is a cowardly out. She'd make time for a guy if she was really into him and he moved her. The fact that she can easily walk away this just confirms she isn't that into you. If a woman meets the man of her dreams she is not going to say, sorry, I only have time for career now. Trust me.
It's an excuse, I mean, it's not like a relationship HAS to be a lot of work. It could be just eating take-out next to each other while watching TV after work if you're both fine with that.
You can just try to date a person who wants to focus on their career, and if you don't get to spend much time with them, then too bad.
It's totally a valid excuse. I tried balancing a relationship while studying to get my career and it was totally hell on myself and my boyfriend at the time. You end up neglecting one (or both) and you end up with nothing but a headache. My boyfriend and I split because I wanted to focus on my schooling. I'm glad I did because I'm now 2 months from graduating and a promising career. I'll start back dating again after I get settled and stable.
True you can't whorship you're boyfriend and go to university at the same time. Honest but true. Girl is after her self independence that's how society builds this types of people.
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions