Do women take nice guys for granted?

[MLGbreezy]

A lot of times I try not to think this way despite many of the hardships I deal with from women either if I'm romantically interested or we're just friends or even strangers sometimes although it rare. And recently I had been very depressed and was talking with a friend and she told me that a lot of women take nice guys (the geniune ones) for granted. I don't know I I've always just been kind hearted but that never got me a girlfriend so I'm taking a different approach currently (And no I'm not gonna be an asshole) But what do you think do some women take nice guys for granted?

Yes

No

[ChurchOfIron]

It's not that you have to be an asshole. It's that when someone is too nice to someone else, it triggers an alert in peoples' brains. It's not just limited to women, though they are probably more sensitive to it. "Why is this person being so nice to me? What's their game?"

Even if you just "try" to be nice, just because that's the "good" thing to do, it comes off as insincerity. Be real. If you don't like something, let her know. In a still respectful way, but don't just agree with her on everything or be too afraid to take a stance. Otherwise, it makes you seem either like a coward who's too afraid to scare her off with your real self; or, it makes you seem manipulative and fake.

People who are "too nice" are difficult to respect, because they don't really show their true selves. Or, if they are simply that nice by nature, it's still just "Ummm. Okay. What do you get out of this?"

So, your issue is you need to build respect, as well as trust.

Another thing is men who put women on a pedestal. If you worship a woman as if she is a Goddess, what does that say about you? That you're a follower. You're a servant of a Goddess. So how on Earth could you be on the same level? You have to treat her as a human being, not an angel.

And I know, dude. Happens to me, too, when I see a woman, and I'm just like, "Wow. She's perfect." But you have to restrain that, to some degree. If you feel that, try to focus on a flaw or two of hers, to re-humanize her. Just for your own perception, so you don't fall into putting her on a pedestal. Communicate with her as a fellow human. Appreciate her for her, not a symbol.

Basically, be a little more selfish. Expect her to treat you well, as well; feel okay to disagree with her; and, feel free to tease her a bit. Women love being teased.

[Anonymous]

Dude, I'm kinda a nice guy (i'm kinda dark too when you get to know me, i like a lot of schadenfreude). I love helping people out, asking people how their day went, hearing positive things from people. I agree, some immature girls (many girls in fact) take someone who is nice for granted. You shouldn't assume a reward for being nice, but I know what you're saying because I've been there. You'll eventually come across a mature girl who has her sht straight and all the minutia of not caring / being edgy / [insert other mistaken masculine quality here] goes out the door. Granted, girls are different from guys and you can't talk to them like you would another guy.

Honestly, listen to Corey Wayne on some of his material. I hate promoting stuff like this but he has the right mindset and methodology, albeit his goal is more sex driven. Listen to the parts where he talks about girls behavior and how to treat them. He doesn't say you need to be an asshole, but he explains why assholes get attention from girls and where you're probably going wrong. (just a warning, he'll bring up his book a bunch of times. not bad to listen to, but you can get the gist of it from his videos)

Otherwise listen to "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Its a more edgy and direct take on it, tho it was more for people who gave and expected reward.

yourlisten.com/aceofplace/no-more-mr-nice-guy

[MLGbreezy]

I get what your saying but I never assumed a reward for being nice, So many people are quick to jump the gun in these comments saying just cause your nice doesn't mean you deserve this or that or nice guys who say there nice have a shitty personalty underneath but I don't have a shitty personalty and I never said I wanted a reward I just or a girlfriend I wanna be treated with respect and yeah people will be nice to you back but I see a clear difference between how they treat me opposed to another guy especially from women

[Opinion Owner]

I know, and I'm aware that you don't expect a reward. Its a byproduct of our times, people are immature and girls aren't really super reserved and mature themselves anymore. therefore it doesn't help that you are mature and caring. when girls get around 21+ i've noticed a stark difference in how they act. I've run into girls who play less games and they grow up a little and see value in someone who's caring. that's not to say all girls, thats not to say being nice is the best way to go, i'm just saying it'll get better. finding a younger girl who's mature isn't easy

I talked with someone else on here about respect from girls. between guys there's a mutual respect, where if you or I cross a boundary we better expect retaliation (possibly physical). If a guy crosses my line, i tell him to check himself and get his shit straight. but with girls, what's their boundary? We can't do anything to them, we can't confront them, we're held socially hostage. I personally don't involve myself with girls who take me for granted, the only thing I can do is ditch them.

moral of the story, it'll get better.

[MLGbreezy]

Thanks I appreciate the kind words and advice

[561Aloha]

Lol common mistake about that. The way I see it, we don’t want a pushover but not a asshole either. There’s a way where u don’t put up with a girls behavior but your not going to yell at her or do something negatively.

I see assholes, players and fuck boyfriends and I stay 10 miles away. Most girls do too, the only exception is when a GIRL is just looking for something easy to get into or has some sort of self hatred for herself. I like nice guys and plenty of nice guys get girlfriends too. That’s why there are sayings “the good one got away”

Your most likely way to giving but not in the way you should be. It’s nice to be the guy that is there when a girls upset & vent too but if a girl wants you & you make yourself Approachable. You’ll end up dating her, it’ll happen. if your always there and your using your friendship with someone and just waiting for them to open their eyes and fall and love with you, it’s not going to happened. Trust me.

I have a very nice friend who’s super helpful, but he is literally like my puppy. He follows me around and I don’t lead him on or anything but he thinks that one day I’m gonna just suddenly want to date him. I know that’s not true. When the time comes & his bad enough with following me around, i’ll End up gentley letting him down & he's going to say something like the question your asking.

[MLGbreezy]

Well I'm not that naive I know when I'm friend zoned and I typically don't go after a women who is a friend in general you know

[MLGbreezy]

And that's something else I hate being nice in now way makes me a push Iver but that's the stigma and I'm fucking sick of it or better yet they think your gay cause your nice that makes no damn sense

[MLGbreezy]

Ugh I'm angry now but like I get your point but if a girl don't like me I e learned to move on you kniw

[MLGbreezy]

Know*

[jennifer_bloom]

A nice guy without confidence and self love and passion and drive can get take advantage of but if you are confident and opinionated and courageous and bold and honest - girls will not take you for granted.

[MLGbreezy]

Your a sweet person I like you

[Genie23]

Sadly, some do. But the mature women with self respect don't. I would pick a nice guy over a bad boy, anyday

[MLGbreezy]

Your like one of the few women that didn't go on this ramble about how they think nice guys think they deserve to have a girlfriend so thanks for not doing that because many women are have such bad tunnle vision that all they care about is bad mouthing nice guys yet when ever a bad boy or asshole is mentioned they always have some excuse

[Genie23]

Yes, I have noticed that. It makes me sad, but know that after many years, they will realize their mistake and they will regret not choosing nice guys over bad boys.

[MLGbreezy]

True

[ChronicThinker]

No, nice guys just fail to realize that being nice isn't the only quality women want. People expect family, friends, and people to in general be nice to them. If all you have to offer is "Well, I'm nice," you're not offering much at all. That's like expecting to receive an Emmy for basic human decency.

[MLGbreezy]

Did you even read my question I didn't ask you what women wanted I asked if nice guys are taken for granted and they really are because so many women these days of your mindset it's sad really

[BuchitaBuchys]

A lot of people do. Not just women. Dudes tend to equate nice with unattractive guys, or guys who overcompensate their lacking looks and/or social skills with essentially becoming doormats. No one wants an unattractive partner, I don't know why women get so much shit for it.

[MLGbreezy]

Because women push the stereotypes more then anyone

[BuchitaBuchys]

What stereotype?

[MLGbreezy]

And I know it's not all women but a lot of women just take a look at the polls or comments

[MLGbreezy]

That nice guys are door matts and pushovers hell they even coined the saying nice guys finish last

[BuchitaBuchys]

Because men label anything that isn't a cheating woman beater as "nice" usually. It's annoying that they feel that the bare minimum of respect in a relationship is "praise-worthy" and believe it's an added character point.

[MLGbreezy]

What guys are you talking about because I don't know very many men that are like that

[BuchitaBuchys]

I don't know, dudes I've met. They expect a pat on the back for being faithful. Like what? That's the basis of a monogamous relationship, it's not special.

[MLGbreezy]

Then those aren't very good people obviously but I still think women push the stereotypes on men far more especially on social media yes men can do it too but this question isn't about men if it was I would've brought them up

[BuchitaBuchys]

If many women are complaining about it, and you want to date women, why don't you listen to what women are saying?

[MLGbreezy]

Why should I have to change who I am to win someone's affection when im not?

[BuchitaBuchys]

You shouldn't and I don't suggest that, at least completely. But maybe if you want to succeed with said gender, you should consider what they want. I think it's silly when overweight women complain that only overweight men want them. If you want a fit man, he's probably going to want a fit woman, so you don't *have* to change, but if you want to succeed with them, you should consider their grievances.

[MLGbreezy]

No I understand you for sure and I've definitely been taking steps in areas to help with such problems this question wasn't not originally about my dating struggles with women it was about how women treat me in general being a nice guy you know but the dating advice none the less did help and I turkey appreciate your advice as well so thank you 🙂

[BuchitaBuchys]

*at least not completely

[MLGbreezy]

Oh yeah I'm not gonna be some asshole you know that's just wouldn't work even if I wanted to but a balance of kindness and assertiveness and a little agressivness oh and confidence above all

[BuchitaBuchys]

You're welcome. I guess I feel it's not just do women like nice men, more of what women vs what men consider nice.
And nice guy has become synonymous with woman hating doormat.

[MLGbreezy]

I know what you mean but that's kinda what fustrated me you know cause that's all where associated with and now so many women want even give us a chance to show we have more to offer cause of that stigma that's usually what we mean when we say girls want give us a chance cause we're nice not that cause we're nice we deserve a chance but I see a girls viewpoint as well it's hard on both sides

[MLGbreezy]

But it poses a challenge cause we often here girls say how much the want a gentleman or a nice guy but when we make that approach they turn us down you know so then many guys turn to being asshole s and to be honest I have seen women be more responsive to that behavior which makes me sad cause dating is all jacked up now on both sides

[MaverickAngel]

Nice guys are so rare... and brave (society says it's ok to be a badass if your guy.. but if your nice you are at risk of being a pansy).. I always treat nice guys extra well.. even if they are not MY guy... most of the girls I know adore the nice guys I know... again... this poll is so interesting how guys and girls are split...

[MLGbreezy]

Yeah I was honestly taken back but I think the ones that voted no are the females that are commenting stuff like nice guys don't deserve a chance just cause there nice or whatever and that's true but that's not what the question is asking you know

[MLGbreezy]

But thank you for your kind opinion it's sweet and gives the actual nice guys hope haha🙂

[MaverickAngel]

Actually... it's more guys voting no and girls voting yes... lol.. isn't it? :)

[MLGbreezy]

No other way around

[MLGbreezy]

I asked if girls are taking nice guys for granted most guys voted yes most girls voted no

[alice55]

I'm not sure, I think a lot of girl keep the nice guys as a "second option" or so
Personally I feel more comfortable around nice guys but I think most girl won't think of the nice guy as their first option. (I think most girl have the misconception that nice guys = pushover).

[MLGbreezy]

Exactly was is it nice guys =pushover the bad boy is some. how always some badass no that's not reality

[alice55]

People usually just think by stereotype, that's dumb but a lot do

[MLGbreezy]

So true its sad but that's just how the world is in so many aspects

[alice55]

Yes, people are too lazy to see beyond the stereotype

[MLGbreezy]

It honestly fustrated me but I'll be who I am and still get the girl I'm not one to give up after haha

[alice55]

That's great :)
And it's better to stay who you are ^-^

[MLGbreezy]

Thank you

[alice55]

You're welcome.

[Pink2000]

Of course we do. That’s why they finish last...
A lot of women won’t apprecuate a nice guy... not all women but quite a few. Especially in my age category.

[MLGbreezy]

Yeah that is true

[IsabellaIII]

No, I think most girls want a nice guy. There are some exceptions, like girls that like abuse because of their past but I think most sane girls want to be treated nicely.

[MLGbreezy]

I get you sometimes it's just hard to believe that you know I feel like girls over look the other traits that matter sometimes

[IsabellaIII]

Sorry about that. :(

Sometimes we get hurt from the jerk, fall back on the nice guys for comfort and then repeat the cycle until we learn our lessons. One thing that is important to know is we don't, or I should say someone us don't, originally think the guy we are falling for is a jerk. We learn after time, after he has our beating heart in his palm. :'( Please never become a jerk, it wrecks people.

[MLGbreezy]

I get you and it's okay cause I know women don't do this in a way to hurt anyone or use nice dudes you just wanna protect your feeling as does anyone. And I want be a jerk it's just not who I am being fun bubbly and a little goofy is what I'll take over an ass any day of the week

[ZestyWatermelon]

Some do but a lot of girls seek them out (a lot of times to no avail). Sometimes though its really hard to pick out genuinely good guys from the manipulative ones.

[MLGbreezy]

Yes true which is why I do understand why women don't go for nice guys to a degree but think of it like this if women are avoiding nice guys for that reason then why would a guy who isn't nice pretend to be something that doesn't help him achieve his goal whatever that may be

[ZestyWatermelon]

He thinks it'll work for him and sometimes it does

[MLGbreezy]

I hate those kinds of people why would you play with someone's heart especially a girl who cares for you

[Nights0ng]

Ok so lets assume that you indeed are a real nice guy, not an r/niceguys.
The thing is many girls have a pool to choose from. Or are very picky. you're competing with other guys, yknow. So just being genuinely nice won't do you much. The absolute majority of guys are actually genuinely nice. You dont stand out enough if this is your only trait.

[MLGbreezy]

Well obviously that's not my only trait but most women want even talk to you long enough for you to stand out. Women always love to say that but I'd like to see a women try and do the same thing against multiple other guys just saying you need to stand out more is one thing doing it is different

[Nights0ng]

Sorry to hear that, pal. Maybe the best way to stand out is with the way you present yourself. Verbally i mean. The way you chat up a girl makes a huge difference.
Of course you won't be able to show off your potentially amazing drawing skills or your vast knowledge of physics in the first 2 minutes of talking. Maybe you should work on your talking skills, get a good first impression, her number. And after that, if you actually secure a date with her show her your deeper qualities.
And as much as i feel for men, who have to go through approaching and being rejected, its just not realistic that a girl would be willing to go through 20 mins of boring conversation at the train station just to finally get to the one question she already knew he would be asking. Especially not if she knew after the first 2 minutes that she's not interested.
Aaand shell especially won't give you her number if she had a twice as interesting conversation with the guy that chated her up last week at the same spot

[MLGbreezy]

Yeah I get you that's actually what I've been trying to work on I even been looking for some girls that would be willing to help me practice so I could get better I only got one girl who agreed to help me and that's only after a female friend talked to her sigh I just am so fustrated cause it's not like I don't take steps to be more appealing to women I dress we'll take care of my hair skin and started even going to the gym and I tend to really enjoy these things and many said a lot if women like that in men but I feel so invisible to so many women especially of my age range

[MLGbreezy]

But still I do feel there are women who take advantage and take for granted nice guys as I had a female do it to me twice before once a female love interest and an ex best friend

[Nights0ng]

Hmm. Yknow, when i was in high school some of my classmates kind of did dares. Theyd go downtown and dare each other to talk up girls. It really helped them.
Practicing on a girl you know is nice and definitely an option but how about just going out there without the security net? Take friends with you so you'll feel more confident and just try. Im sure talking to 20 diffrent girls will give you more valuable experience in one day than planning and ponding on waht to say for 5 days would.
Also, fake it till you make it. Even if you say dumb shit, if you do so while looking confident, it will seem less stupid. Trust me.
If you do take care of yourself then there is no reason you should be unpopular with the girls. If you can nail the approach, there's nothing holding you back anymore.
Dont give up and dont get too frustrated. Keep trying and make sure to take care of yourself emotionally, too, i dont want you to get bitter and salty haha.
by the way have you tried online dating?

[MLGbreezy]

Thank you for your advice I really do appreciate I'm gonna do my best to get practice in both with through text and irl I usually try at work with some female customers but I need to step it up for sure and I'll practice text as well I do try to practice with female friends but I feel they can be a little baised sometime since they know me and what I'm going through so I try to find girls I don't know that wouldn't mind helping me practice

[MLGbreezy]

Thank you again

[Nights0ng]

Tinder maybe isn't the best spot to start if your flirt game isn't top notch. How about chatting up girls on regular websites? Facebook for example. Or anywhere else. It sounds a bit weird but being weird is alright if its for the sake of improving, right? If u chat up a girl on facebook, they are less likely to be overly judgmental of you since its outside the dating and hookup frame. That way its not your axperience or appearance that counts but the ability to keep up an interesting conversation, which again is important for hitting up girls irl

[MLGbreezy]

Well I'm not on tinder but I get what your saying I mostly use this website tho cause stuff like Facebook and ig most girls won't reply to a dm

[MLGbreezy]

But besides that I don't got Facebook

[Nights0ng]

I don't know about that. Insta wouldn't work, i agree but facebook i think would have an okay reply rate

[MLGbreezy]

Hmm ok I'll try making an account and maybe giving it a shot

[Nights0ng]

Good luck!!

[MLGbreezy]

Thank you

[ThisAndThat]

True many girls you age have a pool to choose from up until they hit the wall at around age 30. Then they when it comes to dating they enter the guys world. And after they reach about age 35 or so they start looking to the guys they picked over, and those guys don't want them anymore. I know all about that one, been there seen that am that.

[Nights0ng]

@ThisAndThat ok

[Anonymous]

I think some do, it explains why women seem to go through multiple guys that are "all the same", players, only wanting sex. Then they start calling every guy the same when in fact they probably had a nice guy try talking to them but because they were too nice they went for the badder kind of guy and it backfired like it always does.

[hammeronfire]

YES. THEY. DO!
i just got cheated on in back to back relationships. that's twice in one year. ima be a dick now because being nice obviously doesn't fucking work.

[MLGbreezy]

Sorry to hear that bro but don't change because of two idiots

[Bro-ham]

Depends on the "nice guy." More often than not, the "nice guy" is really the "desperate guy" who is easily malleable. If you don't want to be taken advantage of, set boundaries with yourself that you will not cross and build your confidence. Think like a man, not like a boy.

[Historylover18]

There are always a few guys and a few girls who take good people for granted. That's part of what makes humanity the cancer of the earth

[MLGbreezy]

The although the women don't seem to think so smh

[candycanehearts]

Being a nice person is something everyone should do and it doesn't mean i deserve a girlfriend- u can be as nice as u want and still be boring or lazy etc

[MLGbreezy]

See I knew there would be a female that would say this and I never said that a deserved anything but women seem to think they deserve a gentalmen even tho they say they finish last

[MLGbreezy]

Yeah cause I'm nice doesn't mean I deserve a girlfriend but it doesn't mean I don't deserve a chance at love either

[candycanehearts]

ok I don't know anyone who says gentlemen finish last, maybe some people do but i dont believe that.

Personally i think being a ‘gentle men’ is just the same as being good, like open doors for people, give ur seat to old people etc. thats just what everyone should do anyway.

But yeah of course u dont not deserve a chance at love, but if u want one, just like if u want a job or a house etc, u have to work to get it, hardly anyone is just given it

[MLGbreezy]

But what makes u think I don't work hard you know I even practice approaching women just to get a feel for it and I'm usually told I do well it just sucks trying so hard just for it to feel like your getting nowhere

[MLGbreezy]

And I'm not saying that my kindess is the reason for me not getting a girlfriend but it plays a big factor cause I recently found out that women kept assuming i was gay just cause I'm nice how am I supposed to get the girl if she thinks Im gay

[MLGbreezy]

It's just fustrated cause I have seen guys how are dicks always get the most attractive girls and I never understood why

[Anonymous]

I don't know about other women but I can't find any nice guys.

[MLGbreezy]

Well I'm a nice guy and it tends to be a struggle to find the one special lady that makes me smile when I hear her name or see her

[MLGbreezy]

Im 19 soon to be 20 and just wanna find a girl to call my own

[Opinion Owner]

I feel the same, I just turned 21.

[MLGbreezy]

Yeah there's nothing wrong with being single but unlike probably most people at my age I've never had a guy and I think that's in large part do to my personalty

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean?

[MLGbreezy]

Sorry typo I've never had a girlfriend and that's in laref do to my personalty

[MLGbreezy]

And when I say that I feel like my kindess is just not something women tend to like I've been mistaken for being gay multiple times just because I was nice how does that make sense

[Opinion Owner]

That's probably not why. And like you said there's nothing wrong with being single but I want to know what it's like being in a relationship and being intimate. All of my friends have boyfriends and I just want to know what it's like ):

[MLGbreezy]

Same I wanna cuddle and by presents for my girl I admit I'd probably spoil her haha

[MLGbreezy]

But if that's not why I can't get a girlfriend what do you think is

[Opinion Owner]

I ask myself the same question honestly ): I don't know

[MLGbreezy]

Listen you seem like a sweet girl I'm sure your gonna find a man that will with out a doubt love and cherish you. Don't give up cause I'm not gonna actually I refuse to cause I wanna love and cuddle kiss and go on dates and experience that oh so intimate moment in the bedroom with her and I wanna just tell her I love her or how amazing she looks in a dress that's is a dream I'm not willing to give up on not yet

[MLGbreezy]

So don't give up on yours either ok

[Opinion Owner]

I won't. You seem sweet too, you'll find someone. 💜

[MLGbreezy]

Thank you🙂

[LuWe22]

I don´t. I prefer a real good men over assholes and fuckboys.

[DanoMR98]

Being nice is the bare minimum of being a good choice. Usually dudes that call themselves "nice guys" have little more to offer than, what? A friendly and polite demeanor? It's gonna take a lot more than that.

[Felinegirl]

Most guys are nice guys. It doesn't make you special.

[MLGbreezy]

Never said it did

[MLGbreezy]

And if that's so true women need to stop constantly complaint about how there sick of being treated wrong and how they need a "kind gentalmen"in there freaking lives I'm sick of hearing it

[Felinegirl]

I don't do that. Don't know many girls who do either. You need to learn how to spell by the way. Complaining*, they're*, gentleman*, their*.

[MLGbreezy]

Never said you did do that and plenty of women these days do it and I don't need a lesson in spelling from you or any other for that matter

[Lightning8]

I mean, most girls are pretty

[Lightning8]

most girls are intelligent

[Lightning8]

most girls are nice

[princessfromjupiter]

I’ve never even met an attractive guy who was also into me who was genuinely nice to absolutely not

[MLGbreezy]

Sound more like your focused on the wrong thing

[princessfromjupiter]

No I’m just good at seeing through their bullshit. Most guys simply aren’t nice at all.

[MLGbreezy]

Most of the girls in the comments seem to disagree with you and to be fair I'm a nice guy

[princessfromjupiter]

Lol most girls in the comment section then probably don’t have literally every single guy solely approach them for their looks. And if you have to point it out you probably aren’t.

[MLGbreezy]

if guys are approaching of course it's gonna be cause of your looks lol first off your real pretty and second it's the first thing anyone notices about anyone until we get to know you

[princessfromjupiter]

Yeah but it shouldn’t be literally all you care about

[MLGbreezy]

Well of course not like I barely know you hit I can tell you got at least a little sense of humor and that's cool I like that in a girl but everyone is so single minded these days you know we should strive to learn more and connect with each other

[Anonymous]

Being sweet can be an aphrodisiac for me, but only if he also expresses lust for me. Too nice and respecful, and he appears to not have a sex drive--not hot.