Is a shy guy a turn off?

[red324]

I tend to be shy/cautious around new people for a little while until I warm up to them and lossen up a bite. I find on first dates this hurts my chances. But then again how much are you really supposed to learn about someone on a first date anyways? You continue to get to know more and more on the second and third dates. Opinions? I never get second and third dates though.

Updates

+1 y

I think the bigger issue is when someone points it out and then acts like it's a problem. I've sometimes found that a guy in the group will point it out then after that it's like well I'm fucked now. Just because I'm a bit more reserved and like to observe more then talk in a conversation isn't really a bad thing.

[Kaazsz]

Just try to use it to your advantage.

In my past, whew boy! I was fucking shy as FUCK.

For example:

A girl I literally had a crush on, sees me in the club. Runs up to me, grabs my hand to pull me on the dance floor. So I ripped my hand out of hers and ran away. She was into me and I was too shy. I got a lot of stories. Maybe I’m just cute and that’s lucky for me but still if you’re shy like I was you still get no action.

Anyways, I would find ways to use my shyness to my advantage.

At a party, we are playing games. I’m shy, I don’t know anyone. I just sit back not talking and listening to others. Cute girl is near me. I bump into her here and there, our fingers touch, our hands touch. All by “accident”

Well the accidental touches increase in intensity until bam, I feel comfortable enough because of how on top of me she is, like practically cuddling with me yet we never spoke yet. I grabbed her and kissed her. Mega bold move for a shy guy but the touching just signals to you that she likes you far more than conversation does.

I’ve done this scenario several times lol. Since then I’ve worked to overcome my shyness and still going. Cuz the strategy I just said is a low rate, low frequency thing lol. I wasn’t out there getting girls by being quiet and shit. Mostly I think they see me as mysterious. Girls like mysterious guys and for some reason I’m like that.

[Logorithim]

As with anything, extreme shyness definitely is. Less shyness than that may or may not be , deoending on the woman

[Anonymous]

Not a turn off. I always say how I think shy guys are cute and what not. But then when you really like one... you start to wonder:
Is he just shy? Or not interested? Or... does he see me as a friend? Or... is he just shy around girls in general? He seems fine around his friends?

And most girls are gonna assume the worst and think you're uninterested. As people always say: when he is interested he will make it very clear. With shy guys it's constant mixed signals... Like if on a blue moon they are flirty with you... the next day they would ignore you. We're gonna assume the worst.

So turn off no. Just that a shy guy usually doesn't give enough signals for us to push through. Add to that that they're mixed. f. e. you seem very quiet on first dates or... first date you were very open and talkative and then never get in touch with her again. These are just examples of what makes us wonder, maybe he didn't like me afterall?

[Snakeyes7]

Yeah this is a very tough reality. I am very shy and God knows how many potential girlfriends I have lost if I wasn’t so reserved. I also say that we have to make that assumption too if we come across a shy girl but for me personally it is a lot more than that reason.

I grew up with the type of mother who would go on a drunken rage (even though she hates alcohol) if you say “about room temperature” in response to her asking how school was. Because of her I now walk on eggshells with every girl I meet.

The #metoo movement abuse the word sexual harassment to the point where someone looking at you funny counts. I’m worried that asking you out on a date would put me in the wringer of law enforcement and my life is ruined because I am now a lot more of a pariah than I was before (not saying you are one of those monsters but knowing that they exist and reproduce make me very paranoid). I even know a friend who was falsely accused, despite immediately being proven innocent, was kicked out of his university.

I’m sure many men are also told that a girl being nice to them != romantically interested and never assume any female attention they get is attraction.

I have also noticed that women get really quiet when they are angry. I would naturally assume I did something to piss her off and leave you alone in an attempt to not make it worse.

I probably have a very irrational view of women and I hate it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Snakeyes7 True, shy girls are almost the exact same as shy guys. The only pre these girls have is that old-school still stands: a dude asks a girl out. For shy guys the other way around barely happens... if at all.

I can see the metoo statement and girls being nice in general. Me being a little bit of a feminist I therefor decided to take it into my own hands... and I'm going to try and ask him out by the end of the year. Purely because of these kind of things. In this current age men get accused of everything that is even remotely sexual. If he were to joke about it girls would already complain about it publically torment him.

It feels like in this day and age girls have it easier when asking a guy out (as long as she can keep her own boundries in check). So long as we don't ask out every guy in class, we will be seen as brave. While a guy doing the same would be seen as a pervert... weird world.

[Snakeyes7]

Oddly enough, you are the only feminist I have spoken to who actually believes that double standards towards either gender is a bad thing and it brings hope for humanity back to me lol. I mainly see myself as an egalitarian because whenever I look up feminist ideology, all I ever see are the famous ones that want to see men miserable or even dead. It seems hard to be a part of a movement where the people there didn’t want you there to begin with especially when I mostly see people with a fuse of a microscopic length like my mother running around.

Either way, I am glad we agree on this subject.

[J3nny]

Eh. I've always gone for the extremely outgoing extroverted cocky boys. But some girls like more reserved guys. In general people like outgoing people more.

[J3nny]

Oh. To answer the question. For me it depends. 70% of the time yes. It's a turn off

[Nobleone]

What can a shy guy do that would be more of a turn on? I mean, they can't change their shyness.

[J3nny]

Be a bad boy I guess. 😂

[Nobleone]

So a shy guy who at the same time is a bad boy. It would be hard to mix the two together but I guess it's possible lol.

[J3nny]

Well. I was defining the shy thing more as reserved. Do you mean the awkward shy kid? You probably mean that. Honestly just try and break out of your shell. I did it a few years ago. You can change yourself

[Nobleone]

When I say shy I mean just a normal guy who gets a little nervous around the girls he likes. You know he wants to talk to them but there's just something holding him back. But I get what you're saying about breaking out of your shell.

[J3nny]

Oh Lord. That's fine. I currently have a crush on a guy who's extremely confident on the outside but he's probably one of the most insecure people I've ever met. I'm pretty sure he likes me back because he gets so awkward and nervous around me. I know it's not because he hates me. Because we used to be extremely close. I think it's adorable. Wish he would talk to me though. He's still a stud

[red324]

@Nobleone that would be me

[red324]

Yeah that's true. Those extremely extroverted people mask their insecurities with their personality.

[Nobleone]

@red324 me too

@J3nny I know usually shy guys will open up a lot more when they find you really approachable. You guys probably don't talk so much.

[J3nny]

We used to...

[StingRayxoxo]

No, I tend to prefer a more reserved man.

[PrincessGrail]

Some girls like quiet guys. I do.

[BluesheepOwl]

It depends. I am actually talking to a guy right now who told me he's an introvert. And it makes sense because I'm starting to realize it's boring texting him lol

I think you are choosing the wrong people to be around. These people have to accept you for who you are and they can't change you. But at the same time you should try to improve yourself. You can't expect the person to go through hoops to want to be with you or to be your friend. You need to show that person that you are a valuable friend or boyfriend to have. And how can they stick around when you dont show those qualities? So be introverted for the first or second date with a friend or potential partner. If they stick around they accept you for you but once you are passed that you need to open up.

My best friend is extremely shy. She literally has a problem with talking. I once invited her out with my brother to go listen to music at a bar and my brother tried getting to know her and she literally could not talk. He'd ask her a question and she would sit there for like a minute without replying and then she would reply. It was really weird and I never knew she was like that because i have been friends with her for 12 years.

What's also interesting is she got a receptionist job and that job you need to be outgoing for. She got a lot of complaints about not seeming nice and coming off like an asshole. She had fo force herself to be more sociable. Then co-workers wanted to be around her more because she tried to be friendlier. I think you can do that too. You just got to try but don't be with people who want to change everything about you.

[Alice2398]

When i was younger id always go for the quiet, shy, nerdy guys but things never worked out as there shyness got in the way and they were never direct enough. So now when im with a guy i find it really annoying and expect them to be out of the shy phase by now. I don't want a over confident dick head but at the same time I want a man who's going to take some of the lead and be direct with me

[BrittBratt2416]

Not necessarily. It all depends on the girls personality and interest in men, some women like shy guys and some women like outgoing guys. You're most likely not getting a second or third date cause you're personality isn't matching up with theirs. You're probably someone like me who is INFP so it may take a bit a while to find someone who understand you.

[sageevalentine]

I think that alike anyone else in this world, some will like you and some won't. It would be worth your time to push yourself a little in this instance. First impressions are formed instantaneously, and can be surprisingly hard to disprove. Girls are definitely attracted to confidence, that doesn't mean some attracted to shyness, it could be cute. Maybe you could try say something like 'I'm so sorry I'm shy, I don't normally talk to women as beautiful as you' or something cheesy like that.

[No_Sugarcoat]

I'd not say a turn off it's just hard to get something out of you.

For example i never was really shy, and shy people drowned next to me and friends. Cause we are so Open about everything that most of the attention is on us.

BUT there is some girls actively looking for shy quiet guys cause they feel intimidated by people like me. And it doesn't help that i'm a tall motherfucker.

[Piteka5]

I'm no girl so I don't fully know, but for what I see, it's not a turn off, but, as you interact less, you have less chances of developing a conversation with a girl.
I think it depends if you are introverted naturally you should not try to change it that much, but if you are nervous of engaging that you can improve by taking more with them

[soda-flipper]

I think shy guys are cute. I generally love shy people because I’m very talkative and I’ve notice they enjoy being spoken too first because they are shy. And I love starting conversations so it works for me

[AuroraRoseat]

They are not a turn off to plenty of women. I would be honest about your shyness on the first dates so women will know why you're quiet and reserved instead of assuming the wrong things.

[upood]

I like shy guys, they're sweet and cute. You just gotta be careful to show interest cause we can assume you aren't interested due to shyness.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is, I grew up shy and only recently learned how not to by shy, not only is shy a turn off to women it utterly disgusts them, and I hate when women say they like shy guys... no you fuckin don't Bitch your lying through your teeth

[Secret6620]

Turn on actually. And even more so if they are nerdy like me 🖤🤓

[deangelisbabe]

shy guy is NOT a turn off. i find it very attractive. both cute and sexy 😍

[RumNRaisins]

I find shy men a bit weak and fragile, I love confidence.

[marleyanna2016]

No. An obnoxious guy is more of a turn off in my opinion than a shy guy.

[Massageman]

I was so surprised at our 50th high school reunion that two gals there actually had a crush on me, a nerdy shy guy from the Science Club. Who knew?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Being shy is a turn off. The women who claim otherwise have an idealized fantasy of what shy guys are like. If you don't have confidence, you need to work on that. If nothing else works, hire a confidence coach.

[TexasBorn217]

Not at all. I find shy guys mysterious, and mysterious men are sexy to me.

[lsjr16]

I am shy so this a great question. I am the same ways as the asker. Not sure if woman are attracted to shy guys