Is it shallow of me not wanting to date a smoker?

Question

My parents are both heavy smokers and me and my siblings are not, when we lived together they smoked indoors and it was so nasty. I developed this kind of thing, that everytime I smell nicotine I have this strong urge to dry heave. Like I tried to date smokers but it just completely turned me off and now I have this little "rule" where I stick to non smokers. So many guys called me out for being shallow because they could chew gum and not smoke in front of me, and therefore apparently it wouldn't affect me, but I disagree cuz I date with marriage in mind and I would not want to marry a smoker so I steer clear of them in the first place, is that shallow? by the way I live in Germany and here it's much more common to smoke than in the US.

eatenurpeach · Accepted Answer

I smoke and no it's not shallow. It's a choice. That's the thing about people, any way to turn something to their advantage to use, We all do. I don't care for black or white vehicles. Does that make me a racist? No. It's a free will choice. I know personally black girls that won't date white guys, and white girls that won't date black guys. It's their free will choice.

DOGMA1954 · Accepted Answer

No. They may be a great person to be around at times, but I never wanted to date someone that smoked. I would not want them to give up something they enjoyed just to date me, because that would not be right.

Kayla45 · Accepted Answer

It's okay, I have asthma... I can't be around smokers because it makes it act up really bad. It's a shame because I know some super nice guys who smoke in my friend circle but I couldn't ask them out or anything unless they agree to stop smoking, even the smell of the smoke off of a person really hurts to breathe when I'm around it.

Mamaganja · Accepted Answer

Not at all. I smoke and don’t expect anyone to want to be around that.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I smoke a pack a day. I've smoked for 20 years. I DO NOT think you're shallow for wanting to date a non-smoker.

You're absolutely allowed to think that a habbit like smoking is a turn-off to the point of making a rule for yourself. I hate shallowness. I would be the first to call you out--no problem--if you were being shallow. I think you're being quite reasonable. Don't let people make you feel bad. Smoking isn't something you should have to put up with in a partner, if it's something that you feel strongly about. Which you do.

It would be like having a rule that you wouldn't date anyone who chewed gum. Let's say you felt strongly about that. I don't think that's shallow. I think it's a personal preference so strong as to be a rule for yourself.

You get to CHOOSE to not want a partner who smokes in the same way you can choose not to have a partner who has a lot of tattoos (I wouldn't call that 'shallow'; would you?)

mrfoox · Answer

Not shallow. To me most smokers are basically addicted to their cigarettes. And need one multiple times per day. I see addictions seriously, just because nicotine is acceptable because companies can make so much money from it, doesn't mean they aren't harmful. Have more than one smokers in my extended family. My grandma died from lungcancer before hitting 65 and she weren't actively smoking anymore.
Plus smoking doesn't just affect the person who uses it, the shit they let out around them affect them too.
I hate seeing a parent holding their childrens hands while a cigarette in the other... It's harming their lungs too
Sorry for rant, I really hate smoking..

yucychan · Answer

No, definitely not.
Where I'm from, smoking is actually prohibited in most indoor and public locations by law. Though, there are certain premises that have designated areas for smoking. In addition, smokers, if caught smoking in prohibited places, will be liable for fines or conviction in court. My government highly discourages smoking and the public is educated well on its harmful effects. Which is why cigarettes are taxed very highly in my place (price for a 20 pack is around USD10-11), we probably have the most expensive cigarettes for an Asian country.

For dating, I've known many people that prefer non-smokers and not smoking is actually a common criteria and desirable trait. That being said, I do smoked before but that was a long time ago before all the price hikes on cigarettes. Now, if I do smoke, it's only because a friend offered me a stick in the club or something. I will never buy cigarettes on my own because it's such a waste of money.

Of all the people I've known and come across in my life, a big majority are non-smokers. My family members do not smoke and I don't think any of my relatives does either.

Maraneva · Answer

Hey, it's not at all being shallow. You're being reasonable. I just don't get the pleasure people derive from dipping their own lungs in smoke. Plus you're saying you date with marriage in mind. That shows a lot about how much you actually care about both your future and the future of your family. It's quite a happy sight to see there are still people who have a good thought like this.
It's totally okay to get repulsed and turned off by smoke. Don't try to make yourself get used to it. It's an useless habit that the other person has and trying to accommodate that won't be helpful for you.
As for those that did call you out as being shallow... Oh well, their loss🤷‍♂️You have a strong mind to steer clear of something that doesn't appeal to you even when so many others around you accept it as a norm. Quite awesome I must say!

MissKittyz · Answer

Shallow or not, who cares. That's your dating preference and that's all that matters. Smokers are seriously disgusting and it is extremely dangerous. I would never date a smoker either. That's literally the first thing I ask before I date someone. My grandpa died of lung cancer from heavy smoking for years and that affected me so much. I don't ever want a loved one going through that ever again. I can't stand the smell of smoke either and that annoying smoker cough. They usually have nasty teeth too if they've been smoking for years. Ya, no thanks.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, your not shallow. I live in the USA and growing up my
Father he smoked to his 40's than he stopped smoking but
after him and my Mother divorced , she started smoking a
little but she smoked when they were together , she smoked
Kool cigarettes but I have say smoking caused the death of
the Maternal side of my Family ( My Grand-dad, Uncle, Great
Aunt , see my Grand-dad and his Sister , Brother smoked
Kent cigarettes and them had Asbestos in them yes horrible
I stopped smoking August 2 , 2019 . My blood pressure was
elevated , heart rate.. So smoking kills , my Cousin has scars
on her lungs and COPD. Both sides of my Family have German
Ancestry my late Mom and my Dad. Yes , smoking related cancer
is a horrible thing.

NineBreaker · Answer

No, it's not shallow of you. Exposure to second hand smoke is hazardous to your health.

I personally cannot, and I literally mean that it is impossible for me to date a smoker because I'm asthmatic, and my top 3 asthma triggers are cat dander, cigarette smoke, and extremely cold air.

In fact, the first ever asthma attack I ever experienced was in my early teens, and was triggered by second-hand smoke.

If you're a smoker, I won't date you because I literally don't want to die because of it.

MajesticTwelve · Answer

Not shallow at all. It's not an appearance thing, it's a life style that often leads to illness and death. I wouldn't want that for myself, my future, my kids, or my boyfriend/husband. Can you imagine watching someone you love slowly poison themselves and maybe one day get cancer and die, all for some stupid stick? Pass.

btbc92 · Answer

No.. its not shallow. It's standards. Do you want to risk getting cancer on account of them? No thank you for me. I already have asthma.

GDG44 · Answer

Stinky breath, yellow teeth, stinky clothes, constantly leaving public places to smoke outside, spending money on death stick cigarettes, health issues, etc.

Smoking sucks. Smart move in not wanting to date a smoker.

I had a brief dating interlude with a smoker and kissing the person was terrible even with breath mints, etc.

Mega96 · Answer

I would never date a smoker if they don't want to quit. Smoking is a deal breaker for me.🤷‍♂️
A smoker might at first try not to smoke in front of you, but after a while they just do it everywhere. I know it's their call whether or not to smoke, but it is also my call whether or not to date them, right? (However, my biggest problem here in Germany is with Shisha, not with cigarettes because it's way more unhealthy)😁

Drowningkingfish · Answer

No, the smell of burnt tar and paper is surprisingly gross to constantoy smell from somone else, now imagine whiffing it 24/7, no thanks. Not only does it smell bad, but its nauseating and an annoying unhealthy habit to endure from somone who's around you a lot. I'd rather not develope cancer young.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Not shallow at all, just a preference. I hate smoking myself because you can literally smell it on their clothes and breath, not even mentioning how brown their teeth get. Yuck!

Screenwriter · Answer

Just sharing my exposure to my young son's smoking while we drove from New Orleans to Vegas to relocate him. After a day I had a headache because of the nicotine I was inhaling through his vaping. And, I've never known a regular smoker who wasn't quitting to stop smoking, even with gum or vaping. They love the whole process of cigaretting.. It's a tough habit to break. And if you're meeting a smoker, they aren't quitting.

devilish-cutie · Answer

in life i noticed that there are many people that are very strict about smoking being a deal breaker, id compare it as strict as people wanting their partner being a virgin
personally i dont smoke and dont really like smoking but its not a deal breaking for me

akihon · Answer

I'm on the fence about this one, in part I agree with you and don't think it's shallow and in part I do think it's shallow because some smokers are trying to give up so in this case you'd be rejecting somebody you might think is actually perfect.

That said it's totally your choice whomever you date, they may just decide though they don't want to date you because your a little extra padded or too tall or short or whatever, each has their preferences and each to their own

CallMeDave · Answer

I don't think that's shallow at all. It's clearly an unattractive thing to you (and you are certainly not alone in feeling that way) and you need to be attracted to someone you date.

I think you are correct in your thinking and should not be concerned by what those guys say. If they want you badly enough they'll quit smoking, which would be better for their health anyway. You should not have to settle for someone with a habit you find disgusting.

humanearth · Answer

I used to be a smoker and I hated how I smelled, Teeth discoloration and not to mention all the other hassles.

I have been smoke free since April 7 2010

If I was single again a smoker would be out of the dating pool for me.

So no I think your right. You have that right to be picky.

MackToday · Answer

It's not selfish or shallow not to date anyone. You don't owe your romantic interest to any one alive. You can go through life and not ever date if you choose. It's your life and your choice. The only people making accusations of shallowness are butt hurt ass holes who think the opposite sex owes them something. Those people are shit.

slatyb · Answer

Not at all. You are free to refuse to date someone for any reason at all. Not wanting to be with a smoker is not shallow at all. There are many disadvantages to dating a smoker. Maybe you just don't like the affect smoking has on their breath. Nasty habit.

Koalamate · Answer

All of my older family members smoke exept my mum I've always hated the smell of smoke and would always cough and asked people not to smoke. now im almost 18 hanging around smokers all my life.

i have been doing sports with smokers one cigaretes and one cigars and i dont mind it anymore. But i couldnt date a vaper i find it way to strong regardless of what they smoke.

TonyTheGuid0 · Answer

No, its not. Smokers either can't handle the pressures of life so resort to cigarettes, or they wanna fit in with the rest of society like a bunch of mindless followers. Im not hating on them or anything, but they tend to attack people who dont smoke, so they can fuck off.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Absolutely not. Smokers destroy your health as well, that's a scientific fact (so all you smokers can shut up and get back to your slow suicide). Not to mention they stink. Who in their right mind would want to associate such garbage, let alone date it?

aicarg · Answer

Absolutely not, it's a preference of yours and a rather healthy choice as you don't wish to be a victim of second hand smoke! There's nothing shallow about it!

captainAlex · Answer

Nope. You're not shallow. Developing good habits and being with people with good habits is a choice we make for our own growth and our families growth. If they want to date or marry you let them give it up.

hafinjun · Answer

I'm no Dr. But I don't think "gum, will keep them alive after contracting pneumonia or emphysema I quit smoking 4 years ago when a now ex f2f said she couldn't see a meaningfully relation ship with some one not likely to to live a full life. With all the evidence about the havoc wrought by Smoking, not to mention second hand smoke, why would anyone want to continue the habit, especially with their S. O. asking them to stop.

douride2 · Answer

Not at all shallow. I wouldn't date a smoker either. As a matter afact I have along time friend since back in grade school. He is a heavy smoker & I have to keep trying to come up with reasons why I don't visit more often.

Darcia · Answer

Your parents smoked cigarettes inside the house when y’all we’re inside. How nasty 🤢 it’s not shallow to not want to be with someone who smokes cigarettes. If they smoke cigs it’s a no go if they smoke cannabis it’s a go.

Sensmind · Answer

I would not be too far behind you - I would be very reluctant to date a smoker even if they chew gum and not smoke in front of you , you can still smell it of them and their clothes, it smells really awful.

Anonymous · Answer

My dad smokes, just recently though. My mom and dad have been married 35+, happily. My aunt smokes, she and her husband have been together for over 20 years. My cousin and his wife smoke, they've been together for over 10 years

You can't just say "oh, they smoke, they're a bad person"

Afrenchgirl · Answer

Since I don’t smoke, I don’t want to date a smoker. That’s a dealbreaker for me.
Everyone I know that don’t smoke, are with people who don’t smoke too. You are not shallow or picky, that’s totally okay !

Ally247 · Answer

nothing shallow about it, I wouldn't date a smoker either. not only does the smell make me sick, second hand smoking is very harmful, and the smoker themselves would be smoking themselves into an early death

AndreaTV · Answer

Not at all. It's a health hazard being around a smoker. Almost as bad is the smell that gets everywhere.

proteus912 · Answer

No its not shallow. When i am around smokers my throat starts to hurt and i feel sick, which is why i won't date one

SarahsSummer · Answer

NOPE, Not even remotely. It's a disgusting and deadly habit that actually shows a serious lack of intelligence and better judgement.

Evan_aa · Answer

No, I love weed and don’t like dating guys that don’t smoke because they’re so fucking judgements, 🥴🤣 they be the main ones needing to smoke 💯and it’s fun when you can have sex and just talk while sharing a blunt with your boo. Do you boo boo !

Massageman · Answer

Why is it "shallow" to want to have a healthier life for you and your prospective family? No, it's not shallow at all. It's very sound thinking.

PondyPand · Answer

No. It's a deal breaker to me too. Same for druggies.

ninjagirl_34 · Answer

It's not shallow of you, if that's your preference then you have a right to have that preference.

Walrus_au · Answer

More common than the US? FARK me! Not shallow at all. It's a filthy and disgusting habit.

DorkVader · Answer

My mom died of COPD and lung cancer after a good 40 years of smoking. I took care of her on home hospice, and let me tell you, I would be hard pressed to date a smoker.

sd1223 · Answer

No it’s not. I have that preference myself. I don’t like to be around cigarette smoke. I remember I was around it for a few mins and then afterwards I got a headache.

vintagegirl90 · Answer

Not not shallow, if that’s your preference then you stick with what your comfortable don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own personal tastes, we need to respect that.

ginnisian · Answer

Not at all... i dont like alcoholics and smokers both... nd i refused to date anyone who did... where i come from people drink like they drink water... so yes it was difficult to even find a date... but not impossible... i have had 3 good relationships... nd now i am married happily to a guy who's like that... even he's not ok with smoking nd drinking... so u stick to what makes u feel at home.. nothing shallow about wanting a certain way of life

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely Not, I Grew Up With A Mother Who Smoked, Grandparents Aunts And Uncles Who Smoked, I Was Virtually Surrounded By Smokers... Even Young I Was Disgusted By It...
Smoking Is A Filthy Disgusting Habit And A Huge Turn Off...
I Will Never Date A Smoker, This Is An Absolute Deal Breaker...
I Will Not KISS An Ashtray, Be Around Someone Who Smells Like An Ashtray...
This Includes Vaping & Marijuana, Legal Or Not, It Is A Drug, And Smoke... Do It, And You’re Out The Door...

FLguitarist · Answer

No not shallow at all. I'm 100% against nicotine in all forms nmw. my mother died of stage 4 lung cancer when I was 10. I had good incentive to not start

TantraSerge · Answer

Absolutely not... Smoking is gross. Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray... disgusting. I broke off with a girlfriend over it. I couldn't stand kissing her and to me, that a big part of intimacy right there...

chriscdi · Answer

no its not shallow because no one wants to smell smoke at random times of the day and if you date with marriage in mind then what would happen if y'all decide to have a kid? dont want to influence your kid with smoking.

Nik1hil · Answer

It's not shallow  You make your standards. Fuck them Smokers stink.  And are guzzling poison..  You are on right track

TestedTVGaming · Answer

Not really. It seems like it's your preference. It's not healthy to smoke. You shouldn't have to have it forced into your lungs.

mirratomyra · Answer

DEFINITELY NOT, SMOKE LINGERS AND ITS A HORRIBLE SMELL SETTING IN YOUR HAIR COUCH CLOTHES AND BREATH AND ITS NOT CUTE

BagoH · Answer

Stay away from smokers. They literally slowly kill themselves and drag you into that pit with them. It's nasty as hell too. Also it's not nicotine you smell lol, It's tobacco.

Rajdlk · Answer

Nope u are perfect girl its those dumbasses for not caring even i dont understand how they like the weird taste of cigarettes or smoking materials

foxrider77 · Answer

No perfectly understand. Find a guy who knows how to use his fingers and tongue. That matters way more.

soleil2666 · Answer

It's not shallow - but it is only those who were smokers in some fashion that have such big issues with it.
I've noticed Germans turned it into a big fashion trend, to despise smokers. So did Russians. Luckily the French are more sensible

Beautiful_Confusion · Answer

Not at all. There are a lot of considerations, (read concessions) made by non - smokers involved with smokers. It's a very admirable trait to be committed to one's decisions. In that sense, seems pretty deep to me.

SydneySentinel · Answer

That's not shallow at all.

manofstyle · Answer

People who smoke have on average lower IQ, shorter lifespan, and damage the health of people around them. So the question is do you care about those things or are they unimportant to you in a partner.

loveslongnails · Answer

Not only don't I think it's shallow, does it really matter? The point is, you don't want to live your life with a smoker. What's wrong with that? Fuck everyone else's opinion.

WhereAmI · Answer

Not shallow, I can relate. My dad smoked like a chimney. I had to inhale huge amounts of 2nd hand smoke when he drove me to hockey games in the past. 🙄

Is it shallow of me not wanting to date a smoker?

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