Is it shallow of me not wanting to date a smoker?

[Anonymous]

My parents are both heavy smokers and me and my siblings are not, when we lived together they smoked indoors and it was so nasty. I developed this kind of thing, that everytime I smell nicotine I have this strong urge to dry heave. Like I tried to date smokers but it just completely turned me off and now I have this little "rule" where I stick to non smokers. So many guys called me out for being shallow because they could chew gum and not smoke in front of me, and therefore apparently it wouldn't affect me, but I disagree cuz I date with marriage in mind and I would not want to marry a smoker so I steer clear of them in the first place, is that shallow? by the way I live in Germany and here it's much more common to smoke than in the US.

Updates

+1 y

Wooow I'm actually surprised that none of y'all think it's shallow, and I'm also super happy about that cuz now I don't feel like I'm being too picky about it!

[eatenurpeach]

I smoke and no it's not shallow. It's a choice. That's the thing about people, any way to turn something to their advantage to use, We all do. I don't care for black or white vehicles. Does that make me a racist? No. It's a free will choice. I know personally black girls that won't date white guys, and white girls that won't date black guys. It's their free will choice.

[DOGMA1954]

No. They may be a great person to be around at times, but I never wanted to date someone that smoked. I would not want them to give up something they enjoyed just to date me, because that would not be right.

[Kayla45]

It's okay, I have asthma... I can't be around smokers because it makes it act up really bad. It's a shame because I know some super nice guys who smoke in my friend circle but I couldn't ask them out or anything unless they agree to stop smoking, even the smell of the smoke off of a person really hurts to breathe when I'm around it.

[Mamaganja]

Not at all. I smoke and don’t expect anyone to want to be around that.

[SteveSmith1985]

I smoke a pack a day. I've smoked for 20 years. I DO NOT think you're shallow for wanting to date a non-smoker.

You're absolutely allowed to think that a habbit like smoking is a turn-off to the point of making a rule for yourself. I hate shallowness. I would be the first to call you out--no problem--if you were being shallow. I think you're being quite reasonable. Don't let people make you feel bad. Smoking isn't something you should have to put up with in a partner, if it's something that you feel strongly about. Which you do.

It would be like having a rule that you wouldn't date anyone who chewed gum. Let's say you felt strongly about that. I don't think that's shallow. I think it's a personal preference so strong as to be a rule for yourself.

You get to CHOOSE to not want a partner who smokes in the same way you can choose not to have a partner who has a lot of tattoos (I wouldn't call that 'shallow'; would you?)

[mrfoox]

Not shallow. To me most smokers are basically addicted to their cigarettes. And need one multiple times per day. I see addictions seriously, just because nicotine is acceptable because companies can make so much money from it, doesn't mean they aren't harmful. Have more than one smokers in my extended family. My grandma died from lungcancer before hitting 65 and she weren't actively smoking anymore.
Plus smoking doesn't just affect the person who uses it, the shit they let out around them affect them too.
I hate seeing a parent holding their childrens hands while a cigarette in the other... It's harming their lungs too
Sorry for rant, I really hate smoking..

[yucychan]

No, definitely not.
Where I'm from, smoking is actually prohibited in most indoor and public locations by law. Though, there are certain premises that have designated areas for smoking. In addition, smokers, if caught smoking in prohibited places, will be liable for fines or conviction in court. My government highly discourages smoking and the public is educated well on its harmful effects. Which is why cigarettes are taxed very highly in my place (price for a 20 pack is around USD10-11), we probably have the most expensive cigarettes for an Asian country.

For dating, I've known many people that prefer non-smokers and not smoking is actually a common criteria and desirable trait. That being said, I do smoked before but that was a long time ago before all the price hikes on cigarettes. Now, if I do smoke, it's only because a friend offered me a stick in the club or something. I will never buy cigarettes on my own because it's such a waste of money.

Of all the people I've known and come across in my life, a big majority are non-smokers. My family members do not smoke and I don't think any of my relatives does either.

[Maraneva]

Hey, it's not at all being shallow. You're being reasonable. I just don't get the pleasure people derive from dipping their own lungs in smoke. Plus you're saying you date with marriage in mind. That shows a lot about how much you actually care about both your future and the future of your family. It's quite a happy sight to see there are still people who have a good thought like this.
It's totally okay to get repulsed and turned off by smoke. Don't try to make yourself get used to it. It's an useless habit that the other person has and trying to accommodate that won't be helpful for you.
As for those that did call you out as being shallow... Oh well, their loss🤷‍♂️You have a strong mind to steer clear of something that doesn't appeal to you even when so many others around you accept it as a norm. Quite awesome I must say!

[MissKittyz]

Shallow or not, who cares. That's your dating preference and that's all that matters. Smokers are seriously disgusting and it is extremely dangerous. I would never date a smoker either. That's literally the first thing I ask before I date someone. My grandpa died of lung cancer from heavy smoking for years and that affected me so much. I don't ever want a loved one going through that ever again. I can't stand the smell of smoke either and that annoying smoker cough. They usually have nasty teeth too if they've been smoking for years. Ya, no thanks.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, your not shallow. I live in the USA and growing up my
Father he smoked to his 40's than he stopped smoking but
after him and my Mother divorced , she started smoking a
little but she smoked when they were together , she smoked
Kool cigarettes but I have say smoking caused the death of
the Maternal side of my Family ( My Grand-dad, Uncle, Great
Aunt , see my Grand-dad and his Sister , Brother smoked
Kent cigarettes and them had Asbestos in them yes horrible
I stopped smoking August 2 , 2019 . My blood pressure was
elevated , heart rate.. So smoking kills , my Cousin has scars
on her lungs and COPD. Both sides of my Family have German
Ancestry my late Mom and my Dad. Yes , smoking related cancer
is a horrible thing.

[NineBreaker]

No, it's not shallow of you. Exposure to second hand smoke is hazardous to your health.

I personally cannot, and I literally mean that it is impossible for me to date a smoker because I'm asthmatic, and my top 3 asthma triggers are cat dander, cigarette smoke, and extremely cold air.

In fact, the first ever asthma attack I ever experienced was in my early teens, and was triggered by second-hand smoke.

If you're a smoker, I won't date you because I literally don't want to die because of it.

[MajesticTwelve]

Not shallow at all. It's not an appearance thing, it's a life style that often leads to illness and death. I wouldn't want that for myself, my future, my kids, or my boyfriend/husband. Can you imagine watching someone you love slowly poison themselves and maybe one day get cancer and die, all for some stupid stick? Pass.

[btbc92]

No.. its not shallow. It's standards. Do you want to risk getting cancer on account of them? No thank you for me. I already have asthma.

[GDG44]

Stinky breath, yellow teeth, stinky clothes, constantly leaving public places to smoke outside, spending money on death stick cigarettes, health issues, etc.

Smoking sucks. Smart move in not wanting to date a smoker.

I had a brief dating interlude with a smoker and kissing the person was terrible even with breath mints, etc.

[Mega96]

I would never date a smoker if they don't want to quit. Smoking is a deal breaker for me.🤷‍♂️
A smoker might at first try not to smoke in front of you, but after a while they just do it everywhere. I know it's their call whether or not to smoke, but it is also my call whether or not to date them, right? (However, my biggest problem here in Germany is with Shisha, not with cigarettes because it's way more unhealthy)😁

[Drowningkingfish]

No, the smell of burnt tar and paper is surprisingly gross to constantoy smell from somone else, now imagine whiffing it 24/7, no thanks. Not only does it smell bad, but its nauseating and an annoying unhealthy habit to endure from somone who's around you a lot. I'd rather not develope cancer young.

[Daniela1982]

Not shallow at all, just a preference. I hate smoking myself because you can literally smell it on their clothes and breath, not even mentioning how brown their teeth get. Yuck!

[Screenwriter]

Just sharing my exposure to my young son's smoking while we drove from New Orleans to Vegas to relocate him. After a day I had a headache because of the nicotine I was inhaling through his vaping. And, I've never known a regular smoker who wasn't quitting to stop smoking, even with gum or vaping. They love the whole process of cigaretting.. It's a tough habit to break. And if you're meeting a smoker, they aren't quitting.

[devilish-cutie]

in life i noticed that there are many people that are very strict about smoking being a deal breaker, id compare it as strict as people wanting their partner being a virgin
personally i dont smoke and dont really like smoking but its not a deal breaking for me

[akihon]

I'm on the fence about this one, in part I agree with you and don't think it's shallow and in part I do think it's shallow because some smokers are trying to give up so in this case you'd be rejecting somebody you might think is actually perfect.

That said it's totally your choice whomever you date, they may just decide though they don't want to date you because your a little extra padded or too tall or short or whatever, each has their preferences and each to their own

[CallMeDave]

I don't think that's shallow at all. It's clearly an unattractive thing to you (and you are certainly not alone in feeling that way) and you need to be attracted to someone you date.

I think you are correct in your thinking and should not be concerned by what those guys say. If they want you badly enough they'll quit smoking, which would be better for their health anyway. You should not have to settle for someone with a habit you find disgusting.

[slatyb]

Not at all. You are free to refuse to date someone for any reason at all. Not wanting to be with a smoker is not shallow at all. There are many disadvantages to dating a smoker. Maybe you just don't like the affect smoking has on their breath. Nasty habit.

[humanearth]

I used to be a smoker and I hated how I smelled, Teeth discoloration and not to mention all the other hassles.

I have been smoke free since April 7 2010

If I was single again a smoker would be out of the dating pool for me.

So no I think your right. You have that right to be picky.

[hafinjun]

Smoke free since 2014

[MackToday]

It's not selfish or shallow not to date anyone. You don't owe your romantic interest to any one alive. You can go through life and not ever date if you choose. It's your life and your choice. The only people making accusations of shallowness are butt hurt ass holes who think the opposite sex owes them something. Those people are shit.