What are the consequences of being single for too long? Tell me the pros and cons of not dating for months, a year, or longer.
As I approach the 12 year mark of being single, I've come to enjoy all the perks of being single to the point I find it harder to picture myself in a relationship. If it happens? Great! But realistically I don't see it happening, lol.
What about you guys and girls? And for those of you that have been single for a while, do you see yourself ever dating or pursuing a relationship again if the right person comes along? Or are you content living your life the way it is now?
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Holy crap, I did not expect so many replies to this question! I guess I need to ask more questions like this...
I promise I'm reading every single comment and taking notes! Thanks for your input, it really means a lot to me~
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Good for you!!! That is awesome. You have embraced being single and are happy! I agree with all the good and bad, especially people giving you crap for being single.
Try being single in your 30s... you get looked at like something is wrong with you! Nope, nothing. I've even had women accuse me of being a lesbian 🤦♀️ So ignorant.
You just keep being your awesome self and do what makes YOU happy!
I've been single by choice for 4 years now. I've never been happier, personally.
I think the main thing that happens is that you get comfortable in the single lifestyle and have no desire to pursue a relationship, at least for me. However, I was so burned out from my last relationship that I never went through a period of missing being in a relationship. I was happy to be single from the day I broke up with him and haven't had any desire to date since.
Some Pros: •Plenty of freedom and time to yourself - I can do what I want, when I want without discussing it with a partner or compromising what I want for them. I don't have to give up certain goals and dreams because they don't align with those of my partner's. I also get plenty of time to myself, which is crucial to me. I've always been a very independent person who really values time spent alone, just winding down and relaxing. I can't stand sharing a living space with other people or being clinged onto. Also, more time to hang out with friends.
•No pressure or obligations - a big thing for me is that I'm not a very physically affectionate person and don't enjoy most forms of physical touch/intimacy. This is usually a dealbreaker in relationships anyway, but I'm not willing to force myself to do something I'm uncomfortable with. I was heavily pressured in my last relationship and felt bad because I felt an obligation to my ex to provide him with physical intimacy and affection, but couldn't.
•I only have to please myself - No worrying about keeping a partner happy or not being good enough for him.
•My money and belongings are mine - I'm honestly not good at sharing. I don't like the idea of a joint bank account or sharing possessions. I don't want to have to ask permission to buy something I want like a little kid, I don't want to find out our money was gambled away or something similar, and I don't want arguments over our stuff.
•No stupid drama, jealousy, etc. - I feel like this is bound to happen when you're dating, and I'd rather just miss out on the bullshit.
Some Cons: •People give me A LOT of shit. They never believe me when I say I'm just not looking to date anyone right now and try to push me back into it. I've also gotten talks about how it's okay if I'm a lesbian and they'll still accept me, which is nice, but nobody can actually accept me for just wanting to be by myself. It's like being single by choice = freak status to most people, and they usually view single people as losers although a person's relationship status has nothing to do with how successful or good of people they are.
•If you are a sexual/physical person, want marriage or children, etc., obviously that's going to be an issue. I don't want any of these things, though.
Otherwise, there really isn't anything I miss about being in a relationship. Since I'm not a sexual/physical person in any way and I guess you could say my relationships were mostly glorified close friendships with a little bit of kissing thrown in (which I hated), there isn't anything a relationship can provide that family and friends can't (companionship, someone to go do fun things with, someone to talk to and be close with, etc.) People say I'll die alone, but don't many of us? What's the difference in me dying alone because I remained single and someone outliving their spouse by many years and still dying alone?
I guess if by some miracle someone came along and I really felt right about the whole thing, I might consider it. But, I highly doubt that will happen.
Good for you!!! That is awesome. You have embraced being single and are happy! I agree with all the good and bad, especially people giving you crap for being single. Try being single in your 30s... you get looked at like something is wrong with you! Nope, nothing. I've even had women accuse me of being a lesbian 🤦♀️ So ignorant. You just keep being your awesome self and do what makes YOU happy!
I feel like even people my age think something is wrong with me (of course, many of my peers are extremely lovesick and can't imagine not wanting a relationship). I'm confident and comfortable with my decision, but it gets old sometimes constantly hearing about how I need a boyfriend and even that I should try to get back with my ex because it would be "cute" (NOT happening, lol)!
You still think to much and feel to less. Sorry, that Charlie's words have not reached your heart. And happiness is giving from outside, it comes from inside. So you don't need to make your partner happy. Just be with him and appreciate what he does.
LOL Good points. I've never been in a life situation where I've had to pool my money with someone else. If I did and they did something foolish with it, I'm not sure how I'd react! LOL
@ArrowheadSW If I ever did somehow decide to get into another relationship and it became serious, I never would. I just think it's a horrible idea all the way around. I hate the idea of losing the freedom to buy yourself the things you want (within reason, of course). I have absolutely no desire to go back to how it was when I was a child and had to ask if I could have something.
same im very introverted and I NEED my me time. and with marriage I feel obligated to share my stuff with my partner because well we become family so i would have to but i dont want to share anything XD so no marriage
"What are the consequences of being single for too long?" There are none. The only consequences are trying to meet the unrealistic expectations of others around you. In my personal experience, the only reason I felt so terrible is depressed is because I was living off of the EXPECTATIONS of OTHERS. Be it my late mother, family, some friends, outside people, teachers, etc. I have come to a realization, especially as a Christian people have unrealistic and shallow reasons and opinions as to why people should date. Let alone me.
1. They always say I'M too pretty, beautiful, etc to not be with anybody. So I ask "What if I was physically ugly, would I be too ugly to date? Or should I never date at all or have kids?" Sadly nobody could give me a direct answer. It was always "You should NEVER wish to be ugly! You're not ugly! You're beautiful. Why do you think that! It's unhealthy." Yet, I never said that I thought I was ugly. I ASKED, IF I WAS, should I NOT date or have kids. So I would change the directing with the same question in mind. "How come I get and is expected to date, marry, have sex or have kids, YET the ones who are not as physically attractive isn't?" Yet, again. No straight answer. See the difference?
2. People judge you for being religious, asexual or a prude who hates sex. YET, they never bothered to really KNOW YOU. How do they know I am religious? My sexual decisions are for God, NOT the church building, pastor or whoever. It is for MYSELF. It is for my family, it is for by extension my spouse, and offspring. It is not for religion! And there is nothing WRONG for a person to be a prude. It's just them. But not everybody who doesn't want sex IS a prude or HATES sex. Plus, if somebody hates sex, ask them what they hate about it. You would come to find out that some people just hate unnatural dirty sex that is often done in premarital sex. Like I do. Not that filth you see in pornography. Ugh! And just because a person doesn't want sex, doesn't make all of them asexual. Those who say they are declares that. But don't you DARE dump that on me. I am a healthy heterosexual woman who is attracted to men. I don't have to have sex or lust after a guy to show interest.
3. They assume you are crazy or bitter, etc. Which is not always true. Again, these people make baseless assumptions without KNOWING YOU. It's funny how guys befriend me and get to know me as well as women, everybody is shocked I never dated! Well, guess what? If all I am going to do is be emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and psychologically if not physically abused and being judged, bullied or mocked, AND guys had their act together and be godly men, maybe I would have. But that natural desire was gone long ago by 12 I think. I realized that I didn't have a personal desire for that. Only to prove something to my parents. Which is not right.
4. Other people can shun you for being too different from them. Thinking you want their men or woman. That's prejudice. Just because you're by yourself, it doesn't mean your desperate, lonely or jealous and envious of others. That is your responsibility and accountability for how you choose to react and feel. These people act 'racist' for real. That is real racism.
Personally I can NEVER see myself with anyone in this life. I have suffered too much, the dating atmosphere is getting more dirtier, unholy and impure to be in. I have more than enough problems in my life currently I have to work on. I have more than enough baggage I am dealing with both in my past AND my present. I am too comfortable to be with somebody else. I am too tired, too depressed overall with life, and is now more focused on helping my family and taking care of myself. Getting my priorities together. I have lost my mom. I have suffered through endless abuse from family and people. I am just DONE. And there is no such thing as the right one coming along. It's all about doing the things in life and making informed choices in a partner. I would not want to dump all of my woes on another healthier person who deserves the best and love than what I can give. What I want now is peace. Anywhere away from this sickening world. I don't think I can physically survive a relationship knowing how sick I am physically. I already have enough health problems. I don't need more trauma or else I god forbid end up like my late mother. Enough. My advice to others, just be content. If you want somebody, work on you first, love God first, let him guide and work on YOU, and when its the right time. When its GOD'S time, you would be ready. IF it's your calling. Not everybody is meant for that.
Know that SOME people like my late mother do mean well when they want to see you happy. Even if they do want grandchildren. But do understand that your reasons for your singleness are YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS. And nobody has the right to judge you so harshly for a good choice that is beneficial. You owe nobody an explanation. You owe it to yourself to the happiness you want. You're not hurting anybody with your singleness. You hurt others with your poor choice in suitors and sex partners IF you have sex before marriage.
The only con is that you may not get the same benefits from a healthy relationship like not reaching towards the 90s because you didn't have children by 23 years old, or the healthy benefits healthy sex can give. Such as expanding brain matter. That's all. Other than that, you'll survive.
I'm my experience it's both kindof liberating but frightening at the same time. I purposely avoid social media and keep to myself, doing my own things. It sucks when you sometimes wish you had a fulfilling relationship but I found when it is suddenly dumped onto you, you really it might not be what you want.
It's hard relating and accepting what normal people do, you feel stressed because now you are kindof exposed to what people normally do. I find myself stressed and upset seeing social media, all the illusions, all the lives lived I haven't all the relations and selfishness as everyone is out trying to find love. This inside just genuinely upsets me, as I feel a huge loss of control over myself and how difficult it is now to be trusting and open up to people even when given opportunities.
I am my own worst enemy and greatest friend comes to mind. In solitude, I have me, I have control, I lead a simple life of video games and coding, and it's stress free without the complexity and problems of human interactions. As soon as people crawl into my life I feel unstable and a huge loss of control. I owe nobody anything, I have no obligations, all the time belongs to me. And I can safely say it's a good life to live. I am missing out on intimacy and love and friendships, but if you never really had them, it's not too hard to miss it.
I feel at the same time it's negatively influenced me in that I become "stagnant", not exposed to anyone, and I sort of develop my own sense of "culture" that is totally alien to everyone else. It's hard then accepting some values people all connected in social media, it is all to easy to be caught in your own echo chamber of thoughts because all you know is you and in your world you are master and unconditionally right.
It's made me selfish, harder to relate to, sometimes impossible to get along, but also very planted in who I am and what my morals are. Strength in being and who I am independantly of others is... Strong. Not being tied to another for your own happiness or needing validation is fantastic and you can control it.
I still do wish however I could put more effort to getting to know people, mostly in hopes somebody takes interest in me as well, but I know for certain I will lose my sense of control over myself which has always been unsettling. I guess I am not used to people, who aren't graphical simulations I have control over. It's what makes them exciting and horrifying at the same time. Perhaps over time I could get used to people.
Overall, I think learning to be alone is an important skill to have which most people have forgotten, ever since social media and interconnectedness became a thing. Most people I see could not live without others in their lives, or they completely lose their shit and it's really sad to see. The closest sensation to it is like a Hive Mind and to become disconnected to it is the most distressing and anxious situation for them. Why most people fear being alone.
1. What are the consequences of being single for too long? Tell me the pros and cons of not dating for months, a year, or longer.""
There are no such consequences which will be detrimental to your existence as such. None.
However yes if you have stayed single too long and wish to remain like that for life then it is possible that other people will slowly start going away from you as they may see you as a negative influence, especially people who are in relationships or married. Hence you will have very few people in your life who will accept you for who you are and support you.
2. "As I approach the 12 year mark of being single, I've come to enjoy all the perks of being single ""
You have been single for 12 years now? That's great. Well I have been single for 32 years now, in short I have always been single. Yes you are right being single has almost unlimited benefits.
3."" the point I find it harder to picture myself in a relationship. If it happens? Great! But realistically I don't see it happening, lol. ""
That's great. However, from the way you have said it seems like you are still open minded enough to see if a relationship may happen or not although you know that it might be highly unlikely in your case.
However in my case, I am very much rigid and closed minded and I have decided to remain single for life irrespective to how the future situation may present itself.
4."What about you guys and girls? And for those of you that have been single for a while, do you see yourself ever dating or pursuing a relationship again if the right person comes along? Or are you content living your life the way it is now? ""
Yes, as I said above. I have always been single, it has been 32 years in a row now. I am totally and completely happy with who I am and what I am and I love my life the way it is right now.
No, I don't see myself ever dating or even being in a relationship. Even the very thought of an exclusive relationship repulses me. As I said above, I have decided to remain single for life and so I am closed minded and totally content to lead my entire life this way.
Loneliness, sexual frustation, losing the ability to compromise and adapt to other people... and maybe to other situations in general? (That last part is debatable, but I do think it could be valid.) The lack of compromise makes one ultimately selfish. There is a theory that the more customization and personalization and control one can exert over their life, the less adaptation occurs. It feels quite good in the short run, in the present, but this has potentially far-reaching ramifications for society, whereby we are now the most individualistic we have ever been, less community-oriented, have less dependence on others (this sounds good, but we actually are not that self-sufficient if you take into account survival and life skills that are not outsourced to others), and this is probably, in large part, fueling the loneliness epidemic. Dependence can be a burden on the provider, but it can also provide a sense of purpose in life. In an ideal society, we are all, to one degree or another dependent on one another (or, at least two people are, or that inner circle of confidantes, friends, family, etc. in each person's life.) Humans are social creatures and ideally we fill in each other's gaps and weaknesses, sharing the load of life. And having someone to come home to and ask 'How was your day?' can be a great comfort.
I miss that being asked personally, so I love my distant girlfriend of asking me it over chat/video call. It gives you the feeling of being wanted, comfort and safety (safe home).
Fully agree you should do what's good for your soul, but if you decide you wanna get back into dating, the pool got a lot smaller than when everyone else your age was still dating.
I tend to agree to disagree. ;-) A messy apartment is because of you become lazy and that will affect your soul/mind negatively. It can end up in a crisis and depression. I know that feeling of being empty. Being single for me is horrible, to boil it down, as no one there for being hugged, kissed, made love to in any way we both agree with (I love licking pussy a lot and miss it a lot, I keep repeating that to my distant girlfriend) and being not cuddled up on sleeping time.
Haha! So true! I love hogging the bed all to myself and not having to share it with anyone. But you are so right. Once you've been single for a while it's hard to change your ways to accommodate someone else unless they're really special
Another con: When you deal with grief, you lack a huge component healing. When my mom died three years ago, it was exceptionally noticeable that I didn't have someone to just hold me when I needed it most. Touch deprivation/hunger is a real thing.
Ugh, yeah there's that too. When I'm lonely or had a bad day at work, I don't have anyone to vent or complain to. Yeah I have my friends, but unfortunately most of them are in relationships, married, or have their own issues, so I don't have that safety net to go to when I need a shoulder to cry on.
@SydneySentinel *hugs* I lost my mom in 2018. I'm still dealing with her loss, and I've been feeling really alone and cut adrift. I don't remember feeling so untethered in my life and it's kind if a horrible sensation. Anyway, just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
Thank you @DorkVader I know exactly what you mean. Grief weighs so heavily. Hugs back to you. I know we don't know each other but if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
@SydneySentinel Thank you!!! 😊 It is definitely unexpected, but I'm honored to say the least. There are so many other influencers and users on here that deserve it just as much, if not more, than I do.
You run the risk of being too comfortable with being single, as in, you build your nest so perfect and comfy that the thought of a relationship rather than be a positive thing to look into, feels like a threat to the status quo you have built and are happy and satisfied with.
At least from my experience that is more or less how it feels.
When you don't "need" a relationship (which is how it should be in my opinion), you lose the drive to look for one. I understand this may be feeding into a "sexist" paradigm, but this is particularly a problem for men, since in general in many cultures it is still expected for men to make the first move and do the "chasing".
So a man who has lost the "drive" to actively look for and put the work and attention to start a relationship (even if it's heavily one-sided in many cases), may find himself unable to start a relationship with women around him that might be interested, but are expecting the initiative to come from him.
Although it is a bad analogy, and probably not one to apply if you are looking for a healthy and satisfying relationship... Like many things in live, the ability to spark a relationship is something that can very likely be trained and some are more capable at it than others... Then again, if starting a relationship is that easy for you, you may fall into a pattern of hopping in and out of them fairly quick...
Some people have better traits to start a relationship (confidence, initiative, drive, persistence, passion, for example) and leverage those, while they may be lacking in the the traits that keep a relationship going (loyalty, care/love, honesty, communication).
That is not to say you can only have one or the other, balance is key, and many achieve it and have a healthy and fulfilling love life.
"You run the risk of being too comfortable with being single, as in, you build your nest so perfect and comfy that the thought of a relationship rather than be a positive thing to look into, feels like a threat to the status quo you have built and are happy and satisfied with." You are exactly right! I went from actively trying to find a relationship and caring what men thought of me... to indifferent.
I know that sounds terrible, but I've accepted that I'm not the type of girl most men want or find attractive, that or I just have that much of bad luck with dating. Which as a result has killed any drive for me to want to find a relationship... at least for now.
As you said, no one "needs" a relationship, it's a want. Plenty of people are capable of leading fulfilling lives single.
True, still, don't undervalue yourself in the market. At least speaking from experience it is not often I meet girls with your perspective on things, and when I do, they are all taken and happy.
In the end, you are not looking for "most men". Perhaps inquire on what the kind of men you are interested in are looking for in a woman and see if there is a good match on qualities you already have (and can show off) or areas to improve (without losing yourself in the process or pretend to be someone you are not).
Of course there is no magic formula, every man may want something different, so you may need a good sample size to find a median (I'm not that into statistics even 😂)
The longest I was ever single was 53 weeks. I working on my Sobriety
Pros: Time for yourself, such as getting Sober Make Decisions on your own what to eat where to go No need to check with anyone before making plans with friends or colleagues Bed all to yourself if you don't have pets No Arguments over Money
Cons: Lonliness Too much room in the Bed No one to turn to with Big News Good or Bad Always making Decisions on your own gets tiring Invited fewer outings because their more couple themed Not having someonevto check with before making plans No Make-Sex You lose the sense of the Joy in being Touched by someone Romantically
Pretty much for most Pros there's a Con and Vice Versa...
As I said I took 53 weeks away from Romantic Relationships actually away from all together to focus on my Sobriety then the following I received my One Year Coin and said watch Guys I'm back... My Sponsor shook her headin disbelief... Hated not dating I was fine without the Commitment but not dating tgat was Insane... Now I'm married pregnant and wouldn't trade this for anything!!!
You won't realize it but you'll turn crazy. Sounds crazy, right? I know it does.
you jokingly ask yourself what is wrong with you and when you get told that nothing is wrong with you, then you jokingly think they must be lying.
it's like god personally cursed you to never have a relationship. Or someone, who you unknowingly pissed off so much, that this person is bribing all members of the opposite sex a certain amount of money to never be in a relationship with you and some bonus money if they ghost you or reject your date.
pros: everything. You're just so used to it so much so that you can't see the pros anymore.
cons: you start developing romantic and sexual attractions on big body pillows. You start pillow humping while watching some 1080p porn on your tablet on your bed. You do that alone in your room and don't tell anyone about it. oh wait. That's not a con. But that's a coping mechanism you fall back to when you can't satisfy natures requests.
you think of becoming rich and paying whores to spend a few hours with you so they cuddle you, kiss you and have sex with you. That's expensive but desperate times require desperate measures.
My apartment, at least in entrance hall and kitchen has turned into a mess, of having empty cases on ground. Yes, I have to clean up that mess! Becoming lazy is one of the worst things, that can happen to any single human. This is why it is good to have a partner around who helps you stay focused on the real matters, like having an up-side-down apartment (not that worse you might thing).
I also have two valid reasons (explains it a bit) why I have it this way: - Not that I'm lazy (isn't good as I said before) but I keep refundable bottles until I bring them back to the supermarket. They are worth between 8-25 EURO cents each bottle. I sometimes bring empties back woth 20-25 EURO per month. So around 120-140 EURO would be lost if I would throw them to garbage. - I register all receipts to have a reasonable overview of my expenses and income (later with data-mining on it) with my FLOSS software called "JFinancials". It is I'm proud of as it is written in JSF 2.3 (Java Server Faces), EJB 3.0 (Enterprise Java Beans) and JPA 2.2 (Java Persistence API).
Yes, the last one is full of "tech-stuff". Just saying it here for completeness.
I've been single for the past 6 years. But not for lack of trying. Just a buncha 1-, 2-date girls, and a few 3-, 6-month flings sprinkled in here and there. But anyway, as for pros and cons... not really a lot for either, in my opinion, but the ones that are there are pretty significant, in my opinion.
Pros - freedom and full independence. It's a great feeling. Can just... do what I want, when I want.
Cons - lack of companionship (unless you have lots of friends with benefits, in which case, you can still feel lonely. I currently have a friends with benefits and it's super casual, like, we see each other less than once a month. But I still yearn for real emotional connection and companionship).
But no, I have not really embraced being single. I want a partner. But not just any partner. I dunno. Part of me is desperate for a partner, but another part of me is really picky. I want that companionship, but I also don't want to just force a relationship w/ someone I don't really have chemistry with. So... yeah. It's like a push-and-pull. I love the perks of both. I ultimately want kids, so I guess I need to start pulling towards not being single... =\
Well my guess is: - You become a little self centered. - You're so single to the point where you think being in a relationship is hard work and a waste of time (I've had people tell me this before). - You become so happy in you're own world that you feel you're doing fine on you're own. - You replace an S. O by having friends Instead. - Instead of getting Jealous you get happy seeing all these "Happy couples" around you. - Freedom of time. - No "relationship fulfillments" to make. - You spend you're entire money all on yourself. - You have no type of drama that only happens in relationships. - People start asking you "When are you going to get a bf/gf". - People don't even need to ask about you're relationship status anymore I. e they obviously know what it is And what it will always be! 😂 I might've missed a few out. There are pros and cons mixed up in these. But overall there's nothing bad at all about being single. You completely have all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want and not have you're partner stress you about not doing anything they don't want you to do. Enjoy! ❤
So, I once stayed celebate (single) on purpose for around 5 years. The first year was just getting used to not having someone in my life to care about and buy flowers, gifts , kiss hug and say love you to. It got easier and my physical needs manifested in very vivid dreams, that was interesting. It also seems like a rule of nature that when we stop seeking partnerships is when people take notice. I'm not sure if its body language or what. Regardless , I missed having the person whom I loved being close. It sometimes was liberating like when I seen couples in all out war w one another. But, mostly I am the type of guy that likes partnerships, loving, hugging , holding hands and all the things that are perks of having someone in love w you. Eventually, I started to pay attention to the girls I knew and were in my life. I love having someone to care about to love trust be faithful and to be faithful to. Sometime, we as a species too smart for our own good need to back up from relationships for a while to figure out what we need and to focus on ourselves. We can not be good partners if we can not see our own faults and can not love ourselves. Sometimes, we need to have solitude for our mental and emotional health.
My last girlfriend hadn't had a relationship in quite some time- wasn't clear to me if it was 9 years or a little less. Where that turned out to be a problem is that she had gotten used to being single and everyone around her had as well, so I don't think she fully appreciated me (certainly her very provincial friends and sister did not in the least). It also didn't help that she had no experience in living with a boyfriend and had been living with her father for eight years.
Hearing about your situation, I wonder if, to an extent, something similar might apply, e. g., that you are comfortable and content with your life to the extent that a boyfriend would almost seem like an imposition. I also get the impression from previous comments you've made that you have put up a huge moat around your heart to protect yourself and I wonder if you'd be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable emotionally, which is a must in a relationship.
"I wonder if, to an extent, something similar might apply, e. g., that you are comfortable and content with your life to the extent that a boyfriend would almost seem like an imposition." Pretty much, yes sir.
At this stage in my life and being single for this long, getting into a relationship seems more like a burden than a good thing. And the whole dating process: finding someone that even wants to date me, dealing with the games and nonsense of meeting someone and figuring out if he's the right guy or not. I'm just... tired of it.
Add years of bad luck with your gender, and honestly, I'm not in the mood for dealing with men outside of friendship. It ALWAYS leads to disappointment for me, and I'm kind of sick of it. So I'm just enjoying my life as is for now. If the right man comes along to prove me wrong, I won't be opposed to give him a chance. But am I actively looking? NO.
okay. sorry to jump in on your conversation but i am just reading the respectful way you both just spoke to each other and the honesty? wow. i love this site. thank you both for that. and you didn't even know i was here and learning. so thank you.
i would just have to agree? like i'd marry her in a heartbeat and we've never even spoken. but her heart's on her sleeve - she is really wide open. and beautiful! so ya - me and you Avicenna standing in the corner shaking our heads. got any gum or something?
well you are very special and you treat others very nicely! i think yer a bag and a half of chips (that's a saying we say to say someone who is sweet and kind!)!
I went that long or longer without dating. maybe it's different for a woman, but it's really about you putting for effort and taking the risk.
con - you don't really grow emotionally as you aren't challenged so much pro - only have to deal with yourself and that's a lot easier and more flexible in choices you make.
But aren't there other ways to emotionally grow outside of being in a relationship? Not disagreeing with you, I just feel there are other ways to attain emotional maturity outside of dating or having a partner.
There's no such thing (as being single for too long). :D It's great to be with that special someone but if we haven't found him, there no reason why we can't be our own best company. There's something to be said for being single: we have the freedom to do what we want when we want, we don't have to worry about someone else, etc. It's wonderful to find someone who's a good person and is caring/considerate towards us, but (as it says in Josette Sona's free ebooks), there aren't enough good guys out there. They may seem good in the beginning of a relationship, but their true character comes out eventually and if it isn't good, the drama and pain we go through isn't worth it. In those circumstances, we end up alone anyway (or we have children to support/raise on our own). Staying single doesn't seem so bad, when considering the possible alternative. I am single and I am content. :)
I've been single for a little over 2 years. I was torn because I didn't see the breakup coming. But looking back, it was a blessing in disguise. I've bettered my career, started my own business, and everything I own is nice and new. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Hell, I even signed a 6 month lease with someone last fall who is a mutual friend to my best friend to help her out because she was in a tough place and I wanted a vacation home in that area, and she screwed me over big time. I knew that was my wake-up call that I still need to focus on myself, and myself only.
in my opinion, either one of two things. when you stay single for a long period you are more likey to get lengthy'er body count with either dating that just dont last or hook ups that lead to nothing. if you stay alone alone then you become stuck in your own ways. your probably the type of person to not consider other peoples feelings or you never take accountablty. there's usually a bad reason why one stays single and become single up in their 50s. (wow thatd suck) and its usually has to do with negative personality traits like having a temper or being selfish. now i did say "usually" because dont get me wrong there are acceptions.
I've never had a relationship or girlfriend in general, so been single for my entire life. I would assume it just makes you more independent, relying on others less (which may or may not be good for the other person, as it could make them fell like you don't "need" them).
Could also skew your thoughts of others/relationships in general if negative about being single.
That said, it can save some money in the short term (dating), but cost more money in the long term (single vs. marriage) due to 1 income.
I am most definitely not "content", resigned would be a better word for it. I would like to date, I would like to find the right person but I can never seem to find them (either they flake or they see me as a plan b (common for women my age who are single sadly).
Resigned. Yes, I like that word and it's suiting for most of us, especially in our age range. Unfortunately the older you get, the harder it is to find serious, good partners worth your time and effort.
That is very true. For me I find women that are just desperate not to be single and like I said, I don't want to be a plan B or C I want them to actually care about me and that's hard to find. That combined with my economic situation (poor as hell) at my age their are not many prospective women interested in me. So I am resigned, I want a relationship and if I find a woman who is suitable (same values, actually wants me) then I will gladly take that but its not seeming like its a likely scenario so I have to just accept that fact.
@Cynicaldreamer For me, I can lower the minimum age barrier. Maximum distance for me is 17 years, my new girlfriend has a distance of 14 years to me now.
@Cynicaldreamer So for you, raise the upper limit to similar amount, means try to find a male ~50 years old. They do exist but sometimes became selfish/cynical as humans tend to become "hard-headed" when they turn older and older. Yes, a good non-hard-headed male is rare. Most are married away for a very long time.
Same as you , far prefer it , officially single for over 5 years and technically single for a couple more years , I lived under the same roof as my ex wife , but lived separately in reality , I had enough of her and her constant foul mood , complaining , blaming and on top of that , carrying her fat lazy arse !! I have no desire to even date , not remotely bitter , nothing at all negative towards women , I have a daughter to raise after all , just the thought of enduring another relationship makes me shudder !! Also helped by the fact my Male Curse has faded to insignificant levels & I am happy with what solitude I get , FT working single dad , so have plenty else to focus on. Good job too , as no woman wants a single dad... and don't blame them , even though my 2 are teens and do their own thing more now.
Cute children in your profile! You must be proud of them. I'm a proud, but separated dad, too. Good for you of having your blaming now-ex wife out of your life!
The consequences of being single for "too long" are low self-esteem, cynicism, bitterness, over self-reliance, loneliness, suicide, feelings of self-doubt, lack of intimacy, jealousy, people pressing you on why you've been single, and spending too much time on this site.
But the pros are never getting cheated on, never having to deal with another person's bullshit, the sweet freedom of doing whatever you want, more money, no in-laws, never having to buy gifts and remember anniversaries, and never feeling like you settled for less than you deserve.
The only 2 cons I agree with are maybe loneliness and too much time on this site. I do agree with your pros but I would add all the rest of your negatives to the pro column
Depends what your view is, i've found it far harder to get back to dating the longer i've been single. When I was dating if a relationship ended I was right back in the market, but it reached a point where work consumed my life and ended my last real relationship and i'm now around 7 years single. I've personally always hated it, i'm soppy and love to be in love. I see no benefits to being single besides alone time which I could probably get even in a relationship. I don't see no strings encounters as just wasting everyones time and not fulfilling nor challenging. I kind of worry that i'll become somewhat desperate and want to settle which I really don't want to do... i'm still young but I still imagined being further along in life.
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