Girls do you prefer a guy to "cold approach" or to warm approach?

[Adam_INTJ]

I consider a cold approach to be when a guy expresses romantic interest upon meeting a stranger.
My general idea of a cold approach opening introduction goes something like "Hi, I'm [name]. This is kind of random, but I thought that you were cute and wanted to meet you." Followed by a conversation (if she's interested to get to know him) or some reason that she needs to leave/rejection (if she's not interested in getting to know him).

I consider a warm approach to be when a guy expresses romantic interest AFTER becoming acquainted with the girl a bit first (maybe over the course few minutes, maybe across the course of a few days or more).

Which do you prefer?

Guys, I'd also love to hear about your experiences in using these approaches.

I strongly dislike both approaches

I prefer the cold approach

I prefer the warm approach

I feel equally about both approaches

Poll results

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

When I've been involved in the pickup scene in the past, my results came mostly from cold approach, but i dated one girl from a warmer approach, and another girl i briefly dated after she pursued me initially over facebook messages (we had a mutual friend). The cold approach definitely failed more than it succeeded. But i didn't really learn any other way of approaching. So i dont have a 'control group' to compare against. So i can't establish cause and effect. Was my success rate low BECAUSE of the cold approach itself, or was there some other aspect of my behaviour/ actions/ mindset? So i guess the ideal is to test both approaches as a split test of sorts. Ie: do both cold and warm approaches, and measure for any significant differences in results.

I like cold approach because it shows confidence and cuts through all the pretense. This was big for me, coz in my teen years i was very insecure to show interest in a girl. I just crushed on girls from a distance. But the warm approach has merit, IF you're sincere in wanting to just socialise and "see if there's a connection". You can start out social then flip to more flirtatious. I think its dictated about 50% by the environment/situation (eg: cold approach if she's passing on the street and its "now or never"; warm approach if she's drinking shots with friends at a bar). And its also dictated another 50% by your own intentions in the moment (eg: cold approach if you're instantly smitten or strongly attracted to something in her appearance, movement, behavior, character, etc; warm approach if you think she looks interesting but you're not totally "sold" yet; or just approach her friend group as a whole if they appear sociable and you're out to meet new people and enioy yourself)

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Having said all that, adaptability is a universally desirable trait [in context of mating psychology] so you should be able to adapt to each situation-- or at least, be willing to try.

[Dongtai]

In my experience there isn’t a 100% effective approach. I use warm approach on girls I see regularly so it’s not completely random and she doesn’t feel “trapped” if she has to reject me. I make sure we’ve had a few conversations over a few weeks so she’s comfortable with me and knows I’m not “a bad guy”. So if she does reject me she won’t feel bad or in danger. It severely reduces how awkward it can get unless one of you are incredibly immature.

Cold approach (my favorite) is what I use on girls I probably will never see again. Why I use it?

Speed. Cold approach communicates to a girl why I’m talking to her without any bs.

“Hey, sorry if I’m putting you on the spot. But I noticed you while I was walking and wanted to meet you. You’re very pretty. Do you have a few minutes?”

Keep it simple and light. Don’t try to hard with compliments because it could come off as creepy or “try hard”. With three sentences I’ve communicated that I’m attracted to her and that I want to meet her but also I’m confident enough to do it.

[Dongtai]

Most girls agree that confidence is attractive. Warm approach seems very weasily in my opinion. I don’t like feeling like I’m lying to a girl and “tricking” her into conversation. Warm approach should be done on people who have to see you on a weekly basis like classmates and coworkers. The point is to warm them up to you so they don’t feel threatened or trapped. Girls get intimidated way more easily than guys. Not knowing what that random guy you had to reject in class will do to you isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. So I warm them up and get on a friendly basis with them first.

But with girls you’ll never see again? Warm approach is a waste of time. Just shoot the shot. There will be plenty of other chances. Be a gentleman, but be clear. Take rejection with tact and dismiss yourself with class. Treat the ones who say yes like humans not trophies.

In my experience. If you speak to women like human beings and just be honest with your intentions, most will either politely reject you or will be flattered and welcome your company. There is no one trick method. Be yourself, be respectfully honest.

[SueShe]

I personally don't like either one because both types of approaches are unfortunately coupled with very defined intentions that you call "romantic".

But you and I know very well what the term "romantic" means. It is basically nothing more than an attempt to get under a girl's skirts by approaching her, regardless of the temperature.

Why can't people of the opposite gender not talk without lewd intentions in the background? Why always put the "romantic" into every situation?

What I am missing in those attempts by guys (and perhaps girls) is an approach that is not dictated by the hormone peaks but solely by the intellect or personality of that target person.

[akihon]

Ok so then tell me, you've gotten to know somebody over a few weeks and you find them attractive, what then given that you've said you don't like any romantic intentions in an approach. You now find yourself in that very situation, so what now

[SueShe]

@akihon The thing is that I would never let myself go to that extend as I am not into being romantic. As I said, being romantic is usually not enough for a number of guys, they usually want to be deep in...

[akihon]

Ok so we all know what the question relates to, that romantic is an euphemism for sex. Let's behave like grown ups then. So given that then I assume that through some magic that if you want to have sex with somebody you don't speak nor touch just blink your eyes and then wake up the following morning and hey presto you've had sex, now of course if that isn't the case then obviously there is some form of communication involved which means at some point you are going to express your desire to somebody and your expect that they would in turn do likewise. Of course if your the kind of person who never eve engages in any form of sexual activity then why post an answer other than to do some form of virtue signalling

[SueShe]

@akihon I post a reply to indicate that not everyone share the same opinion and that there are people that swim against the current and dare to think differently than the mainstream.

[akihon]

Ok then so empty virtue signalling then and adding nothing of consequence to the conversation

[Adam_INTJ]

Why assume that romantic means lewd? I'm a Christian, so when I'm talking about being romantic, I'm talking about emotional intimacy, not sex. I'm not going to have sexual activity until I'm married.

[akihon]

And that's fair enough, to be honest I thought the same thing, it was however where SueShe was going with her response so in that context that was where I was going with my question of her point

[SueShe]

@Adam_INTJ, If you are being honest with yourself, then sooner or later, this platonic emotional intimacy will degenerate into a physical one, come hell or high water.

Guys are just not made to stay "romantic" their entire life. I am not buying that type of bovine dung. I have witnessed it enough here on GAG what guys see in a girl they have "romantic feelings" for and since you are an Xpert level 6, you know it just as well, right?

You may be Christian but your hormones are not religious when it comes to the nitty gritty.

[Adam_INTJ]

onal intimacy is not necessarily platonic.
It's quite common in Christian circles for emotional intimacy to develop and result in a marriage proposal before sex.

I'd suggest that you actually talk with Christian guys before lumping their motivations in with the guys who have the "as long as it doesn't hurt anybody" morality of sex.

If you want to look in the long term, yes emotion I intimacy is for physical intimacy, but this is not necessarily true on a scale of months of a relationship.

Hormones are a powerful influence, but they do not dictate behavior. They can be resisted. There are a number of examples of this. Even dieting and stress management are some.

Teo of my best (male, Christian) friends are actually ending their relationships because of their conviction about how they've enabled them to sin sexually--even defying the blue-balled hormone withdrawl.

[SueShe]

@Adam_INTJ Pardon my ignorance but what is "onal", the first word in your last reply? the computer failed to return a result.

As for suppressing hormonal influence, I am a specialist on that subject and I have successfully managed to suppress those useless hormonal peaks.

Now, you go and ask any guy here on GAG and most will reply that they do not want to be the master of their hormones since they basically live for the sole purpose to misuse them, mainly in younger adult years.

From my experience on GAG, which is a very good mirror of our totally screwed up society, guys are INDEED slaves of their hormones and show less than no willingness to try to dominate them. My entire reply is based on that sad fact.

[akihon]

SueShe your over generalising and entire section of humanity, would it help to know that women enjoy sex more than men, often they want it more and search for opportunities to have sex more than men, a few recent studies have shown that's the case, also when it comes to marriage women are twice as likely as men to have an affair and because, according to the study women are trusted more than men, also more likely to get away with it because of this trust perception they have.

Sadly then I think your very wrong about who is controlled by hormones, also it isn't men who have a period defense when being tried for crimes. It's also an issue for you to consider which is that women are the fastest growing section of the population for sex offences in the west particularly female teachers abusing you g boys. Now maybe you want to rethink your stance

[SueShe]

@akihon Your thoughts when your partner doesn't want you, sexually? ↗

[akihon]

You find one post and what try to justify that applies to everyone, well done you've just shot your entire argument.

[SueShe]

@akihon No, I have an experience on GAG that is at least as extensive as yours and I see what kind of replies those guys here post.

You know just as well as I do that GAG and its members is a very good sample of what happens in real life. Our society is totally screwed up and you know that too but just don't want to admit it. That's all.

[Adam_INTJ]

I had meant to say "Emotional intimacy."

You're still generalizing all men into one category of being submissive to biologically influenced whims.
Sure, most men in the U. S. (or at least my area) are like that, but that's not simply to say "Men have this quality, no exceptions."

Consider your feelings of if I projected my experience with Evangelical, Christian women on to everyone. It would be a huge miss. You can only speak to your experience, and even then selective memory makes your experience misremembered as well.

[GreatnessBack]

Honestly, what people call romance is sexual urges and a longing to be loved by the one you're fucking.

[SueShe]

@GreatnessBack yes, except in this context, the person that is being approached is a stranger and not somebody you are intimate with.

And that is the entire problem. people have those urges regardless of whom they are in a relation with and having intercourse with. That is the sad reality.

[akihon]

SueShe well of course the person being approached is a stranger, are you saying that for every encounter with every person when meeting them for the first time you know all there is to know about somebody of course not that's ridiculous and very disengenuos a statement to make buy that's what you are saying. I wonder then just how you expect people to meet with each other if one does not approach the other.

[SueShe]

@akihon You can approach a person normally, neither cold nor warm and just be casual with them and not thinking of the best way to get intimate with them already during the initial approach.

You can go to pick up bars or places that people go for the purpose to be hit on if you want to initiate a temperature regulated approach.

[akihon]

Of course you can but according to your assessment of all males whether or not you approach to initiate some form of sexual relationship is irrelevant as all males want that anyway regardless of the time and place or the circumstances of meeting. You're destroying you own argued now. Well done

[SueShe]

@akihon Destroying nothing at all.

It is just sad that males in general (with perhaps a few exceptions), are being ruled by their hormones and that everything always M-U-S-T revolve around that topic of how to get as many body counts as possible. They see only the genitals in a girl and not the human being behind it.

It is like a leitmotif. It is sick and it is abject to know that as a female, we are only seen as expandable goods, targets and trophies.

[J2ohhhhh]

You sound stupid as shit, I don't know how can you expect anyone to initiate anything intellectual with you.

[SueShe]

@J2ohhhhh hmm, when I look at your picture, I am wondering if you are high on glue. That would explain a number of things.

[J2ohhhhh]

I have my bad moments when I'm on glue I can admit that, but you just simply dumb due to genetics and lack of education.

[SueShe]

@J2ohhhhh That's right and that is why I am studying...

[J2ohhhhh]

So it isn't men's fault that you're 19 and haven't yet had the opportunity to place yourself in an intellectual environment.

[GreatnessBack]

I don't think it's sad. That's like saying the breeze blowing is sad.
It is what it is.
If you want to change it, go right ahead.
I tried when I was your age, and realized that nothing was broken.

[Jamie05rhs]

What Adam said.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, @SueShe not everyone is asexual like you are.

[SueShe]

@Jamie05rhs I see you join the ranks of those gossip queens and kings. Welcome!

[Jamie05rhs]

@SueShe how am I gossipping?

[SueShe]

@J2ohhhhh That's correct but if I want to level with you, I would have to take a huge plunge to get down to your IQ level. I am not willing to humiliate myself to do something like that.

[Dongtai]

Imagine this. Just for a second.

Imagine a guy wanting to sleep with you AND wanting to know who you are beyond a physical level. Imagine a guy taking the time to talk to you, spend time learning who you are and why AND being sexually attracted to you.

That’s very possible and most of the fine the case. I’ll be very honest. If I’m approaching a woman I don’t know 9/10 times I find her sexually attractive. But the entire point of me trying to date said girl is to see if I’d want anything more than sex. Do we get along platonically, is she my type, am I her type, how similar are we, how different are we, do I enjoy being around her when sex is not on the table. All important things to learn. This is why I date. To get to know a woman. Sex usually happens naturally. I don’t go in expecting it but yes, the idea of it is what draws me to a woman just like the majority of sexual creatures.

Ladies. Most men who are interested in you more than a friend does want to have sex with you. It doesn’t make us bad or slimey. Sex is how we’re here. It’s in most of our natures. Please get over it. Most of us aren’t going to force you to lay with us. When a woman rejects me I move on. I don’t curse her out or get mad. I move on. I respect you and myself.

My main thing is don’t see me as just a guy “who wants sex”.
Look at me as a guy who wants someone to laugh and talk with, someone who’s had his heartbroken and wants to be loved, a man with dreams, fears and insecurities. I want sex but sex isn’t all I want. Please stop looking at men as sex hunters. It’s deeper than that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Dongtai That was very well said, my friend. I agree with most of everything you said there.

The only difference between you and I, of course, is that you would have sex before marriage while I wouldn't. But I respect our differences, and I don't think you're a bad person by any means.

[Dongtai]

Yeah sex is way too important to me to wait until marriage. That’s one of the biggest ways I communicate my love. God forbid I wait just to find out we aren’t sexually compatible. That would be enough to end my marriage. I respect those who choose to wait though. It just isn’t for me.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Dongtai I want to respond to that but I won't rehash our old debate lol. This isn't my thread anyway.

[Dongtai]

@Jamie05rhs I can’t even recall what we debated about.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Dongtai That's okay; don't worry about it haha.

[Adam_INTJ]

My idea of being romantic is that a couple shares their feelings and thoughts openly with each other, show each other care and affection, and have not ruled out marriage as a future possibility.

I personally am very non-sexual in romance because I'm a Christian and see premarital sex as a sin.

And I also care about way more than just looks. That's only one of multiple deal-breakers. My deal breakers are:
1. She's not Christian
2. She's left leaning politically
3. She's non intellectual/doesn't really ponder abstract ideas
4. Doesn't respect me.
5. Her personality irritates me
6. Takes most disagreements personally.
7. I'm not sexually attracted to her.

Sexual attractions the first thing I notice (being christian/conservative isn't as outwardly obvious), and is perhaps the thing that I'm most excited about initially, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to jump into bed with her and violate my beliefs.

Don't assume. You just make an ass of yourself.

[Anoniemus]

I have no issue with either. I find it more interesting if a man cold approaches, because that tells me something about him already (his confidence).

It's wise, though, to become friends with someone first and then ask them out... but what happens if she rejects? Do you slink off into the abyss or continue the relationship?

[Kaazsz]

Either that or he’s just read the red pill and is manipulating you. Can you tell the difference?

[Anoniemus]

There are ways to tell if he is.

[4mazing]

I've heard many guys recommend the "I just had to come over" routine - I presume it's a standard PUA script. It sounds a bit cringey to me TBH. Probably because it is scripted. So yeah, I am more a fan of just saying hi and running your mouth and seeing what comes out. I have gotten some numbers and some dates this way years ago, but I didn't really have much in common with the girls, which is probably unsurprising, since they were chosen based on looks/aura.

I think you're more likely to meet a good match by taking part in lots of social activities (that interest you).

[DiscomfortZone]

Wow! Could you believe that women, whose only role in this is to have boobs and a vagina and wait to be approached, prefer that guys waste their time on them and give them some attention before they reject them (i. e. "the warm approach"). Isn't that just shocking? It's almost as if they don't care about our time and emotions, only their attention whoring! The "cold" approach is the one and only rational and reasonable option. Either she's interested and worth your time, or she isn't - and isn't. Simple as that.

[Adam_INTJ]

I don't pay heed to the MGTOW bubble.

[DiscomfortZone]

Ofc not. What about the feminazi one? Is that one okay, or are you not that much of a hypocrite?
Oh, and I'm a husband and father, you doufus :) So much for your perception.

[Adam_INTJ]

Well your cynicism about women's intentions sounds like it come directly from the MGTOW and incel people.

Give them some credit, we all want a bit of attention and to feel significant.

[DiscomfortZone]

That's what it might sound like to certain people who are no better.
And I give credit only where it's due.

[octoberbabe]

I like the cold approach better although either could work. The relationships that ensued after the cold approach were very passionate, open, honest. I liked that those guys were bold and wanted to tell me they found me attractive right away. It didn’t mean that pure attraction was all we liked about each other, but it was almost an easy place to start and grow from.

[arabgoddess]

I don't mind either way.. It depends on the guys personality. I feel the cold approach can appear quite desperate from some guys.. I've had that experience! My marriage was based on the cold approach but wasn't successful in the long term.
What I know now is that I find the warm approach relationship lasts longer ☺ and most likely look out for that!

[RATETUI]

Both of those are considered cold approaches. Warm approach is when the woman at least acknowledges your existance. Even if you run up on someone, and pretend to ask for directions before asking her out, that's still a cold approach. Either way, you're not going to get results. I observe people in public a lot, and see a lot of pick up artists in action. None have ever gotten anywhere

[Hurlyburly]

Warm approuch, but definitely not after just a few days, not to mention minutes. A few months or years seem more suitable in my opinion. That way I can at least know that he likes me for me and doesn't just ask out of the blue.

[Jamie05rhs]

No one is going to wait years to ask you out. That's just not logical. What if you say no? People have lives, you know. You're not the only woman in the world. (I don't mean any disrespect.)

[Hurlyburly]

@Jamie05rhs umm my boyfriend did. It's not about "waiting a few years". Feelings can develop over time.

[Adam_INTJ]

I don't see why you should respect a man who won't be honest and upfront with you about his intentions.

[Hurlyburly]

As I said, feelings develop over time. Can happen after a month, can happen after 2 years.

[Adam_INTJ]

But would you give him your number to see where things go?

[505error]

I prefer when a guy just says hi and asks how I am. I hate it when he'd say "this is random but I thought you were cute and blablabla". That's just cringy. I'd hate the warm approach even more. So neither.

[Adam_INTJ]

Ironically, you just described the warm approach. Asking how you are, and then getting into a conversation is a way of becoming acquainted

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Is it not equally contrived to hide behind small talk? I've always felt its disingenuous to not let someone know right away why I'm talking to them. Of course sometimes conversation can strike up naturally, maybe coz of something happening in the environment (eg: "woah that guy is on fire, crazy!"). But lets be honest how often does the situation provide a natural conversation topic?

If someone comes up to me and just makes random small talk, I'd either think they're just bored and passing time, or they want something from me. But who knows maybe more girls are like you and enjoy the random chit chat to test the waters

[Boredoftrivialshiiit]

Cold for sure. I hate playing the schroedinger's cat game where you know what theyre doing but they pretend to not understand until finally one side has enough and gets straight

[Adam_INTJ]

What if he had a typical introductory conversation with you first, but then mentioned that he'd like to see you again and asked for your number? Is that clear enough for you?

[Boredoftrivialshiiit]

In that case yes. If we had an actually interesting conversation. If I was just being polite but looking for a way out during the whole interaction it was basically a waste of time.

[Adam_INTJ]

Which seems better to you: the interesting conversation scenario followed by asking for your number, or Expressing interest right off the bat? How strong is your preference between the two?

[Boredoftrivialshiiit]

Probably express interest first so I can guage the convo from there. But i get that sometimes we might strike up a conversation with no initial intention and things just flow together.

[SarahsSummer]

since they can both take place "over the course of a few minutes", Are you essentially asking if we want the opening line to be I think you're cute vs saying hi and then saying I think your cute? Either of these scenarios is fine with me.

[Prof_Don]

A warm approach is so ingenuine and phony.

Don’t pretend to want to be friends with her!

Plus while the guy is being a lying weak punkass with his intentions... some other guy who is honest about his intentions may snatch her up!

[Adam_INTJ]

I've been doing the cold approach. It sucks.
The warm approach has a couple benefits on the guy's end:
1. He doesn't need to go through the awkwardness of expressing interest before he's comfortable with it.
2. He gets to learn If he likes the girl's personality, values, intelligence, lifestyle etc. without having to pay for or schedule dates.
3. He is rejected less often (as shown by the poll results).

[Fallenangel249]

If your going for the warm approach, you have to be very careful. There is a time in the relationship when things become completely platonic and it's unlikely that they will move past that, so if you want to do the warm approach express romantic interest shortly after you become acquainted.

[loveslongnails]

I can't vote for any of the approaches because I don't think either one is particularly cold. The first one obviously has to be delivered more delicately, but as long as it doesn't sound like you're an outright sexual player, it's workable.

[Adam_INTJ]

Cold and warm is just terminology. I've thought of it being "cold" in the sense of how people refer going "cold turkey"--like, sudden

[loveslongnails]

oh... I see.

[Screenwriter]

Either approach can work according to how well it's done and how receptive the person being approached is at the time.

[purplepoppy]

The cold approach is used by guys who just want a girlfriend and anyone will do.

[Adam_INTJ]

A cold approach is for guys who want a date.

A date does not mean relationship. It can mean ghosting.

[bellapizza]

The cold approach seems more appropriate and respectful the other one seems like he is desperate lol

[Adam_INTJ]

Oh my, you seem to have a lot of people disagreeing. Could I get your thoughts on why so many others feel differently?

[bellapizza]

I guess because i don't know him soo i don't like his getting to comfortable

[Kyze404]

Sorry but I really gotta ask, what exactly is desperate in the warm approach?

[bellapizza]

Depends on how he does the "warm" approach like him saying you have a nice ass let me have your number lol

[Adam_INTJ]

That's actually more like the cold approach. Cold is more sudden. Warm is longer.

I tend to see the longer, warm approach as desperate because it's almost exclusively what manipulstive "nice guys" use--being nice and pretending to be your friend for years just to try to win your affection and probably sex. It's often to avoid outright rejection.

[elite665]

Cole approach rarely leads to a relationship in my experience the girl will act interested give you there number etc then never meet u again

[GreatnessBack]

Cold approaches are for the ONS.

[Mickey9999]

Either one seem pretty straightforward which is refreshing

[serious]

I think a woman would like both cold and warm approaches.

[Meatunnel69]

Cold approach is the rapey impatient tactless approach.
Girls need to be swooned gently like picking a lock. It’s “slide into dm’s” not “kick her door down and force her to dms”

[producer]

Cold approaching only works if ur hot and dont look creepy. Warm approach is always better at least

[Hayttp1580]

Feeling like a piece of meat isn’t very nice.

[Adam_INTJ]

Could you expand on that? I didn't reference hooking up, so I'm not sure what you're describing that to.

[Hayttp1580]

Being overly obvious that’s your interested isn’t nice and girls know the difference

[Adam_INTJ]

Know the difference between what?

[Darknut]

Can a woman really pickup on if you like her not? This woman happens to be my meal ticket.. I've been noticing some behavior change lately. I know shouldn't entertain it and i know all the pitfalls and perils and the apparent taboo of a workplace but really I think she likes me.

[GreatnessBack]

Damn right, I want to feel like the WHOLE meat!!!

[Darknut]

@GreatnessBack feeling like a piece of meat who said anything like that? People putting thoughts and words in their mouths when there wasn't I don't think, an issue to begin with? 😒

[Jamie05rhs]

"the whole meat" LOL. That's actually pretty deep if you think about it. And I agree.

[Anonymous]

Most women hate men and don't want them to talk to them at all.

[Nikki1989]

I don't know, surprise me. Either is OK.

[Adam_INTJ]

Why assume that romantic means lewd? I'm a Christian, so when I'm talking about being romantic, I'm talking about emotional intimacy, not sex. I'm not going to have sexual activity until I'm married.

[Adam_INTJ]

Ih shoot, that reply was for someone else.

[Gatman34]

Guys need to quit chasing at all

[Dinklex3]

I prefer warm approach :)

[Dnice1]

Warm of course! The warmer the better!

[CT_CD]

They like both if the guy is hot

[ArmyBlink]

I really prefer the cold approah

[Alex_988_2]

so you would fuck any guy casually?

[Jamie05rhs]

No one said anything about fucking, @Alex_988_2 .

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, she's 13. Have some respect.

[Adam_INTJ]

Yeah alex, chill the fuck out

[Alex_988_2]

@Jamie05rhs i didn't see her age...
but anyway @ArmyBlink can answer

[larrylaz]

It all depends on the mode and the type of gal.

[SeanshterMonster]

The hell are those?