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Your man is right. You are wrong here.
You are not wrong in your feelings. You are not wrong about trying to communicate and express yourself. You are not wrong by trying to tell him what he is doing wrong. This is a GOOD THING.
The way you are going about it is very wrong and very disrespectful of your boyfriend.
As a guy who has dated a lot of women. Anytime a woman you are dating starts bring up other guys or comparing you to other guys... it is a HUGE RED FLAG that a) the relationship is near its end or b) she has subconscious thoughts of cheating or fucking another guy.
Here is my advice to you. Because if you really truly care for this guy this can easily be fixed and cleared up.
1) Understand that there is emotion and you guys are fighting. This is a GOOD thing because it actually means there is real love and affection that exists in the relationship. If you guys didn't care that would be very very bad. but you do care.
2) Never compare you man to any other guy. EVER.
3) Immediately talk to this guy IN PERSON and NOT over text and tell him you are sorry about talking about other guys. Tell him he is the only guy you are thinking about.
4) Tell you man the positives about him. What is it that you like about him sexually AND personality wise?
5) Use "I feel..." statements to talk about why you are upset with him.
for example: "When you do x__ I feel like you don't care about me."
"When you dont do x___ it doesn't turn me on as much during sex."
"When you say x___ It really hurts my feelings and makes me lose attraction."
6) When you guys fight make sure you tell him you want to take turns talking. Dont talk over each other. He should allow you to talk without interruption completely. Then you sit there and listen to him talk without interruption.
7) If the argument doesn't get resolved. Kiss each other or have sex anyway. Then maybe go out for a pizza or something. Both of you need to understand that you care for each other and even if you are mad it is a safe space to express feelings without feeling you will be abandoned.
1.) He's right
2.) You're right
The issue is in your delivery. You're comparing him and give him shining examples. Stop it.
"I would appreciate it if you just text me more often, little things like that mean the world to me."
is a far cry from,
"You should text me more. Other men go out of their way to make time to text their girlfriends/my ex would text me every single morning, why can't you?"
Both statements above address the same issue, the 2nd one is comparing him to other guys. That's not cool.
But you have another issue now. You can certainly change your delivery, but it won't help right now because he has a body of history of you saying it. So mentally, he'll just finish the sentence with what you meant in his mind.
The damage is done.
Your only shot at repairing this is to apologize to him for doing this. This doesn't mean that you concede your arguments, but you are apologizing for how you approached him.
You make the apology the main topic, don't combine it with anything. You do this because you want to let him know that you acknowledge your mistake and you're addressing it. Tell him how you'll voice your displeasure going forward.
Again, I didn't say you let the issues you were addressing go, they are still valid issues for you, but you do so without comparing.
He's probably thinking the same like some guys reading this, "Then go date those guys!"
You don't want him thinking that, you want him focused on the issue at hand in the relationship. So don't introduce distractions.
And if he still can't do it afterwards? Let him go. You need a more attentive guy.
Be safe and good luck.
Ooooh, girl, that's not the way to go about it.
Whether you know it or not, you're trying to coerce, pressure him, into rising up to the level of other men that you do like. You're comparing him, thus, making him feel worthless, or less worthy.
Don't neg him. Think about how children and pets learn about what constitutes good behaviour, and to be better, to be a part of a family. Treat him as an individual, not something you measure against others.
You can tell him what he is doing is hurting you. But also... this is a classic, ever-present difference between men and women, and especially between young people who are starting out dating and trying to assimilate with each other in relationships. What may hurt you may not be things which he sees as being hurtful - as in, an action that he is doing. He could be careless, selfish, reckless, and not be taking your feelings and opinions into account. Or, he could be just being a regular, fairly typical guy. And in guy world (esp when young) they don't get in trouble nearly as often with guy friends, as they do with their girlfriends. So whatever the details are, you might have to both meet in the middle to figure this out.
Commend him for what is good about him, what you do like/love about him. Try to overlook the small things which you don't like. And for the larger issues, yes, you can say something. But it's best to stay away from some 'standard' that he is not living up to. You might say to him (gently, in a non-demanding or high-pitched voice kind of way) "This is really bothering me, and I really feel I have to say something. I understand we're different. I'm trying to compromise. But it's not something I think I can just ignore, and I don't want any bitterness or resentment to come out in other ways. I'm trying to be direct with you, not to nag you. Can you understand where I'm coming from?"
you shouldn't compare the person you're with to someone else or other men, no matter the gender, like a girl shouldn't compare her boyfriend and a guy shouldn't compare his girlfriend, because that would give them the wrong idea or make them think that they're not good enough for you, the way that they are
Opinion
24Opinion
Don't try to change/save people. It doesn't work, it just makes them feel as if they are being attacked. They will withdraw from you.
If you can't tolerate the behavior just leave, if you care for him and still want him to change his ways, tell him why, but DO NOT TELL HIM HOW. Telling him how to change will only reinforce his negative thoughts about you. You may give advice if he asks for it.
Stop bringing up other men! Simple as that. Learn to communicate your feelings, wishes and needs in a more productive way. Nobody likes to be vompared to other people. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it either if he was always telling you how this and that woman/ex of his did this and that so much better than you. He’s absolutely right that you are ruining your relationship with your behavior right now.
Stop comparing him with other men..
This shit hurts men very much...
Imagine if a guy.. Starts comparing your face, your neck, your hairs you boobs your ass with different celebrities and say that.. Those celebrities look better..
Don't do that..
Explain to him what he is doing wrong and what is right thing to do...
But don't compare him to other men..
not cool. It sounds like you are ruining the relationship. You shouldn’t be bringing up other men and comparing them to him right to his face. Thats toxic behavior. You can suggest to him to do things without bringing up other guys!
How would you feel if your boyfriend were to tell you that your friends are more sexually attractive to him than you are?
That's the equivalent. In his mind you're saying that those other guys are more attractive to you than he is.
You can bring these things up you don't like without talking about other men at all.
Thats really something we men don't like. My parents are a good example: always my dad messes something up my mother tells him: *some other male* would have done this without any issue. And my dad hates that.
I understand it hurts someones ego, you wish that person would be someone else and that hurts him, thinking he's not good enough for you
It doesn't help communication or a relationship to bring up other men, as it's comparing his faults to what they did right. No guy likes that. Just as no girl likes having their faults, compared to how good his past girlfriends did things.
You picked him because he does those thing's. What you want him to be a beta male bitch and act like your beta male friend's who kiss your ass all day? He's not like those other guys and he doesn't have to be, he still get's the girls and that's because he doesn't listen to bullshit.
Well, how would you feel if he compares you with his ex girlfriends using every little detail he doesn't like about you?
You can talk about things that hurt you in a respecful way without bringing other people into the matter.
My ex-girlfriend did this once. I told her to go and date him then and broke up with her then and there. She apologised and tried getting me back but I told her to go fuck herself. Never compare your man to other men.
You mean, why can't you be more like "Craig" type of stuff?
Becca's boyfriend does such and such for her, why can't you do that?
Pffffttt, oh man, if this isn't a troll post, just keep doing what you're doing, serving as a cautionary tale.
Well if you bring up other man I'd just send you to them if they are so good at doing what you expect from me.
i would dump your ass if i was him. So go be with the other guys lol. He needs to man up and tell you to fck off.
Leave other men out of it. If you have an issue with HIM, then state your concerns. Just be direct. It's not rocket science.
Try doing the opposite and praising him when he does things right. I suggest not mentioning other men.
When you say "Sex with you is so much more comfortable than with Joe; his big penis made it kind of painful but yours is so much smaller", men won't take that as a compliment...
stop comparing him to other guys its hurting him dummy
Oh.. that is a big no-no no to bring up exes and to compare him with exes...
tell him that other men don't get upset when their girlfriends bring up other men
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